"You do NOT have that much to lose!"

Tisha247

When I was younger and trying to lose weight, even though I wasn't over weight, I found that telling people would often lend to negative comments such as, telling me that I didn't need to lose weight and that I wasn't big. The biggest one was I wasn't eating property and therefore unhealthy because I was trying to lose weight. When I was twenty five I went on Jenny Craig to lose 7 kilo's before for my wedding and I copped a lot of flak from my peers over that. They criticised my diet even though Jenny Craig is nutritionally balanced, perhaps they didn't want me to look better because they were jealous. I tell you what I was super-hot for my wedding : )

olivia3263

My friends have been like that - and even worse, would complain about their own weight issues to me - and they all had healthy BMI's (while I was getting dangerously close to obese). My friend would always say, "But you carry it well because you're tall. You don't LOOK like you weigh that much. On me, when I gain weight it's much more obvious." - stuff like that.

It got to a point when it really started to get to me - especially when I would try to share with my friends when I was excited because I had lost 10 pounds, 20 pounds, etc. All I got was - when are you going to stop? You're going to become anorexic. I'm really worried about you."

I finally realized I had to rely on my inner strength to motivate myself, and stop asking for support from people who were incapable of giving it to me. I used boards like this to share milestones and moments when I was proud of myself.

Now that I've gotten down to a healthy BMI, my friends are jealous. Even though I still have some more to lose, and they (BMI-wise) are still lower than me. It's not a bad feeling

You have to realize that weight is an issue that a lot of people have for themselves (even if it doesn't seem like they have reason to worry about it). When confronted by someone who is actually doing something about it, it makes them face all the fears and realizations that they aren't doing what they need to fix their own issues. The easiest way to not let that get them down is to play it like what you're doing isn't as big of deal as it is, or even that it's a bad thing. It's sad that people act this way - but it's natural I guess. Upon reflection, it's made me a much more empathetic, and supportive friend, and I feel sorry for people who can't embrace the accomplishments of others. Hang in there!!

rolliepollie087

There are a few possibilities:
1) Maybe they're right and you don't need to lose that much: what is your BMI?
I am 5'11" and 205 lbs, I would like to be around 150 - or at least slim with good muscle
2) Maybe you wear your fat well (dress well, good posture, etc) and you look slimmer than you are.
I have been told this before, I am greatful for it as well!
3) Because most of the population is now overweight, maybe they have reset their idea of "normal weight" and don't know what it looks like.
This is my suspicion!
4) Maybe they are overweight themselves and when they say you don't have to lose much weight, they can believe that they don't have to, either.
5) Maybe they are trying to make you feel good about how you look.
6) Maybe they are sick of hearing you talk about your diet.
If this is the case I want an eyeroll and a "shut up about it already!" haha. I hope this isn't the case

chellabella26

My "friend" said why should I even bother dieting since it won't do any good. That bothered me at first, but I am trying to be healthier and changing my eating habits is doing a lot of good. Not to mention that for the first time I don't even feel like I am dieting, so I really hope that I can be consistent and then she will have to eat her words, lol. My point is that people say things sometimes that are very insensitive or thoughtless, and whether it is intentional or not we have to make it positive or forget it! It is challenging enough to change bad habits and reshape our bodies to focus on the negative right now!

8rules

MFP requires me to set a weight loss goal, so I set one.

I do not have a weight loss goal.

I have fitness goals.

While working towards my fitness goals, I lose weight as a side effect. I do not have to put particular amounts of self esteem into losing weight.

I tell people things like "Trying to shave another 15 seconds off my fastest mile" or "Trying to get to 5 plates on my dead lift"

I have learned that is often greeted with much more positive reaction.

As for discussing weight lost, I must admit I LOVE when people notice the weight lost all on their own, and their shock when you tell them how much you lost and they say "Wow, I never realized you were THAT over weight!"

rolliepollie087

It sounds like you had a pretty bad experience with this! I am sorry. Everyone around me has said this is a good natured manner, or at least I think they did. Your post was very nice, and inspiring, thank you!

My friends have been like that - and even worse, would complain about their own weight issues to me - and they all had healthy BMI's (while I was getting dangerously close to obese). My friend would always say, "But you carry it well because you're tall. You don't LOOK like you weigh that much. On me, when I gain weight it's much more obvious." - stuff like that.

It got to a point when it really started to get to me - especially when I would try to share with my friends when I was excited because I had lost 10 pounds, 20 pounds, etc. All I got was - when are you going to stop? You're going to become anorexic. I'm really worried about you."

I finally realized I had to rely on my inner strength to motivate myself, and stop asking for support from people who were incapable of giving it to me. I used boards like this to share milestones and moments when I was proud of myself.

Now that I've gotten down to a healthy BMI, my friends are jealous. Even though I still have some more to lose, and they (BMI-wise) are still lower than me. It's not a bad feeling

You have to realize that weight is an issue that a lot of people have for themselves (even if it doesn't seem like they have reason to worry about it). When confronted by someone who is actually doing something about it, it makes them face all the fears and realizations that they aren't doing what they need to fix their own issues. The easiest way to not let that get them down is to play it like what you're doing isn't as big of deal as it is, or even that it's a bad thing. It's sad that people act this way - but it's natural I guess. Upon reflection, it's made me a much more empathetic, and supportive friend, and I feel sorry for people who can't embrace the accomplishments of others. Hang in there!!

rolliepollie087

That is awesome, you make some excellent points. Thank you.

MFP requires me to set a weight loss goal, so I set one.

I do not have a weight loss goal.

I have fitness goals.

While working towards my fitness goals, I lose weight as a side effect. I do not have to put particular amounts of self esteem into losing weight.

I tell people things like "Trying to shave another 15 seconds off my fastest mile" or "Trying to get to 5 plates on my dead lift"

I have learned that is often greeted with much more positive reaction.

As for discussing weight lost, I must admit I LOVE when people notice the weight lost all on their own, and their shock when you tell them how much you lost and they say "Wow, I never realized you were THAT over weight!"

rolliepollie087

That is too bad, but it sounds like it could be used for some good motivation!

My "friend" said why should I even bother dieting since it won't do any good. That bothered me at first, but I am trying to be healthier and changing my eating habits is doing a lot of good. Not to mention that for the first time I don't even feel like I am dieting, so I really hope that I can be consistent and then she will have to eat her words, lol. My point is that people say things sometimes that are very insensitive or thoughtless, and whether it is intentional or not we have to make it positive or forget it! It is challenging enough to change bad habits and reshape our bodies to focus on the negative right now!

brittmiles07

I totally agree! No one believes that I weigh 200 lbs. Well, believe it! The scale doesn't lie, I am more than 50 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight, and I'd like to get back down there and even lower!

kendrafallon

Just to add to the debate, friends and family are very supportive to start with; they excited when you start losing those lbs/kgs. Its when reality kicks in that you may be at this for sometime that their support can dip. For them it's "You're not still dieting are you?" or "What's with the counting calories crap?"

I know it's going to be a long haul, it took me a lifetime to get this big, so it's going to take a while to lose it. I'm making life changes, not temporary fixes.

One of the many reasons I've been on MFP for so long and appreciate the support I've found here

carlobuff

Don't tell them. Just do it and let them see the results.

Kalrez

I get that pretty frequently, so I'm just stopped telling people what my goal weight is. I'm tall (6'0"), so it's easier for me to carry 100 extra pounds and not look very obese. But the fact of the matter is that I AM obese. When I first started, I was super excited. I told anyone who would listen that I was on my way to losing between 80-110lbs. Everybody just looked at me in shock. "From where?!" "You don't have that much to lose!" "You'll be nothing but skin and bones!" They would be equally as shocked when I told them that I weight 250lbs and that I was a size 20. They would comment with stuff like "You don't look that big." My height gives an illusion of me being thinner than I am, which has been both a blessing and a curse.

Losing 80lbs would bring me to 160, a healthy BMI. Losing 110 would bring me to 140, the lower end of healthy. I'm not aiming to lose too much. And honestly, the weight is just a guesstimate. I plan to put on some muscle, so I don't think I'll realistically get down to 140 and have the body that I want. I'll probably end up between 160 and 180.

I'm just gonna keep on doing my thing. Maybe they think their comments are compliments. I'm not sure, but it doesn't really sway me one way or the other. I just don't tell people my goal anymore.

maclynn62

hi, when i was at my heaviest 25st, it took people a while to notice, then they wouldn't ask me, but, they'ed say to hubby, has lynn been ill, or have i lost weight,. I do have friends that have been realy supportive, now i'm at 16st have set my target at 14, but, that's for me, if io need to cahnge it i will. I've also had people say oh, you don't really need to lose any more, and are shocked when i say i'd like to lose another 2st, but, at the end of the day, i'm doing this for me, so when i feel comfortable i will start to maintain(which is what i've been doing at various stages of my journey.

pixiestick

They just don't want you to leave the fat club.

Lozzy_82

I get this all the time.

In just the last week or so I've had my mother say "Ooh, there's nothing to you!" when she hugged me, my dad say "well you've done really well, but you don't need to lose any more", my husband say "you're not going to take this too far are you?", a colleague tell me "that's far too much - they'll be nothing left of you!" when I told her how much more I hoped to lose, and another colleague say "Wow - that's a lot of weight! Are you sure you need to lose that much?" when I told her the same thing. To be fair though, she did follow it up by saying "but you know in yourself how much you want to lose, so just ignore me"

To put things into perspective, I am 5'3", 152lbs, BMI around 27, and a UK size 16 (US 14). I would like to lose around another 2 stone which would take me to 125lbs, a BMI of 22.1, and I expect around a UK size 12-14. Not exactly skinny!

If I reach this goal I will still not be anywhere near as slim as my mother or either of my co-workers. I think because they are all so slim their perception of weight is a bit off. To a lot of people 2 stone (28 pounds) sounds like LOADS, and they probably imagine it putting me at a size 6 or something, but it really won't! Or maybe they're just trying to be nice by telling me I'm not that overweight, who knows?

barbacasec

I like people to know because then it keeps me on track at work. We have a lot of functions where food is provided so by me telling them that I am trying to "lose" a few it helps me walk by the cookie tray I hjave never told them how much I weigh nor how much I want to lose I just say I am trying to get healthy and more toned.

My hubby and I made a deal - for every 10lbs I lose HE will buy me a new pair of shoes.... what ever ones I want!! I LOVE SHOES so this is a great motivator!! so he knows how much I weigh and how much I want to lose and he told me that he will let me know if I am losing too much but at 200lb I have at least 50 to lose so bring on 5 new pairs of shoes baby!!

japruzze

Weight, religion and politics are NOT topics for polite conversation! I try to stay out of those!

LorinaLynn

I think for the most part, friends and family just plain don't judge us the way we judge ourselves. They see the total package, which includes the rose-colored glasses we wear when we look at someone we care about. It's the same thing that makes us not notice when our husband's hairline starts to thin, or when our parents start to age...

M mental image of my Dad was pitch black hair and silver sideburns. Very distinguished. Very handsome. One year for Christmas, someone got him one of those joke baseball hats with the fake ponytail. The ponytail was grey. I thought, "That's not going to match Dad's hair!" But it did. An exact match. I never noticed that his hair wasn't black anymore.

Enjoy it. Enjoy knowing that your loved ones aren't harsh and judgmental. Accept the compliment and don't try to read too much into it.

rosied915

After so many years of being up and down on the scale, I no longer mention what I'm doing concerning weight loss.
I'd like to share this with you:

I am age 50 now but when I was getting married at age 23-24 I had just lost about 80+ pounds. I was very proud of it and on my wedding day I weighed 118 pounds! Great, right?

Here's the kicker~on some "weight charts" for a woman only 5 feet tall, 118 pounds is ABOVE the healthy range. Yet, EVERYONE around me felt I was SOOOO skinny!!

I was a size 10 and some size 8s~ by no means anorexic~ yet everyone around me was so worried about me! (not my new husband though:blushing: )

Long story short~ like so many others have already said, keep this to yourself. Surround yourself with an imaginary suit of armor to deflect the comments from the clueless, jealous, thoughtless and uninformed people in your life. And for those that love you but don't get what you're trying to achieve, just Yes them to death and move on.

Bottom line: try not to FEEL all the responses but even better than that~ KEEP YOUR BUSINESS TO YOURSELF and save yourself the aggravation!

koosdel

Does anyone else find when you discuss weight loss to friends, family, co-workers...and you tell them how much you'd like to lose, they respond with something to the effect of "There is no way, you don't have that much extra on you!" or "you'll be way too skinny if you lost that!"

It is almost de-motivational, all these people that think I look fine the way I am.

Thoughts?

Just remember how much you have to gain.