Sensitivity and eating disorders. PLEASE READ.

littlemili

I think a lot of people don't really and truly believe that eating disorders are mental illnesses.

Including a huge number of people on this site who have aired that exact sentiment to me. Good way to clear out the friends list.

AmerTunsi

I am so very sorry to hear about the negative experiences you have had on MFP and I hope you continue to be strong and overcome whatever obstacles you continue to face and become a happier and healthier version of yourself.

I would however like to take the time and note a few things you have said, and a few things I have seen in general.

Your perception that people are more sympathetic to the obese instead of those who have ED is completely and enormously incorrect. Outside of forums like this, out in the public, and in the "real world" the majority of the people see those with an ED as having a "mental problem",,, i.e. they can't control the way they look at themselves ... their mental mirrors are broken..etc. In the media they are very cautious how the approach this subject. And those who are super skinny are praised, and idolized. It is only until recently did we start seeing the question of "how skinny is too skinny" on models. But, we still build up these celebrities and tear them down when they gain weight (Britney Spears, Kristie Alley, Oprah). That is what we do in this media society we build them up, just so we can tear them down.

Obesity is a source of "comedy" in films ... anyone remember Shallow Hall? People laughing when she breaks the chair in the restaurants, and groaning with disgust when they are about to have sex. There was one recently, I don't recall the name where the guy is stuck marrying this fat girl, and she goes to the water park wearing a two piece and goes down a slide and clears the pool of the water, while tossing a kid into a tree. No one thinks about how these things be acceptable forms the minds of the people ... so that when a real overweight person is in public they can shout out mean and hurtful things. Children point and fat people, teens make fun of them, and even adults look at them with disgust. People bring the fat friend with them to places so they can feel skinner and attract men, but don't invite them to other things where they don't need a confidence boost. On college campuses there is still the practice of "whaling" where men compete for a pot of money by seeing who can find the fattest girls to ask out, and some cases claim to have sex with. Fat people are avoided in public, pay more for clothing, sometimes plane tickets, and on and on it goes.

So, I'm not sure where you feel that obese people are sympathized with, they are a source of entertainment, otherwise they are the invisible people to be kept out of public view.

Also, ED doesn't have to be with the end result being super skinny .... there are those who eat and eat and continue to gain weight ... they are eating and it is a disorder.

Finally, I think everyone, should be more aware of their comments - including yourself. If you do not like curves, or don't want to hear the slogan "real women have curves" ,,, then you yourself are not being considerate. To each their own, just as I believe there are sayings like "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels/"

*Edited by Moderator*

The street goes both ways. Everyone needs to be more aware, understanding, and compassionate.

Your struggles, are no different than those who are obese. Everyone has had to deal with the damaging and hurting things people have said due to their lack of understanding.

fteale

Having had an ED myself, I know it's mental, not vanity, but I also am not about to sit by and watch some little girl, as I was, use this site as a tool to starve herself. I will and do tell my experience, and make it very clear it isn't healthy and I don't approve. I think it is the duty of those of us who have been through it to try to prevent others from the same.

wearystar

I am so very sorry to hear about the negative experiences you have had on MFP and I hope you continue to be strong and overcome whatever obstacles you continue to face and become a happier and healthier version of yourself.

I would however like to take the time and note a few things you have said, and a few things I have seen in general.

Your perception that people are more sympathetic to the obese instead of those who have ED is completely and enormously incorrect. Outside of forums like this, out in the public, and in the "real world" the majority of the people see those with an ED as having a "mental problem",,, i.e. they can't control the way they look at themselves ... their mental mirrors are broken..etc. In the media they are very cautious how the approach this subject. And those who are super skinny are praised, and idolized. It is only until recently did we start seeing the question of "how skinny is too skinny" on models. But, we still build up these celebrities and tear them down when they gain weight (Britney Spears, Kristie Alley, Oprah). That is what we do in this media society we build them up, just so we can tear them down.

Obesity is a source of "comedy" in films ... anyone remember Shallow Hall? People laughing when she breaks the chair in the restaurants, and groaning with disgust when they are about to have sex. There was one recently, I don't recall the name where the guy is stuck marrying this fat girl, and she goes to the water park wearing a two piece and goes down a slide and clears the pool of the water, while tossing a kid into a tree. No one thinks about how these things be acceptable forms the minds of the people ... so that when a real overweight person is in public they can shout out mean and hurtful things. Children point and fat people, teens make fun of them, and even adults look at them with disgust. People bring the fat friend with them to places so they can feel skinner and attract men, but don't invite them to other things where they don't need a confidence boost. On college campuses there is still the practice of "whaling" where men compete for a pot of money by seeing who can find the fattest girls to ask out, and some cases claim to have sex with. Fat people are avoided in public, pay more for clothing, sometimes plane tickets, and on and on it goes.

So, I'm not sure where you feel that obese people are sympathized with, they are a source of entertainment, otherwise they are the invisible people to be kept out of public view.

Also, ED doesn't have to be with the end result being super skinny .... there are those who eat and eat and continue to gain weight ... they are eating and it is a disorder.

Finally, I think everyone, should be more aware of their comments - including yourself. If you do not like curves, or don't want to hear the slogan "real women have curves" ,,, then you yourself are not being considerate. To each their own, just as I believe there are sayings like "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels/"

*Edited by Moderator*

The street goes both ways. Everyone needs to be more aware, understanding, and compassionate.

Your struggles, are no different than those who are obese. Everyone has had to deal with the damaging and hurting things people have said due to their lack of understanding.

i think she was definitely referring to people being unsympathetic within this site/community. as an overall weightloss community they should be fully accepting of anyone wanting to lose weight, otherwise market themselves differently.

i've seen many girls getting crappy responses on boards for being thinner and still wanting to lose weight, i've taken it personally since i'm in that boat. we get no commendation for trying to be healthy rather than eat nothing but apples and saltines and diet coke- my past life with my ED.

rather we are told "but you're a perfectly healthy weight, you shouldn't lose anymore" i always respond "yes i know i'm at a good weight, but my body is not in shape and is full of flabby parts and that is what i want to fix." it hurts to be discouraged

rwno2

So sorry to hear what you have endured. Stay strong Jacolyn. It's all about being healthy, no matter which side of "normal" you are on. As Dave Ramsey says "normal is broke, BE WEIRD!". It doesn't matter if you are too light or too heavy as long as you are healthy, getting the proper nutrition, and comfortable with yourself. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

akashastrega

I am so very sorry to hear about the negative experiences you have had on MFP and I hope you continue to be strong and overcome whatever obstacles you continue to face and become a happier and healthier version of yourself.

I would however like to take the time and note a few things you have said, and a few things I have seen in general.

Your perception that people are more sympathetic to the obese instead of those who have ED is completely and enormously incorrect. Outside of forums like this, out in the public, and in the "real world" the majority of the people see those with an ED as having a "mental problem",,, i.e. they can't control the way they look at themselves ... their mental mirrors are broken..etc. In the media they are very cautious how the approach this subject. And those who are super skinny are praised, and idolized. It is only until recently did we start seeing the question of "how skinny is too skinny" on models. But, we still build up these celebrities and tear them down when they gain weight (Britney Spears, Kristie Alley, Oprah). That is what we do in this media society we build them up, just so we can tear them down.

Obesity is a source of "comedy" in films ... anyone remember Shallow Hall? People laughing when she breaks the chair in the restaurants, and groaning with disgust when they are about to have sex. There was one recently, I don't recall the name where the guy is stuck marrying this fat girl, and she goes to the water park wearing a two piece and goes down a slide and clears the pool of the water, while tossing a kid into a tree. No one thinks about how these things be acceptable forms the minds of the people ... so that when a real overweight person is in public they can shout out mean and hurtful things. Children point and fat people, teens make fun of them, and even adults look at them with disgust. People bring the fat friend with them to places so they can feel skinner and attract men, but don't invite them to other things where they don't need a confidence boost. On college campuses there is still the practice of "whaling" where men compete for a pot of money by seeing who can find the fattest girls to ask out, and some cases claim to have sex with. Fat people are avoided in public, pay more for clothing, sometimes plane tickets, and on and on it goes.

So, I'm not sure where you feel that obese people are sympathized with, they are a source of entertainment, otherwise they are the invisible people to be kept out of public view.

Also, ED doesn't have to be with the end result being super skinny .... there are those who eat and eat and continue to gain weight ... they are eating and it is a disorder.

Finally, I think everyone, should be more aware of their comments - including yourself. If you do not like curves, or don't want to hear the slogan "real women have curves" ,,, then you yourself are not being considerate. To each their own, just as I believe there are sayings like "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels/"

*Edited by Moderator*

The street goes both ways. Everyone needs to be more aware, understanding, and compassionate.

Your struggles, are no different than those who are obese. Everyone has had to deal with the damaging and hurting things people have said due to their lack of understanding.

1- I am sorry the OP has had rude and insensitive comments made. This is a community where we all need to be sensitive to others, where ALL forms of EDs should be considered, and others should be considerate with their words. It is too bad that a select few, and their venomous words, would reflect poorly on the community as a whole. So far, and I have only been here a week, my interaction with others has been quite positive and encouraging. I am glad you called those insensitive *kitten* out. I don't think negative influences need to be a part of this site, where most are very supportive...some are more blunt than others, but I have yet to actually come across someone who is just being mean-spirited. I am really sorry that you have.

2- I completely agree with the author of the above quote. I modeled in my teen years and always BARELY made my weigh in. I starved myself, took drugs, binged on diuretics and stool softeners just to be "skinny" enough at my weigh in. I never thought I was "fat", but being in the modeling industry (prior to so-called Plus Size models), I was. Now at 40, and long out of modeling, being a mother, cancer survivor, and dealing with arthritis I have found myself considerably overweight. When people see pictures of my modeling days they say "There is NO WAY that that person is YOU". I also get the dreaded "See you'd be so pretty if you lost some weight" (so what, with the extra pounds I am butt-ugly??). Through group sessions and REAL friends who love and support me, I have discovered that I am an emotional eater. Or not. When I am severely stressed, I either binge hard or starve myself. I have finally come to a point in my life, and having this enlightenment, that I am ready to lose weight the right way and for the right reasons. I am ready to not let my emotions dictate my food intake.

Eating disorders go both ways. There is an uncomfortableness that happens when thin people say they are fat, because we are conditioned via the media to think that thin is the optimum way to be, and that if you aren't a heaving lard-*kitten* then you cannot possibly think you are fat. Conversely, as was stated, those who are over weight are considered as being heaving lard-*kitten* and pathetic (I am using the term loosely and as an example). There are any number of factors that can make someone have an ED, as well as medical conditions which cause excessive thinness or weight gain (Thyroid etc).

The point is this, in a community where the main goal is to find a healthy weight level (Or at least I would hope that is the reason many of us are here), we need to be considerate with our words. Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, but Words Will Never Hurt Me. BULLSH*T!! Words do hurt, from both ends of the spectrum, and for many of us who have some form of ED (whether Bulemia or excessive over-eating, and everything in between), those words can cause relapses.

kadoodle76

Also, skinny females aren't the only ones with eating disorders. That's something I'm getting sick of reading personally.

exactly, After I had my son 10 years ago, I was binging and purging for 4 or 5 months before I put a lid on it. I didnt tell anyone because I knew they would be on me every time I got sick and threw up (for real not on purpose) I wanted to conquer it on my own and I did. I lost 30 pounds doing that but was still huge. I struggle not not purge after I goof and make a pig outta myself. This week I went over on my calories quite a bit and my first instinct was to just say f-it and eat a crapload of food and/or just go "get rid of it". I dont know what its like to feel fat when you are deadly skinny but I assume it feels the same as not being able to stop eating. It's not just will power sometimes and people need to understand that. And there is absolutly no reason to be made to feel less of a person because you are thin anymore than you should if you are fat.