Bed time story

DreamLittleDarling

Hurry! Tell me one!

AmerTunsi

and queue crickets

inn0c3ntbbygrlx3

so there was this one time at band camp, there was these 5 little monkeys jumpin on the bed and one fell off and bumped his head and his momma called the doctor and said woot barneys dead, and the doctor told him its ok no more barney right now try me again tomorrow.
so then the monkey went on a little walk to burn some calories through the woods, cause he was hungry but didnt have any calories left to eat a banana, and while on his walk he found a turtle. the monkey and the turtle became best friends. and then while on this walk together, they spotted a lion and it wasnt being a very nice lion. so they ran back to the house and hid under the covers hopin the lion didnt see them.
but the lion did see them, and he found them, and he knocked on the door and said let me in or ill huff and ill puff and blow your house down. they ignored him so he huffed and he puffed, but all that came out was a little blow of air, not even enough to knock a stick over. so the lion got all mad and ran away.
and the monkey and the turtle lived happily ever after as best friends!
THE END!

TDGee

Takes a bit to load, but well worth it.
http://www.stott.nl/wp-content/uploads/Go_To_Sleep.pdf
I found the text here. I'm sure it will be edited.

[Adam Mansbach]
The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear.
Please go the **** to sleep

The windows are dark in the town, child.
The whales huddle down in the deep.
I’ll read you one very last book if you swear
You’ll go the **** to sleep.

The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest
And the creatures who crawl, run, and creep.
I know you’re not thirsty. That’s bull****. Stop lying.
Lie the **** down, my darling, and sleep.

The wind whispers soft through the grass, hon.
The field mice, they make not a peep.
It’s been thirty-eight minutes already.
Jesus Christ, what the ****? Go to sleep.

All the kids from day care are in dreamland.
The froggie has made his last leap.
Hell no, you can’t go to the bathroom.
You know where you can go? The **** to sleep.

The owls fly forth from the treetops.
Through the air, they soar and they sweep.
A hot crimson rage fills my heart, love.
For real, shut the **** up and sleep.

The cubs and the lions are snoring,
Wrapped in a big snuggly heap.
How is it you can do all this other great ****
But you can’t lie the **** down and sleep?

The seeds slumber beneath the earth now
And the crops that the farmers will reap.
No more questions. This interview’s over.
I’ve got two words for you, kid: ****ing sleep.

The tiger reclines in the simmering jungle.
The sparrow has silenced her cheep.
**** your stuffed bear, I’m not getting you ****.
Close your eyes. Cut the crap. Sleep.

The flowers doze low in the meadows
And high on the mountains so steep.
My life is a failure, I’m a ****ty-*kitten* parent.
Stop ****ing with me, please, and sleep.

The giant pangolins of Madagascar are snoozing.
As I lie here and openly weep.
Sure, fine, whatever, I’ll bring you some milk.
Who the **** cares? You’re not gonna sleep.

This room is all I can remember.
The furniture crappy and cheap.
You win. You escape. You run down the hall.
As I nod the **** off, and sleep.

Bleary and dazed I awaken
To find your eyes shut, so I keep
My fingers crossed tight as I tiptoe away
And pray that you’re ****ing asleep.

We’re finally watching our movie.
Popcorn’s in the microwave. Beep.
Oh ****. Goddamn it. You’ve gotta be kidding.
Come on, go the **** back to sleep.

DreamLittleDarling

@inn-bahahaha!

@ted-I'm on my phone, I'll watch it tomorrow!

inn0c3ntbbygrlx3

i thought you would like my remix bed time story!!! hahahahaha lol

change_happens

ya'll funny!

DreamLittleDarling

Omg. Thats the story if my life right there!

Best. Story. Ever.

MissbusyLizzie

Takes a bit to load, but well worth it.
http://www.stott.nl/wp-content/uploads/Go_To_Sleep.pdf
I found the text here. I'm sure it will be edited.

[Adam Mansbach]
The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear.
Please go the **** to sleep

The windows are dark in the town, child.
The whales huddle down in the deep.
I’ll read you one very last book if you swear
You’ll go the **** to sleep.

The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest
And the creatures who crawl, run, and creep.
I know you’re not thirsty. That’s bull****. Stop lying.
Lie the **** down, my darling, and sleep.

The wind whispers soft through the grass, hon.
The field mice, they make not a peep.
It’s been thirty-eight minutes already.
Jesus Christ, what the ****? Go to sleep.

All the kids from day care are in dreamland.
The froggie has made his last leap.
Hell no, you can’t go to the bathroom.
You know where you can go? The **** to sleep.

The owls fly forth from the treetops.
Through the air, they soar and they sweep.
A hot crimson rage fills my heart, love.
For real, shut the **** up and sleep.

The cubs and the lions are snoring,
Wrapped in a big snuggly heap.
How is it you can do all this other great ****
But you can’t lie the **** down and sleep?

The seeds slumber beneath the earth now
And the crops that the farmers will reap.
No more questions. This interview’s over.
I’ve got two words for you, kid: ****ing sleep.

The tiger reclines in the simmering jungle.
The sparrow has silenced her cheep.
**** your stuffed bear, I’m not getting you ****.
Close your eyes. Cut the crap. Sleep.

The flowers doze low in the meadows
And high on the mountains so steep.
My life is a failure, I’m a ****ty-*kitten* parent.
Stop ****ing with me, please, and sleep.

The giant pangolins of Madagascar are snoozing.
As I lie here and openly weep.
Sure, fine, whatever, I’ll bring you some milk.
Who the **** cares? You’re not gonna sleep.

This room is all I can remember.
The furniture crappy and cheap.
You win. You escape. You run down the hall.
As I nod the **** off, and sleep.

Bleary and dazed I awaken
To find your eyes shut, so I keep
My fingers crossed tight as I tiptoe away
And pray that you’re ****ing asleep.

We’re finally watching our movie.
Popcorn’s in the microwave. Beep.
Oh ****. Goddamn it. You’ve gotta be kidding.
Come on, go the **** back to sleep.

You win.

inn0c3ntbbygrlx3

Omg. Thats the story if my life right there!

Best. Story. Ever.

whose? cause the other persons was pretty good! lol

Picklepower

bump