anorexia

Samiwhereareyou

I fear one of my friends might be anorexic. She has dropped from a size 9 to a size 0 this summer and has me worried. We dont go out to lunch anymore we used to go once a month for 2 years. Ive talked to her about it. she says shes fine just poor or she just dosnt like eating out Ive seen her throwing up because she has a stomach pain but its becoming a more often thing.Every time I see her she seems thinner and thinner. I feel this may not be something to worry about maybe Im reading to much into it but when I told her I was worried she brushed it off.

wearystar

tell her you're worried.
i swear if anyone of my friend's had reached out to me while i was struggling with my eating i probably would have broken down and gotten help, finally feeling like someone cared about what i was doing to myself.
but all i got was compliments and encouragement...

approach it carefully, make sure she knows you're not attacking her... mention that you miss going out with her, invite her over for food at your house, ensure her it will be a healthy meal as you are trying to be healthy. if she admits to having struggles assure her you are there for her if she needs to talk, suggest she maybe seek out a therapist- talking helps.

if she swears she doesnt, there's not much you can do...

TropicalKitty

It sucks to see a friend go through tough times. And it can be difficult to understand why they are doing it. I can't really tell you any magical thing to make it better. I know I had to find my ED and treatment myself. Even when one of my counselors put me in an ED group, it didn't click. It took my own recognition of the situation.

That being said, I saw Portia DeRossi on Ellen's show (rerun) talking about her book. Her advice to an audience member about approaching a sick friend was to say "You look sick" not you are too skinny or anything like that. Perhaps something similar might get the ball rolling for your friend.

I'm sorry you have to see this. It's a hard thing on both sides of the situation.

Jackie_Snape80

It definitely sounds like anorexia(or maybe even EDNOS) I know because I have it myself. And chances are she'll brush it off and make excuses for as long as she can. She needs to see it for herself..and see the damage that it causes. I know I didn't have a chance of getting better until I actually realized it myself...no matter what anyone was telling me.

Avoid using "you" statements or questioning/probing topics. It will put here in the defensive...very hard.

Also, look at something-fishy.org and the NEDA(national eating disorders awareness) website for info, tips, things to look for. If it gets worse try talking with others close to her.

Be gentle whenever possible, and don't focus on the food/weight. That's a major mine field right there

patriot201

The fact that you told her you are worried is a very good thing. Very good.

Here is a great handout from the National Eating Disorder Association: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/nedaDir/files/documents/handouts/WhatISay.pdf

Here is some information from The Renfew Center.
GENERAL DO'S and DON'T'S

Do:
Learn about eating disorders so you will recognize the signs when you see them.
Understand the consequences of eating disorders on physical and psychological health. Eating disorders are potentially fatal diseases and must be treated accordingly.
Listen to the individual with understanding, respect, and sensitivity.
Tell the person you are concerned, you care, and you would like to help. Suggest that the person seek professional help from a physician and/or therapist.
Be available when your friend or family member needs someone with whom to talk.
Discuss things other than food, weight, counting calories, and exercise. Attempt to talk about feelings instead.
Share your own vulnerabilities and struggles in coping with life.

Don't:
Don't take any action alone. Get help.
Don't try to solve the problem for her. She needs a qualified professional.
Don't blame her for doing something wrong or tell her she is acting silly.
Don't gossip about her.
Don't focus on weight, the number of calories being consumed, or particular eating habits.
Don't make comments about her appearance. Concern about weight loss may be interpreted as a compliment, and comments about weight gain may be seen as criticism.
Don't be afraid to upset her; talk with her.
Don't reject or ignore her; she needs you.
Don't get involved in a power struggle around eating or other symptoms.
Don't be deceived by her excuses.

Jackie_Snape80

tell her you're worried.
i swear if anyone of my friend's had reached out to me while i was struggling with my eating i probably would have broken down and gotten help, finally feeling like someone cared about what i was doing to myself.
but all i got was compliments and encouragement...

approach it carefully, make sure she knows you're not attacking her... mention that you miss going out with her, invite her over for food at your house, ensure her it will be a healthy meal as you are trying to be healthy. if she admits to having struggles assure her you are there for her if she needs to talk, suggest she maybe seek out a therapist- talking helps.

if she swears she doesnt, there's not much you can do...

Oh yes, the compliments! Those can be very triggering, and also, possibly, what keeps her doing what she's doing(it did for me)