How do you handle

SueGremlin

People commenting on your weight? I realize I may be unique in this, but it makes me incredibly uncomfortable when people ask me if I've lost weight, and how much I've lost, how I did it and and make comments basically on the size of my *kitten*. Maybe it's the corporate environment I work in or something, but I don't even like it when people compliment me on my clothing.
Maybe I need therapy? :P Does anyone else get really uncomfortable? Please tell me I'm not crazy.

JeanWalker109

They notice positive changes in you, so don't make it more than that. Regardless of their reason for asking, the reality is - you've lost weight and you're changing your life for the better. Take it as a compliment that people notice. Tell them you've lost weight because you're leading a healthier life and encourage them to do the same. Then, keep it moving. Walk away with your head held high and oozing the confidence that you've given yourself. You deserve it.

*smiles*

Jean

SueGremlin

They notice positive changes in you, so don't make it more than that. Regardless of their reason for asking, the reality is - you've lost weight and you're changing your life for the better. Take it as a compliment that people notice. Tell them you've lost weight because you're leading a healthier life and encourage them to do the same. Then, keep it moving. Walk away with your head held high and oozing the confidence that you've given yourself. You deserve it.

*smiles*

Jean

I guess that's my problem, I don't WANT people to notice. It makes me really self conscious. Like someone noticing a zit. I REALLY don't want to discuss my weight with anyone, REALLY.

Maybe I do need therapy.

LorinaLynn

Just say, "Yes I have, thank you."

If a question is way too personal tell them that.

Or tell them it's a top secret experiment in the laboratory.

ickybella

I was the same way when I was losing weight. I think I am possibly more insecure now than I was when I was obese. I have just come to visit family for the first time in a year and a half and it's really terrifying, because people are obviously going to notice how much I've lost in that time. I'm not sure what it is that does this, but yes, I do think we need counselling. :P

flutterqueen04

I've been there in a way. When I first started losing weight I didn't like people asking. It was almost because it felt condescending from those who would do the asking. I grew up a "skinny girl" and just had a few years where life kicked my booty. My highest was 204. It was like I was ashamed I'd let myself get that bad and when they would comment and say how nice I looked with losing weight it just, in my head, made me feel like they were saying I looked like **** before and now I am finally looking decent again. I realized it was totally just a mental thing based around my issues. It wasn't until I lost more and more weight and people at least stop asking how much more I had to go that I was able to move on and get over it. Now I feel good and am healthier and that is all that matters. When people ask how much I lost I will tell them happily but I also say that I shouldn't have had that much to lose to begin with, but I say it with a smile and dignity. I think this feeling is something most people will go through at least once in their weight loss journey. Hang in there :-)

Also there is no rule stating you have to tell people your starting weight, your current weight, what you've lost, or what you plan to lose. That is all your personal information and if you don't want to give it out you don't have to. I kept those numbers private (well except on this site) because I didn't want extra judgement from people that don't understand or just don't get it. When I had people ask I'd simply say "that is a number only I know." and ended that discussion. I have now told them how much I lost but they don't know the starting or ending numbers. :-)

skinnylove00

i got that a lot, particularly when i wasnt heavy to begin with and i lost about 30 pounds. it can be uncomfortable, since you feel like a little bug under a microscope. the best thing to do is just to smile and say, YAH, i am eating cleaner and exercising! just dont make it such a huge deal, they are probably envious about how good youre looking

SueGremlin

I was the same way when I was losing weight. I think I am possibly more insecure now than I was when I was obese. I have just come to visit family for the first time in a year and a half and it's really terrifying, because people are obviously going to notice how much I've lost in that time. I'm not sure what it is that does this, but yes, I do think we need counselling. :P

Haha, maybe.

I am starting to think that's why I am fat in the first place. It's insulation from attention. That can't be uncommon.

leynak

I also get uncomfortable when people mention that stuff to me. I think it's because I hate hate hate being the center of attention. I usually just get embarrassed. I just have to think of it as they aren't *trying* to make me uncomfortable, more like they are trying to compliment me even if I would just rather them say you look nice today.

It has to at least make you feel a little good that your efforts are working because they noticed, right?


I also like the top secret experiment suggestion :laugh:

Hannah_Banana

No, I get it completely. Right there with you, I'd rather go from 215lbs to 125lbs and not have ANYONE say a word. It makes me incredibly self-conscious.

I thought I was the only one who ever felt like this, so I kept my mouth shut.

deadstarsunburn

You don't need therapy, it's not a big deal that you don't like those comments. Once you lose more you may enjoy those comments more, but I completely understand what you mean. I don't like attention being drawn to me, I'm proud of myself for losing weight but the moment someone says something like wow you look good and everyone turns to look I get very uncomfortable. There are a TON of people like that, my boyfriend is like that so is one of my best friends, we just would rather someone not point it out and sometimes it causes a big uproar. Don't worry about it =] like the comment above just say yes I have thank you and leave it at that, a lot of times they will leave you alone, plus how many times can one person ask that question before it becomes weird for them lol. So maybe you're just getting it all out of the way! Good luck and I hope it eases, however you're obviously doing a good job. =] have a lovely day.

SueGremlin

No, I get it completely. Right there with you, I'd rather go from 215lbs to 125lbs and not have ANYONE say a word. It makes me incredibly self-conscious.

I thought I was the only one who ever felt like this, so I kept my mouth shut.

Validation.

Thanks you guys. I feel a bit more normal. I know it's probably not healthy to feel this way though.

sullivan1011

Ditto..I do my best to avoid the topic altogether! I lost weight for very private reason I don't want to share with everyone! So when they ask I tend to clam up. Saying thank you and then moving on.

HisBeloved65

I was the same way when I was losing weight. I think I am possibly more insecure now than I was when I was obese. I have just come to visit family for the first time in a year and a half and it's really terrifying, because people are obviously going to notice how much I've lost in that time. I'm not sure what it is that does this, but yes, I do think we need counselling. :P

Haha, maybe.

I am starting to think that's why I am fat in the first place. It's insulation from attention. That can't be uncommon.

not uncommon at all. I have severe body image issues and as a survivor of severe and long term abuses in my life, I believe now that part of my weight issues is that I didnt want people to take a second look at me, not even my husband. I didnt want to feel like a piece of meat. Now I am coming to think of it differently mostly because I dont want to die young because I have treated my body like crap. So now, I say thank you if someone comments. I am very self conscious about how I dress and I dont want people to look at me. Its amazing how much sabatoge goes on in the work place because one person is on the healthy train. I dont think they intentionally want me to fall off but they certainly make it hard by offering things they know I do not want to partake in and then badgering me with temptation 'oh come on just a bite...or oh you really want this'. blek. I block them out. keep my eyes on the goal and press on.

SueGremlin

I was the same way when I was losing weight. I think I am possibly more insecure now than I was when I was obese. I have just come to visit family for the first time in a year and a half and it's really terrifying, because people are obviously going to notice how much I've lost in that time. I'm not sure what it is that does this, but yes, I do think we need counselling. :P

Haha, maybe.

I am starting to think that's why I am fat in the first place. It's insulation from attention. That can't be uncommon.

not uncommon at all. I have severe body image issues and as a survivor of severe and long term abuses in my life, I believe now that part of my weight issues is that I didnt want people to take a second look at me, not even my husband. I didnt want to feel like a piece of meat. Now I am coming to think of it differently mostly because I dont want to die young because I have treated my body like crap. So now, I say thank you if someone comments. I am very self conscious about how I dress and I dont want people to look at me. Its amazing how much sabatoge goes on in the work place because one person is on the healthy train. I dont think they intentionally want me to fall off but they certainly make it hard by offering things they know I do not want to partake in and then badgering me with temptation 'oh come on just a bite...or oh you really want this'. blek. I block them out. keep my eyes on the goal and press on.

Oh MAN, I could have written ALL of this. I was getting my hair done yesterday and the hairdresser absolutely INSISTED that I try the pizza they got for lunch, even when I explained that I was a) not hungry, and b) "on a diet".
I said "No thank you" about ten times and she still brought me a piece. I took a small bite and put it down.
Interesting that you say you were abused, maybe that's it? I should do some reading. I was sexually assaulted when I was a teenager (something I've always had no problem being really open about) and I get that same sense, I do NOT want people looking at me, especially with sexual intent. (other than my husband, it's cool if he does it). Dating was absolute torture for that reason. Hm. You have given me food for thought.

I am so glad I posted this thread.

CakeFit21

I was the same way when I was losing weight. I think I am possibly more insecure now than I was when I was obese. I have just come to visit family for the first time in a year and a half and it's really terrifying, because people are obviously going to notice how much I've lost in that time. I'm not sure what it is that does this, but yes, I do think we need counselling. :P

Haha, maybe.

I am starting to think that's why I am fat in the first place. It's insulation from attention. That can't be uncommon.

It's not uncommon at all. I actually did go to therapy for this. We add pounds to keep people from looking at us or drawing attention. It's really a sticky situation.
I feel incredibly guilty sometimes about losing weight because I know people never thought of me as heavy even though I'm 5' and I was 25 pounds overweight. A friend asked me how much weight I lost and I said 30 pounds, she practically yelled, "30 POUNDS??? FROM WHERE???" We were in a restaurant. It was awful. Like I should have just been happy with my risk factors and shut up about it.

My best friend recent lost a significant amount of weight too. IDK how much, maybe 60-75 pounds now. She is EXTREMELY uncomfortable talking about it and has a hard time dealing with compliments of any kind. She and I have spent hours on this topic. We've devised a response that works with just about any comment, (even the backhanded ones) and usually ends the conversation, "Thanks, I feel great."

sable_twilight

It is not uncommon for an eating disorder in either direction to have it roots in a desire to go unnoticed. Perhaps they stem from body image or body relationship issues. Perhaps they stem from negative attention earlier in life. Perhaps some other reason all together.

No, you are not unique in your experience and feelings. They happen a lot more commonly than many people talk about. If these feelings are getting in the way of your progress and causing undue distress, I would strongly urge you seek out a support group or a therapist to assist you in working through them.

That said no one should have to suffer through unnecessary or unwanted commentary on their body. If someone asks if you have lost weight, consider telling them no or that you are not discussing your body with them. If they make comments about parts of your body – essentially objectifying you – explain that is inappropriate and either move on or end the conversation.

PJilly

I hope you don't let the discomfort keep you from staying on track with your goals. One thing you can look forward to is that the comments don't last forever. Once people get used to you at your new size, and they will, the comments will slow down to the point you rarely hear one.

sable_twilight

Interesting that you say you were abused, maybe that's it? I should do some reading. I was sexually assaulted when I was a teenager (something I've always had no problem being really open about) and I get that same sense, I do NOT want people looking at me, especially with sexual intent. (other than my husband, it's cool if he does it). Dating was absolute torture for that reason. Hm. You have given me food for thought.

That would do it. Putting on weight acts as a as a form of insulation from that sort of vulnerability. Now that you are loosing weight and people are noticing, it may be cause a reassurance of that feeling of vulnerability. Consider looking into a group for survivors of sexual assault.

HisBeloved65

I was the same way when I was losing weight. I think I am possibly more insecure now than I was when I was obese. I have just come to visit family for the first time in a year and a half and it's really terrifying, because people are obviously going to notice how much I've lost in that time. I'm not sure what it is that does this, but yes, I do think we need counselling. :P

Haha, maybe.

I am starting to think that's why I am fat in the first place. It's insulation from attention. That can't be uncommon.

not uncommon at all. I have severe body image issues and as a survivor of severe and long term abuses in my life, I believe now that part of my weight issues is that I didnt want people to take a second look at me, not even my husband. I didnt want to feel like a piece of meat. Now I am coming to think of it differently mostly because I dont want to die young because I have treated my body like crap. So now, I say thank you if someone comments. I am very self conscious about how I dress and I dont want people to look at me. Its amazing how much sabatoge goes on in the work place because one person is on the healthy train. I dont think they intentionally want me to fall off but they certainly make it hard by offering things they know I do not want to partake in and then badgering me with temptation 'oh come on just a bite...or oh you really want this'. blek. I block them out. keep my eyes on the goal and press on.

Oh MAN, I could have written ALL of this. I was getting my hair done yesterday and the hairdresser absolutely INSISTED that I try the pizza they got for lunch, even when I explained that I was a) not hungry, and b) "on a diet".
I said "No thank you" about ten times and she still brought me a piece. I took a small bite and put it down.
Interesting that you say you were abused, maybe that's it? I should do some reading. I was sexually assaulted when I was a teenager (something I've always had no problem being really open about) and I get that same sense, I do NOT want people looking at me, especially with sexual intent. (other than my husband, it's cool if he does it). Dating was absolute torture for that reason. Hm. You have given me food for thought.

I am so glad I posted this thread.

I'm not quite cool with my husband doing it yet. Hopefully one day - lol. Abuse has strong implications on our body image as well as how we believe our bodies should be treated or what they deserve. I hope to one day, stand up tall and be proud to be a beautiful woman, who is yes, female and therefore sexual. I've been working on this for over 20 years now but I am getting there.

TakeOne

I agree with what some of the other folks have said. It can be a little (okay, alot) uncomfortable when people make comments about your weight loss. It always seemed to me that people felt they could say whatever they wanted to say when it comes weight loss. Which is strange b/c no body had anything to say when I was packing on the pounds! When people are really pushy I can get really negative and mean....but I would not suggest that.. Most of the time tho I think people are just curious and genuinely care. So just tell them the truth. You're eating healthier and working out more. No big secret really :0) Good luck with the rest of your journey!