MPF friends diary
AlsDonkBoxSquat
Posts: 6,128 Member
So, what do you do. When one of my friends comes in under I almost always look for ideas that I might be able to incorporate into my food plan. I rarely comment, period, good or bad I rarely comment on food diaries. I'm not into imposing my lifestyle on others unless they ask for advice. I looked at an MPF "friend's" food diary today, they came in under because she only recorded one meal, totally processed, under 500 calories. I looked at yesterday, same thing. The last time they had that notification I looked, same thing. It's all hungry man dinners, hot dogs, ice cream sandwiches, not a fruit or veggie or lean protein in sight. I couldn't tell you if they are eating more and just not logging it or not. They are loosing weight, I just don't see it as a sustainable lifestyle. Would you:
A. Keep them as a friend and continue to encourage them on the wieghtloss, knowing I won't discuss food choices unless they ask
B. Drop them from your friends list, as the concern for their overall health just isn't worth the frustration
A. Keep them as a friend and continue to encourage them on the wieghtloss, knowing I won't discuss food choices unless they ask
B. Drop them from your friends list, as the concern for their overall health just isn't worth the frustration
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Replies
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I'd send them a PM and put the ball back in their court.
This is coming from a girl with an ED history who has asked her friends to call her out for not eating enough.0 -
Yes, but you ask for it. I do not do this to the unwilling, I just don't. I have picked my lifestyle, it's not for everyone, I get and respect that.I'd send them a PM and put the ball back in their court.
This is coming from a girl with an ED history who has asked her friends to call her out for not eating enough.0 -
I would keep them as a friend but hide them from your news feed if it bothers you.
I do not comment on others diary unless it is positive (meaning they ate exceptionally well) or they want my input. If I notice unhealthy practices, normally I keep quiet and will watch a while and if they have a healthier day comment positively.0 -
I've got someone like this on my friends and I just never say anything to them. It's their business what they're doing with their meals and I'm just here for encouragement. If it really bothers you and you don't want to see it, just remove them I guess
Have you ever tried to gently say they should eat more? I've never done this with the person on my list because I just don't want to offend. 0 -
Yes, but you ask for it. I do not do this to the unwilling, I just don't. I have picked my lifestyle, it's not for everyone, I get and respect that.I'd send them a PM and put the ball back in their court.
This is coming from a girl with an ED history who has asked her friends to call her out for not eating enough.
And an ED isn't for ANYONE. If you don't want to step outside of your comfort zone and do what's best for them, then don't. PM me their name and I'll do what you won't. Showing concern isn't pushing your lifestyle on them, it's telling them that you are concerned and you care.0 -
Well the good news is, you're a fine example. Maybe your pal is getting some benefit from that. If so, good deal! Might be worth sticking with option A just for that, perhaps.
That being said, your point is a good one. I, too, struggle a bit when I see someone who rarely has any fruit or veggies in their menu at all.
Maybe there's a way you can express your concern more gently. What about asking her how things are going ... is she pleased with her progress ... what is she learning on this journey ... what changes has she been making?
Or you could be just a bit more direct by saying something like how hungry you'd be if you only ate one meal a day. (I know *I* would be.)
And you could certainly evangelize about how much you've learned about the benefits of fresh over processed ... how much better you feel since you started eating right ... that you're still learning every day. You get the idea.
All this may take you in a direction you don't want to go ... so keep what you like and roll your eyes about everything else. But I like it that you're asking the question, and will watch for feedback from others. 0 -
Are they losing? If they're losing, you might want to keep them around awhile. Since we're in the fitness field, we have a tendency to lean towards the healthier foods, but not all people are like that. Some people can only afford quick, little things like hot dogs and hungry man dinners, or that's all they understand. It's about the calories first. Once they have that under control, then maybe they'll start thinking better quality food. I couldn't imagine defriending somebody because they loved to treat themselves to a snausage more often than I think they should. Well, I would worry about anybody that ate a dog treat, but it's a funny word, nonetheless.0
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So, what do you do. When one of my friends comes in under I almost always look for ideas that I might be able to incorporate into my food plan. I rarely comment, period, good or bad I rarely comment on food diaries. I'm not into imposing my lifestyle on others unless they ask for advice. I looked at an MPF "friend's" food diary today, they came in under because she only recorded one meal, totally processed, under 500 calories. I looked at yesterday, same thing. The last time they had that notification I looked, same thing. It's all hungry man dinners, hot dogs, ice cream sandwiches, not a fruit or veggie or lean protein in sight. I couldn't tell you if they are eating more and just not logging it or not. They are loosing weight, I just don't see it as a sustainable lifestyle. Would you:
A. Keep them as a friend and continue to encourage them on the wieghtloss, knowing I won't discuss food choices unless they ask
B. Drop them from your friends list, as the concern for their overall health just isn't worth the frustration
If it were me, I would personally keep the person, because who am I to judge what they eat? But, if it is that offensive to you, then do yourself a favor and delete the person. She is probably better off without someone judging her.0 -
And this is my quandry and why I posted it here. She's young, she's lost over 20 pounds, which is awesome! You know you've seen it here more than once "some random *sshole sent me a message about my food. I'm loosing, and it's my food, so it isn't any of their d*mn business. Did I ask? No! So who died and made you the boss?!?"Are they losing? If they're losing, you might want to keep them around awhile. Since we're in the fitness field, we have a tendency to lean towards the healthier foods, but not all people are like that. Some people can only afford quick, little things like hot dogs and hungry man dinners, or that's all they understand. It's about the calories first. Once they have that under control, then maybe they'll start thinking better quality food. I couldn't imagine defriending somebody because they loved to treat themselves to a snausage more often than I think they should. Well, I would worry about anybody that ate a dog treat, but it's a funny word, nonetheless.
You know, if snausages are your thing . . . I'd just be wary of the fat content, and you may be hard pressed to find them in the database.0 -
So, what do you do. When one of my friends comes in under I almost always look for ideas that I might be able to incorporate into my food plan. I rarely comment, period, good or bad I rarely comment on food diaries. I'm not into imposing my lifestyle on others unless they ask for advice. I looked at an MPF "friend's" food diary today, they came in under because she only recorded one meal, totally processed, under 500 calories. I looked at yesterday, same thing. The last time they had that notification I looked, same thing. It's all hungry man dinners, hot dogs, ice cream sandwiches, not a fruit or veggie or lean protein in sight. I couldn't tell you if they are eating more and just not logging it or not. They are loosing weight, I just don't see it as a sustainable lifestyle. Would you:
A. Keep them as a friend and continue to encourage them on the wieghtloss, knowing I won't discuss food choices unless they ask
B. Drop them from your friends list, as the concern for their overall health just isn't worth the frustration
If it were me, I would personally keep the person, because who am I to judge what they eat? But, if it is that offensive to you, then do yourself a favor and delete the person. She is probably better off without someone judging her.
IMHO, I think there's a big difference between judging someone and being concerned that they are consuming less than 500 calories a day.0 -
I think if you were being a good friend, you'd send a PM and ask them about it - maybe they're just not logging everything they eat, or maybe they don't quite understand all of the nuances of nutrition yet .. you might be able to help them with whatever it is they need. I thought that's what our MFPs were for....0
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It's all hungry man dinners, hot dogs, ice cream sandwiches, not a fruit or veggie or lean protein in sight.
IMHO, I think there's a big difference between judging someone and being concerned that they are consuming less than 500 calories a day.
[/quote]
I kind of thought that looked like judging her. I could be wrong, though.0 -
It's all hungry man dinners, hot dogs, ice cream sandwiches, not a fruit or veggie or lean protein in sight.
IMHO, I think there's a big difference between judging someone and being concerned that they are consuming less than 500 calories a day.
I kind of thought that looked like judging her. I could be wrong, though.
[/quote]
It's a statement of fact, not a statement of opinion.0 -
I would delete them. Sorry if this sounds mean but I am on here to learn from others. I do not want to learn that someone is eating 500 calories that have no nutritional value and still losing weight. This is not the way to do it and I would not want to put myself through that type of eating lifestyle. I want people who encourage healthy eating and good excercise goals around me. Same in life, I surround myself with people who are postive and have the same values as I do. I would not hang out with someone who did things I do not approve of. Simple as that.0
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It's all hungry man dinners, hot dogs, ice cream sandwiches, not a fruit or veggie or lean protein in sight.
IMHO, I think there's a big difference between judging someone and being concerned that they are consuming less than 500 calories a day.
I kind of thought that looked like judging her. I could be wrong, though.
It's a statement of fact, not a statement of opinion.
[/quote]
My original response still stands..... If it bothers you that much, or if it such a big dela that you feel the need to post about it, then do yourself a favor and delete her.0 -
My original response still stands..... If it bothers you that much, or if it such a big dela that you feel the need to post about it, then do yourself a favor and delete her.
Or check your friends list - odd's are she probably deleted you while you're over here stressing out about whether to keep her.
If one of my friends posted a topic like this (asking whether I'm worthy to be kept) and it was obvious she was talking about me - you better believe I'd delete them.
I also would've posted a snarky response on the thread, but I guess some people are more reserved than I.0 -
My original response still stands..... If it bothers you that much, or if it such a big dela that you feel the need to post about it, then do yourself a favor and delete her.
Or check your friends list - odd's are she probably deleted you while you're over here stressing out about whether to keep her.
If one of my friends posted a topic like this (asking whether I'm worthy to be kept) and it was obvious she was talking about me - you better believe I'd delete them.
I also would've posted a snarky response on the thread, but I guess some people are more reserved than I.
Yea, that was going to be my next statement. This was a pretty cruel blast to the poor girl. I would have been MORTIFIED if someone called me out like this.0 -
If one of my friends posted a topic like this (asking whether I'm worthy to be kept) and it was obvious she was talking about me - you better believe I'd delete them.
I also would've posted a snarky response on the thread, but I guess some people are more reserved than I.
We think alike.0 -
I'd send them a PM and put the ball back in their court.
This is coming from a girl with an ED history who has asked her friends to call her out for not eating enough.
NO! I've seen the spazing, trolling angry threads that appear on MFP one and a while when someone thinks they are helping a stranger aka "friend" on MFP and it turns into pages of pointless bit**ing.
Drop them b/c if they stick in your head you may fall down that unhealthy path. You owe them nothing on an online forum, don't let ED sufferers make you feel bad b/c their real life friends failed them just as much as they failed themselves.0 -
I'd send them a PM and put the ball back in their court.
This is coming from a girl with an ED history who has asked her friends to call her out for not eating enough.
NO! I've seen the spazing, trolling angry threads that appear on MFP one and a while when someone thinks they are helping a stranger aka "friend" on MFP and it turns into pages of pointless bit**ing.
Drop them b/c if they stick in your head you may fall down that unhealthy path. You owe them nothing on an online forum, don't let ED sufferers make you feel bad b/c their real life friends failed them just as much as they failed themselves.
I think you and I have very different definitions of "friend".0 -
My original response still stands..... If it bothers you that much, or if it such a big dela that you feel the need to post about it, then do yourself a favor and delete her.
Or check your friends list - odd's are she probably deleted you while you're over here stressing out about whether to keep her.
If one of my friends posted a topic like this (asking whether I'm worthy to be kept) and it was obvious she was talking about me - you better believe I'd delete them.
I also would've posted a snarky response on the thread, but I guess some people are more reserved than I.
Yea, that was going to be my next statement. This was a pretty cruel blast to the poor girl. I would have been MORTIFIED if someone called me out like this.
Ditto.0 -
Well the good news is, you're a fine example. Maybe your pal is getting some benefit from that. If so, good deal! Might be worth sticking with option A just for that, perhaps.
That being said, your point is a good one. I, too, struggle a bit when I see someone who rarely has any fruit or veggies in their menu at all.
Maybe there's a way you can express your concern more gently. What about asking her how things are going ... is she pleased with her progress ... what is she learning on this journey ... what changes has she been making?
Or you could be just a bit more direct by saying something like how hungry you'd be if you only ate one meal a day. (I know *I* would be.) And you could certainly evangelize about how much you've learned about the benefits of fresh over processed ... how much better you feel since you started eating right ... that you're still learning every day. You get the idea.
All this may take you in a direction you don't want to go ... so keep what you like and roll your eyes about everything else. But I like it that you're asking the question, and will watch for feedback from others.
This is nice. You sound like a very kind lady and if I have to be told something that's hard to hear, I want to hear it from you.0 -
I'd send them a PM and put the ball back in their court.
This is coming from a girl with an ED history who has asked her friends to call her out for not eating enough.
NO! I've seen the spazing, trolling angry threads that appear on MFP one and a while when someone thinks they are helping a stranger aka "friend" on MFP and it turns into pages of pointless bit**ing.
Drop them b/c if they stick in your head you may fall down that unhealthy path. You owe them nothing on an online forum, don't let ED sufferers make you feel bad b/c their real life friends failed them just as much as they failed themselves.
What?! A PM would prevent it from going to the boards, the girl with the ED would not have her eating habits paraded around infront of everyone.
She doesn't owe them anything, except that she friended them, a sort of low key agreement to help one another get healthy. My MFP friends are awesome and hilarious and we make fun of each other a lot, I chose them because we have a similar sense of humor, we're internet buddies, and if they were heading toward and ED I'd PM them, because I'm the kind of person who checks in on my friends, I'm not here simply to recieve encouragement, I'm here to give it and to help.
That's just me though.0 -
I agree with ilookthetype here. Also, I consider that judging. Go look through my diary. Go ahead, take a peek. I'll wait.
You back now? Good. You see how there are so many days where I'm under my calories, or only have one thing logged, and it's not healthy? Yeah, well that's because sometimes I just get too busy to put up every single thing I eat, so I just log the "bad" food so I can keep track of any junk I'm eating. Have you considered maybe this girl thinks the same way? You're judging her. Plain and simple. And if she has an ED, you should support her. AND you should have PM'd her your concern in the first place. I am SO glad I don't have any "friends" like you.0 -
This doesn't need to be so difficult or cut & dry.
Just email and ask what's up? Do you just not log regularly? Are you actually following a diet MFP or otherwise?
Before jumping to the conclusion that someone eats for *kitten* all the time or has an ED, just ask. Sometimes one thing will show up in my diary b/c I'm simply curious to see what it's worth... But I'm not actually dieting, tracking, etc...
I'm just here to be annoying :smokin:
Unless you know the situation... start by simply asking 0 -
This doesn't need to be so difficult or cut & dry.
Just email and ask what's up? Do you just not log regularly? Are you actually following a diet MFP or otherwise?
Before jumping to the conclusion that someone eats for *kitten* all the time or has an ED, just ask. Sometimes one thing will show up in my diary b/c I'm simply curious to see what it's worth... But I'm not actually dieting, tracking, etc...
I'm just here to be annoying :smokin:
Unless you know the situation... start by simply asking
I
you 0 -
This doesn't need to be so difficult or cut & dry.
Just email and ask what's up? Do you just not log regularly? Are you actually following a diet MFP or otherwise?
Before jumping to the conclusion that someone eats for *kitten* all the time or has an ED, just ask. Sometimes one thing will show up in my diary b/c I'm simply curious to see what it's worth... But I'm not actually dieting, tracking, etc...
I'm just here to be annoying :smokin:
Unless you know the situation... start by simply asking
I you
And I puffy heart you! AND your boobies 0 -
You see how there are so many days where I'm under my calories, or only have one thing logged, and it's not healthy? Yeah, well that's because sometimes I just get too busy to put up every single thing I eat, so I just log the "bad" food so I can keep track of any junk I'm eating. Have you considered maybe this girl thinks the same way?
Sorry, you must have decided to type before finishing my post or you would have seen that I offered this out there as a possibility of things that I don't know. There are many things I don't know, I never claimed to be omniscient. I normally don't give a rats *kitten* what's in someone's diary as long as it's working for them seeing I have an affinity for ice cream, wine, and french fries (and tater tots). Why is this one different? I don't f-ing know. Probably because there are only about 3 days logged in the past month or so and I purge anyone whose inactive for over a month to keep my friend list down (unless I know them irl), but I didn't want to purge her because I'm concerned about her health.0 -
This doesn't need to be so difficult or cut & dry.
Just email and ask what's up? Do you just not log regularly? Are you actually following a diet MFP or otherwise?
Before jumping to the conclusion that someone eats for *kitten* all the time or has an ED, just ask. Sometimes one thing will show up in my diary b/c I'm simply curious to see what it's worth... But I'm not actually dieting, tracking, etc...
I'm just here to be annoying :smokin:
Unless you know the situation... start by simply asking
See, and this is why I love you day or night.0 -
I would assume most people friend someone here so they can get support, motivation and yes, accountability from that person.
If you feel it is your obligation as a friend of this individual to inquire upon their well being, then I say go for it with a PM. Don't be a smarta$$ about it. Just do it with tact and thought. There are a lot of people out there that don't understand that eating 500 cal a day is not a healthy way to lose weight (if that is indeed the case).
Obviously you care, so, I would say reach out to them. Best case, you help someone either by education, support, motivation or accountability. Worst case, they tell you to f off and you are no worse for the ware.
Just my $.020
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