finally introducing myself and the green dress.

trausch

So here is the deal. I am a workacholic, who has no structure, no normal schedule, no normal routine, i travel about 50% of the time, work 100 plus hours a week. I LOVE what i do, when I say love i literally wake up 95% of the time and can't wait to go to work. My life is a nutritionist nightmare where most of my business meetings are over some meal which means I eat out 2 or 3 times a day probably 4 or 5 times a week. When someone says pack your lunch i just stare at them...it is about the business deal, the relationship and showing no sign of weakness. I have about 100 pounds to lose and I am a 22/24.

A very good friend introduced me to MFP and I thought hmmm kinda cool and i made no changes i just tracked what i did for about 3 months. I am a very analytical person....I always add about 20% to the calories i think I consume because i eat out so much. Then I started to try to decrease my calories to MFP levels....day after day it was a failure..I live in the land of free bagels, snack food, and meals out ohhh and lets not forget the obligated drink. My life is about relationships and producing. Half the time until I sat and wrote it down I never realized what I was eating.

I have always been a plus sized girl In HS I was a three sport athete (cross country, basketball, track, volleyball, kinda everything) trained my *kitten* off and I have never been below a size 14. My 20s was one disaster after another...that i prefer not to share but needless to say from the time I was 18 to 35 i gained about 150 lbs.

In Febuary I was in Las Vegas for a conference and one night after a rare quiet dinner alone (Thanks Emeril) I walked past the every so strategically placed Oscar de la Renta there was this very gorgorous evening gown, Now mind you I'm not a girlie girl....I have no place to wear it....nor would I ever buy a 15000 dollar gown. But after the long walk of me huffing and puffing and feeling miserable to my hotel room (Las Vegas is like a 10 mile walk just to get outside I swear) I got to my room and lost it. Now I'm a tough girl, I don't cry, I'm not emotional, I'm logically to a fault....so this was rare. I just sat there wanting to wear that gown.....mind you the last time I had to go to an event in a ball gown I spent most of the evening in the hotel bar watching football because the event i went to was sooo boring...but damn it i did it in heels and a gown. But this dress was etcched in my mind.

How am I a sucessful, smart, driven, ambitious girl who can't figure out how to lose weight. I'm not an emotional eater, I am what I am coining a ADD eating. I eat because it is there, because it is social, because somehow every day in my life is a special occasion and I get to go out to eat!!!!!! So after 4 months of dieting only I lost maybe 5 lbs. Completely frustrated and staying at an 18 hr a day work schedule trying to figure out how to get to the gym, which is in my bldg but closes at 10 (which I am rarely done working until then). I just keep seeing the green dress (btw it gets more amazing in my head everytime i see it ).

So in June, I just decided enough is a enough. I need to do this like i do eveerything else. I am fortunate enough to be able to afford a trainer. he really tells me nothing i don't already know, but literlaly him showing up at my house and standing in the gym makes me go. I just started scheduling workouts. It is on my calendar as if it is a business meeting, not negiotatable I schedule around it. Now the three times I work out with him means I work an hour later each night. When i started I was sooo sore, it sucked, I hated him, and I was sooo weak I coudln't even cycle for 5 minutes. But on the first work out he asked me how much weight I wanted to lose and I shocked myself (I do this frequently). I shrugged I said it isnt about the weight! The little voice in my head was screaming but the green dress the green dress...........I also decided that I told no one of these changes. After a couple of weeks I told a small handful of people who I knew would be supportive....This wasn't about anyone but me!

But I was right...this isn't about the weight, it isn't about getting skinny for guys like me, it isn't about fitting in the @#$@%#@# green dress that haunts me. This is all about me! My entire life is about this goal or that and I forgot why I used to love to play sports (aside that I am soooo competitive I woudln't let a 5 yr old beat my score of angry birds). I put my scale in the cabinet under my sink. I busted my butt for a month working up to 3 times a week at the gym, all scheduled usually taking away from my sleep.

I am now approaching 2 1/2 months. I weigh myself once a month, I am now going to the gym 5 times a week 3 with the trainer doing a combo of cardio and strength training....2 on my own doing just cardio. I live for those 30 minutes of the day where i'm unattached from my cell, my email, and all things electronic....Recently I just read a book called the Wall Street Diet.....and I finally realized ok It wasn't that I was failing it was because i am living my life, i am doing what I love and if going on a diet restricted that it would always fail. The other thing it helped me deal with was eating out....it is part of the world i'm in. It isn't about being anxious it is just about choices. One of the books rules is don't eat salads when you go out....strange but most of the time it isn't the healthiest option. So my eating out rules are no salad, no bread unless it is on a sandwich, and only one carb per meal. That and finally eat 75% of your plate. Don't take the rest home, because we all know we just eat it in front of the fridge 3 hrs later. But the best advice it gave me is when you travel pretend you are at a spa. Eat healthy, go to the gym (it is in the hotel for gods sake).

I can't tell you how much weight i've lost because I don't weigh myself aside from once a month, but it doesn't matter I feel great.....I have more energy, i'm more effective at work, i have become more social. Most of my friends and family have no idea and I'm fine this isn't about them asking, encouraging. It isnt about that one night where I was in a hurry and ate like crap, the fact is I had pizza for lunch (amazing btw, tastes 100 times better than ever). it is the fact i had pizza for lunch and took a deep breathe, didn't beat myself up (this is all about me) and just ate healthy the next meal. I didn't gain 150 pounds in one meal and one meal isn't going to make it so I don't lose it.

So MFP I decided this is my coming out. I've been around, I've seen the debate to eat your exercise calories or don't....the struggles people have to go through...the horrible feeling of going off the reservation and eating everything in sight.......I go through it all, it is day to day...but now I remember the green dress, I have struggled for 5 months to figure out how you make a lifestype change in a life style that is always changing. And basically next Saturday I will slide on my size 22 dress (one size smaller than most of my dresses) go to my cousins wedding and just be fablous, it isn't a green oscar de la renta gown and it didn't cost 15,000 dollars...but it is priceless. because I know i am making changes, and damn it is finally working.....

routerguy666

Good luck. I do a lot of business over food too. MFP definitely helps make you aware of the calories in different things and how to make smart choices where you can.

philOHIO

Try "Eat this, not that" book seriers, Jorge Cruise's Belly Fat Diet, or South Beach. Best thing is to cut down the sugars and processed crap. Eat lean protein, fruits, veges, whole grains and good fats (nuts, flaxseed oil, EVOO). Working for me.... albeit slow.

philOHIO

Feel free to friend me if you need support

tattereds

Bet you will look amazing Keep at it!

Ante_Up

Welcome! I loved reading your story.

jennyonthespot

I love this story! You're a strong, independent woman who decided to make a change. It's a tough road, often filled with pot holes. I am rooting for you girl. Friend me if you want some company on your journey.

lucyhoneychurch

Your attitude is great and is leading you in the right direction. Good post! And good luck with continuing to make better choices in all areas of your life!

CatLady4

Hello, I enjoyed your story. Most of it I can REALLY relate to. I have been at this weight loss thing for about 3 years and have lost 60 pounds. It is taking me forever, but that's another story. I suggest you try to eliminate gluten from your diet. That's what I did, that's ALL I did and it has just come off slowly. Now I'm stuck and have to do more. Everyone I know that has eliminated gluten from their diet has lost weight. It isn't easy, but it works. Give it a try, and if you want you can add me and I will cheer you on! You can do it!!