Baffling concerned from family members.

snickerpants

I found out recently that some of my family members have been asking if I am seriously ill because the weight I've lost is now pretty visible. I am thinner than I have been since college, which is nice, but I've explained MFP many times to them, why are they concerned *now*?

I'm not even down to a healthy weight yet and some of my family have started to freak out that I might be over-doing it. I'm getting comments like "Don't you think you should stop now?" and "Okay, you're thin enough."

Is anyone else out there having to deal with this? How do you deflect comments intended to be sincere but in the end are really just baffling? I'm getting tired of having to defend my choice to lose weight. It's almost like they have no idea what a healthy weight looks like. Maybe that's the case? Hmm....

klthomas59

I just smile and say " thanks for your concern but I will continue losing weight til I feel its enough"

SweetP88

I get that all the time from my parents!! I just let them know I am fine....and sometimes I eat the pie/cake when they offer just to shut them up!!

karylee44

yeah.. when i started to lose weight, it came off pretty quick and lots of people, some i wasn't even that close to, were asking if i was ill. Um.. NO.. they now tell me im thin enough.. but i still have 20 more pounds to go to get to my goal weight.. as the madagascar penquins say "smile and wave boys, smile and wave!)...
karylee

jennfer71

Maybe you should show them a BMI chart and indicate where you are on that and where your goal is. If they have that visual aide that shows your goal is still well within healthy for you then maybe they won't worry as much. Might help them to see where they are on that chart also to give them a better perspective. :flowerforyou:

Elzecat

had my first comment like this Wednesday night...ran into someone I hadn't seen in 4 months and she saw me and went "wow you've lost a lot of weight..." (then, in a hushed voice..."are you sick?") Uh...No. And the thing is, I'm not "skinny." I'm about 5 pounds into a healthy BMI/weight range...just average, not tiny...

elvb

I have to deal with it a lot from the women at work and certain family members (in-laws). I've gotten the "you might be anorexic" and the "aren't you done yet?"...oh and how about the "Are you binging and purging?". Interesting that it's only been women saying this. Most of them have only seen me as over 190lbs and even upwards into the 200's. Now that I'm down over 60 lbs, I think it's freaking them out. I'm still at least a lb away from the TOP of my healthy BMI so I'm not done. I explain this and get accused of "over-doing it". Yada Yada Yada.
As far as I'm concerned, if you can't be proud of me and support me, then I don't need to explain myself. It can't ALL be actual concern. I see the looks. lol

mermx

Yep, I understand completely :-)

My husband says, I hope you are not going to go to thin or waste away.

I just say be proud that I am taking a little control and want to look and feel better.

I think there is so much about eating disorders in the media, from obesity to anorexia, that those around you do worry when you start to make visible changes.

Keep doing what you are doing that makes you happy, if you are happy then those around you will eventually notice your happiness

Valechka

I know how it is, when my dad lost 55 lb and he looked sooo good, ppl told hiim ohh, at your age ( he is just 53!!), you look bad, I think most of his friends just said that because they could not do it. He just replied that he wants to be healthy and never felt better. Nowdays, he lost 10lb more but with time ppl accepted him as he is now. However, I am the only one still gently pushing him, he still needs to get rid of at least 10-15 lb.... but he just join the pool and started swimming again ( he is very good swimmer and done it all his "young" life). Even my mom, who lost 50 lb too, but does not want to do it anymore ( but she still needs it) keep saying enough to my dad My mom keeps telling me since I never was overweight , I will not understand them. go figure....

Michelle_M2002

That's tough. If they are TRULY concerned for your health (and not people who are jealous over your success and new look), I'd simply say. "Healthy body fat percentage for me is x, I'm still at x+. I'm doing things the right and safe way. But I love that you care about me enough to be concerned. Thank you for caring."

See if that doesn't help.

:hugs:

God bless!

ayshamc

It's a weird feeling isn't it?

One of the girls I work with was looking at old Facebook Photos of me at the end of last week and she said "I think you're taking this too far now"

What? Getting healthy and fit and feeling the BEST I have felt in years? Thanks for the concern but i'll keep going to I get to where I need to be

jellycar

I get that all the time from my family. When I first started losing weight my mother freaked out at a family BBQ and said that "starving myself" was not the way to lose weight because I opted to have fresh fruit as a side with my burger instead of baked beans and potato salad.

It's hard when the people you love don't support you the most, because they're the people you need the most support from. I've done a little research on what to do about this kind of thing and found that most people act this way mostly because they don't want things to change between you and them. It may not be consciously, but they feel that because your making a change in your diet you might also be changing yourself and therefore the dynamic of the relationship that you currently have with them.

Just keep letting people know that you like the changes your making, it makes you feel good. They'll come around, hopefully - if they really want to see you happy.

cjw6

I think these days a lot of people actually DON'T know what a healthy weight looks like- especially if many/most friends and acquaintances are overweight. We all compare ourselves with those we spend time with- women are probably worse for this. I know when I worked at a place where most people were overweight I put on quite a bit of weight because I felt comparatively better about myself and my mental 'weight thermostat' shifted over time. Its only when something happens like meeting new people/changing job/a friend losing loads of weight, that you get jolted back out of your comfort zone. Do you think your success if making them look more critically at themselves? I agree with the idea of showing them the BMI chart- for both your benefit and theirs!

Runninginafatsuit

I think the norm is to be overweight nowadays. Also, if someone's always seen you as overweight and you start losing weight, you can look so different to them they start to think something's wrong. It's just funny to me that people will freely tell other people they are losing too much weight but when people start get to the point of being severely overweight or obese, no one really feels the need to have concern.

starwhisperer

Some people really hate to see someone else succeed. It might be that they actually care about you and are just concerned, or it might be that seeing you making changes reminds them of areas they are not changing in (be it weight or anything else), and it makes them defensive because they are not. I would just take it as a compliment that the weight lose is obvious to others.

veganbaum

Maybe you should show them a BMI chart and indicate where you are on that and where your goal is. If they have that visual aide that shows your goal is still well within healthy for you then maybe they won't worry as much. Might help them to see where they are on that chart also to give them a better perspective. :flowerforyou:

This. I think that just saying, oh I'm working to get to a healthy range, thanks for your concern, or something similar is not going to alleviate their concerns. Many people do have a skewed vision of weight these days, so they might still think you're getting too thin. Showing them what is considered a healthy range for you could alleviate their concerns. It's obviously good to have people concerned about you, but they need to be shown that you are being healthy so that they can stop badgering you.

TourThePast

I tell them straight - It's great that you've noticed that I'm thinner, but actually I'm still overweight - it's just that there are so many fat people around, everyone has forgotten what normal and healthy looks like.

themyriadthings

Funny how people assume sickness rather than health, hey? Certainly goes to show how upside-down things have become. I usually respond with something along the lines of, "No, I feel better than I ever have!"

Zeromilediet

Looking at the number of similar responses here, and add that I've had that kind of comment as well, there is evidently no shortage of people who feel free to critique another person's appearance. Taking a positive and turning it into 'something is wrong' is crazy. Certainly there are individuals with eating disorders, but when a weight loss is to a healthy range, it has me wondering about the real motivation. Still don't have a smart come back--stuck at a look of astonishment. :-)

meerkat70

what's your current BMI and hip-waist ratio? What sort of clothing size are you wearing?

If you honestly feel your answers to these questions are that they are in the healthy ranges, then clearly your family's concern is ill founded, and you don't have too much to worry about.

We often recognise that, as we lose weight, we have to get our heads round our new body shape. This can take some getting used to for us, as we come to terms with who this new, healthier, often happier person is. It stands to reason that those who love us have to make some adjustments to their sense of who we are too. Perhaps this is what your family is reflecting?

jpamplin28

I also get the same thing from family. I tell them that I am still considered overweight and I haven't come this far to stop now. I think it's that they are accustomed to seeing us larger. Not only that but with the average weight creeping up a majority of people are larger. I still have to have the "yes I am fine and no I am not starving" conversation often.