why is it so hard

FitJoani

To see yourself through other peoples eyes?. I am really struggling with this and as of recently it has gotten bad. How bad you ask So bad my boyfriend basically is gone(we are going to try to work through it this month but I am a bit pessimistic on it) I am making it one of my goals to try to see myself as beautiful and I try my darndest, but sometimes it seems so daunting and impossible especially when you live in a big city. Meaning even though I see it as repulsive(the standard of "city beauty" emaciated blonde tiny stupid and weak) it seems you get crucified if you are NOT. I think back to when I didnt care about my health and then I didnt care how I looked or what people thought of it. I liked that attitude I had but it seems that recently I have been experiencing that "it takes a million atta girls to change one oopsie". I mean that if someone sees me whining about not getting in a workout or plateauing that I AM the ONE doing something wrong. Not the progress I made or the snide remarks people seem to love to make. I just need tips on how to love me. I do want to try to work on this to save a failing relationship but on the flipside wonder if he really feels I am not good enough for him. How do I get out of that mentality? Men and women any of your opinions????

FitJoani

To see yourself through other peoples eyes?. I am really struggling with this and as of recently it has gotten bad. How bad you ask So bad my boyfriend basically is gone(we are going to try to work through it this month but I am a bit pessimistic on it) I am making it one of my goals to try to see myself as beautiful and I try my darndest, but sometimes it seems so daunting and impossible especially when you live in a big city. Meaning even though I see it as repulsive(the standard of "city beauty" emaciated blonde tiny stupid and weak) it seems you get crucified if you are NOT. I think back to when I didnt care about my health and then I didnt care how I looked or what people thought of it. I liked that attitude I had but it seems that recently I have been experiencing that "it takes a million atta girls to change one oopsie". I mean that if someone sees me whining about not getting in a workout or plateauing that I AM the ONE doing something wrong. Not the progress I made or the snide remarks people seem to love to make. I just need tips on how to love me. I do want to try to work on this to save a failing relationship but on the flipside wonder if he really feels I am not good enough for him. How do I get out of that mentality? Men and women any of your opinions????

figueres3

Well... I don't know if I have a lot of advice... but I know one thing about you that says an awful lot: 74 lbs lost??? No too many people can do what you have done... I know it wasn't easy because I'm struggling! If you can do that--then I have no doubt that you can fight for this relationship!

Praying all will turn out well...

réalta

i know what you mean, we are our own worst enemies sometimes :blushing:

i am currently 179, i havent been in the 170's since when i first met my boyfriend, he is now my hubby!

so the smaller i get, he hasnt ever seen me like this before, ya know?

he has seen me at my heaviest 218 and still treated me like a queen :flowerforyou:

your boyfriend sees you as beautiful, you just have to believe it

i find that when women make comments to me, they are jealous, only one friend is really supportive

the others dont want to know, just because they all feel bad about themselves and are threatened by the fact that i can lose weight and get my confidence back

sorry for rambling on, its a slow process loving yourself, some days i feel fab other days i feel fat, today is fab! lol :drinker:

réalta

oh and 74 pounds is really inspirational

C*O*N*G*R*A*T*U*L*T*I*O*N*S :drinker:

kerrilucko

:flowerforyou: I'm only now starting to see myself as attractive. I don't know if I will ever see myself as beautiful... I think it's a woman thing... even the most beautiful women I know, don't think they are beautiful... you know? But there is a big difference between seeing yourself as disgusting and seeing yourself as so-so.... You need to take the perspective that you are you. DOn't compare yourself to anyone but your past self. I am amazed at how different I look now... how much bigger my smile is, how much tighter I like to wear my clothes :laugh: I don't look at the girl down the street and think "why can't I look like her?!" anymore because its not about that. It's about being yourself and changing yourself for the better. If your bf wanted a skinny blonde, he'd probably be dating one. But he doesn't. He wants YOU, and I'm willing to bet he doesn't care how much you weigh!

nwfamilygal

Just want to say beauty comes from within. Sounds like your bf see's what is inside not what is on the outside. Sounds like he would love you no matter what.
I have felt the way you do. But my husband see's the real me the person that I am. So he gives me the support I need. He is so proud that I am trying to get healthy. Also you have lost 74 lbs. I still have that many or more to go so be proud of yourself. Great job! :flowerforyou:

mimielle

I've come along way on this too. When I finished university and starting working (at 24), I was kind of lost for a year or two. I was about 25 pounds heavier than today and didn't really have any interests. My old interests were school, partying and my boyfriend. Then after moving across the country and starting a new job and new boyfriend, I found myself pretty clueless. I didn't have any other interests and started to gain some more weight.

Anyways, so what I did was throw myself into diverse activities. If I had any sort of interest, I tried it. I ran, did dance classes, learned how to swim, learned how to play hockey, volunteered for a bunch of different organizations.....I was insanely busy. But there was a purpose. I wanted to find out what I liked to do and how I would define myself.

In the end, I liked dancing, but liked running and swimming better. I liked hockey but preferred individual sports. So for the last two years I've been living the triathlete life. and it's great. I've lost weight without even trying at first...very slowly. about 20 lbs over 1 year.

And the best thing is that I really like who I am. This is my point of this long post. Once I found out something I cared about doing and being, I didn't care what others saw anymore. I can do much more than the "skinny" girls. I can run a half-marathon and push myself to race hard until the end. I can do an openwater swim in a triathlon and not completely freak out. Remind yourself of you accomplishments! Find things that define you and take pride in it.

oh and if some people aren't that supportive, I just don't keep them in the loop. Why have extra negativity around. Tell us and people who care about you about your accomplishments.

Fitness_Chick

great/important topic to discuss!! Glad you brought it up Joani

Wanna come back to read a bit later........ bumpin to 'my topics':drinker: