Why do some friends discourage weight loss?

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  • missphoenix
    missphoenix Posts: 67
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    Is she bigger than you are? If so next time tell her she can have all of your fat clothes when you get to your goal weight because you wont need them anymore. lol

    hee hee that made me giggle :)
  • ohwhataday
    ohwhataday Posts: 1,398 Member
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    I've had some people say this to me. And when they were trying to lose weight as well. Just kind of made me giggle.
  • ohwhataday
    ohwhataday Posts: 1,398 Member
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    "Some people like to have a "fat friend". Makes them feel better about themselves"

    That is so true.

    I agree!!

    haha yes.
  • flutterqueen04
    flutterqueen04 Posts: 278
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    The first time I told someone what my current weight was and what my goal weight was I got the same reaction. I was told not to lose anymore because I am too skinny. This was when I was 160 - still considered overweight BMI. It kind of upset me because it was like my weight loss progress went from congratulatory to shameful. I tried to politely tell them that I have done my research and I know what healthy BMI is for my height and that its not all about just losing weight. I was trying to get HEALTHY! I wanted a healthy waist measurement. I wanted lean muscle. I wanted a lower body fat percentage. I wanted to reduce my risk of heart and health problems. It was NOT just about pounds on a scale! They didn't get it. Finally I just changed the subject. Needless to say I don't give away my weight stats to anyone who isn't on MFP with me.

    Some people just don't get it. Sometimes its jealousy but sometimes I think they feel like they are trying to give you the ok to stop losing weight, like you really don't want to do you are just doing it for everyone else. If they tell you to stop then you'll appreciate it. But its not like that. I am doing this for ME. And I know what is healthy for ME. Don't let it discourage you. Just keep doing what your doing. :-)
  • 1smemae94
    1smemae94 Posts: 365 Member
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    Some people feel jelous that youre making the right choices when they are still eeating crap, she might also feel guilty because youre taking better care of your body now.
  • hikeout470
    hikeout470 Posts: 628 Member
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    Love it "frenemies"!
  • happydeer
    happydeer Posts: 10
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    It also might be that your group of friends doesn't "see" weight according to the health standards. A few years ago I was dismayed by one of my friends who started working out and openly losing weight (and I thought she was crazy to do so). She has a smaller build than I do and I literally couldn't tell why she'd want to take pounds off. I thought she was nuts! And I thought it was scary (I remember asking my pals if she was depressed, or her husband was cheating on her, or something, and they all thought those were possibilities).

    Fast-forward to now, not only am I copying a lot of the tricks I saw her use, but I just saw a video of her and this time I could tell that she'd put on the weight again! I really honestly couldn't see it before and I'm sure my attitude would have been different if I'd understood more about what people with smaller frames look like within a healthy weight range.
  • bethdris
    bethdris Posts: 1,090 Member
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    Some people like to have a "fat friend". Makes them feel better about themselves.

    Oh yes that was me!! )
  • chryssa11
    chryssa11 Posts: 3
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    Hi, I am sorry to say that some friends(that we think are friends) are jealous of us and that's why they don't encourage weight loss! Keep up the good work. If you like yourself and how you look-forget about what others say! If you feel healthy, don't worry about negative people.
  • missphoenix
    missphoenix Posts: 67
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    Thanks everyone, its weird how friends change. My friend is slim and curvy (looks fab) and does get lots of attention as she is gorgeous, but I have never seen a jealous side of her (until now).

    Thanks for all the encouraging comments, I may distance myself from her for a while. If some of my mates are not going to be there for me I have got lots of great new buddies on MFP that have been really encouraging!
  • sansonee
    sansonee Posts: 7
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    What if your friend only said that so that you weren't depressed if you didn't lose more weight and end up w/ another breakdown? I'm just playing Devil's Advocate saying that maybe her intentions are in the right place and it came off differently to you as it would to most.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,045 Member
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    I know I've been guilty of foot-in-mouth disease more than once in my life. :ohwell:

    Sometimes, the mouth is engaged before the brain is in gear.


    If she was a good friend and that is one of the few things she's done to upset you, try to forgive her. If this is a pattern of behavior, that's a different problem.
  • missphoenix
    missphoenix Posts: 67
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    ...It could also be that she's worried. I'm surprised at the people who automatically think negatively. It's true that she could be jealous, but if you suffered a breakdown and you gained a lot of weight, especially if you confided in her, she may just be worried about that happening again.

    My breakdown was related to stress and trauma, the weight gain came about as a bi-product of the breakdown (medication etc). At the time the weight gain didnt bother me as it was way down on the list of things that I needed to deal with. However after the worse of the breakdown was over I pieced together my life the weight never dropped off and I have been trying to sort it out for 3 years.
    Thank you for another view point, she could be worried about me and maybe I need to explain to her how important it is for me to get back to my old weight in a controlled and healthy way (as my weight is a constant reminder of bad episode).
  • missphoenix
    missphoenix Posts: 67
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    The first time I told someone what my current weight was and what my goal weight was I got the same reaction. I was told not to lose anymore because I am too skinny. This was when I was 160 - still considered overweight BMI. It kind of upset me because it was like my weight loss progress went from congratulatory to shameful. I tried to politely tell them that I have done my research and I know what healthy BMI is for my height and that its not all about just losing weight. I was trying to get HEALTHY! I wanted a healthy waist measurement. I wanted lean muscle. I wanted a lower body fat percentage. I wanted to reduce my risk of heart and health problems. It was NOT just about pounds on a scale! They didn't get it. Finally I just changed the subject. Needless to say I don't give away my weight stats to anyone who isn't on MFP with me.

    Some people just don't get it. Sometimes its jealousy but sometimes I think they feel like they are trying to give you the ok to stop losing weight, like you really don't want to do you are just doing it for everyone else. If they tell you to stop then you'll appreciate it. But its not like that. I am doing this for ME. And I know what is healthy for ME. Don't let it discourage you. Just keep doing what your doing. :-)

    Yes agreed, for me its about being healthy rather than being 'skinny' I love my running program and it makes me feel well mentally and physically!
  • JennsLosing
    JennsLosing Posts: 1,026
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    Watch out. Sounds like a sign of jealousy to me. This person could perceive you have something that they believe that they deserve, or something along those lines.
    this is what i was thinking too
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    I haven't had anyone tell me to stop losing, but I do have a friend who makes it into a competition, our weight loss. She's given up and continues to gain and keeps saying things like, "pretty soon, you'll weigh less than me!" Or, "I don't weigh much less than you do."
  • ccmulder5
    ccmulder5 Posts: 75 Member
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    misery loves company.. stick to your guns and blow her out of the water!! i LOVE the comment of giving her your "fat" clothes!! i have had to do LOTS of "spring cleaning" with my already group of friends.. i am down to next to nothing! but, if your friends can't be there for you thru "thick and thin" then my opinion is, they weren't very good friends to begin with.. your friends should want only the best for you.. regardless of THEIR insecurities..
  • missphoenix
    missphoenix Posts: 67
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    misery loves company.. stick to your guns and blow her out of the water!! i LOVE the comment of giving her your "fat" clothes!! i have had to do LOTS of "spring cleaning" with my already group of friends.. i am down to next to nothing! but, if your friends can't be there for you thru "thick and thin" then my opinion is, they weren't very good friends to begin with.. your friends should want only the best for you.. regardless of THEIR insecurities..

    Thank you!

    And thanks to everyone for ALL your opinions and advice, very much appreciated! x
  • stevwil41
    stevwil41 Posts: 608 Member
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    It could be jealousy but it could be something as simple as you're friend is so used to you looking one way that it's going to take her time to get used to slimmer you. I have a friend tell me just yesterday that I was thin and that I shouldn't lose any more weight and compared to what I used to weigh I am thin. I've lost 46 lbs since May and I'd lost 19 before that over the course of about 8 months. Do I think she's jealous? Not at all. She along with everyone else I know (including myself) are used to me being so much heavier that I really do look thin comparatively. I know I've got about 35 lbs to go to put myself at the very top of my healthy BMI range and I'll get there eventually. Long story short, if I were you, I'd think twice about dumping a friend whose been there for you for years unless there are problems other than her thinking you look good at the weight you are now. I hate to say it but if that's all it takes then it wouldn't necessarily reflect well on you as a friend either.
  • SaraMoore88
    SaraMoore88 Posts: 9 Member
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    I've had people say this, but honestly, I never thought it was malicious. I took it almost as a compliment. They think I look great as I am! That doesn't mean I have to stop. I have people say "Wow, you've lost a ton of weight!" and when I say I still have 20 lbs or so to lose, they say "No way! You'll look anorexic" or something like that. I am tall, so many of them think 20 lbs would make a huge difference. Really, it will just put me in the middle of a healthy weight range. They are trying to say "you are ok the way you are" which is nice, but misguided. Thankfully, I don't have friends who would try to sabotage me.

    Perhaps look at your history with this friend to find out her real intentions.

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