My husband is so mean sometimes!

LauraDubbleya

Guys like him are massive balls of insecurity. They marry or date women they see as inferior to them because they need the power they lord over these "grateful women". I get that maybe you weren't in a good place when you met him and didn't see his insulting behaviour as abusive. They make it sound like they're "helping you see the truth". Bottom line is the more they put you down, the more they can.

I think you're seeing him through more confident eyes and maybe not liking what you see. He's an *kitten*.

Another thing that you might want to consider is that you shouldn't be trying to get him to agree to change if you do. If he says no, does that mean you'll give up on you? That'd be very sad.

NEVER let anyone make you feel less than beautiful!!!

MelissaL582

Use that to fuel your fire girl! My husband gave me that "okay whatever" look when I first started MFP. I guess I can't really blame him because the diets I tried before ended up as FAILs in my book, but look at me now.. He's constantly telling me how good I look and if I'll ever leave him. I've gotten him to start losing weight too. You got this girl!!

rrgrove

Do it for you! My brother in law was the same way to my sister when she first started and when she started seeing great results he accused her of cheating. Don't let him get you down or make you feel like you can't do this because you can!!

Magic_Girl

He sounds like a total @55!!! He is really mentally abusive (hopefully not physically). I had a friend with a guy like that and he always told her how he liked other girls better than her and how there were a million other girls prettier than her. She didn't care because she LOVED hims so much!! It wasn't until she found out he was cheating on her for 3 months that she got out of the relationship and never looked back. YOU need to find a real man who does NOT bring you down. Let's say you do lose the weight and you get to your goal weight. What if he doesn't change??? What if after all your hard work he still puts you down?? I think he is just setting you up for failure. He wants you to get bigger so it makes him feel better about himself. He might make you feel like you are not good enough when in reality he doesn't want you to realize what piece a crap he is and leave him.

engineman312

he is probably really jealous that you are losing weight and kicking your addiction, but instead of being supportive and getting motivated himself, he is resentful that that same motivation isn't in him.

just stay with it, don't bring it up again. soon he will motivate himself and join you. and if he says anything horrible to you again, just be passive and don't get into a fight. he's trying to bring you back down to his level.

khk2010

I think the way to get to your fitness and weight goal and keep it off is to do it for yourself. Learn to love yourself and be your own cheerleader. Take care of yourself. Don't worry about the other people in your life. This is your body. No one else's.

When I started MFP I decided that I would learn to love myself exactly as I am at the weight and size I am each step of the way. It wasn't always an easy lesson, but I think it has made a huge difference in my life to learn to do that. It has helped me transform and hopefully keep the weight off as I later learn to maintain.

Best of luck to you.

changeisgood55

I just dumped my ex-boyfriend because of the comments he made about my weight and he was about 30 pounds over weight himself. Don't let any man talk to you like that. Someone that really loves you will support you...not put you down. Keep that in mind. I never put my ex down when he asked me if he looked fat. I said I loved him for him. Lose the weight for you and you only. Then dump his *kitten* and find someone who really loves you. He doesn't!

girliegirl56

When your husband says that you are a food addict, tell him he's right. That will take away any power he has from you and truthfully speaking. . .you are. So am I. So are most of us on this websight. Get to the bottom of "why" you eat. You will be more successful in your eating plan and recognize when you're eating for the wrong reasons.
My second point is that you must do this for YOU. Not to "show him" or "get even" or any of that other nonsense. That won't work and you will FAIL. . . ultimately eating more than you should and gaining weight!
Stop asking him if he will get into shape if you lose weight. This isn't about HIM and he shouldn't even be brought into it. Use this website as your support system and if you have friends that you can talk to. . .do that. The less you say, the more mysterious and confident you become to him and he will begin to wonder why you are NOT talking about your weight. For some stupid reason this draws guys to us. Whatever.
Keep up the good work and remember. . .we're all in this together! Good Luck!

sinclare

Stay with him, lose the weight, then leave his sorry *kitten*!!

This!

You can change yourself, but you can't change him.

It's his call if he wants to support you, or put you down. Don't let him discourage you. Stay on track here, friend me, lose the weight...you're gonna do great

3ricaAnn

Girl, I don't know what I would do in that situation. My husband has supported me since day 1. I wanted to lose 21 pounds and he told me if I wanted to do it for me than he would support me but if i was doing it for him he loved every pound I was and not to lose any. I am doing this for me because I know I am not healthy or fit and I want to be so I can be a good example for my future family. Even if he is jealous it gives him no right to put you down. You are beautiful just the way you are and do not need that kind of negativity in your life. Do this because you want to be healthy do not do it to impress someone else because he will just find something else to make you feel bad about when you lose the weight you want to lose.

infamousmk

My abusive belittling ex husband was the same way. He met me when I was unhealthy and didn't love myself. He put me down and was sarcastic and never made me feel like I could do or be any better. He also started beating the snot out of me about a year into marriage. I divorced him and got better on the inside, and now I'm working to make the outside match. I'm not saying your husband is going to get physical with you, but mental abuse can be just as painful, and I will not hesitate to make a snap judgement and tell you that you deserve better and he's not worth your time.

preciousperez

My first husband would encourage me to eat. He said he loved me the way I was. And when I tried losing weight he would get upset, jealous and accuse me of cheating. I guess he just loved big women........:)

My current relationship, is so different. He supports me all the way. When I tell him that I am getting on diet or exercising. He motivates me to keep going and tells me, "wow babe I am proud of you and you can do it, it takes time but you can do it." And when I fail to follow through he says " It's okay whenever your ready to start I support you." Thats why i love him so much....I tell him I want to be able to dress super sexy and wear mini skirts and he says " okay but only for me at home" lol

Don't let him verbally abuse you like that. It's not right. You can do it but do it for yourself.

PanteraGirl

Sorry you have to deal with that....I could never! The person you are with is supposed to support you when you are doing something positive.

When he starts with his crap, you just need to remind him that you are confident that you will get to your goal, and will be happy and hot and he's not, so the more he continues to discourage you, the sooner you will be out the door in the arms of another hot, positive, encouraging, and loving man!!!!!

I don't know how your relationship with him is, but this is something I would say to my hubby to shut his mouth if he ever treated me like that.

You have to do this for yourself, and not him. And as a husband he should NOT ever say things like that to you! He sounds very insecure, and controlling. Two very bad mixes.

Stay positive and keep it up....you WILL get to your goal regardless of your husband. The things he is saying to you aren't good for the kids to hear either. Will have a negative impact on everyone else but him.

Good luck to you...you are more than welcome to add me as a friend for some extra support anytime xo

juscallmeb

I hope you find the motivation and support on here that can get you to your goals.
Keep up your hard work and just do it!

marquesajen

I'm sorry you have to put up with that crap, but remember to do this for YOU! By all means use his diatribe as fuel for the fire though. I don't want to intrude, but please don't let anyone make you feel like you are worth less than everything!

joybell32

DTMFA.

THIS!!!! QUICKLY!!!

LaSutopia

Ok. Yes I am a food addict. I know this and I told him that I was. When we first got together he told me I was fat once. I lost some weight and he never said anything else about it and never acted like it was a problem....till after we got married. We have been married almost 5 years and have 2 kids (2 year old and 6 month old). I, among other people, believe he is bi polar on top of being a sex addict...and no I did not know any of this till after we were married. He has had these problems all his life and been addicted to porn since he was 10 years old. He learned how to hide it well an neither him nor his family said anything to me about it. We are going to counseling. He has an individual addiction and behavior counselor and we have a marriage counselor. I believe he is really jealous that he has never had the power to kick his addiction and I am doing well with mine. And like someone else said he is letting it come out as resentment instead of fuel to help him.

Thank you all for the positive encouragement. I am not going to "leave his *kitten*" or anything thing else. I believe in sticking it out. We chose to get married and now we deal with whatever comes. I will not take him hitting me or sleeping with other women, so if that ever happened I would leave. As far as my children seeing that, they will see bad behavior one way or the other and leaving their dad just because he does not behave properly is not teaching them any better. I can just do my best to teach them the correct behavior and, like some one said, pray that their dad changes or that God will help me grow them up to be men they should be regardless. I believe in that. I did tell him how wrong he was being and I did talk him into doing the video as well to see if he could do it.. He did not make it half way through!!! I asked him if he could see now how hard it was and how hard I was working and he said yes. So we will see if he gets more supportive. I think the more he sees that Im really doing this the more he will support me.....I just wanted to vent that he could be a real butt sometimes..............oh and I am doing this for ME no one else. But I would have to be inhuman if someone saying I can't do it did not just fuel me to want to prove them wrong! But that is NOT why I am doing it.

maria25428

Good luck sweetie.. unfortuently leaving isn't as easy as it sounds. Do you and get yourself to where you want to be and make yourself feel great. If he drags you down use him as your motivation to better yourself.

kmtetour

My ex-husband was like that, too. One time he asked me to put away a picture of myself from high school. I thought it was because it was me and an ex-boyfriend. He took the time to correct me and tell me it was because I used to be hot and he didn't need proof around the house. Then he would bring home fast food for dinner and never expect me to cook. And if I cooked something healthy, he would suggest fattening ways I could make it better. WTF?! Now, my story is not yours, so I am by no means suggesting that your marriage won't work out. However, I will tell you that it has been nice to be able to eat as I want and exercise when I want. I wish I could have ignored him or used his words to fuel my exercise.

By the way, I saw him Saturday, and his face lit up when he saw me. I was totally creeped out. :noway:

iAMaPhoenix

So last night I asked my husband if I get to my goal of 155 would be work on himself? Like get his shoulders and chest built back up and lose the gut like he was when I met him. See he was fit when I met him. I was over 200 lbs when he met me. He has never been satisfied with my weight at all but I never cared that he put on weight and all. And I told him that. Every time he said something about his weight I would tell him I did not care and it did not make him less attractive to me. He however was always telling me I was fat and he was not attracted to me. He is also always putting food in my face like cookies and other junk food! Like he is not even trying to help me. He eats all kind of junk food and he wants me to keep it in the house....anyway He said, "yea. you get to 155 Ill do it." but he sounded sarcastic. I asked him why he sounded like that. He said, "because I am an addict I know what it's like. You are a food addict and I don't think you will do it." I was so mad at him. I told him he was just jealous that i was kicking my addiction and he was not. I got up and did my 30 day shred and he came in later and said he was proud of me and that he was jealous. But I know he still does not believe I can do it. I want to prove him wrong soooo bad!

Wow...Unlike most of the people on here, I am with you in staying with you husband. I would make sure and increase his life insurance policy, but I do not think you should leave because he is not into his health as you are. One of the things I would suggest is for you to ask him to sign an agreement. Even if it is on a piece of napkin or pinky swear, remind him that he said he would work out when you got to 155, so tell him you want him to put it in writing. Also play to his man genes and tell him that you are doing this to be sexy for him. Men like that. And make sure to remind him that if he thinks the sex is better with just one of you losing weight, think of how much better it will be of both of you now had more energy. I see swings in the future. You married this man for better or for worse...not until he decided to gain a few extra, well, a lot of extra pounds in the middle. Just think of how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Would you feel good if someone left you because of your weight. I think not. I applaud you for sticking to your vows, now go to the local Fredericks of Hollywood and find the best F&^k me outfit you can find...I guarantee he will sign any agreement after that therapy session. Good luck.