Frustrated!

amymeenieminymo

Not sure if anyone will even read this at this hour, but I am so frustrated and need to vent. My boyfriend and I had had kind of a rough day yesterday, at each others throats all day. So coming home from work tonight I was happy because it was Friday and the weekend and hopefully we could spend some quality time together NOT fighting.

So a couple hours later my brother called to see if my boyfriend wanted to go out. I didn't really want him to but of course I am not going to tell him no, he can't, so whatever. Yeah I was dissapointed, but I am not his mother and I wasn't going to tell him no. He left around 8:30 so I was like can you try not to be out too too late, thinking maybe we could salvage some of the night.

So I bummed around, somewhat enjoyed having the house to myself and fell asleep watching a movie. I wake up on the couch, see he isn't home yet and am very shocked to see that it is going on 4am. I called him and he said they were on their way home, and got home like 10 minutes later.

I expressed my irritation/being mad and he apologized....I understand he was kind of at my brothers mercy since he didn't drive, so I am not exactly mad at him for being out so late but I am very irritated at the fact that I didn't even want him to go out and then he comes home in the wee hours. I guess the thing I am really mad about is the fact that we discussed a few months ago that if he was going to be out later than 2am to text me so that if I wake up worried, I'll see the text and know he is ok.

He acted like that was the first time he had ever heard anything about that. He claims to have no recollection of this conversation whatsoever and says if he had known about it or remembered, he definitely would have texted. Him forgetting something is not a big shock to me, but the thing that really irks me is, conversation about it or not, why doesn't it cross his mind, "hey it's getting really late, she was irritated about me going out period, maybe I outta let her know where I am or how much later I am going to be".

I guess maybe I am expecting too much, guys (sorry guys) don't tend to think this way. And now on top of it, he is sleeping like a baby and I am wide awake.....waking up from the couch and being awake long enough to call him, plus my being mad and annoyed is keeping me from getting back to sleep, and my tummy is rumbling.....not sure if I am hungry exactly, but I'm trying to drink water and make the rumblies go away.

The worst part is I will never be able to get him to understand that as much as I am irritated and mad, yeah it is partly at him, but even once he apologizes, I am still mad at the situation and the resulting stuff like my night being kind of ruined, waking up worried, now not being able to get back to sleep. Ugggh! Well if anyone read this, thanks for listening!

amymeenieminymo

Not sure if anyone will even read this at this hour, but I am so frustrated and need to vent. My boyfriend and I had had kind of a rough day yesterday, at each others throats all day. So coming home from work tonight I was happy because it was Friday and the weekend and hopefully we could spend some quality time together NOT fighting.

So a couple hours later my brother called to see if my boyfriend wanted to go out. I didn't really want him to but of course I am not going to tell him no, he can't, so whatever. Yeah I was dissapointed, but I am not his mother and I wasn't going to tell him no. He left around 8:30 so I was like can you try not to be out too too late, thinking maybe we could salvage some of the night.

So I bummed around, somewhat enjoyed having the house to myself and fell asleep watching a movie. I wake up on the couch, see he isn't home yet and am very shocked to see that it is going on 4am. I called him and he said they were on their way home, and got home like 10 minutes later.

I expressed my irritation/being mad and he apologized....I understand he was kind of at my brothers mercy since he didn't drive, so I am not exactly mad at him for being out so late but I am very irritated at the fact that I didn't even want him to go out and then he comes home in the wee hours. I guess the thing I am really mad about is the fact that we discussed a few months ago that if he was going to be out later than 2am to text me so that if I wake up worried, I'll see the text and know he is ok.

He acted like that was the first time he had ever heard anything about that. He claims to have no recollection of this conversation whatsoever and says if he had known about it or remembered, he definitely would have texted. Him forgetting something is not a big shock to me, but the thing that really irks me is, conversation about it or not, why doesn't it cross his mind, "hey it's getting really late, she was irritated about me going out period, maybe I outta let her know where I am or how much later I am going to be".

I guess maybe I am expecting too much, guys (sorry guys) don't tend to think this way. And now on top of it, he is sleeping like a baby and I am wide awake.....waking up from the couch and being awake long enough to call him, plus my being mad and annoyed is keeping me from getting back to sleep, and my tummy is rumbling.....not sure if I am hungry exactly, but I'm trying to drink water and make the rumblies go away.

The worst part is I will never be able to get him to understand that as much as I am irritated and mad, yeah it is partly at him, but even once he apologizes, I am still mad at the situation and the resulting stuff like my night being kind of ruined, waking up worried, now not being able to get back to sleep. Ugggh! Well if anyone read this, thanks for listening!

dewpearl

Well, I listened. And can tell you that most guys are like that (my hubby, my dad) - they don't understand why we over worry. So, yeah, try to take it easy yourself. :flowerforyou:

iftcheiaf

It is a common thing for husband/boyfriends/guy friends to not remember conversations. I have started writing down time and places of important conversations because I thought I was going crazy when my husband would tell me that we never talked about such and such. Now, I simply show him my calendar and try and jog his memory, which does not usually work.

To give my husband credit though, he is trying to get better about keeping in touch. He thinks it is a lack of trust thing. But I am a woman/mother. It is my instinct to know where my family is. Not only that, to me it is a form of respect and love that they think enough about us to help us NOT to worry. But that's my own rant and venting.

Maybe take all that you wrote, edit it a little, and give it to him so that he can see how you feel, and can not say that he doesn't remember the conversation. Sometimes the written word can be powerful, and if read alone, can prevent a fight, but still get your point across.

Hopefully you can get a little rest and enjoy the rest of your weekend together. (And maybe have a little talk with your brother about "couple time").

mimielle

I completely understand your frustration. It happens with my boyfriend about once or twice a year. I think that they just don't worry if we're out and completely trust us and so project that we would think/feel the same way. I usually talk to him the day after, once he's sobered up and explain how I felt.

I consider it very important to talk about your feelings with him about staying out late and going out in the first place. Perhaps you can make certain nights that are for the both of you and certain nights where the other can go out with friends/your brother. This usually involves planning, not always a guy's forte, but it will definitely help you with your feelings. I find I'm alot better with my boyfriend staying out late if I know ahead of time what the plan is.

songbyrdsweet

Unless you specifically said to him:

"Boyfriend, I don't actually want you do go out, but since I don't want to be controlling, I would never say "no". I was hoping we could spend time together tonight, so please try to be home by ______ o' clock. Text me if you are out past ____o 'clock. Thank you."


he had NO idea how you felt or what time to text you or that the whole thing was even an issue. Men and women have different brains and ways of thinking, but neither one of us can read minds. They don't take hints, even if they're very bold. You have to be 100% honest and open to prevent misunderstandings like this. :flowerforyou:

amymeenieminymo

Unless you specifically said to him:

"Boyfriend, I don't actually want you do go out, but since I don't want to be controlling, I would never say "no". I was hoping we could spend time together tonight, so please try to be home by ______ o' clock. Text me if you are out past ____o 'clock. Thank you."


he had NO idea how you felt or what time to text you or that the whole thing was even an issue. Men and women have different brains and ways of thinking, but neither one of us can read minds. They don't take hints, even if they're very bold. You have to be 100% honest and open to prevent misunderstandings like this. :flowerforyou:

Well I did tell him I was dissapointed that he was going out but that I wasn't going to tell him no. Granted I didn't tell him what time to be home (again trying not to be controlling) but explicit or not, I think everyone knows staying out until 4 is NOT getting home at a decent hour, lol. And I did specifically tell him a few months ago that when he is going to be out past two, to send me a text to say he is not dead in a ditch somewhere. However, telling my boyfriend something a few months ago is like years to him, so I guess I should tell him that every time he goes out. Thanks for your suggestions though.