Unsupportive *friends?*

RoosterB

Better off without people like that.

adross3

Better off without people like that.

people like who? like that. Oh. that what?

Painten

Sorry wasn't quite sure where to put this.

Okay so, my best friend who I have been besties with for 5 yrs, we did everything together and for the past wk she has been ignoring me, so i'm like oh weird :L she told me that if I lose any more weight I may end up looking prettier than her and she can't have that, so gave me the ultimatim, either stop losing weight or we can not be friends anymore. I kinda suspected it though - when I told her eating junk makes me sick now and i have changed my lifestyle she practically shoved chips down my thoat. i don't know what's happened but she has turned really shallow and can not even believe this! i can not give up losing weight, my dream job is to be a PT...

Help?

I wouldn't even bother trying to remain friends with her, clearly she was only friends with you becuase her opinion of you was that she was pretty that you and that made her look good. That is awful, she can't have pretty friends? Whatever she looks like she's real ugly inside and that is not good. As a pp said you need some more inventive ways of telling her too F off? i'm sure i could help you with that too. People like that are not worth the time and effort it takes to be friends with them.

BeautyFromPain

"A true friend would reach out" I have tried talking to her like 3/4 times in the past week and she has completely ignored me.
P.S. I may have talked about how much I love eating healthy etc and not eating maccas, etc but I was not putting her down?!

adross3

Sorry wasn't quite sure where to put this.

Okay so, my best friend who I have been besties with for 5 yrs, we did everything together and for the past wk she has been ignoring me, so i'm like oh weird :L she told me that if I lose any more weight I may end up looking prettier than her and she can't have that, so gave me the ultimatim, either stop losing weight or we can not be friends anymore. I kinda suspected it though - when I told her eating junk makes me sick now and i have changed my lifestyle she practically shoved chips down my thoat. i don't know what's happened but she has turned really shallow and can not even believe this! i can not give up losing weight, my dream job is to be a PT...

Help?

I wouldn't even bother trying to remain friends with her, clearly she was only friends with you becuase her opinion of you was that she was pretty that you and that made her look good. That is awful, she can't have pretty friends? Whatever she looks like she's real ugly inside and that is not good. As a pp said you need some more inventive ways of telling her too F off? i'm sure i could help you with that too. People like that are not worth the time and effort it takes to be friends with them.

If what this person says is true and your friend is heartless then I would run as fast as I could from that ignorance. You have known this person for 5 years. What other instances have you seen that would confirm to you that she is the beast from hell. If you can not think of anything of such monstrosity then this person is wrong and once again what conditioned stressor prevailed here. You said youself that what she said is very strange. I just don't see the truth here. Do you? Find the truth before you make a decison.

adross3

"A true friend would reach out" I have tried talking to her like 3/4 times in the past week and she has completely ignored me.
P.S. I may have talked about how much I love eating healthy etc and not eating maccas, etc but I was not putting her down?!

You may not have put her down intentionally but, she could of taken it that way. I see that you have tried to talk to her. Maybe she is just upset at you and waint for you to say what she wants to hear. I couldnt tell you have many times my X did that to me. Trust me....all men know this. I would make another choice and call her and leave a message. I would say that I don't really know what I did to upset you so much, but my friendship with you means more then a mistake. Notice I didn't say my mistake. If she does not repond to you then you have your answer and I am sorry that this happend to you. This is a way of deduction and truth. Once again, I hope the truth is not ugly. If so, you will find like minded friends in what you do. Do what you like and do it often.

tattereds

I think what adross meant is that - She may feel subconsciously threatened by your new attitude toward health/nutrition/fitness and is picking up on signals you may be unintentionally be sending out without meaning to (ie, she may think that you commenting on your own choices is an attack on her choices, if you know what I mean?).

I guess it's up to you to decide what you came here to ask - how to get her to understand that the above is not your intention at all and get back on good terms with her?

Or was this post just a self assuring way to garner support for a decision you had already made to give her the flick, and as someone else said, to get creative ideas on how to do so?

xxboobooxx

wow .. adross is a pretty incredibly smart man Was ready to jump on board with " dont need friends like that"til I read what he had to say on the subject. ... and I'm now seeing that you kinda feel attacked by what he said, even tho I'm sure thats not his intentions either. He is just trying to get you to see the other side of it. There does have to be some sort of reason she feels threatend, this doesnt mean its your fault tho or intentional ... just understand for ppl who are struggling to loose weight and being around others who are so adiment .. it can make you feel very insecure as a person x much love and best wishes to you .

LorinaLynn

Someone would need to have a seriously messed up sense of self to get "you make me sick" from "I can't eat junk food anymore, it makes me sick." Of course, someone would have to have a seriously messed up sense of self to tell a friend, "I will only be your friend if I'm prettier than you," so... anything is possible.

I want my friendships to be like Laverne & Shirley.... I'd want us to be peers, equals, partner in crime. It sounds like your friend wants to be more like Lucy & Ethel, where she's The Star and you're her sidekick. Screw that. You deserve equal billing in the friendship.

coatsie79

I would put the ball in her court. Tell her that you want to remain friends (if you still do), that you are now on the road to a healthy lifestyle and that's not going to change, that you would hope that would not be a reason to throw years of friendship down the pan and that your door is always open.

If she wants to throw your friendship away then that's her loss, but at least you know that it's been through no fault or your own.

BeautyFromPain

I think what adross meant is that - She may feel subconsciously threatened by your new attitude toward health/nutrition/fitness and is picking up on signals you may be unintentionally be sending out without meaning to (ie, she may think that you commenting on your own choices is an attack on her choices, if you know what I mean?).

I guess it's up to you to decide what you came here to ask - how to get her to understand that the above is not your intention at all and get back on good terms with her?

Or was this post just a self assuring way to garner support for a decision you had already made to give her the flick, and as someone else said, to get creative ideas on how to do so?

no i DO NOT want to give her the flick! how much of a small minded person do you people think i am!
how to get her to understand that the above is not your intention at all and get back on good terms with her?
is what i wanted help with...

p.s. i never made ANY remarks about her diet/fitness/exercise at all...
and i only talked to her about it after she realised i had shrunk.

adross3

I would put the ball in her court. Tell her that you want to remain friends (if you still do), that you are now on the road to a healthy lifestyle and that's not going to change, that you would hope that would not be a reason to throw years of friendship down the pan and that your door is always open.

If she wants to throw your friendship away then that's her loss, but at least you know that it's been through no fault or your own.

Bravo.....Finally rational thought.

adross3

wow .. adross is a pretty incredibly smart man Was ready to jump on board with " dont need friends like that"til I read what he had to say on the subject. ... and I'm now seeing that you kinda feel attacked by what he said, even tho I'm sure thats not his intentions either. He is just trying to get you to see the other side of it. There does have to be some sort of reason she feels threatend, this doesnt mean its your fault tho or intentional ... just understand for ppl who are struggling to loose weight and being around others who are so adiment .. it can make you feel very insecure as a person x much love and best wishes to you .

Thank you for the compliment and clarification of thought.

DahnaLane

Even after the above advice... be ready to cut her loose.

Knowing when to end a friendship is one of the harder lessons. And sometimes you are happier not having someone in your life.

I figured it out a few years back, and I "dumped" my own mother for her destructive and emotionally abusive personality.

Hope you find GOOD friends. :happy:
Cheers,
Dahna