What holds people back from noticing/ complimenting?

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  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
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    Aside from jealousy/ their own insecurity, that is.

    I've come from XXL to M, and the only people who have said anything are the ones who already know I've changed my lifestyle around. Everyone else either hasn't noticed, or... something's keeping them from commenting on it. They're still just as friendly though, so I don't think they're being insecure... Or maybe I just need to lose more :laugh:

    I know I've gotten significantly thinner. I know I look much better. I just want to know why sometimes people don't notice/ say anything. Not just to me, but in general.

    You have an awesome doggy.
  • oliviaaa_x
    oliviaaa_x Posts: 10 Member
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    Im so happy you did this topic, my sister lost like 30lb and looked loads better, but got upset when no one commented on it, like family and stuff.. but the replies on here I can understand why :) I'll show her this
  • craft338
    craft338 Posts: 870 Member
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    i've lost over 70lbs and so far, only a few people who didn't know i was dieting commented. my dentist, a family friend, and an old co-worker. all 3 of them saw me last at my heaviest weight, and went month without seeing me.

    i work at a school, so i'm hoping that a few people will see a difference when i go back to work in a couple weeks. =)
  • 12by311
    12by311 Posts: 1,716 Member
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    Have you ever complimented someone for losing weight only to find out it was due to a pretty serious illness?? Yeah. Awkward.

    This too. :(
  • UpEarly
    UpEarly Posts: 2,555 Member
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    Personally, I only like hearing comments and compliments from my family and close friends. The thought of casual acquaintances and co-workers looking at my body and noticing that it's smaller completely creeps me out. I know people mean well, but it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. Also, the 'You've lost weight!' comment is always followed by 'How did you do it?' and I really don't like talking about my diet and workout schedule because I really don't have any new wisdom to share. No one really wants to hear that I watched portions and exercised more, but still eat pizza and cupcakes pretty regularly.

    I also don't comment on other people's weight loss unless I know it is something they want to talk about and are happy about. Some people lose weight because of cancer or depression or an eating disorder.

    If I think someone is losing weight and looking healthier, I usually stick with a simple 'You look GREAT!" and leave it at that.
  • LUCYRENEE
    LUCYRENEE Posts: 23 Member
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    I totally agree with all the above postings. Also, if not mentioned above maybe people don't want to give any pressure/guilt what-ever if you end up gaining any weight back. I'm glad this was brought up because I myself have lost 16 pounds (previously I lost 40, and gained it back) I was really embarrased myself to be back up in weight and didn't want to tell anyone I was trying again. So of course I am also not getting any comments, and at first thought 'nobody cares, I am just invisible' but after reading all the comments I'll cut them all some slack, after all..I feel better and really it is all about how I feel, not how they feel/think, right??

    good for you!!! Perhaps if you want some positive feedback start the conversation by saying something like: 'I'm celebrating today!! Today is the (fill in the blank) anniversary of my healthy lifestyle....." something along that way. Anybody ever ask you 'How are you doing?" Fill in the blank with 'Just great, I made some great changes in myself and I am really happy with them!!"

    either way, good job!! hang in there!
  • jnchorn
    jnchorn Posts: 250 Member
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    This is a big issue with nearly everyone I think. I have lost 208 lbs since I was at my highest weight 2 years ago. My friends say nice things but only 2-3 others have ever said anything and I lost a whole person. I have no idea why that is. Way to go on your loss. This site is the best for compliments I think. :)
  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
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    Aside from jealousy/ their own insecurity, that is.

    I've come from XXL to M, and the only people who have said anything are the ones who already know I've changed my lifestyle around. Everyone else either hasn't noticed, or... something's keeping them from commenting on it. They're still just as friendly though, so I don't think they're being insecure... Or maybe I just need to lose more :laugh:

    I know I've gotten significantly thinner. I know I look much better. I just want to know why sometimes people don't notice/ say anything. Not just to me, but in general.

    I think it makes people uncomfortable to imply that you had weight to lose. Also, I've heard a lot from friends that they didn't realize how much extra weight I had to lose because some frames/wardrobes hide it!

    Edit: congratulations, even if people don't say, I'm sure they notice!
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
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    I know what you mean OP. With the guy I'm currently dating, we went through a 1 month break a couple months ago. When we got back together, I asked if I looked different in any way since he last saw me. He gave me this nervous look and was like, "no, you look great all the time" LOL. So all day he kept trying to get me to say it and I wouldn't, until finally he said, "okay I don't want to offend you because you know I find you super sexy regardless, but it looks like you lost weight since I last saw you". I was like, "um, why would I be offended that you noticed I lost weight?" And he just thought him noticing I was bigger before might be offensive to me. So yeah, I think people may over think our reaction. I find myself attractive pre-weight loss and currently but I just want acknowledgement on my hard work! :tongue:
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    I find it awkward... because then you are acknowledging that you thought the person was larger in the first place!
    Silly, I know.

    thats a v good point. i was never huge before, but have lost a noticeable amount (a stone) but hardly anyone says anything.
  • msmandyjo
    msmandyjo Posts: 95 Member
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    Aside from jealousy/ their own insecurity, that is.

    I've come from XXL to M, and the only people who have said anything are the ones who already know I've changed my lifestyle around. Everyone else either hasn't noticed, or... something's keeping them from commenting on it. They're still just as friendly though, so I don't think they're being insecure... Or maybe I just need to lose more :laugh:

    I know I've gotten significantly thinner. I know I look much better. I just want to know why sometimes people don't notice/ say anything. Not just to me, but in general.
    In the workplace I think people are held back because of harassment laws. Even if the compliment is not meant to be of a sexual nature. I know I've held back many times giving out compliments for that very reason. Darn litigious society... LOL

    That's my thought as well... tell somebody they are looking good, and the next thing you know you're slapped with a lawsuit or stuck in mandatory training.

    also, if it's people you see on a daily basis, they might not notice, the same as you don't notice looking in the mirror. But, if they saw a picture of before they'd do a double take, even if they'd seen you almost every day in between.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    For better or worse, ever since it became illegal for a boy to tell a girl she is fat, people bite their tongues about the size of other people.

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