Dark nights of the soul; happy mornings

Phoenixflame

So, last night was really weird.

I was a little upset because I hadn't had time to do my cardio before my mother picked me up (she lives 45 minutes away). Now, when I plan to do a workout and don't complete it, I tend to feel upset.

I guess I snow-balled a bit. By evening, I was feeling fat and convinced I'd put on pudge while on Christmas break. This made me even more upset because I'd been staying at (or a tad under) my sans-exercise calories. I hadn't been exercising as much as usual, on the account of not having a car for a few days and being 45 minutes away from my gym. Like...if I was putting weight on while on DEFICET, how on god's green earth was I going to hit maintenece?

Again, more snowballing. It got me thinking. More so than pounds was the fear I was on a slippery slope. One reason I'm so proud of my weightloss is that it forced me to end old habits of sloth and overeating. I thought I was past all that. But now I fear that I've gone right back to slothfulness. That, at the end of the day, I was no different, and soon I'd be just another statistic in the number of people who lost weight only to put it all back on. After all my hard work.

Then, my mom offered one of my stepdad's sugar-raisin cookies. To be polite (and have a little New Year's indulgence) I had one. It's funny...I don't really crave sugar anymore. Even before, while I'd been an overeater and an emotional eater, I'd rarely been a binger. Except for the definition of binging where one refers to needlessly eating, more so than a big thing of food. But suddenly, I wanted 5 more of those damn cookies. As I was already depressed, this had a pecular effect.

I was actually CRAVING, like, sitting with my parents in front of the telly, about to start crying for sheer cookie lust and disgust with myself for such a pointless craving. You know that film, Black Snake Moan, when the girl would start squirming and whining? Yeah, practically me. They didn't really notice though. I finally went and took a bath.

Afterwards, I wasn't craving anymore. Probably because I had a cup of black coffee. I talked with my little sister a bit, and she was encouraging. I wouldn't talk to my mom about it because my mom thinks I'm borderline anorexic (I'm not).

And today, I feel perplexed and a little silly. No crazy cravings. And I didn't give into the urge to eat more cookies. Today I made banana pancakes (53 calories each!) for my family and they turned out AWESOME.

I don't know. I guess I'm emotionally a little screwy.

This happened to anyone else before?

Phoenixflame

So, last night was really weird.

I was a little upset because I hadn't had time to do my cardio before my mother picked me up (she lives 45 minutes away). Now, when I plan to do a workout and don't complete it, I tend to feel upset.

I guess I snow-balled a bit. By evening, I was feeling fat and convinced I'd put on pudge while on Christmas break. This made me even more upset because I'd been staying at (or a tad under) my sans-exercise calories. I hadn't been exercising as much as usual, on the account of not having a car for a few days and being 45 minutes away from my gym. Like...if I was putting weight on while on DEFICET, how on god's green earth was I going to hit maintenece?

Again, more snowballing. It got me thinking. More so than pounds was the fear I was on a slippery slope. One reason I'm so proud of my weightloss is that it forced me to end old habits of sloth and overeating. I thought I was past all that. But now I fear that I've gone right back to slothfulness. That, at the end of the day, I was no different, and soon I'd be just another statistic in the number of people who lost weight only to put it all back on. After all my hard work.

Then, my mom offered one of my stepdad's sugar-raisin cookies. To be polite (and have a little New Year's indulgence) I had one. It's funny...I don't really crave sugar anymore. Even before, while I'd been an overeater and an emotional eater, I'd rarely been a binger. Except for the definition of binging where one refers to needlessly eating, more so than a big thing of food. But suddenly, I wanted 5 more of those damn cookies. As I was already depressed, this had a pecular effect.

I was actually CRAVING, like, sitting with my parents in front of the telly, about to start crying for sheer cookie lust and disgust with myself for such a pointless craving. You know that film, Black Snake Moan, when the girl would start squirming and whining? Yeah, practically me. They didn't really notice though. I finally went and took a bath.

Afterwards, I wasn't craving anymore. Probably because I had a cup of black coffee. I talked with my little sister a bit, and she was encouraging. I wouldn't talk to my mom about it because my mom thinks I'm borderline anorexic (I'm not).

And today, I feel perplexed and a little silly. No crazy cravings. And I didn't give into the urge to eat more cookies. Today I made banana pancakes (53 calories each!) for my family and they turned out AWESOME.

I don't know. I guess I'm emotionally a little screwy.

This happened to anyone else before?

renae77

I'm sure everyone gets this way once in a while. Girl you are right back on track this morning and sounds like you are doing good so keep it up! I get weird cravings when I can't have something and before being on a diet I didn't want it at all. It just happens! 2009 is our year!!

keiko

Congratulations on your happy morning!
You ate one cookie but wanted more. That sounds perfectly normal to me! I think you are doing great learning portion control. There is no harm in wanting more of something. The harm comes when you give in to your cravings and eat a whole bunch of cookies or whatever else it might be.

I liked the Black Snake Moan analogy. Cravings for foods can get that way! That's why when we learn portion control and can control the cravings we succeed in not only losing weight but being able to maintain it.

nwfamilygal

Good for you Great Job:flowerforyou: