Jokes?
Babushka_Dolly
Posts: 113 Member
Hey guys,
Need a bit of cheering up! Anyone got any good jokes to make me giggle?
Need a bit of cheering up! Anyone got any good jokes to make me giggle?
0
Replies
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Actually one of my friends just sent this to me through email and tho it was corny, it made me laugh hysterically!
"What did the mayo say to the little kid when he opened the refrigerator?"
"DO YOU MIND!? IM DRESSING!"
.. ok i told you it was corny. lol :blushing:0 -
teehee :bigsmile:0
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Two guys walked into a bar, the third guy ducked.
What do you call two blondes in a walk in freezer?
Frosted flakes.
Man walks into a furniture store with his seeing eye dog, walks to the center of the store, grabs the dog by the tail and starts swinging it around while it yelps and howls in pain. The manager comes running over and says "May I help you sir". The blind mad says "No thank you, I'm just looking around".0 -
Arrrr... what is a pirates favorite lettarrr?
You'd think it be the Rrrrr but a pirates real love is the C
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Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his
head that said, 'Dave, don't worry about it..
You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his
patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go,
Dave.'
But, invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality,
whispering:
"Dave...............You are a veterinarian, you sick *kitten*!"0 -
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"0 -
a man rushes into a pharmacy and runs up the the pharmacist and says "quick, how do you get rid of hiccups?" the pharmacist walks over to the sink, fills up a glass with water, walks back to the man, and throws it in his face. the man instantly infuriated yells at the pharmacist "what was that for?" to which he replied "well you don't have the hiccups any more do you?" the man said "no, but my wife in the car does!"0
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Q- Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opener?
A- He had a bee in his suit of armour!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.
He hears a priest come in:
"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".
The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: "Help me, ladies! I am a stockbroker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"
One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into a stockbroker!"
The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a stockbroker!"0 -
What's the difference between a *kitten* and a *****? A *kitten* screws everyone, a ***** screws everyone except you.0
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A Girl in China lost her Virginity at the age of 12, her name was "Sum Yung Ho0
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Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with the hot girl at work, but she had a boyfriend. One day Eddie got so desperate that he went to her & said, "I'll give U a $100 if U'll let me have sex with U." The girl looked at him shocked & said "Hell no!" He said "I'll be real quick-I'll throw the money on the floor, U bend over to get it, & I'll be finished by the time U've picked it up!" She thought for a moment & told him that she would have to talk to her boyfriend. So she called him & explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200. Pick up the money really really fast, & he won't even be able to get his pants down!" She agreed & accepts the proposal. 30 minutes go by & the boyfriend is still waitin for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls & asks, "What the **** happened?" Still breathin hard she managed to reply, "That *kitten* had all QUARTERS!!!!"0
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Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't.
The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his
head that said, 'Dave, don't worry about it..
You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his
patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go,
Dave.'
But, invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality,
whispering:
"Dave...............You are a veterinarian, you sick *kitten*!"
bwhahahaha love it!0 -
My friend told me this joke this morning..its a bit silly but it made me laugh!
A paper bag went to the Doctors as it was feeling out of sorts...
Doc..."We'll do a blood test"
Doc...".I'm afraid its bad news you're HIV positive"
Paper bag...".How can I be? I'm just a paper bag"
Doc..."have you had unprotected sex?"
Paper bag...."no..I'm just a paper bag"
Doc..".have you been sharing hypodermic needles?"
Paper bag..".no I'm just a paper bag"
Doc..."Well...that only leaves one thing then...you're mother must have been a carrier!!!"
Get it? paper bag...carrier....LOL!0 -
bump awesome jokes!0
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A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life
by throwing herself into the ocean.
But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young
man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are
off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of
you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted
to go to Italy, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her
aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold.
From then on, every night he would bring her sandwiches, a bottle of red
wine, and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was
discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings
me food and I get a free trip to Italy."
"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's having his
way with me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island
Ferry."0 -
A man says to his wife, "tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time".
His wife replies, "you have a bigger **** than your brother".0 -
A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life
by throwing herself into the ocean.
But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young
man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are
off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of
you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted
to go to Italy, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her
aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold.
From then on, every night he would bring her sandwiches, a bottle of red
wine, and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was
discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings
me food and I get a free trip to Italy."
"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's having his
way with me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island
Ferry."
LMFAOOOOOO, now I won't be able to get on the Ferry without thinking this and laughing every time.0 -
elsh, I thought I was going to die when I heard that one as well......too funny..........Lloyd0
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A man says to his wife, "tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time".
His wife replies, "you have a bigger **** than your brother".
A lot of good ones here! Bumping for more people to add. 0
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