Divorced with Children?????

jamie78

I have a contentious relationship with my ex, too... And to be honest, unless that co-pay is $100 it is not worth the schism. They are being a-holes, but you going along with it is a small price to pay.

If the step-mom is also insuring him she is also paying for that coverage - as is your ex. You're still getting a deal, I suspect.

Regardless, it's not worth the argument.

I agree... Plus your child is double covered and he doesn't have to do that. All he has to provide is a minimum insurance so you are getting a deal. In the long run this will be a blessing if your child ever has to have anything expensive done. Will save you both a ton a money. SO I dont really think 17.50 is that big of a deal. Think about what it could cost you.
And yes I am divorced and have 2 children and my exs ins is crap. SO my husband also has them on his ins. and it is a life saver having double coverage to fall back on.

mamaDaisyJ

Money is stupid. This is my thoughts though, from a stepmom perspective that receives nothing for her stepkid. If they are carrying double insurance so there is no co-pay.. you should not be paying a co-pay.
It may be they think you should pay a portion of the insurance costs and are just not verbalizing it correctly. My husband pays a percentage of each paycheck to carry our insurance. That percentage is based on the plan he carries. It may be a tricky number to come up with a fair way for you to participate since he prolly carries family plan which would include the stepmom. If it was me, I would just offer to pay half the year's individual deductible... at least the way our insurance is laid out. If they go off a group deductible... insurance is confusing! It sounds like this is a matter for a real conversation. Only you and your ex can determine if lawyers would need to be involved.
They cannot take your role or title as Mom away, and I'm sure they will realize it as soon as they try! My daughter would put us in our place real quick we tried to make her call Mom by Natalie....

mamaDaisyJ

So your upset that he was getting $17.50 from you, per Dr visit? And you think since the co-pay is $0, your portion should be $0?

Do you think because there is no "copay" that the insurance is free? Your husband and his wife are paying the insurance premium for your son,, and your "confronting" him over a 17$ copay????

Umm....don't you think they would be paying for this insurance premium regardless of if the son was on it. Why should she have to reimburse them for premiums that they would have anyway.

Different plans have different premiums. If they each have their own insurance that covers themselves, and they have each extended that coverage to cover the son, they are both paying higher premiums.

TDGee

Yeah, contact an attorney. The cost of a brief chat with him/her will probably run in the neighborhood of $200 for 15 minutes. Who is willing to pay that kind of money to argue over a copay?

CrimsonHellkite

while this is not a good topic for the simple minded folk of the internet world...i can agree there needs to be better communication between you and the ex and the new wife....while i dont think your asking to pay nothing i think it should be figured out how much the insurance costs and you pay half, yea they may have insurance no matter what but it goes up considerably when another person is added to it. but your ex is just tryin to swell up and throw his balls around and try and like like a "big man" which he has proven not to be...but both of you are wrong in the situation

cm2two

i cant believe you posted that whole email on here - which i couldnt even be bothered to read.

this is YOUR business...and we all have exes. youll find plenty of people who agree with you and who dont.

spend your time and energy focused elsewhere - preferrably on your children, the good energy...

*sigh*

im divorced with children and bashing them on the internet doesnt say much for you.

NicolCook

i cant believe you posted that whole email on here - which i couldnt even be bothered to read.

this is YOUR business...and we all have exes. youll find plenty of people who agree with you and who dont.

spend your time and energy focused elsewhere - preferrably on your children, the good energy...

*sigh*

im divorced with children and bashing them on the internet doesnt say much for you.

I didn't bash anyone. I didn't know if I was being unreasonable to expect not to pay them for a fee that doesn't exist.

TDGee

Good luck. BTW, Your son totally has your smile!

NicolCook

Good luck. BTW, Your son totally has your smile!

Thank you! He is my world. We are extremely close Best thing that I have ever been gifted with!!

shelleilei

People need to calm down. She's asking for advice. Lay off.
Anyways, do you have a custody agreement that states he pays for insurance and you pay the co-pay? If that's the case and there is no co-pay to actually pay then it's simple, you don't need to pay for a co-pay that does not excist. Also, incase of an emergency, you have every right to your sons insurance card. And the courts frown on one parent undermining and alienating the other parent... That's what he would be doing with the whole first name BS.

Sounds like there is more to this story in regards of his hostility. The best advice I can give you is to document, document, document and make sure to keep all your e-mails to him civil

SamiSamiBoBlammy

So your upset that he was getting $17.50 from you, per Dr visit? And you think since the co-pay is $0, your portion should be $0?

Do you think because there is no "copay" that the insurance is free? Your husband and his wife are paying the insurance premium for your son,, and your "confronting" him over a 17$ copay????

From the fact you were paying the copay, I wil assume that it was not in the Divorce agreement that your husband pay everything..and quite sure it wasn't in there that his new wife supplement your sons insurance,, which is why the copay went to $0.

^^This.

The divorce agreement doesn't say that he and (Stepmom) BOTH have to cover the kid - so I would think you would be responsible for whatever copays/deductibles that HIS policy requires.


Her policy is just a bonus for them, you shouldn't get to save money just because they are spending double premium to make sure if anything happens to this kid - he'll be taken care of.

Honestly, you should just be happy that the ex HAS an insurance policy for the kid AND would be willing to handle all the doctors appointments. With all the people out there dealing with deadbeat ex's, you really don't have a pot to piss in.

BeachGurl815

I can sort of relate since I am divorced from my boys dad. I think it sounds silly that he expects you to pay a copay if there is none. Do you have any mention of your son's healthcare in your divorce agreement? In mine my ex agreed to covering their healthcare. I do pay a small portion of basic dr visits but anything other than or after our agreed on limit is reached it is split 50/50. Did I understand correctly that your ex's wife added your son onto her heathplan without your consent? I don't know about your state laws but in mine the you would have to sign an affidavit to agree to that. He should not hang that over your head, I am sure it benefits him too and saves you both money to have the double coverage.

As far as keeping you from having an insurance card--I can't see how this would be legal. It is not reasonable at all. What if your son had some kind of medical emergency when he was with you? What if your ex was unavailable or not nearby to provide his ins info?

Also as his mother you have every right to choose what doctor's your son will go to. I beleive you would both have to agree on this.

I feel for you here. I have communication issues with my ex too. Its easy enough for other ppl to tell you to fix your communication issues but I completely understand it is not the easiest thing to do when someone makes your life so difficult.

laurad1406

I would say definitely take the high road on this one...i think it's a misunderstanding. i WILL say regardless, he definitely needs to check how he talks to you. For the sake of your son, there needs to be a certain level of respect and common decency.

He is definitely overreacting and freaking out, but at the same time, it does sound like you're getting a decent deal as well considering your son gets double coverage and you don't pay a dime for it (other than occasional bashings from ex husband!)

Call him (no texting, you're both adults) explain to him you're sorry for the confusion, you appreciate that they double-cover your son so there ARE no co-pays, and try to meet each other half way. Can you offer to pay for all of his prescriptions? (given he doesn't have any standard $200/month ones or anything) Offer to endorse the $17 check over to him. Keep your son with the same doctor.

he was a total d-bag for treating you that way, but like someone else said, you should be appreciative that your son has a father and step mother who are willing to cover him and pay for it.

As someone else said, you don't want things to get to a point where you can't take your own son to the doctor if he isn't with you....that's silly and dangerous.

NicolCook

I can sort of relate since I am divorced from my boys dad. I think it sounds silly that he expects you to pay a copay if there is none. Do you have any mention of your son's healthcare in your divorce agreement? In mine my ex agreed to covering their healthcare. I do pay a small portion of basic dr visits but anything other than or after our agreed on limit is reached it is split 50/50. Did I understand correctly that your ex's wife added your son onto her heathplan without your consent? I don't know about your state laws but in mine the you would have to sign an affidavit to agree to that. He should not hang that over your head, I am sure it benefits him too and saves you both money to have the double coverage.

As far as keeping you from having an insurance card--I can't see how this would be legal. It is not reasonable at all. What if your son had some kind of medical emergency when he was with you? What if your ex was unavailable or not nearby to provide his ins info?

Also as his mother you have every right to choose what doctor's your son will go to. I beleive you would both have to agree on this.

I feel for you here. I have communication issues with my ex too. Its easy enough for other ppl to tell you to fix your communication issues but I completely understand it is not the easiest thing to do when someone makes your life so difficult.

You are correct. They added him to her policy without any consent from me. Had they talked to me about it (or anything else) we could have come to an agreement then. I don't disagree with paying for my son to have medical treatment. In our divorce decree it says that father will provide insurance and all other medical costs/copays are split 50/50.

They do stuff like this regularly. Last year they signed him up to play basketball and I only found out when the coach called to tell me he was my son's coach. I try to notify them durning anything, but they thing when my son is at their house, it is their time and I don't exist. They take the 50/50 custody literally and expect me not to even call when my son is at their house. Of course I call him anyway, they just don't tell him or he doesn't call me to keep them from being upset.

My son asked me last school year to come have lunch with him, that way we can still have contact and I don't have to call their house. He sees all the hostility.....breaks my heart.

BeachGurl815

Geeze I don't get the be grateful he pays his insurance kind of comments. Its his kid too! Like I said it all depends on your divorce agreement on the boys healthcare. If you don't have any mention of it and you cannot come to an agreement civily, then I would consider seeing a lawyer about it.

NicolCook

On a side note, when I left I was civil with him and tried to do what was best for our son. I do not, and have not ever received any childsupport payments either. I have always tried to keep my son's best interests at heart.....it is so hard to do when any communication turns into drama.

They will not allow me to have my ex's cell phone number and I am not allowed to call my son on it. I have to have correspondence with them over facebook (private msgs) or their home phone. So, I choose fb so I have documentation of it all. Phone calls go nowhere fast and turn ugly......and I have no proof of what was said, so fb is the way I see to go. Ugh, exhausting....

BeachGurl815

I can sort of relate since I am divorced from my boys dad. I think it sounds silly that he expects you to pay a copay if there is none. Do you have any mention of your son's healthcare in your divorce agreement? In mine my ex agreed to covering their healthcare. I do pay a small portion of basic dr visits but anything other than or after our agreed on limit is reached it is split 50/50. Did I understand correctly that your ex's wife added your son onto her heathplan without your consent? I don't know about your state laws but in mine the you would have to sign an affidavit to agree to that. He should not hang that over your head, I am sure it benefits him too and saves you both money to have the double coverage.

As far as keeping you from having an insurance card--I can't see how this would be legal. It is not reasonable at all. What if your son had some kind of medical emergency when he was with you? What if your ex was unavailable or not nearby to provide his ins info?

Also as his mother you have every right to choose what doctor's your son will go to. I beleive you would both have to agree on this.

I feel for you here. I have communication issues with my ex too. Its easy enough for other ppl to tell you to fix your communication issues but I completely understand it is not the easiest thing to do when someone makes your life so difficult.

You are correct. They added him to her policy without any consent from me. Had they talked to me about it (or anything else) we could have come to an agreement then. I don't disagree with paying for my son to have medical treatment. In our divorce decree it says that father will provide insurance and all other medical costs/copays are split 50/50.

They do stuff like this regularly. Last year they signed him up to play basketball and I only found out when the coach called to tell me he was my son's coach. I try to notify them durning anything, but they thing when my son is at their house, it is their time and I don't exist. They take the 50/50 custody literally and expect me not to even call when my son is at their house. Of course I call him anyway, they just don't tell him or he doesn't call me to keep them from being upset.

My son asked me last school year to come have lunch with him, that way we can still have contact and I don't have to call their house. He sees all the hostility.....breaks my heart.

Then your agreement is like mine. He does not have an arguement. You should not pay a copay if it does not exist.

Oh the basketball thing--been there too. My son plays soccer every fall. Last year he was on two different soccer teams. Then he went ahead and signed him up for fall baseball without telling me. I work full time and have another son with activities too. How do I keep up with that?!?

Sorry about the hostility. That is awful-your poor son! You may want to see what a lawyer can do about that. You should be able to call your son whenever you want. I don't think any judge would agree to him keeping your son from you just because he is in his custody.

Jade_Butterfly

So your upset that he was getting $17.50 from you, per Dr visit? And you think since the co-pay is $0, your portion should be $0?

Do you think because there is no "copay" that the insurance is free? Your husband and his wife are paying the insurance premium for your son,, and your "confronting" him over a 17$ copay????

I realize he pays for it, but I can't pay a copayment that does not exist. When I took our son to the doctor yesterday they wouldn't even let me write my check. There is no bill. I didn't ask or have we ever discussed our son being on his wife's insurance, so that shouldn't reflect on me. I don't know how I am supposed to pay a bill that doesn't exist and I'm not "paying" him to take our son to the doctor.....

Well you can't be paying a co-pay that does not exist, but if the step mother has him on her insurance then she is paying an insurance premium for that. . . So perhaps he should of asked you to pay half of that rather than 17.50 co-pay. . I know that when I wanted to add my daughter onto my work insurance I could not afford it as they wanted over $300 a month to add her. . So my attitude is unless your ex is volunteering to pick up the entire insurance payment. . . which most people I know wouldn't do that. . each of you should be paying half. . Or you have insurance for your son in each household separately. . .which would cost much more. . . Just a thought. .

Jade_Butterfly

On a side note, when I left I was civil with him and tried to do what was best for our son. I do not, and have not ever received any childsupport payments either. I have always tried to keep my son's best interests at heart.....it is so hard to do when any communication turns into drama.

They will not allow me to have my ex's cell phone number and I am not allowed to call my son on it. I have to have correspondence with them over facebook (private msgs) or their home phone. So, I choose fb so I have documentation of it all. Phone calls go nowhere fast and turn ugly......and I have no proof of what was said, so fb is the way I see to go. Ugh, exhausting....

Definitely. . . keep good records of everything. . Court is definitely no fun. . .Good luck with it all . . . wish you the best.

ladybug1620

So your upset that he was getting $17.50 from you, per Dr visit? And you think since the co-pay is $0, your portion should be $0?

Do you think because there is no "copay" that the insurance is free? Your husband and his wife are paying the insurance premium for your son,, and your "confronting" him over a 17$ copay????

From the fact you were paying the copay, I wil assume that it was not in the Divorce agreement that your husband pay everything..and quite sure it wasn't in there that his new wife supplement your sons insurance,, which is why the copay went to $0.

Uhmm...I'm assuming the husband was court ordered to pay for the child's insurance, which is pretty typical. Then they have an agreement to split the COPAYS. If there is NO copay, then why should she be paying the husband anything?? It has nothing to do with him paying the premiums, it has to do with the fact that he is charging her money for copays when there is none.

Also, I work in a medical billing company. Did you (OP) pay the copays that were refunded to you? If so, your husband is being ridiculous. If HE paid them, then the doctor's office is probably incorrect in giving you that money back because it didn't come out of your pocket. But doctor's offices aren't in charge of keeping up with your divorce agreements, so they probably had no idea. Your husband is incorrect in assuming that because he holds the insurance that he should get all the money back regardless of who pays it. If you paid it, it's your refund.