Self-Compassion Rather Than Self-Esteem

Kalrez

Thanks to the magic of StumbleUpon, I found this article: http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/try_selfcompassion/

Definitely worth a read.

How can we grow if we can’t acknowledge our own weaknesses? We might temporarily feel better about ourselves by ignoring our flaws, or by believing our issues and difficulties are somebody else’s fault, but in the long run we only harm ourselves by getting stuck in endless cycles of stagnation and conflict.

Continually feeding our need for positive self-evaluation is a bit like stuffing ourselves with candy. We get a brief sugar high, then a crash. And right after the crash comes a pendulum swing to despair as we realize that—however much we’d like to—we can’t always blame our problems on someone else. We can’t always feel special and above average.

The result is often devastating. Most of us are incredibly hard on ourselves when we finally admit some flaw or shortcoming: “I’m not good enough. I’m worthless.”

And of course, the goalposts for what counts as “good enough” seem always to remain out of reach. No matter how well we do, someone else always seems to be doing it better. The result of this line of thinking is sobering: Millions of people need to take pharmaceuticals every day just to cope with daily life. Insecurity, anxiety, and depression are incredibly common in our society, and much of this is due to self-judgment, to beating ourselves up when we feel we aren’t winning in the game of life.

So what’s the answer? To stop judging and evaluating ourselves altogether. To stop trying to label ourselves as “good” or “bad” and simply accept ourselves with an open heart. To treat ourselves with the same kindness, caring, and compassion we would show to a good friend—or even a stranger, for that matter.

That really struck a chord in me. I can be so nice, understanding, and forgiving toward other people. Would I ever treat someone else the way I treat myself? No way! I'm so hyper critical of myself, but I'm not nearly as quick to judge and criticize friends or even strangers.

It's time to focus on some serious self-love and self-compassion.

breen1ka

Thank you for sharing this article. I've been going through some of this lately and sometimes articles like this can help to shake yourself out of the "funk."

helloreese07

Thank you for sharing this. It is so true that if we treat others the way we treat ourselves we would find ourselves alone. The saying goes treat others the way you want to be treated, but we also have to treat ourselves the way we want others to treat us. Nice find!