Motivation - where can I find it?

Fayve

I've had this thought on my mind for a while now, and I think I can finally put some word to it for discussion. Maybe.

I'm about 135 pounds, 5"1'. I don't think I'm fat, and I don't think I'm thin. I think I'm a healthy weight, even if BMI still calls me obese (if only a little), but I think I'm still very mushy in some spots. At my height, every lb shows, as I know many can relate. At my highest weight, I was probably 155, but I was somewhere between 14 and 16 at the time (I never knew for sure. My family feels it obsessive to have a scale in the house, so I used to sneak onto the scale when I worked at a pharmacy).

So here's my problem. This is sort of how my self-motivation goes:

1. I'm feeling good about myself, comfortable at my weight, eating healthy food no matter what.
2. I watch TV or read a magazine, and see a woman who I consider to be beautiful and skinny, regardless of whether the image is photoshopped or realistic for my height and build.
3. I feel disgusted with myself, and decide it's time to make a change, and lose some weight.
4. Realize that this kind of motivation is unhealthy, and self-hatred will never make me happy, no matter what I weigh.
5. Reset to first stage, and repeat.

--

I can clearly see that the solution would be for me to approach any self-improvement from a place of love for myself; a desire to improve how I feel, my energy, my mood. Yet this never seems to motivate me AT ALL, and the first option always lights a fire under me much quicker (but only for a little while).

It makes me think about a few things. Is 135 a happy weight for me? Am I in the wrong mindset completely?

Another issue on the side is that I have been dealing with a lot of health issues lately that have settled down finally. When I asked my doctor about weight loss, he thinks it should be the last thing on my mind. My boyfriend says that I look amazing, and he would love me no matter what I weighed. My family is supportive, but doesn't understand my desire to lose any weight.

I think that if I want to lose weight, it shouldn't matter what a family member or friend says. I feel I should mention that I have never, and will never attempt any crash diets. I'm a food lover, and I know that harming my body in that way is the last thing I want to do.

I'm rambling quite a bit, but I guess where I'm coming from is that, I don't know where to get the right kind of motivation from that works for me, without making me feel awful about myself. I keep gaining and losing the same 3 or 4 pounds, and that's doing very little for my self-esteem. I'm not asking for people to look through my food journal and tell me how to fix it (I know I need to really shape up, and being on vacation for the last 3 weeks hasn't helped much, but it's also given me time to think). If I can find the right kind of motivation, I have no doubt that I have all the tools I need to be successful.

If you took the time to read all of this, THANK YOU. I would love to hear any feedback or opinions, supportive or tough-love. Or if anyone is having a similar problems, I'd like to hear about that too. Always looking for more friends and support along this long and winding road.

baisleac

Motivation is different for every person, and can be as unique. You'll find yours.

If you want to borrow mine for a bit... Zombies and/or What Would Jason Statham Do? always work for me. :drinker:

edit to add: Perhaps thinking of it as Fitness not "weight loss" would help. Work on body composition and the weight no longer matters.

rileamoyer

bump

ageros

Well for your motivation the first thing you need to decide is what do you want. I want to shed all of my post-marriage weight gain, and then tone up to a slim-medium definition build.

Personally I agree that you look fantastic. The more I work on getting fit the more I find those silly photoshopped models unattractive. Do you want to tone up? Are you just looking for a flat stomach? Want to get to 10% bodyfat? Once you've got a clearly defined goal I think the motivation will become a lot easier to find.

time2runnn

Fayve, like a previous poster said, motivation can come from various sources. The main question ask yourself is what do you want out of becoming fitter? Is it to be able to wear a certain outfit? To be able to ride a bike x distance or maybe run a race? What is it that you find your current shape/health is keeping you from having/doing? For me it was/is the deep desire to be more active with my family. I was tired of watching my family have fun as I stood by. So one of my reasons for losing weight was to be able to ride a roller coaster with my son-- which I was finally able to do this summer! So think about it in those terms and see if that helps you.

Dar120

Brutal honesty with self is where I find it. I go through some of this too... I have to realize that it's not just a choice between looking like a stick thin model and looking like my current self. What I want is me as I was 10 pounds ago! Also I have to see the reality of my current food choices... I can say I eat healthy because I believe in eating healthy, but if I evaluate each bite of what I'm eating, I see that it's not as healthy as I can fool myself into thinking.