appearance or fitness? Women? Men?

adamcf

Wow, a lot of responses. This is really interesting to me. When I had mentioned the question about changing my goals, it was whether or not I should go for a better BMI and lose 5 more pounds. I was intrigued with the similarity in responses from women and the differences between women and men.

From all of your responses here, it seems that women tend to be concerned with appearance towards others and not just themselves. And being fit is the way to create that appearance that is desirable to others. As men, we tend to think, women who value there looks are doing so to please us men. But I think it's more than that. I think it's because women feel disconnected from people. They want connection and a good appearance is that starting point. I don't think it's to just connect with one person, it's to connect with many people.

As for men. I think we want control. Control over ourselves. Being fit is a way to maintain control in ourselves so we can be distinguished from others.

It's interesting that one way is to connect and the other way is to separate.

Michelle_M2002

Honestly, for me it's both.

I hated the way I looked and I hated the way I felt. I was always tired and got headaches often. I have three small children and I want to set a healthy example so that they KNOW how to eat healthy and so that they KNOW that exercise and fitness is important. My hope is that they will never get to the point I got to, and will value health and fitness from an early age.

The first big motivator for me, honestly, was the appearance though.

God bless!

bluebird321

Healthy always looks better. Decent lean muscle mass is a nice side affect

h3h8m3

There's a lot of confusion on this thread... seems like most of the men answered what their GOAL is, and the women mostly answered what their MOTIVATION is. I see these as different things.

Yes of course, if your goal is to be fit and healthy you will also improve your appearance. But we don't really get to choose what our motivations are. It's just... what clicks for YOU.

For me, a big tipping point in my weight loss was seeing a video of me, in a professional setting, where I looked HUGE. It was embarrassing to me, and it MOTIVATED me to start getting healthy.

Now, my goals... they are all health and fitness related. I am aiming for a healthy body fat %. I am training hard to be able to run faster and longer. I am working out many times a day so i can get better at pullups, pushups, and situps. I love that I can go ride my bike 40 miles on Saturday and when I'm done I feel like I could go do another 40.

I don't want to project my personality onto others... but I am a very goal-driven person. I set a goal and I go after it hard until I achieve it. For me that's all numbers and accomplishments. But my appearance was a big part of that 'click' that finally got me to get serious about this.

h0taru

I'm 30, a woman and my main goal to loose weigth is health. I am afraid of dying young, like my father or other people in my family.

I started to loose weigth before starting MFP. Now I became more attractive, but I just don't know how to manage it.... I was not thinking of that actually.

edit: and sorry, i don't have enough good english language to understand the difference between motivation and goal...

alyssamiller77

I have a mix of goals. I definitely have a goal weight I'm shooting for but I consider that the least important of my goals. I also have appearance goals, including fitting into a pair of pants I couldn't wear before, getting comments from people that haven't seen me in a long time, etc. I also have fitness goals that include completing a triathlon and some on-field soccer goals. Finally, with a history of both heart disease and diabetes in my family, I have some goals centered around health. They're hard to measure in quantifiable terms and ultimately only time (i.e. the length of my life) will tell the story there.

Numbers are just that, numbers and nothing more. What I found worked for me was doing some soul searching and figuring out what is important to me. At the end of the day, I don't care if I'm weigh 150 or 200 as long as I'm not giggly, I can still run with the "big boys" on the soccer fields, and I have the strength and energy that I want. I want to have muscle definition and not look like a pregneant man (or one that could use the assistance of a bra). So those are the things I choose to focus on.

walkwithme1

For me it is for my health. I want to feel better, looking better just comes along with it and gives me more incentive to continue with the exercise and healthy eating.

alyssamiller77

There's a lot of confusion on this thread... seems like most of the men answered what their GOAL is, and the women mostly answered what their MOTIVATION is. I see these as different things.

Yes of course, if your goal is to be fit and healthy you will also improve your appearance. But we don't really get to choose what our motivations are. It's just... what clicks for YOU.

For me, a big tipping point in my weight loss was seeing a video of me, in a professional setting, where I looked HUGE. It was embarrassing to me, and it MOTIVATED me to start getting healthy.

Now, my goals... they are all health and fitness related. I am aiming for a healthy body fat %. I am training hard to be able to run faster and longer. I am working out many times a day so i can get better at pullups, pushups, and situps. I love that I can go ride my bike 40 miles on Saturday and when I'm done I feel like I could go do another 40.

I don't want to project my personality onto others... but I am a very goal-driven person. I set a goal and I go after it hard until I achieve it. For me that's all numbers and accomplishments. But my appearance was a big part of that 'click' that finally got me to get serious about this.

First, you and I are very similar. My picture to the left was the one that I saw that motivated me. I'm also very similar to you about goals. My wife calls it 0-60 syndrome. Any time I pick up a new hobby, activity, etc I set a goal and jump into it with both feet going hard until I reach that goal. It's just the way I am. I don't want to do anything if I'm not going to be successful at it.

You bring up an interesting point about goals vs motivation. Goals have to be measurable by definition. So it is very hard to set an appearance based goal because it is such a subjective item. This is why we tend to get mired in numbers. However what I did was set some non-traditional goals. I made some of those NSV's we all talk about (getting into smaller sized clothes, getting compliments, etc) part of my goals. I tried to supplement any numbers based goal with a non-number based goal.

I think this might be the reason you see some of the responses as focusing on motivations. Their goals, are not really goals in the sense that they are measurable, but I do believe they have an end state in mind and that's what they're working for. Harder to express without a measurable item, but no less important or effective.

jennor8or

I think that usually for women its all about feeling better about who we are...building our sense of self-- and often times for a woman you feel better about yourself when you are happy with your appearance. personally i'm more goal oriented and tend to feel better about myself when i accomplish things, so for me its about hitting a certain number, completing a program (30 ds, insanity, etc), improving my numbers for a 5k, etc... but i think that for both men and women its about building up your sense of self and your confidence but genders generally find confidence in different things

Circa1964

Twenty pounds ago it started out as appearance. Mentally I was beating myself up about how unhappy I became with my appearance. Losing twenty pounds made me much happier on the inside and more self-confident. Now, I want to maintain that and exercise and eat heathier so I can be stronger. I'm not getting any younger and don't want to be find myself elderly, out of shape, and having health problems. You look great by the way!

lauramorris85

I'll be honest. I'm doing it for my appearance. I'm getting married in 2 months and I want to not only look good, but I want to FEEL that i look good.I want to be satisfied with how i look and right now, I do not.

Delicate

I started as vanity, i needed to get rid of weight cause of pcos giving me oh so lovely symptoms.

then went to health, cause all sorts of things would be reduced from pcos with lower body weight.

Now, fitness mostly (i'm still not the weight i probably should be, but I could weigh the same and be flabby and have same pcos problems as before, or be firmer, same weight and less problems with pcos.) and feel fantastic after every work out.

coatsie79

Honestly? At the moment my appearance comes first. That's only because I know that the upside of all of this is that my health will improve and once I am looking better my priorities will probably change. In fact I know they will because I need to drop my BMI for a specific purpose that has nothing to do with my appearance, but that will only happen after I lose 30lbs.

sasy_sfinx

it's a combination for me.
in the last year i've gained alot of weight so i want to get back to how i looked, felt and back into all the clothes i own.
but even before that i was unfit and always wanted to get on track with fitness.
now i accept i can't achieve the first without doing the latter and plan to maintain the healthy fit me into my future.

hewhoiscd

My getting fit again was triggered by my gut and jean size, so appearance got me started. But then I focused on the numbers. These days my goal is to be as fit as my body will let me get.

Fortunately, getting fit also has the side benefit of approving appearance :happy:

hewhoiscd

As for men. I think we want control. Control over ourselves. Being fit is a way to maintain control in ourselves so we can be distinguished from others.

That's very true.

damcool

Usually, when losing weight, appearance is what most people want. However, while losing weight fitness is inevitable. I've not met anyone that lost a significant amount of weight eating cookies...For me, I've been eating "clean" for many years. However, I didn't pay any attention to the calories I was taking in. I ate until I was stuffed with every meal. I don't do that anymore. I still eat "clean" and 99% of my food intake is pasture raised/organic/free range/homegrown foods. So, I don't want crappy food in my body and fitness is everything to me. However, I love, love, love how I look compared from before...Blessings to you!!

h3h8m3

Usually, when losing weight, appearance is what most people want. However, while losing weight fitness is inevitable. I've not met anyone that lost a significant amount of weight eating cookies...

I agree that appearance is probably the #1 motivation for most dieters. But I disagree with your second point. While it is ALMOST true (almost, because it's possible to be in decent shape fitness-wise, but be overweight, I was there in college) to say "while getting fit losing weight is inevitable," it is not true to say "while losing weight fitness is inevitable." I know many people who have lost weight the wrong way and ended up weak and in bad shape.

I also have not met anyone who lost significant weight eating cookies, but I've read about it. Google the Twinkie diet.

withchaco

I think I want the whole package. I mean, I definitely want to look good. But if that were all I cared about, I'd just get cosmetic surgery and be done with it. Obviously I care a great deal about doing it the right way, and achieving health and strength along with it.

Even if I were offered free cosmetic surgery to get rid of the flab and somehow get more toned (they have fake muscle implants too, don't they?), I would decline.

h3h8m3

First, you and I are very similar. My picture to the left was the one that I saw that motivated me. I'm also very similar to you about goals. My wife calls it 0-60 syndrome. Any time I pick up a new hobby, activity, etc I set a goal and jump into it with both feet going hard until I reach that goal. It's just the way I am. I don't want to do anything if I'm not going to be successful at it.

You bring up an interesting point about goals vs motivation. Goals have to be measurable by definition. So it is very hard to set an appearance based goal because it is such a subjective item. This is why we tend to get mired in numbers. However what I did was set some non-traditional goals. I made some of those NSV's we all talk about (getting into smaller sized clothes, getting compliments, etc) part of my goals. I tried to supplement any numbers based goal with a non-number based goal.

I think this might be the reason you see some of the responses as focusing on motivations. Their goals, are not really goals in the sense that they are measurable, but I do believe they have an end state in mind and that's what they're working for. Harder to express without a measurable item, but no less important or effective.

My hunch is that our mindset is very common in men, and not so common in women. Thus, we men focus a ton on numbers and hitting objectives, and women focus more on looking good and more subjective things.

Like you I have set myself some NSVs, that include wearing smaller clothes, being able to run a mile without stopping (I hadn't bothered to set a longer goal, because I never would have guessed I'd be running 5-6 miles straight...), and other fitness goals. I find that I appreciate hitting those goals more than a number on a scale.

Like you I'd be fine with having a higher weight as long as my body composition was right, but I know it's still too "jiggly." Lotta fat left to shed.

withchaco

Usually, when losing weight, appearance is what most people want. However, while losing weight fitness is inevitable. I've not met anyone that lost a significant amount of weight eating cookies...

There are quite a few people who lose a large amount of weight by starving themselves. In Korea, every girl in my generation knows at least one girl from their class who lose weight that way, usually over summer vacation.

psuLemon

Go for fitness. Aesthetics will come naturally after it; it's unavoidable.

I was one of the guys that responded to your original, but the above is my approach. I actually could care less about my weight, I just want low body fat. But ladies love muscle and definition (well all the ones I have ever met).

sister_bear

My goal is health. I had the scare of my life earlier in the year and if I'm going to be very ill in the future, I want to be healthy enough to kick that illness in its booty.

Appearance is secondary and frankly, just an extra benefit. I'm not here to get ripped, toned, or buffed. I've been so heavy for so long, getting ripped, toned, and buffed still seems impossible to me.

jellybaby84

It's totally about appearance to me. I'm incredibly shallow and hate fat.

If I was one of those naturally skinny people who never exercise and eat whatever the hell they like then I'd be happy to stay that way!

I don't even weigh myself, I judge myself purely on what I look like.

Richard170

Some years ago, I accepted the reality that I am an ugly man and loosing weight is certainly not going to make much of a difference aesthetically.

I have many goals that are focused on health and performance. I want to loose a lot of weight to improve my health because I am diabetic. I have two sons who are in Scouting and I am a Scoutmaster so I must set a good example as a role model and I want to be able to participate in physically challenging activities such as trekking in Philmont. As a long term goal, after I retire, I plan to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail and I need to loose weight in the hope of preserving my knee and hip joints for that endeavor.

Finally, being fat is not just an appearance or health issue, it is a moral issue and being obese demonstrates a fundamental lack of personal character, a lack of self control. What kind of man can not govern his own behavior? I am embarrassed by my fat, not because it is ugly, but because it reveals to everyone, including myself, a substantial flaw in my character. My primary motivation to loose weight arises from a desire to live a more virtuous life and has nothing at all to do with vanity.

baisleac

Fitness. 100%. The aesthetic improvements are a bonus.

taso42_DELETED

I think it's both for me. I am probably the healthiest and fittest I've ever been in my life right now. I could probably cut my exercise to half and slacken up my diet and eat like "normal people" and still maintain fine indefinitely. But I'm still working hard to increase fitness level and build muscle. Part of it is a personal challenge. I like to push myself. But of course looking good is a factor too.