Do you feel neglected....

imgone324

For all those that have a "significant other"...do you feel like you don't get the "attention" from your spouse/boyfirend/girlfriend that you need?

Seriously....I feel like even though I'm losing weight (and looking much better) I'm not making any progress impressing my wife. I had hoped this weight-loss journey would gain me some "perks". I know that I can't be the only person that's getting discouraged.

How do you feel and what are you doing about it?

NicoleLyn1818

Don't lose weight to impress someone else. Do it to make a healthier YOU!

Rompa_87

You need to change your mindset. If your only motivation to lose weight is to gain respect and admiration of others you are doomed to fail. Focus on how you are getting stronger and healthier. Those are the 'perks' of weight loss. Sorry to be blunt but you need to do this for yourself and not for others.

SarahNicole317

It's possible that she is feeling left behind. Maybe you should work to do more activities together.

I also find that my relationship suffers when I don't get the emotional aspect of the relationship.

quitmakingexcuses

My bf isn't discouraging whatsoever, but I feel a little discouraged because he says he hasn't seen a difference at all (even though I've only lost about 10 lbs, it still seems like a lot to me..). I just remind myself that it isn't affecting how I feel about myself, and that eventually he notice, and if not, I know he still loves me. I'm really doing this weight loss for myself, so I just think of how it is making me feel, not others.

xTattooedDollx

Well that's just so sad!!! Have you talked to her about this?o would think she'd be acting differently.

gumonyershoe

I'm sorry she's not paying you the attention you're desiring. Have you told her how you feel? Maybe she doesn't notice the change as much as you notice it in yourself. People tell me all the time they can tell I've lost weight and some people even say my husband looks like he has. However I don't see him looking like he has lost anything, but I do see the difference in myself and feel the difference. If I bring it up then he will say something like "Oh yeah. You're really looking good." but I have to bring it up first.

I'll not even pretend that I do the best about voicing my thoughts or desires, because I'm notorious for not doing so. However, that's the first thing that my husband says whenever I complain about him not doing this or that. He says "just TELL me!"

Best of luck!

megz4987

Occasionally but it only bothers me because that's my own insecurities talking. He didn't care if I lost a single pound after I had our daughter but I feel like he does, simply because I do.
I'm also the youngest in my family and apparently that means I crave a ton of attention, anyway. I try not to be the needy, naggy, clingy fiance but... I have my moments

tam120

I think if you want those "perks" weight loss isn't the most effective way to get them. Sex begins in the kitchen, so to speak.

dia77

You need to change your mindset. If your only motivation to lose weight is to gain respect and admiration of others you are doomed to fail. Focus on how you are getting stronger and healthier. Those are the 'perks' of weight loss. Sorry to be blunt but you need to do this for yourself and not for others.

like!

adjones_21

My husband is happy for me but he told me that he is afraid that my personalily will change when I lose all my weight. I think that it is their own insecurities that makes them not want to be as supportive as they should be.

juliapurpletoes

hmmmmmm....i just want to gently and politely suggest that the absence of 'perks' comes from a deeper issue......check things out with her......

best of luck

JediMaster_intraining

Maybe she feels like you won't need her after you start looking better? I would definitely talk to her though! Communication is key!


And I agree that you should do it for YOU. NOT for someone else


:flowerforyou: good luck

WifeMomDVM

If you're feeling neglected - have a heart to heart with your significant other. Don't bring up the weight loss aspect of it though. Sounds like there might be some larger underlying issues here.

Perhaps a marital counseling could shed some light on how to improve your relationship before things go down hill more. :flowerforyou:

On a different note - as others said - get healthy for you. Because you want to live a long, healthy life for yourself and take care of your one and only body.

juliecat1

You cant change anyone elses actions or opinions. All you can do is worry about you. Do this for your happiness and satisfaction!

ninerbuff

While the support from others is desired, this "journey" is YOURS and yours alone. No one can diet for you, no one can do the exercise for you, and no one can claim the success when you arrive. It's about YOU and this is one thing that's okay to be selfish about.

heatheramara

We're here for you! We understand what you are going through!

My husband is very much the same. He's a great guy, he loves me and he wants me to be happy, but he just doesn't GET positive feedback, words of praise, verbal support, whatever you want to call it. He's an introvert--that's just how he's wired.

How long have you been together? It took a number of years, and some marriage counseling, for us to find better ways to communicate. But it was totally worth it. Have you tried talking to her about it? With like, words and stuff?

In the mean time, we are here to support you, and we understand.

JsGirl93

I know exactly how you feel, maybe just in a different way (I know that doesn't make sense!) Example : My husband is already in good shape, & there's no problems in the perks dept.. Today I was showing him the muscles I am developing in my arms, he said " Yeah, that's good. When you lose some more fat, I'll really be able to see them and brushed past !". It's true, but it still made me want to cry! Instead, I got really P***ed off and did a fantastic arm workout! Let it be a motivator!

noelheart

Yes, I sometimes feel my boyfriend doesn't fix enough attention on me.
Just be yourself, don't lost weight so as to gain more attention from him, just to make yourself happy.

rharris86dc

Well I recently broke up with my SO. I think he liked me better when I was heavier, and had less self esteem, because I would tolerate more of his bs.

So now I'm feeling neglected, yes, lol.

koosdel

Have you tried giving her extra attention? They like that, you know.

cjsgrimlin

Seriously....I feel like even though I'm losing weight (and looking much better) I'm not making any progress impressing my wife. I had hoped this weight-loss journey would gain me some "perks". I know that I can't be the only person that's getting discouraged.

My husband makes a point of PLAYFULLY saying mean things to me, like hey big butt, or your gut looks like mine in those clothes. He does it because he has seen me on this road before, and he KNOWS it aggrivates me after all the work i have put into it. It makes me do more to help my image so i don't look like some big blimp (or in one perticular dress he calls me a plum, round and purple) But like i said it's for my benifit. Not everyone can have someone who knows exactly what buttons to push when.
He does give me compliments when he notices a change and helps with thinking of ways to get my chocolate in healthy!! He's walking the same as me, but he can motivate himself, he knows i have a hard time doing it!

angelicdisgrace

I know exactly how you feel. I've been in the best shape in over 15 years and he still doesn't notice. The only time he noticed was when another man actually whistled and even then all he said was hey he must be gay cause he's whistling at me. I don't get it. I'll buy sexy outfits doesn't even take a second look. I don't understand either. Wish you luck.

stephanielynn76

Have you tried giving her extra attention? They like that, you know.

^^this

Also, men are generally more visual creatures where women are more emotional... and from my own experience... that fact will impact the "perks" department. For instance, my husband and I are both in the best physical shapes of our lives. He notices the change in my body and acts accordingly. I notice the change in his too... and while I think he looks amazing... that alone doesn't light the fire as much as the little things he says to me and how he makes me FEEL.

RedNeckGal1970

Well... you bring up an interesting topic here. We all feel neglected in one way or another. Myself, it would have to be that (since the beginning of our marriage) my hubby looks at me, but never really "SEES" me, and he hears me, but never really "HEARS" me. So in that sense, I feel a little neglected sometimes, More irritated than anything really. I have gotten pretty used to it over the past 5 years. Here's just an example, when we met I was brunette. I went blond or mostly blond for the better part of the past 5 years... about 3 months ago I went back to brunette. Not even kidding about 2 and a half 3 weeks hubbys friend was over and says the minute he walked in the door, "hey you dyed your hair... it looks great!" The hubby looks over at me and says, "hmm looks nice did you do that today?" I was like, "uh no." He looks at me everyday and most days compliments my looks in one way or another... but it's out of habit, not because he has looked and actually seen that I look nice or I'm dressed hott today.

So from someone on the other end of what you are going through, (my hubby wants those perks and extra attention everyday) the fact that he never really looks and sees me is not a turn on for me. He could just as easily get some action from the chick down the street, who knows... he may not even notice she isn't me! lol. but seriously, and I'm not suggesting you are like this... just offering some insight as to what I notice is a biggie in my own marriage. My hubby isn't a very positive person. He is usually grumpy when he wakes up, and cranky and edgy when he gets home from work, he short fused with my daughter and myself. he rarely notices what I do do around the house, the yard, the garden etc... but he notices right off, if I've let something slip and didn't get it done. He acts like we are some big burden to him and then wants a piece... BIG TURN OFF!!! If someone is pissy and ugly (actions) all day, how can they think this is going to make them more attractive?

Has this "lack of perks" been going on before you started loosing the weight? Maybe she just needs to to notice her a little more or be appreciative of her and who she is. That is a big turn on. Other guys I have been in relationships have appreciated me just for being me... some even noticing small things like I changed my finger nail color or that I trimmed the hedges or even just that I changed the sheets... When someone takes the time to appreciate you and notice even the smallest things... they get a LOT of perks, because it makes them more attractive as a person, no matter what the physical looks are.

Hope this makes sense and helps you out.

Trixtabella

I don't feel like I should get anything more from my boyfriend, he is super supportive already anyway.
If you want to be rewarded for your weight loss maybe you should reward yourself.
Have you thought maybe your SO feels a bit negected now you are focusing on loosing all the weight. You need to talk to them communication is key.

clarech

Sorry your feeling this way. Maybe there are other reasons you aren't getting the attention you desire and the only way you will find out why is by asking her. Maybe she feels threatened by your weight loss like my other half does or she feels left out of your new life style like I said only she can tell you.

My problem is my other half liked me big as he's big and he gets freaked out that he can feel my ribs and things he is also freaking out that now I'm getting slimmer I'm going to be attractive to other people and run away. The fact that I say I love him and we have three kids together doesn't even seem to register. It's very difficult to live with but I'm doing this for me not him and hopefully one day he will realise I'm not going anywhere and he may even decide to get healthier to.