Helpful advice for an adolescent?

calderst

My 12 yr old cousin texted me the other day and asked if I would "train" her. I'm not a trainer (although if I won the lottery and could afford to go back to school........) but I'm serious about fitness. I know how to help her as far as the physical stuff, but that's only a very small part of the equation. I'm looking for any advice from those who have been there as far as the rest of it (diet, support).

She had a lot of health problems when she was little and has been overweight her entire life. Both of her parents are overweight and her dad gives her a really hard time about it. Now that she's hit puberty it seems that she obsesses over it. She is homeschooled and does not get to hang out with girls her own age very often (she has an 18 yr old sister who is 5'10" and considering a career as a model). From things she has mentioned just hanging out, she is yo-yo dieting.
I understand that I'm not the most qualified to help her but she reached out to me and I know her family does not have the resources to "hire a professional." I am meeting with her tomorrow to talk about a plan-- I want to get together with her once or twice a week-- if nothing else, I feel like maybe I can at least be a good, positive role model for her.

So I was thinking of having her keep a food journal. I dont know if she has internet at home, so it may be the old-fashioned pen & paper type. I'm worried it will make her obsess even more about what she eats, but at the same time I feel like it's the only way to get an accurate picture of her diet & to help her understand the importance of food choices. I want her to understand that she is in charge of her health-- not her Dad, not pop-culture-- and I want her to learn to love herself.

Beyond that, does anyone have any words of wisdom?

smoore85

I'dd say if she is over weight and her parents are too then just educating her on how to follow a healthy diet and excercise routine couldnt hurt, as long as she has some support from you and understands it takes time im sure she will be fine,, good luck

DonaGail

aww, I feel for her!
I think that a food journal is a good idea, maybe pick up a calorie counting book for her too.
Its very hard to be overweight in a non supporting atmosphere, you want guidance but get grief!
I really wish you luck and hope you can help her out, Im glad she has you.
D

FrauHausMaus

I think what you are doing is admirable. If you're serious about fitness, I don't imagine you eat cheeseburgers at every meal (I could be wrong, though ). I think you could be a great role model for her, as well as a positive influence. She could probably get some basic information about diet and exercise from her doctor, especially if she has health issues, and they could suggest some things that she should eat or stay away from. They could also tell her if there are exercises she should avoid- and then you would have a starting point. Having her keep a food diary is a great idea. She will learn to pay attention to what she's eating. Teach her about portion sizes and how some foods are sneaky (like most bags of chips are more than a serving). Counting calories is important. Where it gets sticky (and where a doctor's advice is really important) is that she is in a very rapid stage of growth and development, so her calorie needs may be different from an overweight adult who trying to lose weight.

Being there for her when she's feeling bad about herself will make a world of difference.

I wish you both the best of luck!!!

Rae6503

Maybe just educate her on what's healthy and what's not (whole wheat, veggies, protein vs. chips, friend things). Teach her about portion control, eating slowly and stopping eating when you are no longer hungry, rather than when you are "full". Three meals a day plus 2 sit down healthy snacks. No skipping meals (this was what teenagers did when I was young). Encourage her to drink water, eat veggies, get some movements (maybe just walks for now). I'd focus on being healthy, over losing weight.

lre224

In addition to the food journal, when you get together once or twice/week, use that time also to go walking. That way, she gets into the habit of exercising & won't feel ridiculed by classmates.

cedarhurst2006

My daughter (15) was overweight. As I am on my weight loss journey, she has taken the ride with me. We go to the gym together every day. We write in our food diaries every day. She helps me with form for weightlifting and we do our cardio on adjacent machines. She has worked very hard and ran her first 5K this year on Mothers day and did another July 4th. She is more toned, confident and loves her body. When she doesn't eat well (sleepover - friends parties), she tells me later her tummy hurts and feels awful and gets right back on track.

When she realizes she has something good happen as a result of her hard work, either her jeans are a smaller size, a friend noticed her more muscular arms, she felt more confident in her bathing suit, or she received a compliment, she writes each on a sticky note and posts all the positive things on the wall in her room.

She calls me her *THINSPIRATION* but she is mine!

**PS - she writes down her food for the day and keeps track of her water and exercise on the same page.

SIMPLE TRICK - We use bracelet bangles. Black is water, gold is vegetable and silver is fruit. At the beginning of the day we put 5 of each on our right wrists. Then as you drink a water, have a fruit or veggie, move the color bracelet to the other wrist. My daughter is always busy and may forget sometimes and this is a great tool to see progress and set goals. Your 12 yr. old may really like this!!

hpsnickers1

Kids are supposed to overeat (ever see how much a growing boy can put away?) because they are growing. So it's not how much she is eating, it's what she is eating. And my guess is she has to eat what her overweight parents bring home. And I figure what they bring home is also keeping them overweight. It's got to be scary for you to see this in a young girl - your cousin. That yo-yo dieting is going to have tremendous effects on her metabolism and she goes through puberty and beyond. I haven't been through it but I am watching a girl about the same age. She is overweight and she doesn't overeat. But all she eats is processed carbs and high sugar foods. She won't touch anything except pop-tarts, sugar, cheetos, sugar, plain pasta, sugar, french fries, sugar, soda, sugar.
She needs to eat unprocessed, whole, natural foods. She needs to cut out the refined carbs, flours, and sugars, possibly even limit fruit for a while to help get her metabolism back on track. When I see an overweight child I see a child who is already having the elevated blood sugar and insulin issues that could eventually lead to diabetes because they are supposed to eat to feed their growing body.
I think keeping a food journal is a good start. But if her parents don't hop on board then it is going to be very hard for her.
I don't know if this can be considered advice. My advice these days goes totally against conventional wisdom. But it's nice to see that she does have a relative who cares enough to want to help her get healthy. (My overweight dad used to tease me about my chubby belly. That is one of the worst things a dad can do to his daughter - especially one going through puberty. The crazy hormones are hard enough to deal with much less having a parent destroy your self-esteem). My dad is now on dialasys (sp?). I am now 40 and at the lowest weight I have ever been in my adult life. I'm also the healthiest I have ever been.

Good luck. Tell her to hang in there and don't let dad get to her. Be strong. I know she will at least get great support from you. :flowerforyou:

cedarhurst2006

In addition to the food journal, when you get together once or twice/week, use that time also to go walking. That way, she gets into the habit of exercising & won't feel ridiculed by classmates.

I like the idea of a walk and maybe next time when you meet take a little field trip to a restaurant or fast food chain for lunch and talk about healthy choices (Subway is a great place and they have a nutritional info brochure in the restaurant). If my 15 yr old is out with friends at the mall she considers Subway a safe haven because she knows she can get something healthy and satisfying.

calderst

Thanks for all the input so far!
I forgot to mention-- her Mom is currently on Atkins and has had some success. She used to be a fitness instructor when I was younger before she had kids. My mom has mentioned how as kids, she (my aunt) was extremely thin & weight-conscious. She blew out her knees and has trouble moving much now-- she's become obese and has a very low self-image from the weight.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm guessing much of my cousin's weight-obsession has been passed down from the struggles she's watched her mom go through.

koosdel

Just wanted to say that I'm impressed. Your cousin must really admire you.

Mom2rh

Swim team. My kids are lean, fit and muscular. I have seen overweight kids totally change their body composition when they stick with it. It is a great sport. In our town it is year round.

xcbballuver

aw poor kid i feel for her. Definitely teach her portion control and have her keep a food diary. I wish i knew about portion control when i was 12.. then I wouldn't be at the end of the healthy spectrum >_>

hpsnickers1

In addition to the food journal, when you get together once or twice/week, use that time also to go walking. That way, she gets into the habit of exercising & won't feel ridiculed by classmates.

I like the idea of a walk and maybe next time when you meet take a little field trip to a restaurant or fast food chain for lunch and talk about healthy choices (Subway is a great place and they have a nutritional info brochure in the restaurant). If my 15 yr old is out with friends at the mall she considers Subway a safe haven because she knows she can get something healthy and satisfying.

Subway bread is full of high fructose corn syrup. Their "whole grain" bread has less then 2% whole grain - it has more HFCS in it than whole grain. Their wheat bread is just flour with ammonium sulfate added for brownness. They use this chemical in fertilizers.

marquesajen

The only problem I foresee is that she is 12 and her parents probably do all of the shopping. Do you think she can influence them to buy healthy food for her and will she be able to prepare it for herself?

cedarhurst2006

In addition to the food journal, when you get together once or twice/week, use that time also to go walking. That way, she gets into the habit of exercising & won't feel ridiculed by classmates.

I like the idea of a walk and maybe next time when you meet take a little field trip to a restaurant or fast food chain for lunch and talk about healthy choices (Subway is a great place and they have a nutritional info brochure in the restaurant). If my 15 yr old is out with friends at the mall she considers Subway a safe haven because she knows she can get something healthy and satisfying.

Subway bread is full of high fructose corn syrup. Their "whole grain" bread has less then 2% whole grain - it has more HFCS in it than whole grain. Their wheat bread is just flour with ammonium sulfate added for brownness. They use this chemical in fertilizers.

Can you offer any other positive suggestions?

millerll

Check out sparkteen.com. It's a site similar to MFP for kids. I've never used it, but I've heard it's very helpful. They have nutrition info, exercise tips, and a food tracker like MFP's. Good luck!