When food comes between a marriage

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  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I am really enjoying the topic you brought up here and I am in the same boat as you..... my wife eats junk and wont change... I'll just have to have patience like you and find a way to entice her... without the nagging..... regarding the no-name dude that says your husban is a marine and he can do anything he pleases.... forgot one major thing.... real marines are disciplined, healthy and ready for action.....and love their spouse as much as they love their country. Simply have patience and be a good healthy example (I'm telling this to myself too...)... if you ever fall off the wagon, don't let him or your failing discourage you.... jump right back on that healthy wagon.

    My ex who was a Marine for more than 20 years and fought in two wars ate corn dogs on a regular basis.

    I've never eaten a corn dog in my life. I guess that's why he's my ex, because that's perfectly reasonable.
  • starracer23
    starracer23 Posts: 1,011 Member
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    mmmmmmm i love a good long tubed meat!
  • starwhisperer
    starwhisperer Posts: 367
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    I am extremely impressed that you saw that it might be nagging and apologized! It is so hard to ever see in ourselves what we are doing that might hurt others and it is awesome that you did that! Sometimes in my marriage I know that it takes me taking a step back and seeing what I am saying through his eyes to understand how it is coming across (wow that came out super confusing, my english teacher would have had a heart attack). Well done!
  • Homer3D
    Homer3D Posts: 318
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    My ex who was a Marine for more than 20 years and fought in two wars ate corn dogs on a regular basis.

    I've never eaten a corn dog in my life. I guess that's why he's my ex, because that's perfectly reasonable.

    damn those corn dogs always destroying happy lives!!!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    My ex who was a Marine for more than 20 years and fought in two wars ate corn dogs on a regular basis.

    I've never eaten a corn dog in my life. I guess that's why he's my ex, because that's perfectly reasonable.

    damn those corn dogs always destroying happy lives!!!

    It is a sad, sad story that needs to be told.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Seriously, this really ticks me off. Perhaps I should leave the boards for the day... I'm far too persnickety.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    he's a marine he can eat what he damn well pleases

    +1

    In all seriousness (and I haven't read the entire thread) ... sometimes people grow apart. If his lifestyle is not compatible with yours, you have to decide if you guys are willing to work through it and try to come up with a common ground, or if it's just not the same relationship you set out in and not what you're looking for any more.

    I was married for six years and one day woke up and realized I didn't like the life I was living, or the person I was living it with. We divorced and I have never been more happy.
  • Navmachine
    Navmachine Posts: 63
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    ask youself; is this really about food? i could understand why you would feel a little irritated, especially if your going down a vegan path. and he's beside you chowing down on a big mac. i can also understand that a little part of you may have begun a more healthier lifestyle to look good for him, to have energy for your children, to enrich the quality of your marriage and family life. and to you, it seems unfair that he's not willing to put in the same amount of effort. so it feels like he doesnt care as much as you, to look good for you, or not have as much energy for you or the children. i get all of that.

    BUT! here's where the ol' "men think differently from women" thing comes into play. he does not see his eating a big mac as a display of not caring about his family. he sees a big mac as a tasty treat that he deserves after a long day, and nothing beyond that. of course he knows it's bad for him, that it shortens his lifespan and and can develop serious illnesses...but it just hasnt clicked that that could very well be his reality.

    bottom line is, he just doesnt view food the way you do. it's better to explain how your connecting the dots between that "tasty treat" hamburger and "destroying a marriage" hamburger. because men? do NOT understand that at all.

    i second the "no smooching until teeth brushing" rule. just remember that goes both ways with veggie-onion breath for you! lol ;)
  • Grokette
    Grokette Posts: 3,330 Member
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    Its very difficult when married couples begin to feel a world apart from each other because of their differences in the way they live their life. Its important they stay relatively on the same path in life so they can continue to have a connection with each other.

    Some of you aren't being very supportive or understanding of how she must be feeling right now.

    Within a few months of me becoming vegan my boyfriend became vegan too. I didn't make him. When people are in sync with each other, you are into what the other is doing and want to be part of most of the things they do and the way that they are.

    When you are not in sync in that way, it makes you feel bad about things.

    I know. I've been there in my past marriage--with other things, but still, it sucked. Its not easy.

    I don't think anyone here is being unsupportive or insensitive to the OP.

    Just because 2 people are married doesn't mean that every interest and way of doing things is going to be the same. Just because you are married doesn't mean that 2 people still aren't individuals..............

    I eat Paleo lifestyle and eat very clean. My husband when at home eats what I eat because he doesn't want to cook for himself and he likes how I cook..................However, when he leaves the house, I know that he still eats fast food, drinks soda, etc.

    I want him to lead a healthier life, BUT I can't force him. He is a grown adult man with his own mind and needs to make those choices for himself. I can not make him change, that change has to come from within himself.

    We are in sync with each other on everything else - so eventually I believe he will come around when HE is ready.
  • Grokette
    Grokette Posts: 3,330 Member
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    I am really enjoying the topic you brought up here and I am in the same boat as you..... my wife eats junk and wont change... I'll just have to have patience like you and find a way to entice her... without the nagging..... regarding the no-name dude that says your husban is a marine and he can do anything he pleases.... forgot one major thing.... real marines are disciplined, healthy and ready for action.....and love their spouse as much as they love their country. Simply have patience and be a good healthy example (I'm telling this to myself too...)... if you ever fall off the wagon, don't let him or your failing discourage you.... jump right back on that healthy wagon.

    Loving your spouse as much as you love your country doesn't mean you have to do the same thing as your spouse...........

    Marriage doesn't take away from us being 2 individual people with separate likes, dislikes, etc..............Even though you are 1 in most areas of a marriage, it is still 2 individual people with different personalities and such.
  • voluptas63
    voluptas63 Posts: 602 Member
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    ..and her husband sits outside SMOKING MEAT and brewing beer!

    This is the man I want to marry.
  • Sherie13
    Sherie13 Posts: 250 Member
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    he's a marine he can eat what he damn well pleases

    That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. I understand getting home from war and craving something unhealthy, but making a lifestyle of unhealthy choices just because you serve your country is no excuse.

    You are so right! This is the biggest load of crap.

    A lot of people on here have the right advice. You made a change, he didn't. And if your husband is like any marine I've ever known, you can't make them do anything they don't want to do. They are hard headed! My BF was a Marine. He sees me eating healthy and working out. Sometimes he comes to the gym with me but lots of times I'm on my own. When I make healthy food and he doesn't want to eat it, he goes to MickyD's or orders a pizza. You just have to let him be him and love him as you always have. My mom became a vegetarian after 15 years of marriage and two kids. She actually made separate meals for herself and for us. She didn't try to make us be like her... she just waited it out until we left the house and my dad decided he needed to work out and eat what she was eating.

    If you love your husband then you compromise and accept him for who he is. He will have to come to the conclusion himself that he needs to be healthier. You'll make it through this!
  • Fat_2_Fit_Mommy
    Fat_2_Fit_Mommy Posts: 569 Member
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    you're his wife, not his mom. i know you want him the best for his health, but if he's not convinced, then you need to do what's best for you and let him eat as he will.

    I agree with this one as well.
  • change_happens
    change_happens Posts: 491
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    you're his wife, not his mom. i know you want him the best for his health, but if he's not convinced, then you need to do what's best for you and let him eat as he will. if my husband gradually went vegan and expected me to do the same, i would be a bit miffed, because that is simply not my style. this sounds tricky - best of luck to you!
  • gingerb85
    gingerb85 Posts: 357 Member
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    I agree with the other posters - you cannot change your husband. You can only change you. I'm a vegan and my husband is a carnivore. That said, he eats what I cook and occasionally (less than half the time) I will cook meat. I don't like cooking meat (the smell now grosses me out) but I will for him - and I cook it in a healthy, yet tasty manner.

    The longer I've been vegan, the more vegan meals he eats and enjoys. Now I'm on a quest to get fit, exercise, lose weight. He wasn't until he took a temp job in Seattle. He now walks everywhere (I have the car in Louisiana) and is eating more salads and getting healthier. But it wasn't my nagging that made him do it.

    Find a happy medium. I asked my hubby if he'd be okay with me alternating vegan/meat meals and he said yes. I had been introducing more veggie meals into our diets in the years prior anyway. He likes almost everything I cook. If he doesn't, he tells me and I scrap that meal (or if *I* really love it, I cook it when he's going to be away for the night).

    If you don't like his McDonald's breath (shudder) then ask him to brush after eating it. Then give him a big kiss afterwards, so the brushing was worth his while. :wink:
  • Thankilates
    Thankilates Posts: 432 Member
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    I was misled by your topic- I was thinking either the Seinfeld episode where George eats during sex, or of all the wonderful things you and your partner could do with any variety of cured, tubed meats. SIgh.

    Leave his *kitten*.

    LOL pastrami sandwich! I LOVE SEINFELD! LOL
  • agingwithfitness
    agingwithfitness Posts: 1,404 Member
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    both my husband and I want to eat healthy and we both fail at it sometimes. I actually have more of a problem being tempted by sweets and breads than he does. when he teases me about "you don't really need that" or "haven't you had enough sugar today" I find in a twisted way must be some rebellion there I eat more of it.

    I agree that we should all strive for health and hope both in a marriage want that but I think when you start telling someone how to eat or tease them about it, it just makes them do the opposite of what you want.

    I start feeling like a weight loss failure, mad at him for bugging me, etc.

    We have talked about it and he isn't bugging me lately and that causes me to think for myself and go back to wanting to be healthy.

    So I guess what I am saying is back off awhile...maybe even months and give him a chance to see it on his own. Besides if he does it for you it won't last. People have to change for themselves, you decided to change. Give him that chance to grow up on his own.
  • ShapeUpSidney
    ShapeUpSidney Posts: 1,092 Member
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    I think you need to come to a realization that you are not in the “right” here.

    ^^^this


    Have you tried leaving him alone?
  • veganbaum
    veganbaum Posts: 1,865 Member
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    Considering that food is a big part of culture, is necessary for survival, and is something you are going to have a lot of around each other since you live with your husband, to me it is not a minor matter. Nagging certainly won't help. I agree with some others that you should cook primarily healthful meals (which can be totally vegan), and if he wants his meat you can either a. cook it for him as a side - as it should properly be rather than the centerpiece (I personally could never do this) or b. tell him that he can cook his own meat (I have known many veg*ns who have successfully gone this route - the woman, if that is her usually one of her primary roles - cooks everything but the meat). Let him eat his junk if he wants to, but if it starts to affect his health (which it will eventually) I think you have every right to say something at that point. As a committed partner, you have a right to expect that your partner will at least take care of themselves moderately and not leave you with a fear that they will die an early death (at least they should be in similar health to what they were when you committed to them - baring an uncontrollable health issue). That said, if that time comes, that is a subject to be appraoched with extreme caution.

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