SO MEAN

jlg05001

My fiance and I were deciding where to treat ourselves to go out to brunch today, and there's this amazing "upscale diner" that has great food, but it's not the best for you. I said I didn't want to go there today because what I got would be too high in calories, so he asked me when we were ever going to go there again was, and I said "I don't know, when I am 130 pounds" and, (this is the important part) he said " wow, so I guess we're never going there then". When he saw my facial reaction of SHOCK and DISBELIEF, he followed up by saying " I meant we probably won't live here anymore by then" (as if the first thing he said wasn't bad enough). Needless to say, we didn't end up going out to a yummy breakfast, I just had an apple and a yogurt. I seriously want to cry, allthewhile he's pleading with me to not be mad at him and that "he didn't mean it that way"

...Did I mention that we are doing this wedding diet TOGETHER???!!!

totustuusmaria

he was just upset that he wasn't getting to eat the fatty food he wanted to and that your good choice was keeping him from it. he said it before he had time to think if 1) it was true 2) if he really even meant it. i say things sometimes too that just fly out that i don't mean. i am sure he thinks you are beautiful and have an amazing personality or he wouldn't be with you. you are doing so good and the fact that he has been grovelling all morning just goes to show how much he truly cares for you. wait until you are 130 and you look at him and he is soooo proud of you and all of those consistent good choices you have made! you two will laugh about this and he'll probably still feel pretty sucky lol. cheer up, charlie! you can do it!!!

cindaroses

I agree that was mean. My husband sometimes will say those things to me. I've battled with loosing and gaining, so I know why my husband thinks that. Just hold your head up and prove him wrong!

ameyc2002

some men just dont think b4 they open their mouths....

GreenGettingLean

Aww. Unless your fiance is a total jerk (which I'm sure he's not since he's your fiance!), I'd give him a pass on this one. Men tend to have no idea how deeply women feel about weight loss, body image, etc. Even men who are also trying to lose weight may not fully understand us! And for him, especially if he's tall, 130 may actually be an impossible number for him to imagine weighing. He really probably doesn't realize that 130 is a totally attainable weight for you! So stick with it, let him gravel and get yourself a date night out of this little screw up. He'll learn!

mizpaden74

boys are stupid.

deviltamer

guys can be jerks. my husband of 20 years wants nothing to do with me(if u know what i mean) because he is not attracted to me because i am fat. i had gastric bypass last week and all he says is no one told me to. what an a--. he is leaving for a year and i am going to loose all my weight while he is gone, maybe i wont want him when he gets back

eed_bookworm

*Hugs* I know what he said was really awful but try to forgive him. Living a healthy lifestyle doesn't mean you have to give up the occasional treat. Maybe you could pre-plan what you would have at the diner and do some extra exercise to help you stay within your calorie goals. It's ok to be angry with him for a while and to let him know how much he hurt your feelings and that you need his support but try to forgive him.

Cindy311

Believe me we all say things that are taken the wrong way. Once my hubby called me a marshmallow because I was "pale and soft" it made me cry at the time but it was his way of saying he liked me just the way I was...lmfao! There will be a lot of times things are said that will hurt yours or his feelings and that's a part of being human. We have a mouth and sometimes it works before our brain even thinks of what we're saying. I'm sure he didn't mean it so don't let it ruin your day!

FatDadSlim

Just the motivation you need to get to 130lbs!
Give him a break, i'm sure he didn't mean 2b mean many a time iv'e thought ****, did i just say that or think it?

MelissaL582

Guys really need to think before they speak. ((hugs))

pitapocket

Men often let their mouth get ahead of their brain when talking to women about food and weight. Now is the time (while he is pleading with you not to be mad at him) to have a talk with him about how important his support is to you while you are working hard at achieving your healthy lifestyle. Good luck.

jreese5226

It was mean, but it sounds as though your reaction and his reaction thereafter has made him realize how callous his comment was. We've all had "put foot in mouth" moments.

melindenmark

you have better will power then me, i think i might of caved and had the tasty breakfast. Keep up the great work, you will feel and look better for it. And as for your man im sure he didn't mean it, he loves you alot otherwise he wont bother trying to make it up to you!
You are making the right choices for you which in turn is (maybe) making the right choices for him!

You go girl, i think your amazing for being able to say no!! Keep it up and keep smiling!

chefchazz

wow. well, we all say things sometimes before we actually think about it. i believe hes sorry. forgive him and enjoy the rest of your day together. oh and make him take you somewhere NICE!:bigsmile:

meggonkgonk

Ok, so I want to start by recognizing that this WAS a terrible thing to day.

BUT- As the one in a couple that is ALWAYS saying douchey things completely unintentionally I want to put in on the side of 'don't hold it against him too long'. I mean for one thing, sometimes the phrasing that comes to mind is completely insulting without us ever taking the 2 seconds to realize it. I'm not trying to make excuses for the guy, but it sounds a lot less like he was trying to be hurtful and a lot more like he was just letting his mouth pick words.

But hey- I'm about your age, have about your stats, and I did it in about 8month (I'm up in Queens tho- a lot less food temptation up here ) I'm looking at your profile and it looks like you're making great progress! Try not to let this hold you back and try not to let this get in your way.

Jelleebean

boys are stupid.

this...... so much this....

slimothy89

Ok, its funny as heck!

I'm married too, and let me tell you! It could beat you up inside when you feel like your "signifigant other" doesn't believe in you! All he did was speak before saying it. All you can do now is be thankful that you've made that progress to deny what your body doesn't need. You'll prove him wrong, and don't give in to him!

I had to learn tht the hard way. Eating what the hubby wants to eat will put some weight on you, and they don't realize what they are eating, because they are male! They eat, eat, and eat...and drop it out later. LOL.

Don't be so serious. Just keep going!


Oh yeah for future references, DON'T deny yourself! Eating out 1-2 times a month is ok! Just make sure you drink lots of water to wash it out. Eating out alot alone, can make your body retain fluid...they have so much SODIUM. If you deny it, you will end up benging, once you get it. Then your weight loss will be pointless.

Either way...ignore what he says! You can always use the nutrition facts on each website for a restaurant, and customize it. So, don't feel bad lady!

kristarablue

Look, I am sure he did not mean it the way it sounded. I think we all can say things without thinking how they are going to affect the other person and yet we don’t mean to hurt feelings. Because everyone has different life experiences, we don’t always interpret things the same. At least he tried to make it better, I am assuming he is your fiancé for a reason and he did not mean to hurt your feelings and after he said it he cared enough to try to make it better. Wow, it sounds like you have an amazing guy, he did not close off and walk away, he was pleading with you to not be mad and that he did not mean it like it came out. I know it hurt your feelings and these feelings are valid you have every right to how you feel; but truly, give him a break he obviously loves you very much. Think about how lucky you are to have someone that cares so much for your feelings that they are upset when they hurt you. I hope you have a great day and forgive him it is good for the soul.

pauljsolie

OK, I'm a guy and I have a mean streak to me. I can honestly say that I have said things like that in the past and meant them. I also have said things like that either looking for a fight or looking for a reaction. Then I've said some unintentional incredibly stupid things as well. Only you and he know what his true meaning was but if he was so quick to backtrack, he was probably just looking for a reaction and is now doing damage control. If he really meant it there would most likely be additional comments about your efforts. The best thing you can do is proove him wrong. Also, when people say "I could kill him" or "we're never going to get there", they don't really mean it do they?

slimothy89

guys can be jerks. my husband of 20 years wants nothing to do with me(if u know what i mean) because he is not attracted to me because i am fat. i had gastric bypass last week and all he says is no one told me to. what an a--. he is leaving for a year and i am going to loose all my weight while he is gone, maybe i wont want him when he gets back

Omg! **** your husband! Your damn right! Once he leaves...to hell with him. The nerve of him to actually tell you that! Omg! I wish mines would! I'd punch him in his *kitten*. This is crazy! You can only be beautiful for who you are! Inside in out. Anyone that doesn't like it ...to hell with them! I'm sure it may hurt, I can only imagine. All that should make you stronger! When you get back sexy gurl!! GEt you a new man...How he going to say that like he flawless? He probably smells like spoiled milk, and car oil anyways.

DawnWendalynn1973

WOW! just WOW!

SarahAlt

You should explain to him that when he says things like that it hurts your feelings and undermines your efforts. Men don't usually understand how much women weigh. Weight sits on our bodies differently than men. But also, forgive him after you've calmly explained how that makes you feel. People, not just men, say cruel thoughtless things when they're pouting and not getting their way. Part of being married or learning to be married is learning to deal with situations like that. My husband is occasionally thoughtless but not because he wants to hurt me. It's because he's only thinking of himself. Chances are that he really had his heart set on going to that diner.

I recently had a friend make sarcastic comments about my weight loss efforts. I hadn't seen him in months and he came waltzing in our house the other day making sarcastic comments about how good I looked and how my double chin was gone (I've never had a double chin). It really hurt my feelings because he was someone I admired when it came to fitness. So just last night he was over visitng and he made a sarcastic comment AGAIN and so I said, "Thanks, I'm glad you're proud that I've lost 25 pounds." That sort of stunned him and stopped him in his tracks. And then he stopped making jokes and said, "25 pounds? Good job." and dropped the subject.

arewethereyet

My fiance and I were deciding where to treat ourselves to go out to brunch today, and there's this amazing "upscale diner" that has great food, but it's not the best for you. I said I didn't want to go there today because what I got would be too high in calories, so he asked me when we were ever going to go there again was, and I said "I don't know, when I am 130 pounds" and, (this is the important part) he said " wow, so I guess we're never going there then". When he saw my facial reaction of SHOCK and DISBELIEF, he followed up by saying " I meant we probably won't live here anymore by then" (as if the first thing he said wasn't bad enough). Needless to say, we didn't end up going out to a yummy breakfast, I just had an apple and a yogurt. I seriously want to cry, allthewhile he's pleading with me to not be mad at him and that "he didn't mean it that way"

Honestly in my 50 years of experience, men say things in a different way than we hear them. I remember after losing weight, and feeling so great, I was modeling a new pair of jeans for him. He said "How much weight did you lose?" To which I replied, "TWENTY POUNDS" :bigsmile: :happy:

His reply??? "OH is that all?":huh:

After 2 days of not speaking to him, which was probably a treat to him , he said he meant that I didnt look like I needed to lose that much weight and he was surprise I had lost 20 pounds.

All I am saying is, give him a chance. If he is supportive in other ways, and loves you as you are, let this one slide?:ohwell:

arewethereyet

OK, I'm a guy and I have a mean streak to me. I can honestly say that I have said things like that in the past and meant them. I also have said things like that either looking for a fight or looking for a reaction. Then I've said some unintentional incredibly stupid things as well. Only you and he know what his true meaning was but if he was so quick to backtrack, he was probably just looking for a reaction and is now doing damage control. If he really meant it there would most likely be additional comments about your efforts. The best thing you can do is proove him wrong. Also, when people say "I could kill him" or "we're never going to get there", they don't really mean it do they?

<---bows down

Thank you for your honest and frank response. I for one appreciate it. I swear some fights would not have gone on if he just said "I was trying to be mean, sorry"