healthy or obsessed?

vox23

So when I started this whole weight loss thing I was reading this book that told me that my food cravings would eventually switch and instead of eating crap all the time I would start to crave healthy food. Today I wouldn't say that is the case but because I am so much more aware of what I put in my body I tend to choose the healthier option. I thought this was progress, even if I sometimes struggle with making the right choice.

My point: I used to go out once/week with my bff for chicken wings, a food that used to be a favorite of mine. All of a sudden the dates got further and further apart and earlier this week she told me that she hates eating out with me because I make her feel like a pig. Now I know a lot of people are going to say that its her issue, and she has recognized it as her own, but it makes me wonder why i can't just relax every once in a while and eat the damn wings. Last night we went to swiss chalet. I really wanted the ribs. Got the chicken breast instead. Even my husband says he hates eating with me because I'm so obsessed with my caloric intake.

I don't want to start turning people away from me. I'm just trying to get healthy. help?

dovesgate

I'm afraid I am in the same boat as you so no advice here. I'm just bookmarking to see what others say.

rockylucas

I usually fall on the side of watching your obsessions and taking the necessary steps to live more "normally" and happy... but in this case... I have to say that your friend and your husband are being unreasonable. What you eat has nothing to do with them... for them to openly tell you that you make them feel like a pig, that they hate eating with you, because of the healthy food choices you make, shows an almost unbelievable selfishness and lack of support for your you.

If you were pestering them to do the same I could understand... but if not, I would tell them to fu** off and go to therapy to deal with whatever issues they have with the new woman you have become

Jorra

Occasionally I have to promise my fiancee that we will go out for a meal and I won't say anything about calories, carbs, or sodium.

Of course it's still in the back of my mind, but I have to have those meals where I don't care.

AmyS79

I believe in the 90/10 rule you can enjoy your chicken wings everyone in awhile. example of that is for a whole month i eat 1300 calories and yesterday My friend wanted to go to chilies and I decided I was gonna have chicken nachos because its not everyday i eat out or this amount of calories I ejoyed my nachos and when I was done that was it. Today i am right back on track and will stay there until there is another outing with family or friends. Now if you find that you eat out a lote then I would choose healthier items but if its not somthing you do all the time enjoy.

Mamapengu

I usually do not have that problem but can relate a little. Last night my husband made dinner and when I went to pull my dinner out he already had a plate served and at my place. So I'm eating the same as everyone? Yes! OK, I ate the same, just not as much... Have a wing, have a rib, spit a serving with them. Control your portions if you do have food that isn't as healthy. Or, lie and tell them you just don't like chicken wings and ribs any more! (I told staff at work I was allergic to chocolate so they'd stop pestering me. A little I could have, but much more and I supposedly get an upset stomach...)

brooke4fitness

Unless you're spending time at the table talking on & on about how you really love wings but just can't have them, or if you're pointing out calorie counts on OTHER folks' plate, I think they're both out of line. You might give yourself a 'treat' by ordering the wings one day, but it shouldn't be to appease the feelings of others. It should be for YOU.

jbeauchamp1

I do understand both sides of it for sure. Maybe your making to much of a big deal about it? If that is all you talk about while you are eating with them it can get a little annoying...my sister's pointed that out to me too. It is not that they don't support you in your journey it is just having it in their face constantly may frustrate them. Maybe you are withdrawing because of it and they are feeling it and it is hurting their feelings. It might be a good idea to sit down and talk to them and try to hear their side of things. I will tell you for me that on Sundays that is my friend/family day and I don't stress about calories. I will go out to eat but I don't make a big fuss over what I order. I don't go crazy with food but it lets me relax and just enjoy my time with my friends and family. Good luck!

soonersfan1975

What they think does not matter,as you are having a life style change, and if they are to blind to see it then it's on them. DO NOT CHANGE KEEPING DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING. I have been eating this way for 9 years. The times I have went off eating right or what I call clean eating the next day I wake up with a food hangover. Do not comprise your life style for others!!!!!!!

Katbaran

My MOTHER does this to me! When I go out with Mom and Sis, she always mentions how she feels like a pig when I order a healthier lunch and Sis orders a salad with protein. I always tell her to eat whatever she wants because I'm eating what I want to eat too. Its like she has to make some kind of comment on how different our eating habits are from the way she raised us. I don't say it out loud, and I know Sis is thinking the same thing---This is why we're fat, eating the greasy ethnic food we were raised on.

Do what you want to do! Like others said, let them deal with their issues. Don't let their issues become yours or make you feel guilty for doing something good for yourself.

kristieyrock

You are not obsessed. They are making bad choices, know it, and don't like you there to make them self evaluate. It IS their problem. Someday when they are plagued with heart disease, colon issues, high cholesterol and blood pressure, they will wish they had joined you rather than "beaten" you. Stay on track. NOTHING tastes as good as looking good feels! They should be happy with your company and why is it any issue of theirs what is on your plate as long as you are with them?

PANZERIA

My fiance and I have a great way to get around this.

We're both health nuts and, if you look at our (mostly my) food diary, you'll see pretty much just healthy food options. (omg juice is in there once in a while...oh well)

He is in a physically demanding job that depends on him being in shape, so he has to stay healthy especially for his physical assessments. Me? I just like being in shape and my goal is to be a certain way by the time Disneyland rolls around in four months.

HOWEVER.

Unless we're both on a strict completely-clean diet for a certain reason, we pick one meal per week to say 'eff it' to the calories.We'll eat out and just enjoy a nice dinner and not even care about the calories. (I, of course, wonder about how much I'll have to burn off the next day, but whatever! Lol)

Plus if you're losing weight the healthy way by throwing in muscle-building exercises, the muscle you build will make it so you'll burn all those extra calories just sitting around after the cheat meal. That's the problem with cardio-only diets - you don't build any lean muscle. Yeah you'll be thin, but you HAVE to restrict. It's no fun.

I think you're a little too obsessed and if it's making the people around you uncomfortable, that's a very large red flag. Let loose. If your hubby wants to have lunch at Swiss Chalet and your girlfriend wants to have wings in the evening, then schedule them both on the same day and skip a day of calorie counting. Have those ribs. Have those wings. A diet without cheat days will NEVER last. You'll end up cheating one day, then it'll happen the next and the next because you've denied yourself for too long.

I'm all over the place here, so I will summarize as such: CHEAT, DAMNIT!

cheyenne_alexis

I usually fall on the side of watching your obsessions and taking the necessary steps to live more "normally" and happy... but in this case... I have to say that your friend and your husband are being unreasonable. What you eat has nothing to do with them... for them to openly tell you that you make them feel like a pig, that they hate eating with you, because of the healthy food choices you make, shows an almost unbelievable selfishness and lack of support for your you.

If you were pestering them to do the same I could understand... but if not, I would tell them to fu** off and go to therapy to deal with whatever issues they have with the new woman you have become

I AGREE 100% i think it is selfish of them to not support you at all.. your husband and friends and family should be happy your trying to have a healthier lifestyle...i feel like im in the same position though too, like i have to look up all the calories of everything before we go out to eat whether it'd be to taco bell or out to a restaurant, ive asked my boyfriend if it annoys him and he tells me no because im trying to better myself, BUT theres time when you can tell someones getting annoyed and i can tell.. i feel bad, because sometimes it takes a while.. but i do also think you should go out every once and a while without worrying about your calories, as a cheat meal.. and then the next day be right on track again like AmyS79 said.

Mom2rh

As long as you are not lecturing or preaching about what you are eating or why, I don't know why what YOU eat has anything to do with what THEY eat. Well, actually I do...it is more fun to over-indulge with someone. Just like it's no fun to get drunk when everyone else is abstaining.

With that said, if you are committed to your healthy lifestyle and you don't feel like over indulging with them, they'll just have to suck it. Generally, now, I try to figure out how I will feel after I eat. I feel better when I eat a healthy, reasonably sized meal. So that is what I prefer usually.

jwaitman

I give in and eat the bad stuff every now and then. Sometimes you just have to live.

mermx

If she is your bff then she should stick with you through thick & thin.. I am sure you have supported her at some point??

Maybe suggest instead of going out to eat that you do something else together, that you will both enjoy...it doesn`t have to be a meal if it is going to make you both uncomfortable. And for sure it will now, if you say OK we will go out and eat chicken wings, she will know you are only doing it for her and you will both feel bad.

When you go out with hubby, if it is once a week then leave the calorie counting at home...he wants to spend time with you. (work the exercise in to the rest of the week)

Chillax enjoy a night with your hubby x

Fat_2_Fit_Mommy

I believe in the 90/10 rule you can enjoy your chicken wings everyone in awhile. example of that is for a whole month i eat 1300 calories and yesterday My friend wanted to go to chilies and I decided I was gonna have chicken nachos because its not everyday i eat out or this amount of calories I ejoyed my nachos and when I was done that was it. Today i am right back on track and will stay there until there is another outing with family or friends. Now if you find that you eat out a lote then I would choose healthier items but if its not somthing you do all the time enjoy.

Well said. I agree with this.

Fat_2_Fit_Mommy

I usually fall on the side of watching your obsessions and taking the necessary steps to live more "normally" and happy... but in this case... I have to say that your friend and your husband are being unreasonable. What you eat has nothing to do with them... for them to openly tell you that you make them feel like a pig, that they hate eating with you, because of the healthy food choices you make, shows an almost unbelievable selfishness and lack of support for your you.

If you were pestering them to do the same I could understand... but if not, I would tell them to fu** off and go to therapy to deal with whatever issues they have with the new woman you have become

I AGREE 100% i think it is selfish of them to not support you at all.. your husband and friends and family should be happy your trying to have a healthier lifestyle...i feel like im in the same position though too, like i have to look up all the calories of everything before we go out to eat whether it'd be to taco bell or out to a restaurant, ive asked my boyfriend if it annoys him and he tells me no because im trying to better myself, BUT theres time when you can tell someones getting annoyed and i can tell.. i feel bad, because sometimes it takes a while.. but i do also think you should go out every once and a while without worrying about your calories, as a cheat meal.. and then the next day be right on track again like AmyS79 said.

And also agree with this.

PANZERIA

NOTHING tastes as good as looking good feels!

That quote is from Kate Moss: Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

You do realize that ANOREXICS use that quote, right? It's a terrible thing to say. Food is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you want to be healthy, you need to have a cheat day ONCE IN A WHILE. It's not a crime if she wants to have a plate of wings once a month rather than once a week, and there is nothing wrong with her husband and friend by feeling bad about her never wanting to join in. People feel the way they feel and that should be a red flag. It's no fun going to a party where someone is only drinking water and eating celery sticks that they brought themselves. People need to let loose and have fun. Not all the time, but once in a while, you've gotta loosen the corset. Being thin isn't worth a lost friend and a divorce. (not saying it would get to that, but still).

Plus, like I said in my previous quote, if you're building muscle, having a cheat day once a month isn't going to kill you. The muscle will eat it all up - if you're muscular enough (I'm not talking body-building, just toned), anything you eat goes straight to those muscles.

aarce

My boyfriend and I eat out often. I always order super healthy options, but I never make it a public service announcement. I know women who obsess about calories at the dinner table and it makes everyone uncomfortable. I just keep quiet and confidently choose my healthy options.

You are on a great path to fantastic health, don't let others bring you down!

Jessicaruby

i have this same problem. the people around me do not think i need to lose anymore weight so when i am always counting calories and saying i cant eat this or that everyone gets frusterated with me.