Help! My spouse is an enabler!

PalmettoparkGuy

I've learned that there I am always going to be in situations where I can fall off the wagon. Home, work, partys, everywhere. Unfortunately, it us up to me to make the decision what goes into my mouth and as much as I'd like it to be, it's nobodys responsibility or fault but mine.

azsuzi

Mine was the same way. He would make perfectly acceptable dinners - but then top everything with gravies and sauces or cook it all in butter. Then he would load my plate with 2 cups of rice or a huge baked potato!! I started scraping everything off of my plate and re-serving myself in smaller, healthier proportions - measuring everything out and taking twice the amount of veggies and less of everything else. Its taken 6 months, but he's catching on.

My son, on the other hand, makes a frozen pizza at least once a week. I just can't seem to resist taking some even if I just finished eating my own meal! So I've decided to allow myself that little treat, but never more than one small slice. I no longer make a meal of pizza, just a small treat.

So far, this is working for me. Good luck to you in finding your own compromises.

Mandalynn304

Enough already. I was eating so much junk food my girlfriend did not trust me to bring home healthy foods from the grocery store. I made decision to make a lifestyle change and eat more healthy foods. My GF was very supportive and now does not bring home Oreos or chocolate chip cookies anymore. I lost 50 pounds and her support played a major role in my success.


Tell your husband that you need his support. Alot of men are insecure and want their woman to stay the same. I am leader of a local weight loss support group and I hear the same story every week from woman that are in a similar situation.

Why would a man not want his wife to be healthy?

Top

Mandalynn304

I agree, I feel my husband wants to keep me fat due to his insecurities. He doesnt encourage or support me, makes it a little tricky

azsuzi

What's an "enabler"? It sounds like a good thing. Someone who enables you to do something, surely?

Enables you to do something, yes - but enables you to continue on your path of self-destruction. An enabler to an alcoholic makes excuses for them when they fall of the wagon thus minimizing the damage done. This enables the alcoholic to continuing making poor choices without being held accountable for their own actions.

ceeshelman

Here are a few tips for making this work: My husband's propensity for satisfying his sweet tooth and his food desires is not enabling me. My body is my issue, and yours is yours. We have to empower ourselves to take responsibility and not give up our power to the excuse of the "enabling hubby." If he is being inconsiderate by knowingly urging you to eat outside your health plan, then have a heart to heart with him to stop that as that is a relationship issue and that behavior is hurting your relationship.

1. Create a place in your pantry and your frig that are his only and ask him to keep the foods you can hardly resist in those areas. Meaning: you make a pledge to yourself not to invade his designated food space by eating things from there. This becomes an integrity issue, not a food issue. So, you can call upon your higher self to be a respectful partner to him by leaving his stuff alone. If you do take something from his space, then you need to make amends to him for violating his trust. Yep, eating his food is a violation of his space and therefore his trust.

2. Buy yourself some safe snacks and use them to satisfy your urge to splurge when he is eating stuff that is unhealthy for you to eat. Just do it in a health conscious splurging way. (Snack well 100 calorie packets of cookies, chocolate cover pretzels, whatever.) Eat two bags if you want to because 200 calories of this is better than 400 to 600 calories of that slice of cake.

3. Make a focused effort to design and keep on hand when you are SAHMing for the day good, healthy snack combos. No amount of cheating, greasy, sugary foods will satisfy your body. You have to find snacks that are health supporting and satisfying to your body not your emotions. Sample snake combos: 1) One fruit, two cheese sticks, 6 almonds, 2) Muscle mIlk protein shake, 3) one fruit, 2oz of Turkey and 6 almonds,4) One egg, 1.5 oz turkey breast deli slices, 1/3 avocado, 5) 1 tsp peanut butter, apple, 2 oz cheese.

3. Eat at three hour intervals so you are never very hungry. That way when his great pizza is coming out of the oven, cheezy good, you will only want one or two slices. I think you can have that and still lose weight if you are prudent and don't over do it in any one week. Here is a way to get the two slices down to one: Drink a big glass of sparkling water with a squeeze of lime or lemon or just a tall glass of ice water before you dig in to the pizza. By the end of the first slice, your brain's brakes may have kicked in and you will actually feel full.

Hope this helps.

fteale

What's an "enabler"? It sounds like a good thing. Someone who enables you to do something, surely?

Enables you to do something, yes - but enables you to continue on your path of self-destruction. An enabler to an alcoholic makes excuses for them when they fall of the wagon thus minimizing the damage done. This enables the alcoholic to continuing making poor choices without being held accountable for their own actions.

Thanks for the explanation. I don't really see how that applies to food exactly. Surely as an adult you help yourself portion-wise? I would go ballistic if someone tried to put food on my plate. That seems really presumptuous.