Help! Break up is making me binge after losing 70lb :(

popworld1

A lot of people on this site tell their stories that they were once slim, then they settled down, got married, had children and a combination of those meant that they slowly, but surly, became overweight. My story is a little different - I've been overweight my whole life. Well that's not strictly true, I was a healthy weight up until I was about 6, then I started getting a little chubby. I'm an only child so I think that where other people would get their meals and snacks split with siblings, I would just get the whole lot, like I would be allowed to eat a whole bottle of orange juice on the way home from school instead of being told to 'share that with your sister' like my best friend had to. My parents are also very fond of restaurants and we'd dine out on rich foods maybe 3-4 times a week for 3 course dinners, sometimes even more. I never ate unhealthily (I've never had a microwave meal in my life) just too much. I've always been a very happy person, lots of great friends and a loving family but I would get quite upset at my weight, but at that time little 14 year old me had no concept of calories, energy or portions so I continued to eat the only way I knew how and I continued gaining weight.

It all changed however, on 1st December 2010 at 18:18 (yes! I remember the exact time) I stood on the scales and I was just under 13 stone - the last time I checked I'd been 12 stones. Being only 5'2 this made me well in the obese range at only 18 years of age and that, for me, was heartbreaking. For the first time in my life I went into a complete emotional meltdown. I couldn't understand how something that made me so secretly sad was something I couldn't change about myself. Why was I doing this to myself? Why couldn't I get the strength together to change it? I stepped on the scales again and seen the needle pointing just under the 13 mark and a steely determination came over me: I was going to do this. Little did I know then that this would be the start of 7 months that would change my life drastically. I was high on both hope and excitement because I was determined that I was going to do this. As they say "Eyes down on the prize and don’t stop until you get there”

The first few months had their challenging moments but after a while it felt just like a way of life. I counted every calorie I ate and made sure I stuck to my daily limit. 3 course dinners where limited to once a week. I joined the gym. I ate healthily. Of course there was moments of sheer temptation, but the joy of seeing the dial on the scales going down was better than any 7 seconds of gluttony scoffing down a muffin could offer. As I seen my body change with the weight loss, it was like I'd almost been given a new body. I started getting a waist, collar bones and then hip bones! It was sometimes difficult to accept the new me - I'd never ever been slim and suddenly the body I was living in had taken on a whole new form. I needed to get to know her, find out what clothes suit her, what hairstyles suit her shape. It hit me one morning when I looked at my reflection in the bathroom and I started crying, not tears of sadness about how large I was, but tears of joy. I'd done it. I'd lost 70lb I still don't really know this person in the mirror yet, but all I can say is that I was god damn proud of her.

Then disaster struck two weeks ago. I broke up with my boyfriend, during exam times. He's moving away and he said he couldn't do long distance. The stress of both events drove me over the edge and I turned (horrifically) to food for comfort. Despite never binging on my way down, I now can't seem to stop. It's like a competition with myself... almost competition to see how much I can undo all my good work. The scales say I've gained 14lb. I know most of that will be water weight, but honestly, I'm sure almost 75% of it will be true weight. I've been eating around 2500-3000 calories a day from my previous 1200. I'm at the point where I have a party tomorrow and I'm contemplating not going because everyone is going to comment on my weight gain. "Weren't you skinny like 2 weeks ago?" I'm at a true loss of what to do. I don't want to go back to that person I was 70lb ago, so why can't I stop binging? Many thanks for all your time

lloydrt

For me, I wont have it in the house.....period

wanna lose weight and keep it off.............DONT BRING IT HOME

Its hard advice, but what other choices do you have.....none, either go back to where you were, or stay where you are and keep fighting

its hard and tough, Im an emotional eater, but I know if I bring crap home from the grocery , Ill just eat it. I ve been pretty good, one and a half years now and nothing, repeat.......nothings going to take me back to that black hole I used to live in.....

good luck, talk to friends about this, but dont bring it home .Youve come so far to have to lose pounds that you already lost.........Good luck, Lloyd

ps, I gained 7 lbs during Easter this year, I know I turned back to food, but I tossed the scale , and returned to the life I had before and really missed it..........I didnt freak, I just made a choice and stuck with it........14 lbs isnt a 100 lb increase.......back away from the emotional eating and keep going..........You can do it,,,,,,,,,,add me as a friend, Ill help

infamousmk

Hey, putting it all out there is a good start. You just have to decide to make your health your #1 priority. You can do it.

marjoshamp

STOP. It's self-destructive behavior. You are miserable, so you are feeding the misery. It's very hard, but you need to step back and realize that this is not the end of the world, you will eventually get over the breakup and feel like a new person. Don't give up. Step away from the activities and behaviors that make it easy for you to eat too much and get back on track.

I've been punishing myself with food for 20 years! I wish I had that time back now!

Sumo813

I think you took a big step in reaching out to your pals and asking for help & advice. No one can really just say "stop eating"... because we all know that there are emotional ties behind it and that's easier said than done. Just think of how awesome you felt two weeks ago, and how you feel now (you've likely already done this, as evidenced by your post). Think about how you never want to be that former version of you. You know what you have to do to avoid going back to that dark place. You just have to put your mind to it and decide that you are never going there again. NO ONE is worth losing *THAT* particular happiness over.

As for the party... I say do it. Even indulge. But consider it your last hoorah before jumping back on the wagon.

And good luck to you! I'm pretty sure you can do it... and you KNOW you can do it. You just have to choose to do so. :flowerforyou:

RoanneRed

1). Success is the best revenge - don't let the ex-boyfriend's decision to break up with you be the outcome that wins and makes you lose out.

2). If anyone comments on your weight gain at the party just acknowledge that you have gained, there've been things going on and that you've got to get back on top of it - and mean it!

tracysue11

You've been through a lot, DO NOT STAY HOME, go to the party! if you stay home chances are if your anything like me you'll just eat more. Maybe you should talk to your friends, confide in them what you've confided in "us". and PLEASE DONT FORGET YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and and youve worked hard to get where you are, dont sabatoge yourself any farther. I always think "the more i gain the more i have to loose"...its not worth it,....food is not worth it! Keep your chin up! you are going to be just fine just dont give up! I know "we" wont give up on you!!!!!

dsckrc

out of sight, out of mind. if it's not in your house, you can't eat it! that is always what hurts me the most. i buy little debbie snacks for my kiddos and can't help but sneak one every now and then. finally, i decided if i couldn't have them because they were bad for me, then why should i feed them to my kids. now i stock yogurt, string cheese and plenty of fruit and they haven't seemed to miss the sugary snacks. if you don't have bad foods to choose from, then you can't make bad choices!

i am so sorry to hear about your breakup but STOP!!!! don't sabotage all of that hard work. it is SO much easier putting it on then taking it off... you already know this. be aware of what you are doing and when you feel like you need to eat to feel better, don't. watch a movie and cry your eyes out or go shopping to remind yourself how awesome your new body is. YOU CAN DO THIS!

Umeboshi

Okay I'm gonna sound like a jerk-o-saurus for this but mindset is a HUGE thing with weight loss so, remember.... the breakup isn't MAKING you binge. It is only making you upset and thus more likely to binge, and it is making it harder to resist. But it can't force you to binge. Remember that and remember that ultimately YOU are in control You're not powerless against those feelings.

janet_pratt

Going to be brutally honest here...Breaking up isn't MAKING you binge, you're choosing to binge and using it as an excuse. I'm not discounting your pain. Breakups suck, no doubt about it. But you have the choice not to eat things you know you shouldn't. The binging isn't helping ease the pain of the breakup. It's just making it worse. Get hold of yourself and stop it right now. When I was losing weight, my son made some bad choices and ended up in prison and there was nothing I could do to help him. It was the worst feeling in the world and I wanted to stuff my face for days. In fact I did for a couple days then I realized that I was undoing everything I had done and I couldnt' let someone elses choices send me off the rails. I know it's hard to say no to cravings and the comfort that food temporarily provides. But you have to remind yourself how much you're going to hate what happens to your body whenever you are tempted to eat. Talk to friends, do something else you enjoy, but put down the food! You CAN do it!

Espressocycle

Think about all the hot duded you will attract with your new bod and keep it! Seriously though, I want to be one of those people who eats LESS when they are sad.

michaelachallis

Wow, you have come so far, losing 70lbs is absolutely amazing and inspiring, now i would say is there any way you can channel these emotions into exercise, i find for me when i am angry or sad working out is an amazing release, something like boxing is fantastic, you can punch out all the hurt and emotion. I know it is easier said than done but is it really worth undoing all your amazing hard work ? You have some so far!!
As far as eating goes remove temptation, i refuse to have anything in the house that is bad, because i will end up eating it.

Good luck honey. You can do it !!

DDaniels1234

Hi i have just separated from my partner of 14 years, we have two children, but we all are doing ok! I feel stunned really still. Its made me obsessed with exercise, because one day when im ready i will want a new partner, and i need to be ready emotional and physically.This site has given me a new focus, and i think you just need to try and concentrate on the future. Stop buying the food, and get motivated into exercise, thats how i am coping, and also i have a new supportive friend on here, with loads of advice.
Good luck

elksy

You're strong, you can keep control! If you can break all your life habits to lose 70 lbs, you can do anything. Just keep healthy food in the house and do your best to keep yourself distracted from eating... read a book, go for a walk, watch a movie, hang out with friends, call your family. Maybe put some "Then and Now" pictures side by side on the fridge to remind yourself of how far you've come, or some quotes that keep you feeling strong.

lloydrt

popworld, this is exactly why lots of emotional eaters are fat......think about it, you were in a nice secure relationship, and you were losing weight, right? Ok, now that this have changed, your old reaction is to turn to food..........You gain 14 lbs, youre upset, so youre chosing to turn back to food.......isnt that what got you into trouble in the first place

youre going back to your old habits and you are at an intersection in your life,............either choose a healthy life , one that insures good health, happiness and sucess, or choose that other one

one filled with pain, sadness, guilt, bad health, expensive medical costs, shorter life, etc.............get it?

Think about this...................

was he worth it?

suzieqj

You already feel terrible about the weight you have gained,but imagine how awful you are gonna feel if you allow yourself to gain it all back. I know you probably don't want to think about this now if you really cared for the guy, but you will find someone else and feeling good about yourself and way you look will help you be more confident. I don't know you but I know how it feels to lose the weight136 pounds and then gain 86 pounds back. I felt miserable and it has taken me 5 years to get the will power to start taking it back off and it seems harder to do this time. So don't let this break up get you down. Take a good look in the mirror and tell yourself you have worked really hard to get where you are and you are not going back. And go to that party because even if you have gained 14 you have still lost 56 and I am sure you look great.

IAmTheAwesomest

yikes sounds awful! I'm having the same issue I've been the same weight for 2-3 months! keep ranging between 176-169 and it's all my fault! Ever since I met my hubby I'm been cooking and eating more than I have in a year, after a 100 lb weight loss of eating 1,200-1,400 cals a day I'm doing 1,600-2,000 and on bad days it's way off the charts! I have chips, macaroni, cookies, poptarts, sodas, and everything else in the house I haven't had here in a year. I want to get down to 140-150 but at this rate I'm not doing good. Also, did I mention my exercise hasn't been much either? He lays around and eats when he's off and I join him :grumble: .
I completely understand your problem.
Try to chew gum,suck on sugar free mints, and drink a lot of water. It was a big help to me when I lost weight I was full and when you have something minty in your mouth the last thing you want is food, I mean ew! Lol.
So here's luck for the both of us!

Espressocycle

If you must binge, eat strawberries or something

Autumn15

You have taken a first leap towards getting back on track you have reached out and asked for help...Don't let someone who obviously isn't worth your time take something you worked so hard for away from you. Everyone has ruff times and can slip off track but you dust your self off and get back on...you haven't gained that much weight in terms of what you've already lost so pick yourself back up and get back on track...you can do this...make yourself a priority and realize you are worth it. Best of luck and keep your chin up.