Trying to be healthy this time around...

MandyJaneRose

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I'm 24, 5'5", and currently about 115 pounds.

When I was around 17, I developed an eating disorder. I don't really want to get too deeply into that, but it basically stemmed from always being a perfectionist, and from watching my mother constantly yo-yo diet, using every fad diet and exercise scheme available but not really get anywhere. I started starving myself most of the time, with binges every few days, and essentially just fueled my own shame. The only exercise I would ever get was from taking long walks; I never once went to the gym or did any real form of cardio. I went from around 115 pounds to 95 pounds, which I guess doesn't sound like a large difference, but I have a petite frame. I think my lowest weight was around 90 pounds.

When I was around 22, I finally made some friends and became an overall happier person, which is great. The downside of that was that I started just drinking and partying constantly to deal with my feelings of inadequacy, instead of starving. I started eating "normally", in the sense that I would just eat whatever I wanted, and drink all the time. I admit I am lucky, because I think the highest my weight has ever been is about 123 while eating whatever I'd like. I should point out again though that I have a very small frame, and also that I'm totally out of shape, so 120 pounds looks pretty big on me.

Anyway, my current goal is to get back down to a weight that I feel comfortable with (103 is my current goal, but we'll see, higher may be alright, lower may be preferable), but to do so in a more healthy way. I have been teaching myself to eat healthy food, instead of just low calorie food (or binging on junk food) and I am getting better at that. I have been a member of my local gym for about 6 months, but have only started actually going for the past month or so. I try to do yoga 3 times a week (the only form of exercise I have found I actually ENJOY - something I didn't think I would ever be capable of), and going to the gym twice a week (more if I have time). I'm trying to sleep more, take my vitamins, etc. I've cut down my drinking a LOT. Anyone looking at my food diary may notice that I don't usually track my calories on the weekends though - why? Binge eating and drinking, it starts to overwhelm me, and as someone with a history of anorexia I can't handle looking at the numbers once they get past a certain point. I realize I have a lot of work to do still though, so I just wanted to put this out here and see if anyone could relate, or had advice, or wanted to add me as a friend on here. I'm open to friends of all shapes, sizes, ages, backgrounds, etc. I'm open minded, supportive, and encouraging, and that's all I ask in return!