230+ pounds down... Next Step

Namaste1983

I've come a long way to say the least. The hardest part of shedding this weight has been to see myself the way others do. I have always been so hard and critical with myself. Always the first person to congratulate someone on success and when the compliments came rolling in I deflected with a quick "thanks, but..." or "i'm not there yet..." It's funny because gastric bypass in 2000 didn't fix me. It got me from 430 to 290 in a year and the new attention was overwhelming. I wonder if I hadn't been raped less than a year after surgery if I would have never started binge eating. My therapist said it was subconcious and a way to avoid male attention, this is years after the incident and before I wanted to lose the weight by myself. I ballooned back up to 350-380 and stayed there for years. I didn't have the motivation or desire to lose the weight. I was doing hair and going to school. I had a mom who became physically disabled (nerve damage as a result of back surgery) and the man who raised me developed PTSD from vietnam and was changing before my eyes. I had a lot on my plate and the only thing that made me happy was food. My stepdad's social anxiety kept him from grocery shopping aside from tubs of ice cream and toaster pastries and mom couldn't grocery shop as we were still figuring out her limits and didn't have pain controlled yet. I worked, went to school and was watching my stepdad fall apart. Watching a parent become hollow and a drugged shell of your father is pretty hard. It wasn't until May 9th of 2009 at my brothers wedding that I realized I wanted more. I wanted a chance at a life. Yes it gets hard, I can handle that. I may not get to the top of the mountain but I just have to try and take a step. It just started coming off. Small changes began to add up. First I started hiking 2 times a week, then a pilates video here and there. Within a few months I gave up fast food. Gave up soda. Then processed foods. I got very into fitness and clean eating and In a little over 2 years I have finally hit a place where I am comfortable with my size. I credit it to never giving up. Even when my stepdad completed his life in Dec of 2009. I took time to mourn and found my resolve to make sure I had a chance at a good life. Life can't be the sum of what happens to us. If it was, I would have given up long ago. It is only a testament to my strength that I have made it this far. The support from my family and friends has been astounding and now that I have hit my goal i'm ready to complete my weight loss journey. I have been really scared to do any skin removal surgeries because of the pain and scaring. I know it's going to be expensive and since it is cosmetic I have no help from insurance. I have decided to move into my mothers and with her help we may be able to save almost 1,000 a month towards my surgeries. I have a consult in 2 weeks in CA and I don't know if i'm ready for the reality of whats next. I know how much I want my arms done, I catch people looking at them, I get a lot of questions when I go sleeveless and it is something that makes me feel very self concious. I guess what i'm saying is that the next step is the scariest one yet and I'm not sure how to do this. I know we are going to make this happen. I just don't know how to fund this dream. I'm going to start researching fundraising options. (no hooking lmao)
I guess i'm rambling but I just wondered if anyone could understand where i'm coming from because family and friends say my surgeries are a no brainer. My friend brought up a lot of feelings last night when we were out for drinks. We had our pictures taken and when we looked at them my arm looked so tiny and then I had 6 or 7 inches hanging down. She caught me looking at it and immediately covered the part of my arm with her thumb and said "cute arm!" lol. Yes, I have amazing friends. I giggled and said "yeah it will be one day" and she told me " when I look at you I don't see it. I see how beautiful you are and how you have proof of your hard work. I'm so proud of you" Something profound happened when she said that. I agreed with her. I really do want this and I do deserve it.

risefromruin

Uggh, you're going to make me cry!! You are seriously one of my biggest inspirations on here and I am rooting for you 100% to get your surgeries and to be where you want to be in this journey!! You truly deserve it and I hope that the funding can happen for you. I knew a little bit of your story, but not the extent of what you have gone through to get to this point. You are an amazing, strong and beautiful woman and I hope I can see you complete your transformation

preciousperez

I almost cried as well. You are a true inspiration. I have only lost 10lbs and I still need another 100lbs.

When I see all the before and after pics and the stories I wonder, "Will I ever get to my goal weight loss?" I know I can and I will not stop trying. Thank you all for your inspirational stories.....

Ali_TSO

Yes, almost crying here as well. You SO deserve this, honey....I'm so glad you know that now.

DancinSMartiPants

You should do whatever it takes for you to be happy. Seriously. If that skin is putting up a barrier, remove it. I just know that your smile, wit, and humor have been inspiring to me even more than the astounding number on your weight loss ticker.

Much love.

lcarter25

This is lovely! I wish you all the best xx

savethecat

When I read the "Cute arm!" part I nearly lost it. I'm so glad you have a great group of friends who understand and support you. You are truly amazing and such an inspiration. Best of luck with your next step!

Doresoontobehealthy

You really are amazing. Look at how many people on here that you've inspired including myself. I wish you only the best as you truly deserve it. I know you'll find a way to have the surgery if that's what you want to do. I think you look beautiful the way you are.

mikethom

Wow! you are an inspiration! Good luck with the surgeries with your determination and will power I'm sure you'll make it. Thanks for sharing your story.

femmerides

you deserve WHATEVER you want after all the hard work you have done. You have been through so much and are a much stronger person because of that. you're inside and most of your outside is just as it should be, so why not get the rest of you to match what you feel like?

avarielle1215

You have such amazing inner strength to have come this far. Despite your life throwing you setbacks and tumbles one after another, you persevered through and WON! Surgery is never a "little thing", but I have 100% confidence that you will come through this next hurdle with just as must grace and success.

In terms of fundraising, have you heard of fiverr.com? You basically post something (anything) you will do for $5 and people can buy the gig. It can even be something like "I will analyze your eating habits and make suggestions!" for $5.

Either way...the very best of luck to you!

[x-posted to blog]

kdet07

yay for awesome friends, yay for weight loss, but most importantly, yay for YOU. It's obvious that people draw on your amazing strength and perseverance. if where you've been is any indication, you will find a way. you will get where you're going.

you are incredible- thank you for sharing

DestinyDarbi

You deserve this.. Wow.. your story is incredible. Congrats on all your hard work

MJ5898

I wanted to say thank you for sharing your story!!!! I know how difficult it can be to open up, especially about so many personal experiences, but I have no doubt you have inspired countless folks here including me. I wish you the best of luck with your surgeries. I agree - you deserve to feel/look on the outside as great as you do on the inside. To me, you look amazing, but if the surgeries will make you feel better about yourself and reflect your hard work, go for it!!! :flowerforyou:

Namaste1983

You have such amazing inner strength to have come this far. Despite your life throwing you setbacks and tumbles one after another, you persevered through and WON! Surgery is never a "little thing", but I have 100% confidence that you will come through this next hurdle with just as must grace and success.

In terms of fundraising, have you heard of fiverr.com? You basically post something (anything) you will do for $5 and people can buy the gig. It can even be something like "I will analyze your eating habits and make suggestions!" for $5.

Either way...the very best of luck to you!

[x-posted to blog]

Namaste1983

You have such amazing inner strength to have come this far. Despite your life throwing you setbacks and tumbles one after another, you persevered through and WON! Surgery is never a "little thing", but I have 100% confidence that you will come through this next hurdle with just as must grace and success.

In terms of fundraising, have you heard of fiverr.com? You basically post something (anything) you will do for $5 and people can buy the gig. It can even be something like "I will analyze your eating habits and make suggestions!" for $5.

Either way...the very best of luck to you!

[x-posted to blog]

I'VE GOT TO CHECK THIS OUT!

imcsqrd

You are amazing! Perfect example of what someone can do when they put their mind to it - you should be very proud of yourself. I think you should have the skin removed. It will add to the weight loss and keep you from being frustrated by those last few pounds that are actually the excess skin. It will add to your improved self-image and help you stay motivated to keep the weight off. Your plan to move in with mom and save up the money should have you in a financial position to do this in a short time and by then you will probably have lost all you want. Just be careful about which doctor you choose and really research how much should be done at one time. You have overcome so much and are an inspiration to all.

kandrews24

Thanks so much for sharing your story. Crying over here. Best role model anyone could ever ask for. Please keep us posted on the next chapters. I fully support anything and everything you want to do. Can't wait for the before and after surgery pictures!!!!

RachVR6

You are pure beauty.


Check out http://www.giveforward.com. I remember coming across them in passing. You can set up your own page for donations and family and friends can spread the word. :flowerforyou:

Izable2011

Thanks for sharing! You are a beautiful person & should be so proud of where you are today. I hope and pray you can afford to have your procedure done. You deserve to feel comfortable in your skin. I wish people would not be so rude to make comments or stare. Why is it that some people find it necessary to give the stare glare.. I get that every once in a while and I think it is so rude. Once again you are a beautiful person and it does not matter to me that you have extra skin. :flowerforyou:

skinnydreams

Wow, what a story and what a journey....be very proud, you are inspirational!!! Best of luck in the completion of your weight loss journey, may your life be full of love and happiness!!!

Kalee34

Amazing story!! You are a true role model!! Take your time, do the surgeries when you are ready. It will be a big change, for the better I'm sure, but you must be physically & emotionally ready. God Bless!!

michelle_vankat

You truly are an insipration! You will find a way to make it work...and you will make it through the surgeries coming out stronger than ever....look at what you have accomplished! You can do ANYTHING!

PowerEqualsStrengthOverTime

Wow, that is a truly remarkable story. And sadly very relateable to me as well. I so applaud you and love that you have such supportive friends in your life!

countrydarling1

You are pure beauty.


Check out http://www.giveforward.com. I remember coming across them in passing. You can set up your own page for donations and family and friends can spread the word. :flowerforyou:

AWESOME idea!! If you go this route, we could all facebook it & other social sites! Get the word out!! I would love to help you!! You have been down an amazing journey!! God bless & Congrats on your success!

PAnn1

You have come so far both physically AND emotionally. Now go for that next step. You deserve to be happy and if the "next step" is the surgery, go for it! You have one heck of a cheering section here on MFP. You know "the force will be with you". I appreciate you sharing your life here. What an inspiration to everyone. You ARE a beautiful person inside and out. Best wishes to you :-)

klawRN

sniff, sniff.....I am in tears. Truely awesome. Congrats on overcoming all your hurdles. I am new to here so this is the first I heard your story. You have wonderful friends who support you and accept you no matter what. I agree with some of other post if you are not comfortable with your self then have the surgery. I big motto I go be is Looks are only skin deep, take time to get to know the inside too!!!!!! Just because we are over weight does not me we are not wonderful people. Keep us posted on progress. Praying for you. :flowerforyou:

tattooedtwiin

You should be proud of yourself. Your story is inspiring in so many ways.