Any others with Manic Depression out there?

tjsusong

I was laid off last September and I still haven't found a new job. To add to that, I was diagnosed with Manic Depression about 8 years ago and have been managing it fairly well until now. The last few months have been pretty hard on me. I cant explain how and why, but my motivation levels are not there, moreso than just a person who is lacking motivation. I've always been a fairly active person, but the last few months I have been going downhill. Last monthI managed to pack on another 5 lbs. This now negates all the weight that I lost at the beginning of the year that I worked so hard for (It was about 17 lbs.)

Because of my lack of ability to manage this deep depression that I've fallen into (mostly from lack of job) I have been working with both a psychologist and a psychiatrist for both talk therapy and medication therapy. I've been on medication for years, but now its time to make some adjustments. The first adjustment we made me very edgy and irritated so we backed that off. Just this last weekend we added a new medication that is supposed to help bring me some of that energy that I've been lacking so much of.

At the beginning of this year it was common for me to go and spend 2 hours in the gym and then come home and do an exercise video and do some Wii boxing. I was working out and eating well and feeling better. Some sort of switch hit when I went down for knee surgery in April and I haven't been the same since. That is when all the weight started coming back. Now, I know that I was going to be down for a period of time while my knee got better, but I just couldnt find that energy when I was able to get moving again. I've had a few spurts here and there. One spurt I even thought I was going to do a 1/2 marathon. Alas my knee took me out of that as it wasnt ready for that much activity.

Today is day one all over again. I've managed to workout already, which is more than I can say for the past 2 weeks!! So maybe the medication is helping a little. Time will tell. I'm not a lazy person by any means, but this past month or so, I've definitely felt like it!!

I guess my question is.... Are there any other people out there that can understand this "Lack of energy" and how have you coped with it?

tjsusong

I guess this turned into more of a book than a question!!! Sorry

Rworthy

Hi there - first of all I suffer from depression and haven't been "diagnosed" with anything in about 10 years. I've tried to manage life on my own - with mild success. I read your story - it sounds like you are a perfectionist who is extremely hard on yourself - more so than you'd be on someone else like a friend or family member. You need to offer yourself the support you would offer someone in your life. Seeing your mind and your body as separate entities, and using your mind to force your body to get out there might help get the "motivation" you need to succeed. Then reward your mind by caring for your body - taking a hot bath after a workout and listen to your favorite tunes, or reward yourself with one delicious bite of food or healthy meal that makes you feel good about yourself. I don't know what meds you're on but you might want to try a holistic route - accupuncture, herbal supplements, etc. I hear Vitamin B and D deficiencies can exacerbate depression. Eat lots of fish and nuts that contain Omega 3s and take a B/D supplement. Know that gaining 5, 10, even 20 pounds isn't the end of the world - people are far worse than you, and there's always someone who looks "better" than you. Just be happy with who you are and the fact that you're on here is a good first step in the right direction. I hope you find the support you need!

AmerTunsi

I can relate to you. For so long I was just so depressed and after losing my job it just got worse. It came to the point where I felt like there was a feeling of actual weight being put on me anytime I thought about my life, or was dealing with anything stressful and would get super tired.

The honest truth was that it wasn't just one thing that helped me. it was a very conscious decision to aggressively fight it. Starting with my going to the doctor and getting an anti-depressant. I have been on them before when I was much younger and they didn't seem to work for me. I felt like I was still depressed but just couldn't actually cry anymore. This time I tried a different one and it really seems to work. If I forget to take it, I can tell almost immediately because the dark cloud and dark thoughts return with the weight of the world.

The next important thing I did was really start to focus on me and look at this "down time" as an opportunity and a blessing in disguise to focus on myself and things I wanted to do. Weight-loss was at the top of this list, but also continuing education, philanthropy, and becoming less isolated.

I also really had to count my blessings, especially after doing some work with "less privileged."

The one thing I also am really trying to change is how I define success, I felt because had not accomplish xyz and didn't have a job that I was failing at life. Now, I know that a job does not define me ore my success.

I have chats with myself everyday, stay around positive people, and really working on the internal conflict i have.

It is certainly not easy, and I can't say I'm out of the woods yet, but I'm managing and MFP has been a great help with that.

CarolynB38

I know where you are coming from. I have put on 4 stones (56lb) as a result of this and I am just getting a handle on doing something to get back in control. Finding the energy and motivation is really hard, you just have to take it a day at a time and increase what you are doing slowly. Set small goals and make a really big deal out of it when you achieve them. Tell all your friends what you have achieved and if they are good friends they will be so pleased for you even if your goal is just to get out of the house every day (a really big deal for me at times!) What seems like a small goal for some people is a really big deal for someone dealing with manic depression, so remember to celebrate and get excited about it.

Don't forget that your medication my be making it a little more difficult to lose weight. You don't say what you take but some antidepressants and some mood stabilisers can make it a little more difficult. You will still be able to lose it, it just might come off a little more slowly. If you are prepared for that in advance you will not be disappointed if your weight loss is slower than you expected. And don't forget that the medication may be contributing a little to your tiredness. Whatever you do, DON'T change your medication doses without agreement from your doctor or you might find things get even worse.

Support is one of the biggest things that has helped me when going through a depressive phase. If you were tired all the time because of an illness like diabetes or something you wouldn't be nearly so hard on yourself, so don't be so hard on yourself now. Every little thing you do is a big deal. Every little accomplishment is really a BIG accomplishment when you are depressed so please remember that.

It can help to find a friend to exercise with, even if it's just going for a walk. This will help to motivate you when you don't feel up to it and can make it more fun.

Remember to look after yourself and rest in between your exercise and the other things you do. We all schedule our work, exercise and chores into our lives but we forget to schedule down-time. This is really important. You should make some time for yourself every day where you do something that you enjoy, even if it's just listening to music or watching TV for an hour.

Eating a healthy diet and cutting right down on processed sugars seems to be helping me too, as does the exercise.

If you find that it is too much for you one day and things go pair-shaped just start again the next day. You can do it. Just remember to be kind to yourself. One day at a time :-)

tjsusong

I can relate to you. For so long I was just so depressed and after losing my job it just got worse. It came to the point where I felt like there was a feeling of actual weight being put on me anytime I thought about my life, or was dealing with anything stressful and would get super tired.

The honest truth was that it wasn't just one thing that helped me. it was a very conscious decision to aggressively fight it. Starting with my going to the doctor and getting an anti-depressant. I have been on them before when I was much younger and they didn't seem to work for me. I felt like I was still depressed but just couldn't actually cry anymore. This time I tried a different one and it really seems to work. If I forget to take it, I can tell almost immediately because the dark cloud and dark thoughts return with the weight of the world.

The next important thing I did was really start to focus on me and look at this "down time" as an opportunity and a blessing in disguise to focus on myself and things I wanted to do. Weight-loss was at the top of this list, but also continuing education, philanthropy, and becoming less isolated.

I also really had to count my blessings, especially after doing some work with "less privileged."

The one thing I also am really trying to change is how I define success, I felt because had not accomplish xyz and didn't have a job that I was failing at life. Now, I know that a job does not define me ore my success.

I have chats with myself everyday, stay around positive people, and really working on the internal conflict i have.

It is certainly not easy, and I can't say I'm out of the woods yet, but I'm managing and MFP has been a great help with that.

Thank you so much for sharing your story!! I know that I dont necessarily like to broadcast this type of stuff to people so I know this must have been a little difficult for you. Its so hard to explain to people that sometimes the just getting out of bed IS my victory for the day!! It sucks and some people think I'm lazy, but until all this gets sorted out that is just the way it will have to be. These last few days I do feel like I'm going to be able to fight a little harder. Today's victory was getting on the treadmill. That's the best one I've had in a while

tjsusong

I know where you are coming from. I have put on 4 stones (56lb) as a result of this and I am just getting a handle on doing something to get back in control. Finding the energy and motivation is really hard, you just have to take it a day at a time and increase what you are doing slowly. Set small goals and make a really big deal out of it when you achieve them. Tell all your friends what you have achieved and if they are good friends they will be so pleased for you even if your goal is just to get out of the house every day (a really big deal for me at times!) What seems like a small goal for some people is a really big deal for someone dealing with manic depression, so remember to celebrate and get excited about it.

Don't forget that your medication my be making it a little more difficult to lose weight. You don't say what you take but some antidepressants and some mood stabilisers can make it a little more difficult. You will still be able to lose it, it just might come off a little more slowly. If you are prepared for that in advance you will not be disappointed if your weight loss is slower than you expected. And don't forget that the medication may be contributing a little to your tiredness. Whatever you do, DON'T change your medication doses without agreement from your doctor or you might find things get even worse.

Support is one of the biggest things that has helped me when going through a depressive phase. If you were tired all the time because of an illness like diabetes or something you wouldn't be nearly so hard on yourself, so don't be so hard on yourself now. Every little thing you do is a big deal. Every little accomplishment is really a BIG accomplishment when you are depressed so please remember that.

It can help to find a friend to exercise with, even if it's just going for a walk. This will help to motivate you when you don't feel up to it and can make it more fun.

Remember to look after yourself and rest in between your exercise and the other things you do. We all schedule our work, exercise and chores into our lives but we forget to schedule down-time. This is really important. You should make some time for yourself every day where you do something that you enjoy, even if it's just listening to music or watching TV for an hour.

Eating a healthy diet and cutting right down on processed sugars seems to be helping me too, as does the exercise.

If you find that it is too much for you one day and things go pair-shaped just start again the next day. You can do it. Just remember to be kind to yourself. One day at a time :-)

Thank you for your support and sharing. You're right about the smallest goals. Some days just getting out of bed is my achievement!! But these last few days its felt a little easier so maybe this new medication will help me sort all this out. Thanks again:)

Zen_Master_B

I can relate to the lack of energy. I have a laundry list of mental problems, manic depression being one of them, I used to take meds for years upon years. I woke up one day and decided this can't be my life anymore, I can't do it. I gave up my meds cold turkey and honestly it was the hardest year of my life, at times I doubted I could go on without the meds. I eventually got my mind together and lost the (to date)80+ pounds. I haven't had problems until recently felt like going back to meds, I don't feel any passion for anything not even exercising anymore. I was considering going back on some sort of SSRI or maybe taking st johns wort, but side effects and drug interactions aren't something I am willing to put up with. Anyone have any other suggestions?

I also wanna say I have a ton of respect for people who fight through the bad depression to lose there weight and be strong, because I know what it is like when your having a hard time and nothing is right. The sun doesn't shine bright enough and the food doesn't taste good anymore, and without any further overdramatization, that is how life has looked for at least the last couple weeks.

tjsusong

I can relate to the lack of energy. I have a laundry list of mental problems, manic depression being one of them, I used to take meds for years upon years. I woke up one day and decided this can't be my life anymore, I can't do it. I gave up my meds cold turkey and honestly it was the hardest year of my life, at times I doubted I could go on without the meds. I eventually got my mind together and lost the (to date)80+ pounds. I haven't had problems until recently felt like going back to meds, I don't feel any passion for anything not even exercising anymore. I was considering going back on some sort of SSRI or maybe taking st johns wort, but side effects and drug interactions aren't something I am willing to put up with. Anyone have any other suggestions?

I also wanna say I have a ton of respect for people who fight through the bad depression to lose there weight and be strong, because I know what it is like when your having a hard time and nothing is right. The sun doesn't shine bright enough and the food doesn't taste good anymore, and without any further overdramatization, that is how life has looked for at least the last couple weeks.

First of all, congrats on your committment and strong work so far!! 80 lbs is amazing!!! When I was first "Diagnosed" and got on the meds, I lost 100 lbs and I felt great! That was 8 years ago. I was so proud, but since then, I've gained back almost half that weight. We've added an additional mood stablilzer, an anti depressant and most recently a ADHD med to help with the energy. I also take Ambien for sleep. I often feel like I shouldnt take so much medication, but I remember who I was and how I was before the meds, and I know I need them. You are a very brave soul to go off meds and fight through it. I struggle enough on the meds. I'm going to try to fight the good fight and hopefully rally with this new med. The side effects for this new med are actually weight loss so hopefully that will help!! Good luck to you Zen Master B! Always remember, there are other people out there that can relate to you too!!!

garyhitching

Hi there,

Firstly, I've only joined myfitnesspal so that i could make this post

When you are suffering from deep depression, it is very difficult to see any further than the next day or even hour, so setting any medium or longer term targets or goals are almost impossible. It's also very difficult for anyone who hasn't been where you are (even professionals) to truly understand how you are feeling and how debilitating the illness is. I know..I've been there.

I was diagnosed with bipolar about two years ago, however I had the symptoms several years earlier. My experience will be very different to yours but from reading your post, there are some similarities. I too am a bit of a fitness enthusiast and have regularly worked out 3-4 times a week for as long as I can remember and I'm 45 years old. I remember standing in front of the mirror after about 8 months of doing absolutely no training and eating crap and seeing a pair of "man boobs" staring back at me! I was shocked and horrified that I had let things get so bad. It was almost the kick I needed to get me out of the house and back in the gym.

I am of course slightly over simplifying the situation for effect! I had to get my medication right and I was, and am still fortunate enough to have a fantastic family around me. Without them, it would have been very difficult to get myself right again. I haven't really needed much professional help other than my Psychiatrist, who I see now about every 2-3 months. As I said before, we are all unique and our recovery plans are going to be very different.

With regards to getting back to work, this is obviously a huge issue. I have been fortunate enough to work on some projects for my sister, which has given me the opportunity to get back in the game so to speak. My longer term plans are to re-start my marketing business, so I've used my down-time getting my skills up to date. Is there an opportunity for you to look for some voluntary work or part time work just to get you going initially, which will help to rebuild your confidence and self-esteem?

That whole self-esteem/confidence thing - if only we could take a pill and become confident immediately!! One thing I do recommend is trying to find something that you can help others with. This will make you feel good about yourself...do you see where I'm going with this? I decided to start an organisation called "Bipolar and Proud", which at the moment is no more than a web curation site full of information on bipolar and other mental health related issues. Please feel free to take a look as I've posted lots of good stuff there including recovery info, exercise etc. The link is www.scoop.it/t/bipolar-and-proud. Also please feel free to send me an email if there's anything you think I might be able to help you with. My email is gary@bipolarandproud.org. If you're on Twitter, I've also just opened an account there - @Proud2beBipolar.

I hope some of my rambling on has been helpful. Always remember: Stand tall and be proud of who you are

Gary

Rworthy

I wish there was some way to retract my comment. I see you thanked everyone for their story, and didn't say anything about my suggestion to answer your question. I'm not surprised as this is my luck with life in general. I have very wise things to say but no one ever listens. Best of luck to you.

Lleldiranne

I deal with bipolar disorder (aka manic depression). When I am manic, it's very easy to exercise (in fact, hard to not be moving). When I am depressed, it's nearly impossible. To add to that, the medications tend to mess with appetite centers in the brain. I gained about 15 lbs in the 2 years before I got pregnant.

I don't have much advice to offer right now, just to let you know that you're not alone. Which can sometimes be the biggest help of all, right? I've actually considered starting a support group here for people dealing with the unique challenges that mental/emotional disorders can pose to getting and staying in shape. Let me know if there would be interest in such!

AmyJo54915

I was diagnosed as bipolar with schizo-affective disorder in 2007, but basically had mental health issues all my life. I am legally disabled. I am on a mood stabilizer, an anti-psychotic, an anti-anxiety, and recently took myself off Ambien (went to Melatonin...so far, so good!) One of the side effects of my anti-psychotic was weight gain...and I did gain...but have been able to lose since.
Do your best to work with your moods. I've noticed since I started taking better care of myself physically, that my mental health seems to be improving too (although I haven't hit a low in a while...and they just kinda sneak up on me).
Know that you are not alone

tjsusong

I wish there was some way to retract my comment. I see you thanked everyone for their story, and didn't say anything about my suggestion to answer your question. I'm not surprised as this is my luck with life in general. I have very wise things to say but no one ever listens. Best of luck to you.

I do appreciate you taking the time to respond. Unfortunately the solutions are just not as simple as a hot bath. Manic depression/Bi Polar is so much different than that. No offense to you, but this is the type of generalisms that I fight daily from people who dont understand. I dont get the support I need from my family because they believe its all a load of crap when it is a legitimate illness. I'm not making this stuff up and its taken me several years to understand that. Again, thank you for your ideas, they just aren't what works for me