Worst "Compliment" Ever...

Sasssy69

Recently someone who is very, very thin told me I was "Voluptuous." She said this after I said, "I know you think I'm fat - you make enough comments about what I eat and how much." She said, "You're not fat. You're voluptuous. That's a compliment."

I said, "Voluptuous is the nice way skinny people call fat people fat."

Then I called her a *****...in a nice way. Except that I literally called her a *****. But I laughed so she knew I was "joking."

That wasn't MEAN was it????

I'm going to play devil's advocate here......what did you want/expect her to say when you said "I know you think I'm fat - you make enough comments about what I eat and how much." ? Did you want her to say "you're right, I think you're fat"? IMHO, you opened the door with your initial comment to her.

Actually, yes. I would like her to say that. Because at least she would be honest. I'm tired of being made to feel like I'm not a "good" person because I'm 145 pounds and not 110. Last time I checked, that wasn't a requirement for being a good person. I was tired of her commenting on the simple fact that I was eating - regardless of what I eat. So it would have been refreshing for her to just be forthright with me instead of passive aggressive. Her comment was hurtful, and it was preceded by YEARS of unasked for, unsolicited "advice" about how I can be thinner. My purpose of making the statement was to let her know, FINALLY, that her constant underhanded criticism of me was unappreciated - I called her on it...and she back peddled by giving me a "mean" compliment. I didn't ask for her opinion about my body - Never once have I, yet she continually makes comments that allude to the fact that she thinks I'm fat. Just say it already.

SiltyPigeon

This weekend my weight loss came up in conversation with my Dad. When I told him I weigh 121, he replies "You look at least 145, you could probably lose 20 more. Are you a size 0 yet? (I'm a size 5) Cuz, you're not skinny until your a size 0".

Actually, typing it out it sounds a lot worse than it did at the time. I think he was joking? Can never tell with him. Still... made me feel bad.

Stacera

I used to use those words to explain me. I used to say my fat was 'evenly proportioned' because I was heavier than I looked. LOL

me too, b/c I would gain weight it would spread here and there... and I was a lot heavier than i looked but when someone said I was lucky to gain and it to spread here and there... I said, yeah it just means I'm fat everywhere... lol!!

Had to get past the self deprecation.

Stacera

I worked in an inner city school and this one african american women told me,"you're not fat, you're thick. If you were a couple shades darker, you'd be hot". I guess that was a compliment lol

I believe it is.

hahahaha!! I think it is, I'm always told "black men love your booty" I never know what to say to this. maybe something like "OH GOOD!!!"

Sh1tsRainbows

when talking with friends or co-workers about weight..if i were to tell them my weight theyd say..."BUT YOUR TALL"

Guinivere

I don't know why people think it's okay to comment on other people's weight. It like saying - your nose is big - were you punched? - or you look spotty today - been overdoing the chocolate.

Acceptable comments - You look great, you look radiant, you look fantastic/gorgeous/stunning/beautiful....

I'm not sure it's ever helpful to hear that you look fat/chubby/fluffy etc So many people internalise information and have problems later, (depressives, bi-polar, ED's) I think people should just avoid those comments. Even when I am slim - drawing attention to my body shape is not a good thing. I'm recovering from an ED.

ohamberx0

My ex's always called me "thick". Even my b/f now. They "like" it. Uhhhh, no thanks. I was skinny with one and ended up gaining weight, and my next b/f knew me before I gained weight and said I looked better than when I was "a stick". Gained a little more weight. Now I'm just considered "thick".

Yeah, I'm gonna make sure I'm not thick. Not a good word to use at all.

BethanyCee

I don't actually t hink that's an insult. When I think voluptuous, you know who I think of? Christina Hendricks. And she is positively gorgeous. I think voluptuous is a body positive word and nothing to be embarrassed by.

kmtetour

My ex-husband once had me put away a picture of myself from high school. Initially I thought it was because I was posing with the guy I was dating at the time the picture was taken. Then he said, "no, it's because you were so hot back then and I can't stand to look at it." Jerk.

VickiMitkins

HA... I got "you would be so hot if you just lost weight"
The one that started my serious weightloss journey was from my dad. He introduced me at a wedding as "the prettiest fat girl you'll ever meet"
Fail lol.
Oh well, guess who's dropped the weight and found herself?

You go girl.

Paddy31

Voluptuous sounds like a fantastic compliment to me. I believe it means sensuously pleasing and delightful.

CoxTX

My ex-mother-in-law gave me a jogging suit that someone had given her. 'Oh, I can't wear this . . . it's positively HUGE! I mean I was literally swimming in it! Maybe it'll fit you.'

Um thanks. Just what I always wanted. A positively huge mint-green old lady jogging suit. Great.

Oh, and for the record, The b*tch was right, it did fit me. ;(

lgwmab

I used to use those words to explain me. I used to say my fat was 'evenly proportioned' because I was heavier than I looked. LOL

I said the same thing! LOL. I also always said I'm still trying to find my girlish figure, and this is all baby fat, from when i was a baby, just never came off.

pelleld

Recently someone who is very, very thin told me I was "Voluptuous." She said this after I said, "I know you think I'm fat - you make enough comments about what I eat and how much." She said, "You're not fat. You're voluptuous. That's a compliment."

I said, "Voluptuous is the nice way skinny people call fat people fat."

Then I called her a *****...in a nice way. Except that I literally called her a *****. But I laughed so she knew I was "joking."

That wasn't MEAN was it????

I'm going to play devil's advocate here......what did you want/expect her to say when you said "I know you think I'm fat - you make enough comments about what I eat and how much." ? Did you want her to say "you're right, I think you're fat"? IMHO, you opened the door with your initial comment to her.

Actually, yes. I would like her to say that. Because at least she would be honest. I'm tired of being made to feel like I'm not a "good" person because I'm 145 pounds and not 110. Last time I checked, that wasn't a requirement for being a good person. I was tired of her commenting on the simple fact that I was eating - regardless of what I eat. So it would have been refreshing for her to just be forthright with me instead of passive aggressive. Her comment was hurtful, and it was preceded by YEARS of unasked for, unsolicited "advice" about how I can be thinner. My purpose of making the statement was to let her know, FINALLY, that her constant underhanded criticism of me was unappreciated - I called her on it...and she back peddled by giving me a "mean" compliment. I didn't ask for her opinion about my body - Never once have I, yet she continually makes comments that allude to the fact that she thinks I'm fat. Just say it already.

I'm sorry if I offended or hurt you with my response. However, your original post did not indicate that you were responding to years of criticism and unwanted advice. It sounded more like you'd "set her up" so to speak. You know, the person who says "does this make me look fat" all the while hoping the person says "oh no you look wonderful" and then being disappointed when they don't. Anyway, I'm sorry.

As far as her calling you voluptuous, I wouldn't consider that mean. YOURDICTIONARY.COM gives Marilyn Monroe as an example of a voluptuous woman. I wouldn't think it mean if someone likened me to Marilyn

askonieczny

Oh Gosh.. this is embarassing. Can't believe I'm actually admitting this.. So I have twin boy nephews that are 8months old, and my mother and I went to Babies R US to go look for a double stroller for them. While looking at one, two women came up to me, smiled, and I asked if I was having twin boys or girls! I was MORTIFIED. As I stood there in silence, my mother informed them that the stroller was for my twin nephews. I was so embarrassed that I didnt even know how to respond to that. I always knew I needed to change, but that just made me want to change ASAP.

I just decided to laugh it off and use it as motivation.

Starlage

I used to use those words to explain me. I used to say my fat was 'evenly proportioned' because I was heavier than I looked. LOL

me too! lol. I hated being called the v word. I've also gotten "rubinesque".... grr! I know these are 'pleasantly sensuous" kind of words and compliments, but who wants to be called an attractive overweight girl? they're basically saying "you're overweight, but sexy" ..... I don't get it.

GenerationD05

Luckily I've gotten any pregnant comments or people patting my belly. As for my family and friends, if my friends have said anything about my weight then it's been behind my back because I don't remember anyone ever saying something. When I was younger, I got a lot of fat comments (once was called a fat tub of lard, that one has stuck with me for over 15 years haha), but nothing in the past 10 years. My family also doesn't say compliments like what you got, but my mom used to pretty much say straight forward that I need to lose weight because I can get diabetes, whcih runs in our family. I know she meant well because she's my mom, but it doesn't mean that it never hurt any less. When I went home this past week, she commended me on my new lifestyle, measuring my food and not going over, sticking to working out (something I've NEVER stuck to for more than 5 days) and she said that my face looked thinner. Also when I stood up once while we were sitting on our front porch, she said that my waist and stomach looked smaller. It's nice to hear those things coming from her now instead of the previous ones.

I know how you feel about comments. Yes, maybe you did open up the door for her to just use another adjective for fat, but that doesn't mean that she should've still used it. Instead of focusing on how we used to be, I always wanted the skinnier people to congratulate us on how far we've come and what we've done so far has been great. I think people take for granted just how insecure bigger people are. It can definitely be a motivator killer, but you have all of us on MFP to keep you going!

PowerEqualsStrengthOverTime

I worked in an inner city school and this one african american women told me,"you're not fat, you're thick. If you were a couple shades darker, you'd be hot". I guess that was a compliment lol

That's HILARIOUS, because it's totally true! Hahaha!

Sasssy69

My ex-mother-in-law gave me a jogging suit that someone had given her. 'Oh, I can't wear this . . . it's positively HUGE! I mean I was literally swimming in it! Maybe it'll fit you.'

Um thanks. Just what I always wanted. A positively huge mint-green old lady jogging suit. Great.

Oh, and for the record, The b*tch was right, it did fit me. ;(

Yep. This same person does this same thing to me: "This is way to big for me, but it should fit you." Yeah. Maybe they don't mean anything by it, but it still hurts. And that's what really matters - The off handed way people say things that may be well meaning, but still hurt.

GenerationD05

There's an article I just found on aol that talks about "fat talk"

Here's the link if anyone is interested!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/19/fat-talk_n_927385.html?icid=maing-grid7|main5|dl10|sec3_lnk2|87979

Sasssy69

Recently someone who is very, very thin told me I was "Voluptuous." She said this after I said, "I know you think I'm fat - you make enough comments about what I eat and how much." She said, "You're not fat. You're voluptuous. That's a compliment."

I said, "Voluptuous is the nice way skinny people call fat people fat."

Then I called her a *****...in a nice way. Except that I literally called her a *****. But I laughed so she knew I was "joking."

That wasn't MEAN was it????

I'm going to play devil's advocate here......what did you want/expect her to say when you said "I know you think I'm fat - you make enough comments about what I eat and how much." ? Did you want her to say "you're right, I think you're fat"? IMHO, you opened the door with your initial comment to her.

Actually, yes. I would like her to say that. Because at least she would be honest. I'm tired of being made to feel like I'm not a "good" person because I'm 145 pounds and not 110. Last time I checked, that wasn't a requirement for being a good person. I was tired of her commenting on the simple fact that I was eating - regardless of what I eat. So it would have been refreshing for her to just be forthright with me instead of passive aggressive. Her comment was hurtful, and it was preceded by YEARS of unasked for, unsolicited "advice" about how I can be thinner. My purpose of making the statement was to let her know, FINALLY, that her constant underhanded criticism of me was unappreciated - I called her on it...and she back peddled by giving me a "mean" compliment. I didn't ask for her opinion about my body - Never once have I, yet she continually makes comments that allude to the fact that she thinks I'm fat. Just say it already.

I'm sorry if I offended or hurt you with my response. However, your original post did not indicate that you were responding to years of criticism and unwanted advice. It sounded more like you'd "set her up" so to speak. You know, the person who says "does this make me look fat" all the while hoping the person says "oh no you look wonderful" and then being disappointed when they don't. Anyway, I'm sorry.

As far as her calling you voluptuous, I wouldn't consider that mean. YOURDICTIONARY.COM gives Marilyn Monroe as an example of a voluptuous woman. I wouldn't think it mean if someone likened me to Marilyn

Thank you - Sorry if I was prickly - We just went out on the boat yesterday, and I wore a bikini. Let's just say, you could tell she didn't approve. I actually felt good about myself - it was the confidence thing. Maybe I didn't look great, but I refused to sit around in hot capris and a tshirt. I wanted to get some color and swim. So I wore my bikini. I wish she meant voluptuous as a compliment, but I know she didn't. Oh well. :-) Thank you for clarifying - I should have included more in my original post.

kurtybee

Websters Definition of Voluptuous:

a : full of delight or pleasure to the senses : conducive to or arising from sensuous or sensual gratification : luxurious <a voluptuous dance> <voluptuous ornamentation> <a voluptuous wine> b : suggesting sensual pleasure by fullness and beauty of form <voluptuous nudes>
2: given to or spent in enjoyment of luxury, pleasure, or sensual gratifications <a long and voluptuous holiday — Edmund Wilson>
— vo·lup·tu·ous·ly adverb
— vo·lup·tu·ous·ness noun

Take which ever one you want. Some women would loved to be called voluptuous. Don't let silly stuff like that bruise you ego.

Sasssy69

Websters Definition of Voluptuous:

a : full of delight or pleasure to the senses : conducive to or arising from sensuous or sensual gratification : luxurious <a voluptuous dance> <voluptuous ornamentation> <a voluptuous wine> b : suggesting sensual pleasure by fullness and beauty of form <voluptuous nudes>
2: given to or spent in enjoyment of luxury, pleasure, or sensual gratifications <a long and voluptuous holiday — Edmund Wilson>
— vo·lup·tu·ous·ly adverb
— vo·lup·tu·ous·ness noun

Take which ever one you want. Some women would loved to be called voluptuous. Don't let silly stuff like that bruise you ego.

I've always liked the word. I just don't think this was meant as a compliment. It's one of those "you had to be there moments." And I actually don't mind my curves - just not this much of them. Even when I'm lighter, I'm still curvy. (not so much up top as on bottom). I've always had a big butt - Even when I'm a size 6 in the middle, I'm a size bigger in my bottom. I do so love the definitions you posted. I do believe I am full of delight and a pleasure to the senses! lol

atd81

Personally, I love the word "voluptuous", of course, I love being referred to as "hour glass" by hubby too.

When I was a young teen, my Mum used to say to me "Oh Darling, you have such a pretty face, such a shame about your body". Talk about a not-so-backhanded comment, sheesh!

Sasssy69

There's an article I just found on aol that talks about "fat talk"

Here's the link if anyone is interested!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/19/fat-talk_n_927385.html?icid=maing-grid7|main5|dl10|sec3_lnk2|87979

LOVE this article! Thank you for sharing!!! I'm going to start being nicer to ME!

shydaisi

My worst "compliment" ever:

I was always big throughout school (middle school, high school, college, all of it...). About 6 years ago, I lost 88 pounds. A "friend" and I were shopping for my new wardrobe... I was trying on some clothes and came out of the dressing room to see what she thought and she said, "My God, can you imagine how many guys would have wanted to date you in high school if you had looked like this THEN?" :huh: I don't think I have ever been hurt worse by words...

PixieGoddess

thats what we call in the south a "sweet Compliment". U know, like when you try to set up your not so cute friend with a guy and he ask you what she's like and all you can say is "She is very sweet". YEAH!!

Haha, my family is from Mississippi, and we refer to these as 'bless your heart' compliments! :flowerforyou:

My mother has also told me as long as I can remember: "Men LIKE big butts!" :embarassed: Thanks, mom, I really wanted to hear that from you! But, she was right!

AEB_WV

I always thought voluptuous = hot ! But I've never been handed that compliment : )

Now if she had said "Rubenesque" that might have been a little UNDERhanded....

thegoodner

I don't remember the exact circumstances but I remember the line...

My mom : "you were so pretty in high school."

Thanks.

I also get the "well you've had kids"... explanation given by many well meaning people about my body. My sister in law who is a size 0, gave me a subscription to a fitness magazine two Christmases ago. I can't wait til I'm ripped and can wear my bikini with my voluptuous BOOBS. She too, equates skinny with "worth". It's hurtful I know.

deadmittens

I like the word voluptous. It makes me think of pin ups & sirens.