Mirror, mirror on the wall...

ElementalEscapee
ElementalEscapee Posts: 552 Member
edited October 2024 in Introduce Yourself
The only reason I'm opening up about all this is because...well, I haven't before, and it's time to.

I hate mirrors. I avoid them at all costs. It's quite sad what lengths I go to just to do that, actually...for example, I haven't properly looked in a fully lit mirror in about....hm...I'd say, two years? I go into the bathroom with only the hall light on, if that. I light a tiny candle in the bathroom when I take a shower. I never wear shorts. Ever. I wear lots of eyeliner in attempt to distract people from my chubby face. I think if I buy enough of the right clothes I'll magically look pretty. I kid myself about how much food I eat. I have turned down people's invitations countless times because of how insecure I am about my body. My best friend weighed half of what I did a year ago. I used to eat so little because of a stomach problem when I was younger that my bones protruded from my chest. I am so fat. FAT. I look at thin girls and mentally bash them on their faults instead of paying attention to mine. You'd have to pay me a minimum amount of a hundred dollars to go out in public without a little bit of makeup slapped on. I get all motivated at night and then the next day I am angelic, until the late evening when I screw everything up. I was chosen last for a P.E. team, and I completely skipped that class last year. I looked at a picture taken of me ten months ago just now and gaped at it for one minute, followed by crying hysterically.

I deny that I'm fat. I deny that I'm that bad. I deny that it will probably take me at least a good 6 months to shed most of this weight off. I think my problem is lack of support. By joining MFP, I have learned so much about myself and stuck to my new lifestyle longer than ever before (which isn't very long, but still), and I'm so grateful for that. I just want to throw this out there, thanking MFP and people who give much needed support. I hope we all succeed in our own little journeys to better ourselves and get the most out of our lives, and realize once and freaking for all that it's OUR responsibility to take care of ourselves.

So, can anyone relate?? Been there done that? Or have some words of advice? Anything and everything appreciated. :D

Replies

  • pleasepleaseno
    pleasepleaseno Posts: 166 Member
    I'm like you. I mean everything except for looking in mirrors. Contrarily I'm obsessed with looking in them. However, I'm just like you in all other aspects. Weight? Height?
  • ElementalEscapee
    ElementalEscapee Posts: 552 Member
    Well, sometimes I get obsessed with looking in them, but ONLY when it's not that lit... D:

    Now I am about 153 lbs, at 5 foot 6. Want to get to 130....maybe 120 or lower if I can.
  • helloclaire
    helloclaire Posts: 191
    You are actually in normal BMI, sweetie.

    I am your height and I started losing weight on MFP when I was 179lbs. I got down to as low as 157lbs though this month it's back to 161ish. I too do want to get down to 130lbs eventually, but you certainly shouldn't feel so bad about yourself! You can do it!
  • pleasepleaseno
    pleasepleaseno Posts: 166 Member
    Wow I'm 5'6 too and started at 158 and now I'm at 145. And I wanna get down to 130 but i always think that once i get there I'm going to want to get lower to like 125. Haha. Eerily similar.
  • lbgano
    lbgano Posts: 234
    Sweetheart...yeah. I have been there. I couldn't look in mirrors when I was severely depressed and being made to feel worthless by someone I loved. Seem familiar?

    Sorry to be blunt, but I read your profile. You are 18, when can you move out?
  • ElementalEscapee
    ElementalEscapee Posts: 552 Member
    Thanks clairepoint ^^ too bad more of it isn't muscle...

    Wow that is pretty similar. Haha, and great job on losing weight, I feel more like I too can do something about mine now...
  • ElementalEscapee
    ElementalEscapee Posts: 552 Member
    @ Ibgano...

    Yeah seems familiar. I can't move out soon, sadly, because of severe financial issues, and also general college troubles...
  • lbgano
    lbgano Posts: 234
    @ Ibgano...

    Yeah seems familiar. I can't move out soon, sadly, because of severe financial issues, and also general college troubles...

    Damn girl. I'd say run.
  • ElementalEscapee
    ElementalEscapee Posts: 552 Member
    I definitely want to. :/
  • lbgano
    lbgano Posts: 234
    I definitely want to. :/

    That's the first step!! Courage, dearheart.
  • ElementalEscapee
    ElementalEscapee Posts: 552 Member
    I definitely want to. :/

    That's the first step!! Courage, dearheart.



    thanks so much :D
  • lbgano
    lbgano Posts: 234
    I definitely want to. :/

    That's the first step!! Courage, dearheart.



    thanks so much :D

    yw :) !
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