being involved with a married person

SkateboardFi

so i have a coworker, who has been recently divorced from her husband and he remarried very soon afterwards. they have 3 children together and a whole lot of baggage. she is very conflicted with this situation because he doesn't 'love' his new wife and has been coming over to her house and still being romantically involved with her. mind you, he still is legally married to his wife, has been living with my coworker for the past month, but lying to his wife saying that he's staying with family although he told her he wants a divorce. mind you, my coworker works her a** off and gets no financial support from him for her kids, and although he lives with her, he doesn't help with dinner, homework etc. am i completely out of line for telling her that although they were married for 10 years, she's still a mistress? that he's playing games with her, and because she's dumb enough to stay in this triangle, he will not divorce his wife for her because she's giving him all that she can give him now without any formal committment. my coworker gets mad when his wife blows up his phone with 17+ calls a day, saying 'she's crazy, he told her he didn't want to be with her anymore' and i have to politely remind her that 1. legally, that is his wife. he's being a piece of **** and cheating on her, so there's no telling what kind of hell this woman is going through and 2. if he's going through the trouble of lying to her about where he's living, chances are he isn't going to leave her. because if he planned on leaving her, he would have just told her he was with his ex wife for the past month. any opinions? because i feel like a jerk when i say things like this, especially when other coworkers are enabling her by saying 'yeah girl that wife of his is crazy' not realizing the operative word: WIFE.

voluptas63

What's it to you?

Qarol

What's it to you?

I like good gossip much like the next gal, but do not get involved

BIGBATBASTARD

Is she hot?

SkateboardFi

what's it to me is that i have to hear about it daily because i work with this person for 8 hours and she confides in me. in addition she'll be crying and ask my advice and i feel it's my obligation to be honest with her because i feel everyone else is just telling her what she wants to hear. i don't push my opinion on anyone else and don't give it if it's not asked for. but if you ask me, i will be brutally honest. just wanted to know the opinions of the people on here, to see if anyone else has had to deal with something similar, or if i'm wrong and should be like everyone else?

SkateboardFi

Is she hot?

no homo. lol j/k but she's a beautiful person inside and out and i hate to see her hurting especially when i view this brand of drama/pain as optional

voluptas63

what's it to me is that i have to hear about it daily because i work with this person for 8 hours and she confides in me. in addition she'll be crying and ask my advice and i feel it's my obligation to be honest with her because i feel everyone else is just telling her what she wants to hear. i don't push my opinion on anyone else and don't give it if it's not asked for. but if you ask me, i will be brutally honest. just wanted to know the opinions of the people on here, to see if anyone else has had to deal with something similar, or if i'm wrong and should be like everyone else?

Tell her you don't agree with it and unfortunately, you only want to hear about the topic again unless she's done something about it.


Orrrrr he's knocked up both of them. Because then that's just freakin' dumb and a good show to watch.

maddymama

Just tell her that you don't want to get involved in it.... he's married, end of story.

ItsCasey

I must have been incredibly sheltered my whole life because until I was an adult, I didn't know there were people in the world who are actually that crazy.

To any men who are reading this and happen to have daughters, please, please, PLEASE make it your priority in life to teach them what real men are so that they don't grow up and find themselves wondering when the man they think they're in love with is going to leave his wife.

angelicdisgrace

Some people just don't want to be helped no matter how mad it makes you feel. You did you job as a friend and brought your points to her attention but unfortunately she chooses not to listen. Chances are she's probably still in love with her ex-husband.

SkateboardFi

I must have been incredibly sheltered my whole life because until I was an adult, I didn't know there were people in the world who are actually that crazy.

To any men who are reading this and happen to have daughters, please, please, PLEASE make it your priority in life to teach them what real men are so that they don't grow up and find themselves wondering when the man they think they're in love with is going to leave his wife.

YES! it just kills me because she has a daughter, and i really hate to think that this little girl is growing up thinking this behavior is acceptable and that this is what 'family' is.

SkateboardFi

Some people just don't want to be helped no matter how mad it makes you feel. You did you job as a friend and brought your points to her attention but unfortunately she chooses not to listen. Chances are she's probably still in love with her ex-husband.

most definitely! you know how us women can be, married or not, when we love someone you'd have to use the jaws of life to get us to leave that person alone. i just figured i'd let her know how i felt. ironically she agreed with everything i said and told me she has told him similar things, but yet and still she welcomes him in her home and into her body and heart. i just don't get it

ajk828

Stay out of it. Tell her you don't want to hear it anymore. Any advice you give her will fall on deaf ears.

busywaterbending

smack her upside the head, tell her to wake up,
then educate her on how easy it is to castrate the husband. Big knife and some chicken gizzards on the kitchen counter for practice....

I hate stupid women. She better not be putting out!
I hate married men who are players. Confuses the kids and makes things get ugly.

BrettPGH

I always try not to let people (especially people I work with) suck me into their drama. There are a TON of people out there for which this is their only goal in life. Sounds like your coworker is one of them. You shouldn't even know half these things about her.

From what you said and what I know I'd say this woman is in no way looking for answers to her situation. She doesn't really want to fix things. She just wants everyone to focus on her crazy life. You can tell her, "He's a jerk who isn't treating you fairly. You really should leave him and find someone better." But she won't listen to a word of it. She'll just be back in tomorrow telling more stories about how awful he is but how she loves him so. Some people like to torture themselves.

So my strongest advice would be to not let this woman in to your life in a big way. She'll only drag you into her mess.

SkateboardFi

smack her upside the head, tell her to wake up,
then educate her on how easy it is to castrate the husband. Big knife and some chicken gizzards on the kitchen counter for practice....

I hate stupid women. She better not be putting out!
I hate married men who are players. Confuses the kids and makes things get ugly.

i just want to SHAKE her at times, like WAKE UP WOMAN! and yes she's physically involved with him and then he has the nerve to expect her to stay 'faithful' to him. i'm just sooooo FLOORED by it all. ugh!

SueInAz

You need to stay as far out of that situation as possible. It's completely messed up. Since you've already given her your opinion, and she doesn't like it, there's no benefit to either of you to continue discussing it. I say the next time she brings it up, tell her just that.

odusgolp

This just reinforces my hatred for people. And my joy of being single.

Scorpiomom222

I must have been incredibly sheltered my whole life because until I was an adult, I didn't know there were people in the world who are actually that crazy.

To any men who are reading this and happen to have daughters, please, please, PLEASE make it your priority in life to teach them what real men are so that they don't grow up and find themselves wondering when the man they think they're in love with is going to leave his wife.

I second this!!!!

SkateboardFi

You need to stay as far out of that situation as possible. It's completely messed up. Since you've already given her your opinion, and she doesn't like it, there's no benefit to either of you to continue discussing it. I say the next time she brings it up, tell her just that.

i completely agree, i'm just going to wipe my hands clean of it, if she's not worried about it, why should i? i just wanted to make sure i didn't come off as a jerk, but maybe it wouldn't be a bad thing if i did, this situation is beyond messed up!

This just reinforces my hatred for people. And my joy of being single.

yeah, i'm in a relationship right now but i'm in NO way in a rush to get married. i think most people jump into it without knowing what they want out of it or who they REALLY married and that's when you end up with situations like THIS lmao i'm good on that.

alyssa92982

Obviously she wants some sort of attention-she isn't listening to u-don't waste ur breathe anymore-tell her u are there for her as a friend and support and that is as far as u go. Tell her matter of fact u don't want to hear anymore stories about it.