Break up and diet: Help me before I undo all my good work!

popworld1

A lot of people on this site tell their stories that they were once slim, then they settled down, got married, had children and a combination of those meant that they slowly, but surly, became overweight. My story is a little different - I've been overweight my whole life. Well that's not strictly true, I was a healthy weight up until I was about 6, then I started getting a little chubby. I'm an only child so I think that where other people would get their meals and snacks split with siblings, I would just get the whole lot, like I would be allowed to eat a whole bottle of orange juice on the way home from school instead of being told to 'share that with your sister' like my best friend had to. My parents are also very fond of restaurants and we'd dine out on rich foods maybe 3-4 times a week for 3 course dinners, sometimes even more. I never ate unhealthily (I've never had a microwave meal in my life) just too much. I've always been a very happy person, lots of great friends and a loving family but I would get quite upset at my weight, but at that time little 14 year old me had no concept of calories, energy or portions so I continued to eat the only way I knew how and I continued gaining weight.

It all changed however, on 1st December 2010 at 18:18 (yes! I remember the exact time) I stood on the scales and I was just under 13 stone - the last time I checked I'd been 12 stones. Being only 5'2 this made me well in the obese range at only 18 years of age and that, for me, was heartbreaking. For the first time in my life I went into a complete emotional meltdown. I couldn't understand how something that made me so secretly sad was something I couldn't change about myself. Why was I doing this to myself? Why couldn't I get the strength together to change it? I stepped on the scales again and seen the needle pointing just under the 13 mark and a steely determination came over me: I was going to do this. Little did I know then that this would be the start of 7 months that would change my life drastically. I was high on both hope and excitement because I was determined that I was going to do this. As they say "Eyes down on the prize and don’t stop until you get there”

The first few months had their challenging moments but after a while it felt just like a way of life. I counted every calorie I ate and made sure I stuck to my daily limit. 3 course dinners where limited to once a week. I joined the gym. I ate healthily. Of course there was moments of sheer temptation, but the joy of seeing the dial on the scales going down was better than any 7 seconds of gluttony scoffing down a muffin could offer. As I seen my body change with the weight loss, it was like I'd almost been given a new body. I started getting a waist, collar bones and then hip bones! It was sometimes difficult to accept the new me - I'd never ever been slim and suddenly the body I was living in had taken on a whole new form. I needed to get to know her, find out what clothes suit her, what hairstyles suit her shape. It hit me one morning when I looked at my reflection in the bathroom and I started crying, not tears of sadness about how large I was, but tears of joy. I'd done it. I'd lost 70lb I still don't really know this person in the mirror yet, but all I can say is that I was god damn proud of her.

Then disaster struck two weeks ago. I broke up with my boyfriend, during exam times. The stress of both events drove me over the edge and I turned (horrifically) to food for comfort. Despite never binging on my way down, I now can't seem to stop. It's like a competition with myself... almost competition to see how much I can undo all my good work. The scales say I've gained 14lb. I know most of that will be water weight, but honestly, I'm sure almost 75% of it will be true weight. I've been eating around 2500-3000 calories a day from my previous 1200. I'm at the point where I have a party tomorrow and I'm contemplating not going because everyone is going to comment on my weight gain. "Weren't you skinny like 2 weeks ago?" I'm at a true loss of what to do. I don't want to go back to that person I was 70lb ago, so why can't I stop binging? Many thanks for all your time

mkallie

Yeahhhh stress. I'm sort of the opposite with breakups -- I get so angry at the person that I want to make them regret it and I tend to get really skinny afterwards. But, I do occasionally get on these binging sprees, and at least for me, the trick has always been to just try and have ONE good day. Your body gets used to doing what it's doing and starts getting hungry even when you're pigging if it's anticipating more food. If you just can make it once to one morning where you wake up hungry (actually hungry), you'll be back on track.

I also have on my whiteboard right by my fridge a little scrawl that says "what do you want more?" so I have to think about it when I go to snack... and of course, what I want more is to be healthy.

Just take a deep breath and make the commitment NOW, not tomorrow or next week, to get back on the wagon. The hardest part is gonna be the first few steps but you can do it -- you've done it before!

mcdonl

Take a deep breath, and remember that much of what you see in the mirror is based on how you feel. Your a kid, a young women... you have a lot of power inside of you. Convert those feelings to positive thoughts, have a couple of good workouts and then you will be in a better place to sort your problems out. As a father of two teen girls... I have seen what you are going through and I offer you a hug

azizaj318

I recently went through a break-up and the thing that helped me to keep moving forward was my mantra, "Living well is the best revenge". Repeating this to myself helped me to remember that I deserved to be loved and taken care of--all of which had to start with me. Don't pressure yourself to do things you "should", just 'live well" however you define it.

brimir

Maybe you should get back to your 1200 calories so your now ex can eat his heart out for leaving such a "hot" girl! focus on the positive in your life instead of the fact that something is over! Think instead that now that your ex is out of the picture.... you have a chance again to meet your mr. right instead of your mr. was right now!
If you're going to the party and anyone says anything about your SLIGHT weight gain, just say it's the lighting!! besides if they comment in a mean way they aren't real friends anyway! Be proud of yourself, you proved to yourself once before you could do it.... and you CAN do it again, just dust yourself off and get "back at it!"

Good luck!

saintspoon

Well, I was like this right before I joined MFP.. You just have to go back to counting calories & staying within your goal! I know it sounds like duh but honestly you just have to get back on the wagon.

Something that might really help is knowing that success (in both life & looks) are the best revenge so lose it & get back on the wagon to stick it to the ex! Most importantly.... It's stressfull time but you are still awesome & don't need to binge! Remember that even the hottest & thinnest girls go through break-ups & get cheated on/walked out on alllll the time so son't take it personally in any way & remember there's only one you & you gotta take care of her

Add me to friends if you like

cleoleigh

First off, let me congratulate you on the transformation you made!!! I am just starting out and have an overall goal of 85lbs. Most days it feel impossible and I am quite sure I will never make it. But you did!!! And so maybe I can too

About the binging. Girl, we have been there!!! Food is so comforting...at least for a little while. But, the damage we do to ourselves shows itself before digestion is even done.

I used food to hide. I was skinny my entire life and after my long term boyfriend and I broke up I never wanted to feel that pain again...so I took to the kitchen, and the bar, and the fast food and the ice cream shop....you get the idea. I was plumping myself up so that no man would dare be interested in me. If they stayed away, I would be safe from ever falling for one again. Therefore, safe from feeling that pain again.

Now, it is SOOOOO OBVIOUS that you are a strong woman. Do you remember what it was like when u started seeing the scale go down? How good the endorphins felt after a great work out? How good you felt about your self when you realized you were really doing it this time!! Now hold onto THAT feeling....

Maybe the relationship will work out, maybe it wont. You are entitled to feel hurt, to cry and to feel like the world is coming to an end....that is why breakups suck! BUT....

The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. You fixed that one a while back when you decided to put yourself first and take care of you. Continue to nurture that relationship...it is the key to all others

qgray

I know exactly what your are going thru!!. However, now that you have hit this roadblock, now its time to find your de-tour so you can focus on getting back on the path you were on. Until you do this, you will continue to be lost. Unfortunately, i can only help motivate you, so you are going to have to stand up and fight and say "no more" and get back on track! You CAN DO THIS! Good luck!

ChantalGG

my last breakup actually helped me lose those last 10lbs! lol After i got over it i wanted to start going out and looking good so i stepped it up on the exercise and cutting out the junk food.

popworld1

Thank you guys, you have NO idea how much your words mean. So I thank you from the bottom on my heart. I think I need to have a couple of good days, just make myself busy so I'm not sitting upset in my house stuffing my face. I know I can do this - I'm just in disappear about why I can't seem to start it.


I'm going to also come on here tomorrow and write down my feelings before I feel a binge coming on. It will be a rule: no post, no food. And hopefully those precious 5 minutes of writing will save me.

I suppose I'm also down about having to lose this extra weight now. Gah! But it will just need to be done. I start college back in a month - I can get it off by then, can't I?

Thanks again for all your invaluable support, and I hope one day I may be able to give you similar strength during a grey time :-)

popworld1

I've also thrown out all my sweetener, oatmeal etc as I found these were the foods I craved. I only have foods that I don't really like in my cupboards and fruit and veg. It seems harsh, but for the next few days until I can learn to eat for fuel and not comfort, I think that's the steps that need to be taken

mkallie

Haha, good plan! That always works for me... there's only so much damage you can do with baby carrots and a couple of bananas.