Love for peeps in their 30s/40s

bflicker11

Okay, so this isn't food related but here it goes...

I was widowed at the age of 29. My husband and I were high school sweethearts so I only know that type of love. My focus was raising our boys the best I could. They are now 17 and 19 yrs old. So here I am, dating at age 38. I've dated some, here and there. What are your thoughts about chemistry? Does it develop slowly or should it be there right away? I've met so many nice guys but something was missing, the spark maybe. Shouldn't I still feel a spark by date 2 or now that I'm 38, does it develop because I'm supposed to be more mature???? Thoughts???? Any good love stories about there from people in their 30s or 40s? I need some hope tonight..

JulieBoBoo

I think you need a spark from the beginning. With time you get the fire but if there's no spark from the get go... you've entered the "friend zone."

jlewis2896

A good friend of mine went through a divorce a while ago -- she is 38, and it was her second divorce.

I met her last night for dinner, and she brought along her new boyfriend, and the two of them were just like little kids. She told me she has NEVER felt the kind of connection they have with anyone before, even though she had two husbands previously.

I think it's more difficult when we're older to feel the spark, because we're not kidding ourselves anymore. We know what we want and we are not fooled into thinking that everyone we meet is "The One."

I think you're brave for dating, it's not something I'd like to be doing right now!! And I think you'll feel it when it's right.

jetscreaminagain

Gosh I'm so sorry to hear about being widowed at 29. That seems really hard.
I divorced at 29 so its different for me. I didn't want to date and wasn't looking when I met my husband. I was 32 he was 38. We sparked immediately in our first conversation but didn't date until a year later because we weren't looking to date. I thank as a result it was very sparky still didn't marry until 5 years later, but it was pretty intense.

I hope you find the right, firey guy for you.

What do your boys say about it?

skinnyinnotime

Hmm, not too sure about the spark growing, I've never experienced that.

i think if there's no spark there's no point.

You're 38 not 78, someone will come along soon that you won't need to be wondering about it...it will be there!!!

veganbaum

I think that's a really hard question. I also think that a "spark" is harder to find when you're older, for some reason it just seems like it's more on the surface or something when you're younger. I honestly do believe something can grow over time. Sometimes you can be great friends with someone, and later that develops into something more. Similar to what another poster said, I think we are also more aware of what we want and what we don't want and are maybe less ready to just jump into things, or somethimg like that. I dunno, I've though about this a bit, and I think it's hard to have an answer. When you get older, it really does seem like the dating thing gets harder. I would imagine it's even more so for you, being with one person for so long and from such a young age. I really do think though that great companionship can turn into something more.

bflicker11

The boys are all for me finding love now, not so much in the recent years. I do think I should feel a spark but my friends feel like I'm too picky. I just feel like I'll know when it's right.

jeffsgal105

When I was dating, I always enjoyed relationships with the immediate spark. I do believe sometimes it does come later. Many successful couples are friends first. Since you're just now getting back to dating, maybe just date many men and see what it is you're looking for now.

misslissa555

Awww I'm 30 and never really have been "in love". I'm sorry about your loss! I only date jerks so I'm not sure! Maybe that's why I'm single at the moment.

dsjohndrow

I met a great woman who was 39, and I was 42... that was 11 years ago, and it is still awesome!

cartern1

I'm no expert but honestly I always go with my gut instinct on stuff like this, you will know when it's right.

I get told i'm picky/fussy by everyone (friends, collegues, ex's, my mum etc etc) but if it just doesn't feel right or if the feeling isn't mutual or if there's no spark I just don't see the point. I just turn the page and start a fresh otherwise people end up getting hurt and more importantly YOU might end up getting hurt.

Don't feel any pressure or listen to any of your friends comments about being too picky, why should you settle for anything less than you desire/deserve.

Do what is right for you.

Artemis726

I don't know about a spark not being there right away.

When I met my future husband, I was already dating someone. It was an unremarkable meeting, and I didn't even remember him when a mutual friend mentioned his interest in me. When I finally had a conversation with him, I thought he was unique and interesting-and he had great eyes and an excellent smile, but no flash bang. He was someone I wouldn't mind getting to know better, but I was still committed to someone else and there was just no immediate spark. In fact- he really didn't seem like my type at all. We stayed friendly for a year, and when that original relationship fizzled out, I suddenly saw my future DH with new eyes. LOL! The spark was definitely there, and we have been madly in love and happily married now for 11+ years.

I guess I would just say to take your time, be open, and meet lots of new people. Eventually you'll find someone you want to spend more time with, and it might be someone you already know.

bflicker11

I don't know about a spark not being there right away.

When I met my future husband, I was already dating someone. It was an unremarkable meeting, and I didn't even remember him when a mutual friend mentioned his interest in me. When I finally had a conversation with him, I thought he was unique and interesting-and he had great eyes and an excellent smile, but no flash bang. He was someone I wouldn't mind getting to know better, but I was still committed to someone else and there was just no immediate spark. In fact- he really didn't seem like my type at all. We stayed friendly for a year, and when that original relationship fizzled out, I suddenly saw my future DH with new eyes. LOL! The spark was definitely there, and we have been madly in love and happily married now for 11+ years.

I guess I would just say to take your time, be open, and meet lots of new people. Eventually you'll find someone you want to spend more time with, and it might be someone you already know.

I LOVE your story!!!