Binge/Non-purging bulimia survivors?

xxthoroughbred

I'd love to hear from anyone who has gotten past either binge eating or non-purging bulimia as I believe I have issues with one of these (the differences have a fine line from what I've read). I would really like to overcome this struggle. While I'm not overweight (19-20% BF) and I don't always necessarily binge on unhealthy foods, I know it's an unhealthy habit both physically and mentally. It's also keeping me from having the physique I want, which is more around 16% body fat. I really don't know how to control it. While I'm not eating all the junk I can find, I'll go to a restaurant and fly through an appetizer and large-portioned main course without even thinking about it (and people often make comments about how quickly I eat). I think I've let my "cheat" days turn into binge days, and have let jobs get in the way as I've been forced to scarf down food quickly. Any help on getting past this, other than simply realizing what I'm doing and setting aside portions, would be appreciated!

Edit: Just wanted to add that the non-purging bulimia part comes in with the fact that I over-exercise after the binge and will cut back drastically in calories on the days following the binge. I'm not certain this is what I have, but it certainly sounds like it. I'm definitely binging, though.

lynn1982

Eating food too quickly is not binging (unless it's causing you to eat massive quantities, but an appetizer and main course is nto a "massive quantity" by binging standards)...binging refers to the amount of food you eat.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

I've never heard of non-purging bulimia. I was anorexic and bulimic as a teenager, but I've never heard of "non-purging" bulimia, I thought purging was part of bulimia.

sunshinestorm

Thanks for sharing. I was never diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I do know that I've struggled with binging ever since I was young. I really don't do it anymore and I am now married and I would never allow my husband or anyone else for that matter see me binge. I guess the main thing that caused me to binge was last minute decisions for sweets because I was super hungry and sweets were quick to go pick up from any store and that's what I craved the most. I take snacks with me wherever I go, and my job allows for me to eat whenever I want to. My purse is usually packed with a banana, unsalted mixed nuts and a water bottle. I also pack a lunch every day, and I usually pack more than I think I would eat in case I am still hungry. Never being starved helps me to overcome my binges. Also, counting calories helps me realize how much I would actually be putting into my body if I ate that whole pint of Dove ice cream. I have started a new goal to only have planned sweets and deserts and to not make last minute decisions. These are what have helped me. I hope you can find something that helps you.

WordToYourMamma

I do this frequently and have often associated it with a form of non-purging bulemia. But I am a healthy weight too, actually quite thin. I will binge, usually more junk food, at least 1-3 days a week and then have to restrict my diet big-time to make up for the binge. Now on the other hand I have often wondered if this was actually good for my metabolism because I confuse it, I don't live on anywhere near the same calorie amount daily. For example, you know if you eat a low cal diet your body kind of goes into a starvation mode and your metabolism will slow. I go very low cal (1500) for maybe 4 days but then I eat like 4000+ calories the next day or two and then repeat a cycle that is similar. So I have wondered if this keeps my metabolism from going into starvation mode and slowing. Idk.

I have always eaten like this. I am never satisfied unless I binge. I can be real good for even, maybe, 10 days, but then comes a binge. I just love food and get high off it. It makes me happy.

I have thought about going to a therapist before when I was binging 3+ times a week and starting to gain weight, but then I returned to normal so I didn't (though I do seek therapy for other things from time to time).

Sorry about the lack of suggestions, just trying to empathize. It can be frustrating, especially if it is hindering you in some way. I notice that lately I have been getting heartburn. I am pretty sure it's due to this eating pattern/unhealthy foods. I have, and I am sure you do, suffer from indigestion after a binge. Sometimes it can get pretty bad. To boot, there are pretty undeirable feelings of guilt after too many binges too close together too.

Also, I don't know if I consider eating a very large meal as binging. When I binge, I sit down and eat like 3500-4500 calories in a sitting. That's literally like 4 bowls of cereal, 3 packs of mini-muffins, a pint of ice cream, maybe chips and dip, and on and on. It is a huge rush and my eyes glaze over and I hum along on a food high. This is what I consider binging, personally.

sunshinestorm

I know there's a name for this, but I'm not sure that its bulimia. I do know that there's binging eating disorders where people do not purge.

sara709

I think that's more compulsive overeating, isn't it? A friend of mine went through that in high school - she'd have episodes where she would just eat and eat and eat. There are support groups online.

xxthoroughbred

Eating food quickly leads to binging as your body doesn't have time to register what you're eating. I guess I should have made it more clear that I am in fact binging. I feel like I have to eat everything before it disappears...

And non-purging bulimia does exist, it's just less common. I tend to over-exercise or make up for my binge in the following days by cutting back drastically on calories.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Are you hungry when you sit down to these meals? How do you eat the rest of the time (do you have a restriction mentality where you don't allow even minor indulgences)? Is it only in social settings, or do you also do this when you are alone?

I didn't say that it didn't exist, I just stated that I hadn't heard of it. I guess I'll go google it.

Jenny56dreams

Let me first start off by saying ......Hi! Ok, I've struggled with body image since highschool. I would binge and purge because I was terrified of being overweight. Unfortunately part of the healing process IS to realize what you are doing but to do that you have to take some time and weigh the pros and cons of what youre doing to your body. Quickly you will see that there are A LOT more CONS than pros. This is going to be a process and there is no quick solution but If I can do it, you can do it. You have to believe that. When you feel a binge coming on make sure you have some sort of snack handy like a granola bar or a protein bar. Those actually help a lot and make your hunger and binge urges vanish. Also, make sure you take your own lunches with you to work so you don't get tempted to order out or get fast food. Do you like Boarshead? I usually buy the boarshead ever roast chicken and lemon pepper chicken (deli meat) and low calorie bread or bagel thins plus either a piece of fruit or I'll treat myself to low calorie chips. 3 small meals a day and 2 snacks in between. Drink PLENTY of water, this helps too. I'm not going to lie, you might have a little relapse here and there but little by little you'll notice a change and eventually stop. Stay positive and love yourself. Hope this helped you a little. :flowerforyou:

xxthoroughbred

Are you hungry when you sit down to these meals? How do you eat the rest of the time (do you have a restriction mentality where you don't allow even minor indulgences)? Is it only in social settings, or do you also do this when you are alone?

I didn't say that it didn't exist, I just stated that I hadn't heard of it. I guess I'll go google it.

I count calories the rest of the time, but I don't have a restriction mentality. I work out 5-6 days a week, eat about 1,500 calories (+ exercise calories), and eat treats that I want in moderation.

I'm not always hungry when I binge. Yesterday I started off with a healthy breakfast, then had to go to lunch for work. I had half a high-calorie salad there since I didn't want to eat it all in front of everyone, and then I finished it about two hours later (when I wasn't hungry). I went home shortly after that and ate some banana bread although I wasn't hungry at all and knew I was going out to dinner for a celebration within an hour. Got a platter at dinner and wolfed that down even though I still wasn't hungry from the salad or the banana bread. Came home and had a piece of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory just because it was there.

It doesn't happen just in social settings. I'm more comfortable doing it around family since they've always seen me do it, but I try (key word, TRY) to cut back around others since I often get comments ("wow, you're not shy about food" or "wow, you smashed that!"). I do when I'm alone though, too. I really haven't found a trigger for it.

dirtbikegirl5

I have had bulimia (non-purging using diuretics, laxatives, as well as purging/vomiting) and anorexia. It sounds like you are using diuretics or laxatives instead of vomiting. If you are not, then it sounds like you have a binge eating issue and that is not bulimia.

I don't know if my experience will help you because I never binged and purged in public. In fact, when people would be with me when I ate, I was always afraid that they agreed with my thinking that I was no good, too fat, not deserving of eating so I ate very little.

It is really hard to tell if you are binge eating because you are so hungry (maybe you are not getting adequate calories throughout your days) or if you are binge eating because you have a psychological need to. Either way, it sounds like it is something worth exploring to uncover what is going on.

Since I don't know what your daily eating is like, I would start by evaluating that and making sure that you are eating enough, and getting the right nutrients. Maybe seeing a nutritionist would help. ????

Also, recognizing that I have a disease that will follow me my entire life, I have to be careful. In order to avoid binging and purging, I will eat ONE cookie when I feel the need to have it, instead of depriving myself and then binging later, feeling like a failure and purging or restricting my food intake. I am a healthy eater and I exercise regularly. I am also always in tune with what I am doing. If I feel bad about the way I look, I am going to take desperate measures. I simply cannot do that. All of this applies to what you are going through, as well. Binge eating is a problem that you will need to keep under control. Don't have cheat days because that is where you will go crazy. If you need a piece of chocolate, have a piece of dark chocolate, like those little squares.

Good luck and please let me know if you want to talk about this further.

cem789

i havent binged and purged in 3 months . find happyness somewhere else in your life.

i believe my bulimia was how i tried to cope with depression. when im happy im not so obsessed with food

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Okay, that's some basics and back ground. I only asked because it’s sometimes caused by depression or social anxiety, so if it was only is social settings, blah, blah, blah. Also, when I had bulimia I would sit down and be ravenous, eat like a man wandering the desert for a week, vomit, repeat. And I exercised (I was a swimmer). I have to be honest, I still binge at least once during TOM, but I never feel bad about it anymore and it’s the only time. I put my fork down between bites to slow my consumption, if I take leftovers I usually just put them straight into the fridge (I totally get it though, because it haunts me as it sits there, it’s tough to resist). Sometimes I just don’t even take the leftovers because I know what will happen if I do (I’ve never walked out of a restaurant with a salad unless it was carryout). I keep healthy snacks at my desk and eat that instead, I bring my lunch almost every day and don’t bring in more than I intend to eat that day. I resist, most of the time, and I don’t feel guilty when I give in anymore. I never related it to my bulimia before.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

I have had bulimia (non-purging using diuretics, laxatives, as well as purging/vomiting) and anorexia. It sounds like you are using diuretics or laxatives instead of vomiting. If you are not, then it sounds like you have a binge eating issue and that is not bulimia.

From Wikipedia:

There are two sub-types of bulimia nervosa:

Purging type bulimics self-induce vomiting (usually by triggering the gag reflex or ingesting emetics such as syrup of ipecac) to rapidly remove food from the body before it can be digested, or use laxatives, diuretics, or enemas.
Non-purging type bulimics (approximately 6%–8% of cases) exercise or fast excessively after a binge to offset the caloric intake after eating. Purging-type bulimics may also exercise or fast, but as a secondary form of weight control.[20]

xxthoroughbred

Okay, that's some basics and back ground. I only asked because it’s sometimes caused by depression or social anxiety, so if it was only is social settings, blah, blah, blah. Also, when I had bulimia I would sit down and be ravenous, eat like a man wandering the desert for a week, vomit, repeat. And I exercised (I was a swimmer). I have to be honest, I still binge at least once during TOM, but I never feel bad about it anymore and it’s the only time. I put my fork down between bites to slow my consumption, if I take leftovers I usually just put them straight into the fridge (I totally get it though, because it haunts me as it sits there, it’s tough to resist). Sometimes I just don’t even take the leftovers because I know what will happen if I do (I’ve never walked out of a restaurant with a salad unless it was carryout). I keep healthy snacks at my desk and eat that instead, I bring my lunch almost every day and don’t bring in more than I intend to eat that day. I resist, most of the time, and I don’t feel guilty when I give in anymore. I never related it to my bulimia before.

Is there a way you overcame the guilt? I really need to work on putting my fork down between bites and just walking away altogether when I'm almost full, but I don't know how to get over the guilt when I do "mess up."

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Okay, that's some basics and back ground. I only asked because it’s sometimes caused by depression or social anxiety, so if it was only is social settings, blah, blah, blah. Also, when I had bulimia I would sit down and be ravenous, eat like a man wandering the desert for a week, vomit, repeat. And I exercised (I was a swimmer). I have to be honest, I still binge at least once during TOM, but I never feel bad about it anymore and it’s the only time. I put my fork down between bites to slow my consumption, if I take leftovers I usually just put them straight into the fridge (I totally get it though, because it haunts me as it sits there, it’s tough to resist). Sometimes I just don’t even take the leftovers because I know what will happen if I do (I’ve never walked out of a restaurant with a salad unless it was carryout). I keep healthy snacks at my desk and eat that instead, I bring my lunch almost every day and don’t bring in more than I intend to eat that day. I resist, most of the time, and I don’t feel guilty when I give in anymore. I never related it to my bulimia before.

Is there a way you overcame the guilt? I really need to work on putting my fork down between bites and just walking away altogether when I'm almost full, but I don't know how to get over the guilt when I do "mess up."

You just have to tell yourself "it's okay to not be perfect." Somedays it's okay, but if you live in the guilt, and you carry it forward, man that's a lot of weight. The weight of the world doesn't have to be on your shoulder, just the weight of today. Empathy, sympathy, and remose are healthy, but there is nothing healthy about guilt . . . it drags you down and needs fed. In other words, the lesson isn't in the action we've taken, it's in what we've learned from it.

Have you ever tried meditation?

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Oh and when I have my period I think "I have my f*cking period, I do what I want." I don't feel guilty about anything when I have my period.

Angiebug1969

Food guilt it a horrible thing!! It becomes an obsession to eat the right thing, the right portion, not too much, but not too little... Oh, I have a race this weekend, so I need to carb load, but not too much! My weight shoots up & stays there... I exercise my *kitten* off & my weight either creeps down or yoyo's! Oh So Aggravating!

xxthoroughbred

You just have to tell yourself "it's okay to not be perfect." Somedays it's okay, but if you live in the guilt, and you carry it forward, man that's a lot of weight. The weight of the world doesn't have to be on your shoulder, just the weight of today. Empathy, sympathy, and remose are healthy, but there is nothing healthy about guilt . . . it drags you down and needs fed. In other words, the lesson isn't in the action we've taken, it's in what we've learned from it.

Have you ever tried meditation?

I haven't tried meditation, but I heard it works wonders so I'll be looking into it.

I need to write down what you said above and read it every day!

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Hugs, it's like any addiction, you need to keep yourself in check, find someone you can confide in to help keep you in check, and take one day at a time.

wellnesscoachmegg

I know how difficult the aftermath of an eating disorder is, as well. My mind is a lot healthier than my anorexia/bulimia days...but I still struggle mostly with the binge part of the bulimia. It seems to morph and it's one of the tendencies I have yet to completely kick. I never purged from vomiting, but I over exercised, and used laxatives for almost ten years. I'm in a much healthier place--but I still slip. Mostly, I've had to just realize that there are certain things that allow me to fail, if I let them. Being stagnant about my daily exercise is one of them. Even if it's just going for a walk, I know I need that outlet. Also, if I don't plan healthy meals, it inevitable that I'll eat junk and if I eat mostly junk I'm definitely more prone to just say, "to heck with it" and it turns into an all out binge. Also, I think the last major component is if I don't consider how often I'm voicing my feelings--even if it's just monotonous daily stuff. I need someone to talk to, and that definitely helps me stay on track. Un-voiced feelings and emotions almost always equal a binge for me.

You're welcome to add me! You'll notice I do my best in my food diary...I eat healthy 90% of the time, but I do allow for treats because otherwise I feel deprived!

lynn1982

I haven't read through all of the posts so I do not know if this has already been suggested, but have you tried therapy? I've suffered (and still do) from binge eating. It has gotten better, but since I have started eating much cleaner and tracking what I eat, I realized that I use food as a comfort tool when I'm depressed. You asked someone about the feeling of guilt afterwards - one way to get over this is to remember that tomorrow is a new day. If you eat it, log it and move on. Start fresh tomorrow. However, for me at least, the guilt after a binge session is only a bi-product. I know for myself that the problem lies in the reason why I binge in the first place. You should really deal with that first.

poledancing_ninja

I wouldn't worry too much about labelling your condition. If you think it's bad behaviour you can change it, regardless of what it's called!

xxthoroughbred

I haven't read through all of the posts so I do not know if this has already been suggested, but have you tried therapy? I've suffered (and still do) from binge eating. It has gotten better, but since I have started eating much cleaner and tracking what I eat, I realized that I use food as a comfort tool when I'm depressed. You asked someone about the feeling of guilt afterwards - one way to get over this is to remember that tomorrow is a new day. If you eat it, log it and move on. Start fresh tomorrow. However, for me at least, the guilt after a binge session is only a bi-product. I know for myself that the problem lies in the reason why I binge in the first place. You should really deal with that first.

I'm going to be looking into some kind of therapy since it's been suggested by so many here. Thanks!

sara709

Best of luck I suffered with bulimia for 10 years. It sounds corny, but admitting that you have a problem and reaching out for help is truly the first step. I ate like you said - trying to get everything in before it goes away. Afterwards, I'd want more and get anxiety if I couldn't get more food right away. People would reach out to me and I did do therapy but I didn't want it at the time, as strange as that is to say. You clearly want to heal and you will get through it - and there are lots of us here for support if/when you need it!

bmqbonnie

Purging can take many forms, including fasting, laxative, and overexercising. It doesn't have to be puking but it is still binge and purge. If there is no purge, then it would probably be binge eating disorder.

I binged and fasted, or tried to anyway. I think the key is paying very close attention to what triggers the binges and avoiding them. For me I noticed I binge a lot less if I have a big healthy breakfast in the morning and snack frequently. I also do all I can to manage stress by working out, journaling, etc.