What do you when....

foodfight247

Ok peeps......been a good week for a number of reasons....

but feel a little bit low / withdrawn today.

My usual advice to anyone else is put some music on, do your favourite thing, speak to a friend etc.....good at dishing advice just not good at taking it sometimes....

If I'm totally honest, I made the decision to get back with my ex back end of last week - we'd been so up and down over the past year (relationship spanning 14/15 years), just the way he disrespected me and spoke to me in front of other people.....We both laid our cards on the table and were completely honest as to why we both behaved the way we did, what went wrong, what we could do to put things right etc along with a few home truths. Which is all good, especially when we have a child together. During splits or bad phases, we've always still been amicable for the sake of our son and done the normal family stuff, irrespective of whether mum or dad are living together or not.

The past week has been great, much more relaxed and feels like it did in the early days....more natural. There will always be a thought at the back of my head, wondering if I've done the right thing or not....time will tell. This is our last try and if it doesn't work then we really must go our separate ways.

The thing that's bothering me is that for the past week, I've still been declaring that I'm single on here....which is wrong, I know, so don't shoot me down people....When I was classed as single, and first joined MFP, I was feeling low and and wanted to get the real me back after so many months of hearing negativity....I started to look after me, by way of trying to gain weight (I need to) and generally get my self esteem and confidence back - which I have thanks to some brilliant and supportive friends on MFP. I felt great whilst I was classed as single, loved being slightly flirtacious, enjoyed bits of conversations and commenting on posts. I was being myself again, carefree, up for a laugh and generally having fun and conversing.

Right now, I feel a little insecure....I think it's because I feel that I can't have as much fun on MFP in the way that I have been over the past month or so, whilst at the same time, doing something to improve myself i.e putting on weight and making friends etc. Am I being silly? I also feel that I have not declared that I am not single for the past week, as a way of a cushioning the fall if things do go wrong with my other half. Am I right to do this for at least a short while, whilst I test the water with partner.....it's only been 7 days since we got back together. Or would some of you class this as being dishonest - not only to myself put to everyone else including my partner....I think I know the answer, so please do not shoot me down over this - I'm just feeling a little insecure.

Also since I got back with him, I haven't been logging my diary & excercise daily - different routine to a degree - I usually log around midnight normally when other MFP friends are online, then I'd jump into the forum threads....now, I'm in bed much earlier and feel like I'm missing out on the fun times on here within the time zone of my MFP friends etc....am i being silly?

Just feel a little empty - don't know why, just thought I'd voice how I was feeling and why....

What's your thoughts - am I being silly, dishonest or am i right to cushion my doubts etc....

before anyone says....he knows I've joined a fitness website and converse with people which he is fine about - especially if its helping me....just don't want to feel guility if I have to go to the bathroom and log onto MFP at midnight etc or more to the point class myself as single when I'm not....I'm just worried that I'll lose the self esteem and confidence I have gained from being on here whilst declaring I was single...and before anyone says, it's not because I was wanting/looking for attention / flirtaciousness - I was looking for acceptance that I was attractive and positivity / friendship. All I had heard before joining MFP was negativity in the worst possible ways, which had crushed my self esteem, confidence etc.

What would you do.

Thanks for reading btw.

foodfight247

Silence speaks volumes.....

Update....

Had a real good chat with my partner....wasn't planned, just happened to be have a heart to heart and mentioned everything that I had typed in my post above.

Surprisingly, he was actually fine about everything....said he'd been alot happier in the last week and whatever I was doing just to keep right on track with it....didn't even mind a little flirtaciousness - anything else obviously as the majority of people would be, he would be a little narked. Otherwise all good....

I think it was really good that we laid our cards on the table last week and literally wiped the slate clean, and promised not to bring past events up. There's no point in trying if the past keeps getting dragged up. He was quite emotional whilst speaking about this last week - really happy that things were going well and pleased that I seemed more relaxed and almost back to how I used to be all those years ago - bubbly, full of life and just me. I did say to him that I have always felt like that underneath it all - just been difficult with the way he was being with me under all the stress this past few years...he just had to open his eyes and listen.

He regrets the way he has been with me previously and admitted his faults, innocent or otherwise.... deep down he is a really great guy - just can be self destructive at times of stress....that's no excuse for the way he has been but at least he has been man enough to admit his faults and show his emotions. I admire that in a man and that's partly what drew me to him all those years ago. A man that at least can show his emotions, without being girly about it.

Well, he begged me not change whatever I had been doing to make things better this last week and I simply replied, I haven't really tried - its just come naturally because we have started on the same page and have a strong bond / care for each other....everything falls into place when you work at it together. If anythings changed, it's mainly him accepting things.

Let's just say, there's certainly been some hot action pretty much every day for the last week....:-) I'm one satisfied woman right now!! :-)

Anyhow, I'm not giving up MFP, will carry on as before, will just be honest in the fact that my ex, is now my partner....again. :-)
Will still dive into various threads and be a little flirtacious - just fun at the end of the day.

Anyway - all is great! I think I was being a little silly in my previous post above - hence no replies no doubt.

Thanks for reading all the same.

:-)

Random_Name

tl;dr