How can I get my husband to see he needs get healthy

LH2011

Ok first of I love my husband madly and love him how he is but I am starting to get really worried about his long term health.

My husband is 44 and I would say about 25 - 30lbs over weight which is really not bad all things considered. The thing is he has a terrible diet and if he keeps going he is just going to get worse. I cook healthy and he eats and enjoys healthy food however he can't stay away from the junk. During the week he always has 1 or 2 beers everynight along with crisps (chips I think in the US), peanuts and chocolate and at about 9pm everynight he gets 4 slices of bread and cheese as he says he's "hungry" and at the weekend its 7/8 beers 9 to 10 packs of crisps (per night) and never eats my dinners at the weekend and opts for chinese or pizza's. I don't buy junk food at all or beer so he stops every night on the way home and picks stuff up.

Last night for example as a family we were out all day and stopped in Mc Donalds on way home as treat for the kids (we rarely go there) he had a supersize big mac meal, extra curly fries and 8 chicken mc nuggets and before we got into the car he popped into the shop and bought beer and crisps which is ate all of when we got home.

I have tried asking nicely, I have tried joking about his weight gain, I have tried being mean, I have tried begging him telling him I want him to be healthy and change the way he eats or he will drop dead before he is 60.

He golfes 3 to 4 times a week which I think is one of the reason he is not much more over weight even his family have told him he's gotten fatter over the last few years.

Can anyone help with suggestions as how to get him to see how serious his eatting habits have become and how he needs to change. He keeps saying how great I look and how well I look with my weigh loss and I even tried him on MFP he last 4 days then said he needed a treat!!!! I also think he does not eat well in work there is a canteen and he seems to eat very little and then eats circles around himself at night. Any help or advise would be great thanks :sad:

chevy88grl

You can not force someone else to change. Period. HE will have to do it for himself when and if he is ready to do it. No amount of begging, pleading, meaness on YOUR part will make him change his mind. He isn't unhappy with himself, so he will continue to eat and drink what he wants to eat and drink.

Continue on your weight loss journey, continue to offer up healthier dinner options, but know that at the end of the day.. he's an adult and will do as he pleases.

Badgering him about it is only going to cause issues between the two of you. I would leave it alone.

(BTW, I understand to a point... my boyfriend smokes cigarettes and I wish he would stop. But I know HE has to do it for HIM.

bethdris

Oh my does this hit home! Ill address your husband first...If he would just cut back on his beer, he'd probably loose weight with just that. Beer is HIGH in empty calories, nevermind what its doing to his liver. Do you guys ever have any Health Fairs? The hospitals put them on around here in the US. Maybe going as a family would be a good idea.

The food part has been very hard here too. I do all the grocery shopping. Meals he usually eats what I cook. The snacking is not healthy, and my husbnd doesn't like that many fruits or vegetables. I try to buy "healthy snacks", but hes an able body man and could just go the store himself and buy the junk.

We did get him a new home gym(which he uses), and I bought him an HRM(which he finally decided was a good idea). We are talking BABY steps here. He has lost about 18 pounds, but could lose another 50.

Im with ya girl...sorry not much help!

knittygirl52

Boy, if someone has a good answer to this, I sure as heck would like to hear it. Here I am, over 75 pounds down and a whole whale of a lot in better shape, and my hubby keeps gaining and is finding it harder and harder to do anything out of his chair (Duh--I wonder why?). I love him to death and would very much like to keep him around, but the way he is going I won't have that pleasure. I'm positive he has well over 100 pounds to lose, and obviously a weight loss would greatly help his back and knee problems. Oh, and this is a guy who has had two heart attacks -- both of them when he was at a far better weight than he is now. As far as I know, all I can do is pray for him. (And, obviously, it is not my cooking or the food I purchase that is adding this weight to him. This is the food he personally goes out and buys.)

LH2011

Oh my does this hit home! Ill address your husband first...If he would just cut back on his beer, he'd probably loose weight with just that. Beer is HIGH in empty calories, nevermind what its doing to his liver.

I totally agree with this he does comment about his weight sometimes and I always say if you stopped drink Mon through Thursday you would see a change without doing anything else.

dmpizza

How recently has he gained the weight?

When is the next time he goes to the DR?

The fact is that some people can eat like this and it doesn't do anymore than give them a few extra pounds like your husband has(so far). Other people are laid out early due to poor eating habits.

What about his parents or siblings? How did they eat?

JAllen32

Yes, unfortunately you can't really do much about it. A person has to come to a turning point and realize what is best for them. I tried so many times to start this journey and I failed every time. But I had a moment in my life that made a difference and I have been staying on track and changing my life ever since. My hubby needs to get healthy too. Mostly on the inside, cholestoral, blood sugar, etc. I have gotten him to try this website, but he doesn't have a whole lot of time to get online and figure it all out. I just offer to help as much as I can, cook good heathly food for him, and ask him to go with me when I work out. He seems to be really proud of me for my progress and I'm just hoping I can lead by example and get him to start making some healthy changes too.

Trying to force someone to do something they are not ready for will only make them do the opposite.

cmriverside

yeah, good luck with that.

Just setting a good example is probably the best thing to do. I know if anyone tries to change me I make their job extremely difficult. :laugh:

dustyhockeymom

I don't think you can get him to see or think anything. My husband is much more overweight than yours and has a similar junk food habit. I am just trying to have discussions with him about my progress and engage him in discussions when I am trying to make decisions, but I don't talk about him at all. I have been on MFP for almost six months. I have watched him make slow moves to get onboard with me. He has researched and purchased some exercise equipment and I have seen him on MFP checking it out. I also know he has weighed, which I don't think he has ever done. If I had tried to talk him into any of this behavior it would not have been successful. He had to come to it on his own. I think my success has been an inspiration for him, but the choice has to be his. Just like it had to be mine when it was my time.

koosdel

You got a rolling pin? If so, go all Granny Clampett on his *kitten*.

amymeenieminymo

You can't.....I'm sorry to say. I wish there was a solution because my husband has gained probably 50 pounds in the 4 years we've been together. It's not his looks, but I worry about him. It's all tummy fat, I know he has high cholesterol and he almost never goes to the doctor.

Think of yourself and what it took for you to stop eating bad and join this site....if you're like me, you tried many times, swore you'd eat better the next day and didn't, swore you'd work out regularly and you'd maybe do it for 6 weeks and then quit. The one day something clicked in my head and said, I don't want to be fat anymore. That's when I joined this site. Wild horses couldn't have made me do it until I was ready.

I'm afraid the best you can do it continue to cook healthy and buy healthy snacks, if he chooses to stop and buy junk on his own, you can't stop him. I don't try every time, but quite often I'll ask my husband if he wants to go for a bike ride, or join me at the gym. He never does, but I keep hoping maybe one of these times he will. Good luck, I hope both of our husband's can see the light someday soon.

wickedcricket

keep getting stronger & healthier while he deteriorates. Then, one day when he least expects it, wrestle him to the ground. Men hate to be weaker (or in worse shape) than women. Challenge him.
Show him you could kick his *kitten* if you wanted to and show him other women at the gym who could too. Then challenge him to a race/match/ game, whatever - 3 or 6 mos down the road - maybe a marathon or something. Loser has to buy the winner a new outfit. They hate that too LOL
And calories aside, I'd get a handle on the drinking problem. If it's not a problem for you yet, it's going to be. He's not a social drinker, he's an alcoholic - best deal with it.

BrentGetsFit

I've been "that husband" before and I have to agree with the other poster, nothing you can do or say is likely to change his mind. My wife did all the things you've done. She joked, she teased, she offered encouragement, she bargained, she was nice, she was mean, it didn't affect my way of thinking at all. I understood what she was trying to do on one level but another level of me just didn't make the connection. I've never been much of a drinker but definitely a snacker. Your husband's order in the McD's drive through could've easily been my own. I too had knee pain and back pain but it didn't matter.

What finally got through to me was being faced with the prospect of being discharged from the military because of my weight. That threatened my role as a provider. For the record my wife works full time and makes at least as much as I do, but still. That woke me up. It's going to take something that resonates within him to spark the fire of change. I hope he can find it before it's too late.

peanut613

You can't. If he doesn't want to lose the weight, he won't. All you can do is focus on your own weight loss. Maybe he'll get jealous or intrigued and follow suit. Otherwise, deal with it. And stop being mean and making jokes about his weight. If you're on MFP you're obviously overweight too. Pot calling the kettle black? You don't want someone making fun of you or being mean, so treat him better.

stevwil41

If I knew how to do this I'd be rich. You'd see me on late night infomercials and I'd have 2 or 3 best selling books out. One bit of advice I can offer is to not pressure him about it. Generally, the more you push in one direction the more he's likely to dig in and not budge. Keep up with your healthy lifestyle. If it comes up in conversation tell him that he knows how you feel about his health but you can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do. Buy low calorie bread and low-fat cheese:) Basically, do what you can to improve your families health in general and hopefully he'll get on board eventually.

susanloveszumba

My boyfriend is the same way. When we were first dating he told me that he never ate breakfast or lunch while at work and ate the whole days worth of calories in several large meals at night cause he always stayed up late. I would go to his apt to eat dinner with him and he most of the time had already eaten a sandwich or two by the time I got there and he would eat at least two servings of dinner. He would always stay up well past midnight so he would eat another meal before he went to bed. I thought this was crazy but he seemed to think it was normal. Well at that time he was at least 30 lbs overweight but he acted like he was at a good, healthy weight and kept on eating.

Well we moved in together this last april and after watching his eating habits for a few weeks I realized that he eats all day long. Now he doesn't seem to be super hungry like I am when I wake up so he may not eat breakfast but I have seen him eat four sandwiches in an hour. He will fix one or two at a time and keep going back to the kitchen like i am not going to notice. After getting tired of hearing how he weighs the same that he weighed in college, I went and bought scales. I think he believed that he weighed about 190 or 200 and he weighed 237! I thought it was hilarious! The look on his face was priceless. It was not a surprise to me because i had already guessed about how much he weighed. I can tell he has cut back a little on the amount that he eats and is trying to exercise a little versus not doing anything. I think that me exercising more and eating healthy has influenced his decisions some for sure but he still eats way too much!

TipMcE

You're in a tough spot. My hubby has been similar, though not quite to that extreme. Still he would drink a few beers a night and was "not hungry" at dinner time. But a few hours later he'd open up a bag of chips or make a sandwich (while the leftovers were sitting in the fridge). Then he'd complain about being tired. Wonder why? Anyway, he's slowly making changes. I'm making a big effort to cook healthier for the kids and for my own health and he's following along. I've asked him to consider the example he's setting for the kids too. I'm not sure if this kind of approach would work with you. But it has taken a long time to get here with us. He's recently stopped buying the chips and cookies and sweets to support my weight loss efforts (because I told him I can't help myself if they are in the house). Can you talk him into going to the doctor's to get his cholesterol, blood sugar, etc checked out? Maybe a doctor can put the scare into him.

Do they show "You Are What You Eat" over there? We get it on BBC America. Maybe a couple of episodes of that will open his eyes. The most powerful part of the show is when they collect together the food the person eats in a week and it's just overwhelming to see all the take out containers and glasses or soda, packets of cookies and crisps and pastries etc. Maybe you can collect all his empty beer cans and packets of crisps from a week and any other boxes and bags of snacks and put them all out in the kitchen to show him how much junk he eats! Or figure out the money he's spending and how many weeks of eating all that it would take to save up for a new TV, or some other big purchase (like new golf clubs).

I hope he'll see what he's doing to himself and to the whole family. Good luck!

maidentl

Simply put, you can't. My in-laws eat terribly. My husband has tried talking to them. They're both in terrible shape, my FIL is extremely overweight, hast type 2 diabetes and suffers from gout. He has suffered a small stroke. My MIL has already had an angioplasty and a major stroke, she's in a wheelchair now. None of that has made an impact. None of it. Some people will want to eat better and some won't. It's heartbreaking, it's horrific, but you just can't change some people. The only thing you can do is be a good role model for him and your children and hope he comes around.

Hfxgal

I have similar issues with mine, but I have come to realize that change has to come from within....and he is not ready yet. I am hopeful that while he watches me aim to get healthy that it may motivate him too at some point. It can be frustrating, I know....I just got home from the gym about 10 mins ago and came home to my sweetheart laying on the couch eating a foot long piece of pepperoni.. he then burped and went to the fridge, got out a pre-made store bought caesar salad, dumped in a half of a box of croutons, a half cup of bacon bits and so much cheese that you can't tell it's a salad....then he smiled and said, "see babe, I eat healthy sometimes too!" He looked so proud of himself that all I could do was laugh.....it'll all come in time...I hope

LH2011

You got a rolling pin? If so, go all Granny Clampett on his *kitten*.

Ha ha ha lovin this idea where's my rolling pin

LH2011

All joking aside thanks guys I think I already knew that he has to get there on his own but now I know for sure.

thegymbunny

Men are pretty easy to talk into some sort of fitness routine.

But when it comes to diet, if there is a trick... I don't know it.

kernowprincess

I sympathise with this. My Hubby is 6ft 2in and weighs about 280lbs. He really does not see how unhealthy this is. I have made some changes with my own diet i.e. lots of salad in the fridge and low fat (Nimble) bread, so he has lost about 28lbs in a couple of months but still insists on snacking. He will come home from work and make himself bread and butter as I am cooking. He also eats at work by joining with his mates and buying take out (usually curry).

He recently had a blood test for a specific (non-weight) problem and the Doctor mentioned he may have fatty deposits around his liver and when I asked him if the Doctor mentioned his weight he denied anything was said.

I think it is like smoking they will not change until they are ready. All you can do is put heathy choices in the cupboards and fridge and hope he gets the message.

I found that arguing the point only drives him to eat more.

AshDHart

It took a health crisis for my husband to wake up. When he was told he was diabetic and they wanted to put him on medicine he got serious in a way I have never seen before. He is down 60lbs now and is out of the diabetic range without ever going on medication.

Has he had a complete checkup by a doctor recently? If his numbers aren't good maybe that would do it for him.

sgriddler

You cant make him or nag him, as people have pointed out. Why dont you highlight to hin his short comings. Golf is merely a slow walk around an expensive park.
I dont know how old your kids are, but you could try running and cycling with them. Men hate not being able to do things when other people are. If he struggles to keep up or join in, it might make him reconsider...
How ever you manage it, Making him realise for himself, rather than telling is your best chance.....

JAllen32

You could also talk about how horney working out makes you! hehe And how hot it makes you to see him doing it! haha That might actually work!

;-)~

Michelle_M2002

For my husband, it took ME changing MY life for him to jump on board. I changed my eating habits for about a few weeks. Then I joined he gym and started going 6 days a week and working with a trainer 2 of those days. I'm down almost 20 pounds and my husband just asked me put him on my membership and he is going to start working out with me tomorrow.

He started eating a little healthier simply because I changed how I shop and cook. But he still stops for fast food for lunch at work. Hoping that once he starts working out with me next week he'll have the drive to really change how he eats.

Good luck.

God bless!

grrrlface

The description sounds like my Dad. The only thing is my Mum doesn't have the willpower to eat differently to him and so she gets dragged down with it. (Without the drink)
I've tried to help but I'm just told 'not to worry' and 'get on with my own life' and I have. Now my Mum regrets not joining me in the beginning, I've made her realise how unhealthy they are but it's still impossible to convince my Dad, he thinks he has the best, most nutritional diet in the world.

Snakey74

You got a rolling pin? If so, go all Granny Clampett on his *kitten*.

*teehee* *giggles*


I wish I had the answer, but I don't. My hubby and I both were eating very unhealthy and gained a bunch of weight...but we both decided to do this together. Maybe you can make sure everything that you are fixing for him is as healthy as possible, that way he's only eating the junk he buys?

Bottom line is this: losing weight is like quitting smoking. You won't do it until you're ready to, no matter how much someone begs you to do it, threatens you, berates you, and flat out wants you to.

The only thing you CAN do is be there when he does wake up.

Good luck!

LH2011

I have actually thought before about the doctor as I think a strong word from her might work but how would I get him to the doctor. In Ireland its so expensive you only go if you really sick and thankfully we never are!!! He had a medical in work a few years ago and all was good and I know he use's this in his mind as a benchmark but it was about 3 years ago!!

LH2011

You could also talk about how horney working out makes you! hehe And how hot it makes you to see him doing it! haha That might actually work!

;-)~

Also loving this suggestion and he might find it more appealling that the rolling pin over the head ha ha !!!!