How do you help someone that wont help thereself

NotGoddess

I was that person. I didn't have someone like you to offer so much, but I did have a lot of people offering me advice when I asked for it. What did I do with it? Nothing. I'd wanted to but there was just so much going on in my life that I felt trying one more thing would break me. I'd put work in, have some small successes, but it just seems so little, such minor results for the effort and Real Life(tm) continued. It wasn't until my mind was finally in the right place that I was able to turn things around. Honestly, it's still a daily struggle. I'm sure that echoes the stories of many people here.

My suggestion is that you let her know that you understand her desire, but much as you'd like to, you can't start the change. It's up to her. When she's ready, you'll be there, but until then you can't keep going like this because it causes you pain to want to help, but have your efforts go to waste.

kandrews24

I agree with everything that folks have said.

But since you have to face her tomorrow and every day thereafter, you might mend things by saying something like "Hey, sorry about what I said yesterday, I know you'll do what is right for you when the time comes. Everyone is different."

Then next time she says this or that or asks you for advice don't put any effort into your response -or- come up with a canned response like "oh, it is the same ole same old eat less, exercise more".

You are obviously a nice person, but she can't be helped until she's ready, so let yourself off the hook.

shonasteele

Baby steps. Be there for her and offer suggestions of *small* changes she can make. I started out almost 5 months ago just deciding that I should eat more veggies. That's it. Then I made one more change, then one more and now I've lost 29 pounds and have taken up running which I NEVER thought I would or could do. She's gotta be ready to do it, but making small changes and therefore achieving small successes was the key for me and made me feel like I could take on another small challenge. Taking it on all at once always lead to failure in the past and that made me quit before I really even started.

For example: Instead of suggesting an hour-long workout, suggest a walk around the block at lunch, just one block. Instead of replacing lunch with a salad, have her add a serving of veggies to whatever she would normally have. Just one baby step at a time can really add up.

Even though it may not seem like she appreciates what you're doing because she's not responding to it, I've been there, and she does. And when she's ready to take those baby steps, you'll be her hero for standing by her.

Diamonds_R4_Ever

I commend you for your efforts and patience with this coworker. Since you have already shared 6 months of knowledge I think the best thing to do at this point is to 'keep doing you" let her see your results. When see is truly tired of what she is seeing in the mirror and what she is feeling inside it is only then that she will commit to change. 

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kalcide

I agree with everything that folks have said.

But since you have to face her tomorrow and every day thereafter, you might mend things by saying something like "Hey, sorry about what I said yesterday, I know you'll do what is right for you when the time comes. Everyone is different."

Then next time she says this or that or asks you for advice don't put any effort into your response -or- come up with a canned response like "oh, it is the same ole same old eat less, exercise more".

You are obviously a nice person, but she can't be helped until she's ready, so let yourself off the hook.

Yes this is true you still have to see her. So I would say sorry and say that you are there for her.

Also what you said about the door , (good quote) that may be what she needed to kick start her!!