Ridiculous Blame-Placing

songbyrdsweet

I rarely ever watch the news, or anything, because I have no TV. But at the gym the news is always on. Tonight I saw a story that I found absolutely tragic and very frustrating. Some of you might have seen it.

From what I gathered from the closed captioning, recently a middle-class set of parents in an affluent neighborhood tortured and beat their 7-year-old adopted daughter for hours until she died from her injuries. They had read a book called 'To Train Up a Child', which is a book about using switches (small wobbly sticks or reeds) to spank a child as discipline. The book explains that the child shouldn't be hit with hands, but that pain needs to be associated with discipline so they'll avoid that behavior in the future. The couple who wrote the book believe God expects parents to discipline their children in this way. They look to be in their 60's and live on a farm,..very old-school, which is why this didn't surprise me.

What FRUSTRATED me is that CNN didn't bother to interview the parents who KILLED their child...they interviewed the couple who wrote the book! The court system is actually blaming the couple for what the parents did. So, you read a book about using a reed to give your child a quick spanking when they're acting up....and you somehow extrapolate that hours of torture and beatings are necessary. How is that the fault of the authors? Somehow I don't think this 60-year-old couple living on a farm is going to have much insight as to why these middle-class urban parents tortured and beat their adopted daughter to death.

Whether or not spanking is right isn't the topic...I am bewildered by the fact that people are trying to place blame on the authors of this silly book rather than the parents who murdered their child.

/rant.

angelicdisgrace

sad...

routerguy666

I don't think they make a lot of time for tv interviews after you're arrested for murder...

songbyrdsweet

I don't think they make a lot of time for tv interviews after you're arrested for murder...

They can interview them before trials and such. And it was the nature of the interview of the authors that I found irritating...Anderson Cooper was like, "Well I'VE never been spanked, and I turned out fine." It's like his goal was to make this couple look bad for spanking their kids. The old man even 'spanked' Cooper on the shin with a reed and he was like 'Well I'm 50 and that hurt. Would you do that to a 7-yr-old?' The reed looked like a piece of grass and there was no force behind it, didn't even leave a mark or anything.

routerguy666

Invest in a comfortable pair of headphones and zone that garbage out.

audram420

Yeah, the media can really turn things around. It amazes me how crazy people get about discipline and spanking! I was spanked and to this day I'm still a little scared of my dad, haha! But for my family it worked...I was afraid to sneak out, to act up in school, to do bad things because of this and it kept me out of trouble...I'm sure spanking doesn't work for everyone..

decooper

If the couple has an attorney, they were probably not advised to comment to the media. I would be willing to bet it was their attorney who came up with this defense. So the next best thing would be the author of the book.
One of my biggest pep peeves is blaming others for your bad choice, bad judgment..whatever. I think as a society we are quick to blame someone for what we did instead of stepping up and staying..." I did it and I made a mistake." or "I was wrong."

songbyrdsweet

Yeah, the media can really turn things around. It amazes me how crazy people get about discipline and spanking! I was spanked and to this day I'm still a little scared of my dad, haha! But for my family it worked...I was afraid to sneak out, to act up in school, to do bad things because of this and it kept me out of trouble...I'm sure spanking doesn't work for everyone..

Well that's the thing. The couple that murdered their daughter didn't spank her to death...they beat and tortured her. The few pictures they showed of her body looked gruesome. I was thinking...why is there even a debate on spanking at this point??

Jenscan

I hate blamestorming. Just own up, people. And I hate the media, too.

Man, I am a hater today!!

songbyrdsweet

If the couple has an attorney, they were probably not advised to comment to the media. I would be willing to bet it was their attorney who came up with this defense. So the next best thing would be the author of the book.
One of my biggest pep peeves is blaming others for your bad choice, bad judgment..whatever. I think as a society we are quick to blame someone for what we did instead of stepping up and staying..." I did it and I made a mistake." or "I was wrong."

Agreed on all points!

songbyrdsweet

Invest in a comfortable pair of headphones and zone that garbage out.

I'm definitely not missing out on anything by not having a TV!

trixylewis

i was spanked, and i spank my daughter. but there is is BIG difference between spanking and beating!

songbyrdsweet

i was spanked, and i spank my daughter. but there is is BIG difference between spanking and beating!

Exactly! Even the old man who used the switch on Cooper just got this little noodle- sized twig and thwacked him on the leg a couple times saying "You shouldn't have done _____ at the age of 7. You're to old for that". And then it was done. The parents who killed their daughter regularly beat ALL of their children; I think they had something like 3 adopted and 4 of their own. How could you do that to your children?

chezmama

While I don't think it is right to blame the authors for this tragedy, I've read the book, and it is pretty horrible. I don't have a problem with spanking and I agree that parents should discipline their children. What I don't agree with are some of the methods advocated in the book:

1) The book advocates setting up little training sessions with your baby who is of crawling age. It suggests that you place a desirable object low where the child can reach it. When he or she goes to grab it, you SMACK them on the hand. Repeat until the child no longer goes to reach for the object. Trained in much the same way as a dog.

2) If, while potty training your child, he or she should have an accident, they are to be cleaned off with a garden hose. Really?

I am pretty sure that while God wants us to teach our children and discipline them when they do wrong, I don;t believe that He would agree that we should set them up, or that we should humiliate and torture them (with cold garden hose water) when their little bodies fail to accomplish a skill they may not be ready to accomplish.

songbyrdsweet

While I don't think it is right to blame the authors for this tragedy, I've read the book, and it is pretty horrible. I don't have a problem with spanking and I agree that parents should discipline their children. What I don't agree with are some of the methods advocated in the book:

1) The book advocates setting up little training sessions with your baby who is of crawling age. It suggests that you place a desirable object low where the child can reach it. When he or she goes to grab it, you SMACK them on the hand. Repeat until the child no longer goes to reach for the object. Trained in much the same way as a dog.

2) If, while potty training your child, he or she should have an accident, they are to be cleaned off with a garden hose. Really?

I am pretty sure that while God wants us to teach our children and discipline them when they do wrong, I don;t believe that He would agree that we should set them up, or that we should humiliate and torture them (with cold garden hose water) when their little bodies fail to accomplish a skill they may not be ready to accomplish.

While I may not agree with the book, that's really not the issue I'm frustrated by. These people killed their daughter. I'm sure the book never states to subject your child to hours of torture and repeated beatings until they're dead.

chezmama

No, I didn't see that chapter. I am in no way disagreeing with you as to your point about blaming others for ones horrendous acts. We are in complete agreement on that point. I am only additionally suggesting that "To Train Up A Child" is the number one worst book on parenting I have ever read.

songbyrdsweet

No, I didn't see that chapter. I am in no way disagreeing with you as to your point about blaming others for ones horrendous acts. We are in complete agreement on that point. I am only additionally suggesting that "To Train Up A Child" is the number one worst book on parenting I have ever read.

It sounds pretty silly to me, too. Very archaic. But these folks are 60+ years old, and they are writing based on their experiences and their upbringing. Childhood discipline was a very different thing 30+ years ago. Spanking a child wasn't newsworthy and really wasn't anyone else business.