I am completely heartbroken, and I need friends

cmonskinnylovee

Yesterday my boyfriend and I broke up after three years of being together. I have been with this boy since I was 15, I pretty much grew into the woman I am today with his help.

We ended it because the spark, at least for me, was almost gone. I didn't like to kiss him, or do anything like that, and although I think he is one of the most handsome and caring men I have ever met, let alone been with, I am not physically attracted to him, and I don't think it's fair to him to stick around just because I am comfortable where I am... was.

We talked about it together at his dorm yesterday, and we both agreed that going are separate ways was best for the both of us. I of course didn't specify that I wasn't physically attracted to him anymore, to spare his feelings, I just told him that I didn't love him the way I should, and he deserves someone who will.

So I left his dorm, took the train home, and for the most part- of course there were some tears- I was fine.

But then today rolled around and I feel torn apart. I feel as if my world will never be the same, like I'll never have anyone else quite as nice, kind, gentle, and caring as he was. I feel like no one else compares, and I made a huge mistake- But I am fully aware that is not the case.

My brain knows I did the right thing, my heart feels otherwise.

Can someone who has been through this please just talk to me? I'm sure a lot of you have experienced heartbreak, it's a normal human experience- but it just sucks so bad.

I need friends

SpaceMarkus

awe, that's so sad! I'd be happy to friend you. Sounds kinda of like what happened to me in college

ACook42

You did do the right thing and you should feel good about it. You both deserve to feel excited to be with some one.

You are still young and it may feel like you are all alone, but time will heal this. It is more likely you feel you lost your best friend more then a boy friend. Try to keep in touch with him after a few days of letting him heal a bit.

Keep yourself busy and focus on other things...working out to upbeat music should help. Try not to dwell on it

AZKristi

Breaking up sucks, even when you know its the right decision for everyone involved. Are you in school too? Maybe join a club on campus.

audram420

This happened to me a LONG time ago...these are normal feelings because you don't want to be left alone and subconsciously you truely don't think you'll find anyone else...but you're young and you will probably have lots of boyfriends, good and bad until you find the right one!! I know it's hard to hear because when I was your age I hated it when my parents told me this, but enjoy being young...get to know lots of people and have lots of friends. Give people chances and get to know them and you'll find that right guy!!

SWEET31

You did the right thing,Time is precious and it wasn't fair for both of you .....so dont worry feel happy that you give a girl a chance to make him happy as you did at the begining of the relation ,take care

Chunkabutt83

Don't worry, it will get better. I met my ex fiance when i was 16 and was with him for 5 years, we broke up and i was heart broken and sad for quite a long time but as long as you know you made the right decision for you, thats all you need to know! Once you meet someone else who gives you that spark back, you will know you made the right choice!

skinnylove00

i was in the same boat as you before...sometimes you really have to tell yourself again and again WHY you broke up with him in the first place. you werent happy. he agreed that its the best for the both of you guys. so, things should be fine, right?

of course you would feel sad and like your world will never be the same. you will have those feelings from time to time. after all, he WAS part of your world for 3 years, and especially the years from changing to a 15 year old girl to a 18 year old young lady. so, dont be surprised or afraid that you have made the wrong choice when you feel these feelings...its a natural part of breaking up

here comes the melancholy part, life goes on...you move in a different direction, life has some pretty big changes and challenges and new adventures in store for you. be ready for them! dont regret the decision any longer. find what your life is like without him, love YOU again, not the you-you-were-with-your-boyfriend. learn what it means again to stand up on your two feet.

YOU are the holder of your own happiness..not him anymore take a deep breath of fresh air, and look forward to the new life you have ahead of you!!

allison_joan

My high school boyfriend and I were together for 3 years also and we broke up when I was about 18 and moved four hours away to go to college. It was really hard, I thought about him everyday, I cried randomly, and to be brutally honest it sucked for a long three months. Eventually though things got easier, I met a great guy who I now love and have a child with.

Just remember, it gets hard sometimes but you know that sometimes things don't last but another, better guy will come along and that person will love you and help you grow even more.

bry_all01

you did what was best for both of you. You chose to be selfless, rather than selfish, and that is HUGE. Be proud of that. Of course you miss him, you have a heart. Time really does heal all wounds. You were comfortable and miss the comfort of being with him, just remind yourself you did not want to be with him any longer... hugs!

avarielle1215

When I left my (now ex) husband, I still loved him. I felt much the same as you describe, but I knew that loving someone doesn't mean a relationship will work or is meant to be. Of course you will mourn the end of era, but it will fade and you will start getting excited about what is to come! For me, just knowing that my decision was right in the long run helped.

cmonskinnylovee

My high school boyfriend and I were together for 3 years also and we broke up when I was about 18 and moved four hours away to go to college. It was really hard, I thought about him everyday, I cried randomly, and to be brutally honest it sucked for a long three months. Eventually though things got easier, I met a great guy who I now love and have a child with.

Just remember, it gets hard sometimes but you know that sometimes things don't last but another, better guy will come along and that person will love you and help you grow even more.

This post made me feel especially better for some reason, thank you

right now i can't even imagine any one else though, it makes me feel physically sick

Jovialation

first love?
because those will do that to ya =\

LorinaLynn

*hugs*

I was with my first boyfriend from the time I was 18 until I was 26. I wish I had the courage and strength you have to get out of it sooner. We grew apart, and that's a perfectly normal thing to happen when you're young like we were and you are. You're not the same person at 18 as you were at 15, and neither is he, nor should either of you be the same people you were.

Life has soooooo much in store for both of you.

Yes, you feel like crap right now, and you should. He was someone you cared about for a long time, still care about. You hurt because you're a good person.

I'm betting he was your best friend, the one you went to when things sucked. And now things suck, and he's not the one you can go to about it. I know when my ex and I split, I felt like the whole world was pulled out from under me. But then, after a while, I got to discover who I was again. It was amazing being Lorina after being ____ and Lorina for so long. I felt free!

And eventually, I met someone else. And even though we're definitely a couple, neither of us ever lost our own identities in the relationship. We stay because we want to stay, not because we feel we have to. We're still free, and still choose each other. And that's an amazing feeling.

sarahp86

This happened me two years ago. I ended a five year relationship for the same reasons. It took me a long time to get over him but I met my current boyfriend exactly a year after I broke up with my ex and I can honestly say I love him more than I ever loved my ex, yes it is hard and yes it's hard not to text/ring etc. He has been your world and your best friend so it's like losing someone.
The only advice I can give is get your friends around you and text them instead of him, you'll get through it and meet someone amazing in time x

cmonskinnylovee

*hugs*

I was with my first boyfriend from the time I was 18 until I was 26. I wish I had the courage and strength you have to get out of it sooner. We grew apart, and that's a perfectly normal thing to happen when you're young like we were and you are. You're not the same person at 18 as you were at 15, and neither is he, nor should either of you be the same people you were.

Life has soooooo much in store for both of you.

Yes, you feel like crap right now, and you should. He was someone you cared about for a long time, still care about. You hurt because you're a good person.

I'm betting he was your best friend, the one you went to when things sucked. And now things suck, and he's not the one you can go to about it. I know when my ex and I split, I felt like the whole world was pulled out from under me. But then, after a while, I got to discover who I was again. It was amazing being Lorina after being ____ and Lorina for so long. I felt free!

And eventually, I met someone else. And even though we're definitely a couple, neither of us ever lost our own identities in the relationship. We stay because we want to stay, not because we feel we have to. We're still free, and still choose each other. And that's an amazing feeling.

Everything you said is completely true, thank you. It's really comforting to hear your story, and that it correlates with mine

MakingChange

Hey Jacolyncoker4,

I was with my first boyfriend from 16 - 18 and the day we broke up I thought the entire world would end. The pain was so immense, it truly is hard to describe. You can't stop the pain, but you will be surprised to see how your feelings will change with time. It's always hard, especailly the first three months, after that it gradually gets easier and easier.

I know it's really hard to imagine you're life moving on, and him not being a part of it, but there will come a point when it doesn't hurt anymore.

In the meantime, try surronding yourself with friends, hang-out, cry, talk, hug and eventually you will smile again. xx

chocolattahottie

you're young and very inexperienced. if the reason you broke up with someone is physical attraction, I would take a real look at myself and figure out who i am as a person and then and only then what I wanted in a mate. I'll be honest with you honey, looks fade, personality is forever.

cmonskinnylovee

you're young and very inexperienced. if the reason you broke up with someone is physical attraction, I would take a real look at myself and figure out who i am as a person and then and only then what I wanted in a mate. I'll be honest with you honey, looks fade, personality is forever.

So I am supposed to stay with someone even if I don't feel any sexual attraction towards them? I am supposed to stay around and break his heart by not wanting to kiss or do anything sexual with him? I am supposed to be anxious and uncomfortable the rest of my life?

please, if you're not going to try and help just don't say anything at all. I didn't ask if you thought what I did was right, I asked for support.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

you're young and very inexperienced. if the reason you broke up with someone is physical attraction, I would take a real look at myself and figure out who i am as a person and then and only then what I wanted in a mate. I'll be honest with you honey, looks fade, personality is forever.

So I am supposed to stay with someone even if I don't feel any sexual attraction towards them? I am supposed to stay around and break his heart by not wanting to kiss or do anything sexual with him? I am supposed to be anxious and uncomfortable the rest of my life?

please, if you're not going to try and help just don't say anything at all. I didn't ask if you thought what I did was right, I asked for support.

They had part of it right, you are young and inexperienced. If I was with my high school sweetheart today I don't know that I'd be happy, if I married the guy I dated my freshman year of college I would bang my head off the wall. I did marry the person that I've loved my whole life, I've known him since I was 12, but I didn't date him until I was 25. I was grown up enough to know that I needed to have some serious life experiences without being tied down before I could have a happily ever after. My theory on love is that love is all the good stuff that's left over after all the butterflies are gone, it's been 8 years and I still see my future in my husband's eyes. Love is not habit, it's a conscience decision. Right now you need to explore your world, your independence and take time to set your path, have some experiences that you wouldn't have been able to have if you were tied down, like traveling with your girl friends. Experience your life before you experiences anyone elses, just be reasonably responsible.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

duplicate post

foxieboxy

It sounds like to me you just grew apart. We change so much in our late teens and through our 20's -- that's time time to be find out who you are. You're probably going to have ups and downs and second guess your decision -- especially if your boyfriend was who you went to for everything. It's better to find out now rather than wait years and years and split up a family. The first serious relationship to end really stinks.

I remember my first big break up, and at the time I just couldn't imagine that the sun would even come up the next day. But, it did, and life went on and now I'm thankful for all twists and turns in life because it made me who I am today and brought me to my husband.

Stay busy, throw yourself into school or work, get involved, and this too shall pass.

Feel free to friend me if you like. Sometime it's just nice to know other people have been there.

Erika

AlsDonkBoxSquat

you're young and very inexperienced. if the reason you broke up with someone is physical attraction, I would take a real look at myself and figure out who i am as a person and then and only then what I wanted in a mate. I'll be honest with you honey, looks fade, personality is forever.

So I am supposed to stay with someone even if I don't feel any sexual attraction towards them? I am supposed to stay around and break his heart by not wanting to kiss or do anything sexual with him? I am supposed to be anxious and uncomfortable the rest of my life?

please, if you're not going to try and help just don't say anything at all. I didn't ask if you thought what I did was right, I asked for support.

The other thing that I noticed about your response is that it is very focused on sex and sexuality. IMHO you are too young to be so heavily focused on sex in relationships and really need to focus on intimacy in relationships, which are two very different things. While sex is a part of intimacy, it does not define intimacy. Sex can be as simple as a one night stand, intimacy is that deep connection that you have with a partner where all the tenderness resides.

cmonskinnylovee

you're young and very inexperienced. if the reason you broke up with someone is physical attraction, I would take a real look at myself and figure out who i am as a person and then and only then what I wanted in a mate. I'll be honest with you honey, looks fade, personality is forever.

So I am supposed to stay with someone even if I don't feel any sexual attraction towards them? I am supposed to stay around and break his heart by not wanting to kiss or do anything sexual with him? I am supposed to be anxious and uncomfortable the rest of my life?

please, if you're not going to try and help just don't say anything at all. I didn't ask if you thought what I did was right, I asked for support.

The other thing that I noticed about your response is that it is very focused on sex and sexuality. IMHO you are too young to be so heavily focused on sex in relationships and really need to focus on intimacy in relationships, which are two very different things. While sex is a part of intimacy, it does not define intimacy. Sex can be as simple as a one night stand, intimacy is that deep connection that you have with a partner where all the tenderness resides.

I am by law considered an adult, so no I am NOT too young. But that's your opinion, and I respect it. But seeing as I pay for my own car, my own school, I work two jobs and pretty much support myself, i don't enjoy people telling me I'm too young. I work 10x harder than any 18 year olds I know, but I guess theres no way you would have known that, so i'm not yelling at you or anythingo.o

and intimacy was the problem, everything and anything physical that didn't include hugging or holding hands or cuddling made me feel very uncomfortable. And I can hug, hold hands, and cuddle with anyone. It's just a nice thing to do! He was more like my best friend, I think. That's not fair to him!

cmonskinnylovee

you're young and very inexperienced. if the reason you broke up with someone is physical attraction, I would take a real look at myself and figure out who i am as a person and then and only then what I wanted in a mate. I'll be honest with you honey, looks fade, personality is forever.

So I am supposed to stay with someone even if I don't feel any sexual attraction towards them? I am supposed to stay around and break his heart by not wanting to kiss or do anything sexual with him? I am supposed to be anxious and uncomfortable the rest of my life?

please, if you're not going to try and help just don't say anything at all. I didn't ask if you thought what I did was right, I asked for support.

The other thing that I noticed about your response is that it is very focused on sex and sexuality. IMHO you are too young to be so heavily focused on sex in relationships and really need to focus on intimacy in relationships, which are two very different things. While sex is a part of intimacy, it does not define intimacy. Sex can be as simple as a one night stand, intimacy is that deep connection that you have with a partner where all the tenderness resides.

I am by law considered an adult, so no I am NOT too young. But that's your opinion, and I respect it. But seeing as I pay for my own car, my own school, I work two jobs and pretty much support myself, i don't enjoy people telling me I'm too young. I work 10x harder than any 18 year olds I know, but I guess theres no way you would have known that, so i'm not yelling at you or anythingo.o

and intimacy was the problem, everything and anything physical that didn't include hugging or holding hands or cuddling made me feel very uncomfortable. And I can hug, hold hands, and cuddle with anyone. It's just a nice thing to do! He was more like my best friend, I think. That's not fair to him!