Think my husband is sabotaging me....

2

Replies

  • chefswife67
    chefswife67 Posts: 145
    My Ex hubby did that to me too ..Thats one reason that he is my Ex....LMAO..
    You work on you and get healthy for you.. Then maybe he will join you after he sees what a great job you are doing ...
  • cm2two
    cm2two Posts: 194
    Tell him you're just training for bedroom Olympics, then use him as a pummel horse and take that aggression out.

    THIS of course!! :D
  • starracer23
    starracer23 Posts: 1,011 Member
    tell him to get off his *kitten* and do something to get healthy or you WILL leave him for someone else....



    but no seriously, communication is key in a relationship. the end.
  • cm2two
    cm2two Posts: 194
    Gosh,

    Sounds like he can't handle the change too well, i cant understand guys like that surely he must want a happier, healthier, sexier, you?

    This sounds harsh but drag him with you to the gym or on a run or move on to a fitter sexier model and get your self an upgrade.

    uh, okay. and if this happened to you?? here's my hand, use it for your own *face palm*
  • piexcore
    piexcore Posts: 85 Member
    Ok so that's my boyfriend all over.

    It's actually the reason I won't move in with him. His eating and exercise habits are atrocious. He's always saying things like "I feel like such a pig when we go out." because I eat reasonable sized portions of food that aren't fried in cheese and marinated in grease. He also complains that I spend to much time at the gym- I spend an hour at the gym a day and nothings stopping him from coming with. I think it less that he's trying to sabotage me and just more that he just resents the fact that a healthy lifestyle for me means change and inconveniencing his couch potato lifestyle. He's always been a little jealous, so idk.

    I guess it's just proof that we are sexy betches.
  • 4vhughes
    4vhughes Posts: 26 Member
    When I finish writing the book on it I'll send you a copy! I went through years of DH sabotaging me. He would either crack jokes or worse be sweet about it like "you've had such a rough day I made dinner tonight"- fried pork chops, mashed potatoes with butter, corn with more butter and yeast rolls....with butter. This is a man that doesn't cook and doesn't know what a carb is. He wanted to keep me 'down' so he wouldn't have to be nice to me. BUT I am the one that let myself gain 40 lbs. He didn't tie me to a chair and force feed me or lock me in a closet away from a gym.

    Fast forward 5 years... He has put up some resistance this go around. Mostly likely because he doesn't know how serious I am. I have been cleaning up our kitchen and getting rid of almost anything processed, but I did it very slowly. I didn't come home and announce that I was on a diet or throw out food we already had. I just started buying healthier options on my weekly grocery trip. I stopped eating out at lunch everyday. He has no idea.

    When I mentioned trying to find time to work out he pitched quite a fit. On one hand he gives me "why now, are you trying to find someone new?" on the other hand it's "but if you spend time on yourself that's time you won't be spending on me". I just told him that is his issue and not mine. If he is feeling guilty about the way he has treated me he will have to work on that.

    And Kudos to you for 30DS! I'm still working up to completing Day 1 LOL
  • LeeKetty1176
    LeeKetty1176 Posts: 881 Member
    sounds more like his own insecurities.....not yours

    you are making changes etc and i dare say he feels left out or behind.....
  • Kelly_Wilson1990
    Kelly_Wilson1990 Posts: 3,245 Member
    My husband thinks I am losing this weight for him....men are can be dumb.
  • Scorpiomom222
    Scorpiomom222 Posts: 1,462 Member
    If he were that concerned about someone being at the gym, eyeing you, he would go to the gym WITH you. :tongue:

    All joking aside, I'm sorry your going through this. My husband on Thanksgiving made me late for my first race and I wasn't able to participate. He made me late intentionally and he knew how much it meant to me. I'd rather have not had him there and been on time than having to wait on him and be late. I told him this, as he told me he didn't want to go but didn't want me to be mad at him, so, I show up to the race.....15 minutes late. Thanks. :ohwell: That was not a very good day. lol After we got home, I told him to have fun cooking while I ran at the gym to blow off some steam. It really ticked me off that he seemed to not care about me bettering myself but he wasn't choosing to be involved, so I just let it go.
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
    tell him to get off his *kitten* and do something to get healthy or you WILL leave him for someone else....



    but no seriously, communication is key in a relationship. the end.

    +1
  • MamaKatel
    MamaKatel Posts: 180
    Don't you just love husbands? Mine does the same thing. Its very frustrating. My husband went to Germany for 3 weeks and I lost about 7 pounds, when he came home I gained all the weight back. And of course hes over weight himself and could care less.
  • lgwmab
    lgwmab Posts: 274 Member
    It's not uncommen. I guess I've been lucky so far, my fiancee has been my best motivator with me trying to lose weight, he always tells me "I'm just getting hotter." and always telling me how proud he is of what I am doing, I just ask him how he's going to beat the men off me when I hit my goal, it's a joke between us.

    SInce I started toning, and losing he's even wanted to "color" more. You just need to sit down and have a talk with him about it. Have him join you at the gym, if he doesn't want to go, keep asking him, eventually the insecurity should go away.
  • kmcgrath1
    kmcgrath1 Posts: 175 Member
    That's what kills me! DH for the most part is supportive. My first race was in the evening and he stopped by on the way to picking up his daugher just to wish me good luck. It's just recently the jealousy is picking up.

    I think a part of it is yes, he feels left out. And I do go for walks with him. That's about it. He's an auto mechanic so he's constanly on his feet all day burning a ton of calories. He wants no parts of exercise after work. He tells me that I'm pefect and look beautiful that I don't need to lose anymore weight. UGH, it is frustrating.
  • Dtho5159
    Dtho5159 Posts: 1,054 Member
    Mine does!!! "oh just have a bite of this" is the line I get lately.. Um no I don't want a 200 calorie bite of whatever it is, thanks anyways. Then he gets all offended :noway:
  • anewattitude
    anewattitude Posts: 483 Member
    Totally his issues. I have friends that have gone through this and it turned ugly so please be careful. It may start off all innocent like but if he really does feel threatened smiley face m&m;s might not end up to be your biggest concern. Have you tried to include him in your workouts? Not that you should have to as many of us find gym time as "our time" however if he is feeling left out it might not be a bad idea to just set aside some time that the two of you go to the gym, or a walk or do a dvd together... whatever works best. My fiance feels I have become fitness obsessed and doesn't always want to exercise with me when I suggest it but he has never tried to sabbotage my efforts to be healthy ( I do that all on my own!).

    Keep a close eye on the things he says and does and don't dismiss anything you are not comfortable with by trying to justify it. He needs to work o his insecurities but maybe a nice romantic evening planned by you will help him to realize he is all that you want!

    Best of luck!
  • TriumphantLife
    TriumphantLife Posts: 56 Member
    Great advice. I second this.
  • Scorpiomom222
    Scorpiomom222 Posts: 1,462 Member
    That's what kills me! DH for the most part is supportive. My first race was in the evening and he stopped by on the way to picking up his daugher just to wish me good luck. It's just recently the jealousy is picking up.

    I think a part of it is yes, he feels left out. And I do go for walks with him. That's about it. He's an auto mechanic so he's constanly on his feet all day burning a ton of calories. He wants no parts of exercise after work. He tells me that I'm pefect and look beautiful that I don't need to lose anymore weight. UGH, it is frustrating.

    Well, there's hardly any way that you could include him in exercise if he's moving around all day anyway. That's the problem I have with DH. He's on his feet for 8 out of the 10 hours a day that he works. Tell him that fitness is something you need for you. That it means alot that he loves you for you, but you need to feel okay about yourself in order to keep yourself happy and make him happier.
  • kmcgrath1
    kmcgrath1 Posts: 175 Member
    That's what kills me! DH for the most part is supportive. My first race was in the evening and he stopped by on the way to picking up his daugher just to wish me good luck. It's just recently the jealousy is picking up.

    I think a part of it is yes, he feels left out. And I do go for walks with him. That's about it. He's an auto mechanic so he's constanly on his feet all day burning a ton of calories. He wants no parts of exercise after work. He tells me that I'm pefect and look beautiful that I don't need to lose anymore weight. UGH, it is frustrating.

    Well, there's hardly any way that you could include him in exercise if he's moving around all day anyway. That's the problem I have with DH. He's on his feet for 8 out of the 10 hours a day that he works. Tell him that fitness is something you need for you. That it means alot that he loves you for you, but you need to feel okay about yourself in order to keep yourself happy and make him happier.
    Sounds great! I'm going to try that one!
  • marquesajen
    marquesajen Posts: 641
    Oy vey. My husband made a joke/was worried I'd find someone else after losing weight, and a few days later he put on his running shoes and came with me. He suggested we alternate walking with running. He came on long bike rides with me, he worked out in the living room with me. He started packing his lunches and cooking with me. I think the best way to meet this head on is to include him in some way. Yes, it's his problem, but it affects you. If he's too tired, doesn't want to walk/run maybe he can lift weights, do crunches, stuff like that. He'll probably find that after working out regularly he's got more energy and he might start doing other exercise with you too. Candy is a sweet gesture, but a powerbar on your pillow is a thoughtful one.

    Good luck :)
  • BellySoonGone
    BellySoonGone Posts: 150
    oooh, my ex was like that. bad news; sorry! Keep on and stay motivated. change is hard for men.

    blessings.

    change is hard on men and women when someone tries to change them into someone else..

Categories