Who here has been married more than once??

crisanderson27

we have two daughters, 11 and 9. They love their older (half) brother and his son (my daughters' nephew!) - we work well as a blended family.

That's awesome I have a little dude, and I find dating those without kids to be slightly more challenging than dating someone that has a children of his own.

I was married at 22ish, divorced by 25ish (the divorce took 2 years, you do the math). I won sole custody of my then 11mo old daughter prior to the divorce being final. After that...I was pretty much single for about six years. Raising my daughter was far more important than dating...though, I hate(ed) being single. At that point I met my most recent ex. She basically took over as the mother of my daughter without a second thought...things were pretty incredible (we had two boys together) with the exception of a couple hickups, for about three and a half years.

Boy oh boy did things go bad in a hurry. Just about every issue you can imagine raised its ugly head in the course of six months.

I spent the next three or so years trying to hold my family together. We'd planned to be married in the first couple years...but never did. On our last effort, starting in about November of last year...she began planning a wedding for this past July. We split up in April when she started cheating online, and then attempted to take the kids and move 800 miles back to Arizona to live with her physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive Mother. I stopped her, and have temporary custody of the boys, my daughter was devastated, and overall...it's been one bit of nastiness after the next since.

I really didn't think I'd find someone again...for obvious reasons. First, finding someone to trust with my own heart seemed problematic at best. Finding someone willing to accept my three children, and the issues inherent in being a step parent (more on that below), and that I could trust with THEIR hearts...even less likely.

Thankfully, I've been proven completely wrong.

On the step parent thing...it's a difficult road...but you have to pick someone you trust completely...because any real 'limit' on his parenting of your son, is going to put serious stress on your relationship. The right man will love your son as his own, raise him as his own, and respect/discipline him as his own. He will also put your son's welfare before even your own...as any Father should...and the fact that your welfare should come before his...shouldn't even need to be expressed. Serious interferance (more than a typical mother would, I mean) from you can only eventually breed resentment, even from the best of men, and that's never good. Trust me on this...I know because the Dad that raised me, wasn't my physical Dad...and I couldn't be luckier. Your son may or may not ever call him 'Dad'...but that doesn't negate the fact that he honestly has to be the father day in, and day out. Your son will come to recognize that, and appreciate it when he's older.

Kate6868

I'm on my 4th and final husband! I was definitely not going to get married again, but we bought a house and had joint bank accounts and jointly owned vehicles. It just made sense from a legal perspective to get married.

I'm still on good terms with #1 and #2. #3, however, was more than a bit psycho.

gr8grl68

I have been married to my 2nd (and last!) husband for almost 5 years . . .and know he is my LOML I have 2 boys (15 and 26) from previous marriage, and we have a daughter together who just turned 4.

We're all on good terms with my ex--no worries or problems there so that makes life easier . . .and I just found out I'm going to be a grandma next spring!

Life is good

(PS--I had to kiss alot of toads. . .let me just say--WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!)

odusgolp

I've been single three years now & no one has met my son. I date... My son dies not need to take that journey with me. If I meet the right guy that time will come... Just haven't gotten there yet;-)

crisanderson27

I've been single three years now & no one has met my son. I date... My son dies not need to take that journey with me. If I meet the right guy that time will come... Just haven't gotten there yet;-)

Oh, I agree completely...particularly as a woman. Men can be real jerks to a child they see as competition for your attention, whether purposefully or not. And it's not always in ways you'll pick up on, because you just don't have the necessary biological equipment to get the signals lol. Your son, even at his young age...does...and he can be easily intimidated due to that age, which is bad.

For me...in a dating scenario...it's important that they meet (not immediately, but you get the idea), but see us as friends. It's necessary to see how they interact, etc. Contact is kept to a minimum for obvious reasons...but until they DO meet, there is no way to know how things will go. I have a bit more control over that than you might, due to my circumstances I think though.

It always makes me wonder why people can't just do the necessary things in order to keep their initial commitment. The children deserve so much more than they usually get in these scenarios. I mean, I came out ahead with my Dad...but I'm in the definite minority.

juliecat1

Not yet :laugh:

Im a bit of a marriage cynic and Ive become ridiculously independent over the years. Im not sure Id really do it again.
The romantic in me would love nothing more than to fall helplessly in love forever though. sigh

BecksgotBack

I've been single three years now & no one has met my son. I date... My son dies not need to take that journey with me. If I meet the right guy that time will come... Just haven't gotten there yet;-)

smart girl. i dated a guy...lived with him for 4 years. my daughter was 2 and a half when we moved in...up until she was finished grade 1. he was a huge part of her life...but not. there was no bond there. but that break up was harder on her than myself. i swore i would never put her thru that again. 3 years later she has no idea i date. she doesn't know names or any part of my "adult" life. she's almost 9 now and very smart....i don't know how much longer i can keep her in the dark.

GTOgirl1969

I would marry again if the right person came along- I'm not shutting myself off to that possibility, but I'm not looking for it, either.

BondBomb

Maybe my divorce is still too fresh but as much as the romantic in me would love to get married..it hurt so muc that I can't imagine even loving anyone else again. Sometimes I think I might like to date but I never meet anyone. When I tried online dating before it was pretty horrible. So I sit home watching adult swim and taking care of my son. Pathetic I know.

Rlbarrera

Been there, done that...twice. I'm not opposed to marriage and I wouldn't say I'm a cynic, I'm just very cautious. When you have kids you just have to be that much more careful.

crisanderson27

Maybe my divorce is still too fresh but as much as the romantic in me would love to get married..it hurt so muc that I can't imagine even loving anyone else again. Sometimes I think I might like to date but I never meet anyone. When I tried online dating before it was pretty horrible. So I sit home watching adult swim and taking care of my son. Pathetic I know.

Not pahetic.

It's hard...you sit there wondering why on earth anyone would voluntarily want to go through the whole dating mess again (yeah...I hate THAT game with a passion), when they had a life built and waiting for them to just do the right things with it. It's something you can't fathom...but part of your brain just keeps trying.

It's sad...but it is what it is. Part of healing I guess.

The reaction I get from women to me raising my kids is either admiration, or active anger. Cut and dry, no middle ground. Unfortunately the majority respond with active anger. But the fact remains, I'm all they have. Because of both of those circumstances...I've done my fair share of sitting at home watching some lame show and taking care of my kids as well.

Again, you aren't pathetic, you're worthy of respect.

Sasssy69

I am divorced once and in a 5 year relationship- he has never been married and doesnt have kids- i have one son.

I learned alot from my first marriage. I believe in marriage and my honey and I talk about it but he isnt rushing to get there and neither am I.

To some people being married is very important. To me not so much. My boyfriend and I have so much more together than my ex and I ever had. And we are both happy with the way things are.

Besides its scary when myself and most of the people I know are divorces or going through it

^^^THIS^^^ - Me too...

xraychick77

the sanctity of marriage huh

genann

Yes the right man does exist for everyone... I was married the first time at age 18...much too young. We divorced when I was 30. I left the marriage with 2 of the most beautiful daughters you could ever ask for. I married the second time at age 35 and have been happily married for 25 years now.

pinkgigi

I've been married twice. The first husband for 16 years, divorced, trying to make the best life for myself and my children in a bad situation. Not ideal, but my son recently said he wouldn't be where he is today if we were still together.

Second marriage wasn't perfect, but he was a great guy, unfortunately he died tragically after a long illness.

I don't feel the need to marry again, but would like a non-live-in partner. I think I have carried much more than 1/2 the load in both of my marriages, and I don't want to go there again. If there is a man out there for me, he would have to come fully-formed and mature, I'm not prepared to mother anyone again.

GG

veganbaum

Hmmm, makes me wonder how many "older" (as in over 30) people are out there who have never been married.

suzycreamcheese

"A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience" - my second husband.

And, I'm his second wife.

We are both much, much happier together.

i love that saying.

Ive been married before, but was dumped after 9 years (apparently didnt love me anymore) and in april im getting married to my lovely fiancé, weve been together 6 years, and have children together, and its so exciting

dave4d

I was never going to get married again, until I got bored a year ago. Then I was just going to date to have someone to do things with. Now I think we are planning a wedding for sometime in January, or February.

I am going to get myself fixed next month. My 3 teenage boys are enough for us. We don't want anymore kids.

crisanderson27

the sanctity of marriage huh

What did you mean by this?

To me...marriage most certainly is sacred. I didn't, and don't believe in divorce (for myself), and will always choose to work on my relationship, rather than abandon it.

That goes triple for marriage.

JanLeb

I was one of the "I will never ever do it again" girls, but somehow that changed. I am now married again (the 3rd time for me):ohwell:
I say the first didn't count as we were both young, only lasted about a year, the second seemed much better, but that fell apart in a huge way.
I spent many years on my own, raising my 3 children and didn't even have any desire to date. Then one day I met my now husband, and after dating for about 6 months I knew I could be in trouble, but still insisted 'never again'
When he proposed I am sure I was in shock, but said yes

We have been together now just over 6 years, married 3years and I can honestly say I have never been happier with being with another person!

havingitall

I was married for 10 years the first time and divorced him when he decided to want to "play" with various female co-workers.

I remarried 7 years ago and I now know what truly being in love is like. My husband is an incredible man. We have 3 "kids" between us. My son is 21 and my daughter is 19. His daughter is 20. We have had our struggles ( mostly because of kids) but thankfully, they are growing past that.

TheRoadDog

I've been married 4 times.

1st Time - 1977 - Lasted 1 Year . She was a Russian Jew
2nd Time - 1982 - Lasted 2 Years. She was an Italian Catholic
3rd Time - 1987 - Lasted 3 Years. She was a Czech Christian
4th Time - 1992 - Just celebrated our 19th Anniversary and we are going strong. We don't discuss religion.

When you are getting ready to marry for the 4th time, after 3 failed marriages, you have to take a look at the common denominator.

fbmandy55

My mom has been married and divorced 5 times, dad twice. Oddly enough I haven't been married yet but have no fear of marriage. It's actually something I'm looking forward to.

Leola2011

I've been married twice and so has my husband. His first wife passed away and my first marriage ended in divorce. Together, we're parenting 7 children! Love can be sweeter the second time around, but only if both people have done some serious work on themselves. Otherwise, each person will bring with them all the baggage from the first marriage and who wants that?? Thankfully, my husband and I each avoided the dating scene for about a year after each of our losses (we didn't know each other at the time). We did this so we could focus strictly on our own healing and that of our children without any unnecessary distractions. By the time we met, we each had a greater understanding for the "give" part of love and not just the "take" part. That's made ALL the difference!

chocolateandvodka

married at 19 divorced at barely 23.
we had a disagreement - he thought it was ok to hit me, i disagreed.
i'm just not the commitment type - at. all. the idea of merely dating freaks the hell out of me. fwb's are quite enough for the time being i think.
as far as again? maybe when i'm 30. maybe even older than that. i just don't see ever caring about one person so much that i'm willing to take on their name and family and all that jazz. but who knows? i think absolutes are complete crap though so my advice is possibly counterintuitive.

iAMaPhoenix

I've been single three years now & no one has met my son. I date... My son dies not need to take that journey with me. If I meet the right guy that time will come... Just haven't gotten there yet;-)

Was married at 25 and all for the wrong reason. Knocked up girl and decided to do right by her. Did not last but a minute it seems. I was single parent for 8 years as I got custody of child in process. Like you, I dated but the first person he spent any time with was his mother(she has spent more time with him than the one who carried him, so she is mom). It has been 10 years and life is beautiful. Divorce is not an option for us unless physical abuse or infidelity is involved, so we are in this for the long haul. If something happens to my wife, I would probably be open to marriage again, but it would be hard for anyone to meet my expectations as she is definitely my soulmate. And since I have already proven that I can do it alone, I think I would rather be a father to my children than divide my affection between them and someone else.
But this is just me.
E.

iAMaPhoenix

I've been married 4 times.

1st Time - 1977 - Lasted 1 Year . She was a Russian Jew
2nd Time - 1982 - Lasted 2 Years. She was an Italian Catholic
3rd Time - 1987 - Lasted 3 Years. She was a Czech Christian
4th Time - 1992 - Just celebrated our 19th Anniversary and we are going strong. We don't discuss religion.

When you are getting ready to marry for the 4th time, after 3 failed marriages, you have to take a look at the common denominator.

LOL...what demonitation are you?

voluptas63

This gives me hope for myself and my man friend (He married his HS sweetheart and they divorced after 5yrs of marriage) who says he'll never marry again:)

odusgolp

This gives me hope for myself and my man friend (He married his HS sweetheart and they divorced after 5yrs of marriage) who says he'll never marry again:)

He will;-)