Fear of weight loss

Rosie_66 · August 2011

Anyone ever have feelings of fear related to losing weight? Rather like a fear of change, maybe...or you sort of sabotage yourself at times?

I was chubby through grade school and high school. When I was about nineteen years old, Tom Young's gym came to town. About six or eight months later, I went from chubby and frumpy to toned and sexy. Granted I was excited to walk among the swans at first but, after awhile, I grew resentful of the constant male ogling. My female 'friends' begrudged me one-by-one… “They’re just jealous” I was told. Also, suddenly I had more male 'friends' than I knew what to do with; most of my dates turned out to 'only want one thing' - I was not used to THAT when I was chubby. I did not like myself much anymore and slowly the weight came back on. Although I feel that putting the pounds back on was largely subconscious, there was also something purposeful about it.

Fast forward about twenty years - twenty five pounds lost. At times when I look in the mirror and see that I am slightly sexier than last year, I am veritably a little fearful of going any further. I tell myself that it was a different time back then plus I am married with more mature friends, and getting fit for different reasons now...but that feeling still comes around every once in awhile.

Has anyone else has had a similar experience or would you please share your insight on mine?
Your encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

bgredenbaugh · August 2011

I actually do know what you mean. I was overweight - a lot - in grade, middle & high school. I was one of the few people I knew who lost weight when she went to college, and I did it rapidly. I think it's less fear of losing weight than it is being unprepared for the different ways that people perceive and treat you and the way you still probably see yourself. I wasn't really equipped to handle all those changes.

The difficult part is, you remain the same person inside, with the same fears and probably the same or similar insecurities. Do you still visualize yourself as slim and sexy or maybe still think in terms of the chubby girl that didn't get the date.

(Many though not all) guys will always be happy to get "one thing" from a pretty girl, and if you're not secure enough to value yourself more than that...yes, I understand and lived through that too. Girls who are true friends wll never begrudge you anything, but a certain type of girl will always resent competition. In a way, it's good to be able to see people for who they really are.

Self sabotage, I think, comes from falling back on an old habits (stress eating) when we can't deal with a new reality. Being the nice, chubby girl probably seems safer than being someone "new" on the outside.

paxetamore · August 2011

Absolutely normal! Yes, the weight loss is exciting for many healthy reasons; yet, I also have had gnawing fearful thoughts at times in the back of my brain. My flab has been my armor, so to speak. Change is hard, but it is a constant in our daily lives, and I try to work through the change in my appearance with the same flexibility and adaptability I use in other aspects of life.

Like you, I slimmed down in high school then the chubbiness returned (plus some!) over the years. It is a little daunting to try imagining myself being thin again when my only point of reference was twenty-five years ago. In my forties now too and feeling like it is time for that change, despite the trepidation.

We can do this, Rosie!

P.S. Add me as a friend if you would like

photorific · August 2011

Yes - I had lost a good amount of weight a few years ago, and it took a lot of adjusting to how people treated me. Especially the male attention part. I'll never forget the time my (at the time 12-ish) year old son was shopping with me and pointed out that there was a guy behind me looking at my tush. And there was a couple who we were always friends with, but then the wife was suddenly more suspicious of her husband talking to me - even at holiday parties (and no, it wasn't just my imagination - she actually verbalized it).

For me, the weight came back partly for other reasons, but also - I believe in part, that it came back because I never truly "owned" my weight loss... I never became on the inside who I was on the outside. (Does that make sense?) I still saw the chubby me, but was confronted with uncomfortable situations that I didn't have the capacity to deal with. I know now that those will rear their heads again, and I'm ok with it - because my size has everything to do with me, and nothing to do with others' reactions to me. IDK - I guess it just feels like I'm more in tune with the process (and reasons) this time around.

upsidedownpear · August 2011

I think I sort of understand your feelings. When I was 12-13, my neighbor and an uncle misbehaved with me and I couldn't talk to my parents about it. I naturally developed a fear towards people of that age and till date, the more unattractive I look, the more confortable I feel around my relatives. Of course, its the opposite with my husband and my friends but I sometimes tend to wear clothes that are least appealing when I am around my relatives. I know that is a very bad reason to stay unfit but I think I understand your fear a little bit if not a lot

infamousmk · August 2011

I fear all kinds of things about being fit and healthy. I don't really mind the male attention because I oogle good looking men just as much as I was oogled at a healthy size. And regardless of what I look like on the outside, I've always had a knack for making friends and finding guys to date. I'm the kind of person that wants to lose weight so that the outside matches the person on the inside.

But, then the self-doubt sets in. What if I lose my curvy womanly figure and I don't feel like a sexy person any more? I've always felt like I'm a very sexy person, curvy and in charge of what I want... What if I get thin and people say things like, "man, I'd like to feed you a sandwich."? Because for some reason there are folks that think it's okay to say the things they're thinking to thin people.. They're probably the same people that do put down overweight people... I think I might prefer silent judgment to hearing it from people. What if I'm not good enough on the inside to match the fit, healthy outside? Because as much as I usually believe I'm bad *kitten* and awesome, sometimes I forget. What if I'm not as funny? I've always considered myself very good at the 'funny fat girl' schtick ... when the fat is gone, I can't hide behind it any more.

These are all things that have held me back from making the serious and long-term committment to my health. I am working very hard these days to accept my fate, whatever it may be. If I can go from being overweight to truly healthy and staying that way, these fears I have are going to be nothing to face.

MinnieInMaine · August 2011

I get it... And when I started out last January, I had the same concerns pop up in my head. I even voiced them to my best friends but had a hard time explaining myself. For me, it's helping to focus as much on my fitness goals as on my food intake. It's not just about becoming skinnier and sexier but also stronger and becoming a better runner and that gives me huge amounts of confidence. And I also think being more mature/older and being married helps too - even if a guy hits on you, you can flash your ring and tell him to buzz off.

I hope you're able to face your demons and keep heading towards your goal, whatever it takes. Maybe look into some self-help/motiviation books at your library for more ideas?

gr82run · August 2011

Yes, I know I have sabotaged myself in the past, weirdly on purpose, but not really? It seemed whenever I got close to my goal, I would never get to it. I am once again CLOSE to it. But this time, I am reminding myself WHY I want this, how AWFUL I feel fat. I am SO determined to stay thin for the rest of my life. I am DONE. Too many times up & down like a yoyo. This is it! Be determined! Do it for YOU.