Boys Like Magnets...*sigh*..

TakeOne

Let me just start by saying I know not all guys are like this. There are guys in my life who make me so happy and treat me like the best thing they've ever known. However...

Trying to figure out why I let some guys...okay one guy at the moment.. treat me like crap.. I can stay away from him and ignore him for like a month, two even...but then its right back in, well you know, together. He doesn't deserve me, for a number of reasons. Don't get me wrong, he has many wonderful qualities. Makes me feel so amazing a lot of the time. But he also knows how to completely do a 180 and make me want to cry. He's such a sweet talker I guess...I don't know. I have stepped backed and looked at this situation, with clear eyes, and I know I deserve somebody who only wants to make me happy and never wants to make me cry. I know that..I really do. But you know how some people just know exactly what buttons to push? Its like a magnetic drawl... I can't seem to get away entirely. Does this make since?? And I know I'm the one who needs to look out for my own happiness...which is why it sucks so much when I can see this cycle starting over....

Any thoughts/advice? Any body else feel this way about another person?

odusgolp

Run, do not walk, and find yourself a deserving man.

Which is soooo much easier said than done, I realize :ohwell: But you know it's what you need to do in your gut!

alex215

birdlover97111

A great therapist would be a good start.... :flowerforyou:

messyinthekitchen

Run, do not walk, and find yourself a deserving man.

Which is soooo much easier said than done, I realize :ohwell: But you know it's what you need to do in your gut!

What she said Hun. You deserve better.

karenwill2

seriously. You can either make the mistake and waste your time on this guy or you can move on and make yourself available for a really great guy to come in to your life. Great guys come along once in a lifetime. "bad boys" are a dime a dozen. Know that you deserve a guy that worships you.

TakeOne

My gut and my brain and my heart and whatever else just need to get on the same page..

TakeOne

Haha..where on earth did you find this!?

Contrarian

You are his in-between person. He is with you when he isn't interested in anyone else. You are plan B.

I know this sounds unkind, but you need to re-discover your dignity.

odusgolp

My gut and my brain and my heart and whatever else just need to get on the same page..

As they taught little girls in "The Help"

I is beautiful. I is smart. I is important.

Carl01

I can not count the number of times I have heard a lady say or write "He really deep down is a sweetheart and will treat me good BUT..."

Never once has it worked out to a good end for the lady.
He is either decent in all ways all the time (yes I know disagreements happen and tempers can flair,not the same thing) or he is not a person you need to be involved with.

If he tries to hurt you either physically or emotionally to control you then you will have nothing but heartache.
No person,male or female deserves that kind of life.

odusgolp

You are his in-between person. He is with you when he isn't interested in anyone else. You are plan B.

I know this sounds unkind, but you need to re-discover your dignity.

You are wise.

Don't put yourself on the clearance rack, sista.

miovlb6

Run, do not walk, and find yourself a deserving man.

Which is soooo much easier said than done, I realize :ohwell: But you know it's what you need to do in your gut!

What she said Hun. You deserve better.

What they said! Just think of him as a bad habit...you've been successful making changes to improve your health and fitness, just apply that same focus to dropping him! But seriously, you deserve the best; don't settle for an *kitten*!

roxygrissom

Hmm....check out a book on self esteem, read it, apply it and get rid of this loser. When we feel bad about ourselves it is easy to accept and be around people who are not kind to us...because we receive the negative feedback from them that agrees with what we feel about ourselves.

ninerbuff

Let me just start by saying I know not all guys are like this. There are guys in my life who make me so happy and treat me like the best thing they've ever known. However...

Trying to figure out why I let some guys...okay one guy at the moment.. treat me like crap.. I can stay away from him and ignore him for like a month, two even...but then its right back in, well you know, together. He doesn't deserve me, for a number of reasons. Don't get me wrong, he has many wonderful qualities. Makes me feel so amazing a lot of the time. But he also knows how to completely do a 180 and make me want to cry. He's such a sweet talker I guess...I don't know. I have stepped backed and looked at this situation, with clear eyes, and I know I deserve somebody who only wants to make me happy and never wants to make me cry. I know that..I really do. But you know how some people just know exactly what buttons to push? Its like a magnetic drawl... I can't seem to get away entirely. Does this make since?? And I know I'm the one who needs to look out for my own happiness...which is why it sucks so much when I can see this cycle starting over....

Any thoughts/advice? Any body else feel this way about another person?

Is your father this way?

Dolphingirlie81

Run away and don't turn around. To him you're just an option and you should never be someone elses option..

JellyJaks

You.Deserve.BETTER

I know how hard it is to leave. My ex husband abused me in every way you can abuse a person. I woke up one morning and thought "what the hell am I doing? No one deserves to be treated this way" I left him, moved back in with my parents and started the agonizing divorce process.

Now it's 5 years later and I'm happier than I've ever been. I remarried and my husband is everything that my ex never was and so much more. No one can do it for you hun. You have to make the decision and realize that no one is responsible for your happiness except you. *Hugs*

Ever heard the song "Pearl" by Katy Perry? Youtube it. I think it will inspire you

Or better yet, here's a link with the lyrics http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6Y4y6ka3y4

red01angel

Sorry...I had to

TakeOne

I promise that I don't have some kinda extremely low self-esteem. It's hard to put everything into a short sweet paragraph.. Just doesn't fit that way. He and I are both aware of what we are to each other. I think the problem is that it's for different reasons. *sigh* I've been married, I'm NOT looking to do that again, but I also don't want to be alone all the time. I'm not sure what kinda commitment I want/need to be honest, but I know isn't legally binding. I think I'm also paranoid of guys who are looking for a marriage/family/etc. In a way I guess we're both each others plan B...except I just know its not right...that whole feeling in your gut?

Thanks everyone for your kind, honest words.

Sorry..LOL...make that isn't legally binding!

TakeOne

I can not count the number of times I have heard a lady say or write "He really deep down is a sweetheart and will treat me good BUT..."

Never once has it worked out to a good end for the lady.
He is either decent in all ways all the time (yes I know disagreements happen and tempers can flair,not the same thing) or he is not a person you need to be involved with.

If he tries to hurt you either physically or emotionally to control you then you will have nothing but heartache.
No person,male or female deserves that kind of life.

True true...thanks for reminding me to look ahead. This guy, the whole guy, is not what I want in my future. I need to focus on that I guess.

TakeOne

You.Deserve.BETTER

I know how hard it is to leave. My ex husband abused me in every way you can abuse a person. I woke up one morning and thought "what the hell am I doing? No one deserves to be treated this way" I left him, moved back in with my parents and started the agonizing divorce process.

Now it's 5 years later and I'm happier than I've ever been. I remarried and my husband is everything that my ex never was and so much more. No one can do it for you hun. You have to make the decision and realize that no one is responsible for your happiness except you. *Hugs*

Ever heard the song "Pearl" by Katy Perry? Youtube it. I think it will inspire you

Or better yet, here's a link with the lyrics http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6Y4y6ka3y4

Can't believe I've never heard that song before! Thank you for sharing

Robin1117

I'm so sorry you are going through this. When I was dating a while back I used to do similar things--date guys who would mess with my head, and I would make excuses for their behavior and how I was treated. It is so hard to leave. It wasn't until I met someone (my now husband), who was totally "not my type", did I realize how ridiculous I was for allowing someone to treat me so poorly. Never again. Even if you don't do anything drastic, like never see your bf again, just give yourself space and open your mind to meet someone new, someone nice and maybe a bit different from what you expect, and you will probably see the difference between how you deserve to be treated, and how you never want to be treated again. I'd love to tell you RUN, but I know that's going to be easier said than done. Hugs to you!

sunkisses

A great therapist would be a good start.... :flowerforyou:

This.

Random_Name

A great therapist would be a good start....

Either a therapist or an analyst. Or both.

sweetsarahj

soooo.... is the sex mind-blowing? Because sometimes what can happen (I say this from experience) is if the sex is amazing, your hormones can trick you into thinking you love this guy.

I had an ex who was "a great guy" but who could never meet my needs anywhere but the bedroom. Yet I kept coming back, convinced I loved him....

The n one day someone asked me, "WHY do you love him?"

And I didn't have a good answer. There needs to be a REAL concrete reason to love somebody, or to be in a relationship with somebody.

So, what's your reason for staying?

krash999

I can not count the number of times I have heard a lady say or write "He really deep down is a sweetheart and will treat me good BUT..."

Never once has it worked out to a good end for the lady.
He is either decent in all ways all the time (yes I know disagreements happen and tempers can flair,not the same thing) or he is not a person you need to be involved with.

If he tries to hurt you either physically or emotionally to control you then you will have nothing but heartache.
No person,male or female deserves that kind of life.

i am so with him on this one... there is no reason for a guy to not treat a woman like a princess. that just comes from growing up country and having parents instill the southern gentleman into me.... for that i am very greatful though... i am proud to be one of the dwindling number of us out there. i just hate that the number is dwindling...

kapeluza

Run away. Like fast.

RCKT82

guys have the same problem sometimes also, I know I do... I always end up with girls that walk all over me... as soon as she starts the water works I get roped back in... I guess that's why I have one hell of a wall up now... I don't let anyone get close anymore... I've become extremely good at keeping myself in the friends zone... as soon as I feel something brewing I flip that magnet and disappear before it's too late. I know that doesn't help your situation... but if you can manage to find a way to cut him off for good and don't look back, it'll get easier over time. Just like diet and exercise. The more you stick to it, the easier it gets, the more routine it becomes with avoiding him. Just hang in there kiddo, it'll get easier, just stay away! block his number and emails. When you start thinking about him or miss him, go for a run, go out with some of your girlfriends, or do something to occupy yourself.

keb80

Let me just start by saying I know not all guys are like this. There are guys in my life who make me so happy and treat me like the best thing they've ever known. However...

Trying to figure out why I let some guys...okay one guy at the moment.. treat me like crap.. I can stay away from him and ignore him for like a month, two even...but then its right back in, well you know, together. He doesn't deserve me, for a number of reasons. Don't get me wrong, he has many wonderful qualities. Makes me feel so amazing a lot of the time. But he also knows how to completely do a 180 and make me want to cry. He's such a sweet talker I guess...I don't know. I have stepped backed and looked at this situation, with clear eyes, and I know I deserve somebody who only wants to make me happy and never wants to make me cry. I know that..I really do. But you know how some people just know exactly what buttons to push? Its like a magnetic drawl... I can't seem to get away entirely. Does this make since?? And I know I'm the one who needs to look out for my own happiness...which is why it sucks so much when I can see this cycle starting over....

Any thoughts/advice? Any body else feel this way about another person?

Its been a little while since I've been this way over someone but I can totally relate to what you are saying. You hate the manipulation but, in a way, the emotional roller-coaster can be almost addicting. I get it. Remind yourself that you DESERVE nothing less than to be happy. Look at him for what he really is: a master manipulator who you'll NEVER be able to tame or turn into your prince charming. Good luck to you!!