How do I change STRESS to a positive influence on Loosing We

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Barbina_34
Barbina_34 Posts: 13
in Health and Weight Loss
Good morning all, I have a question that hopefully someone can answer. I have 2 teenagers which are completely on the wrong path right now, it seems like its incident after incident. We are doing councelling and everything but I guess its just baby steps to a more peaceful everyday....SO I find with all this stress that I turn to eating as a comfort, when I get upset I instantly grab for a bag of chips or something sweet and exercising isn't working because I am so emaotionally drained at the end of the days I just want to drop!! I quit smoking too which added pounds so my goal now to loose the weight I have gained. Can anyone give me advice how I can turn this into something positive where I can focus my outlets on eating healthy and exercise?? I would LOVE all the advice I could get.......and please "Friend" me as I would love all the support I can get!!!

Have a great day:happy:

Replies

  • juleseybaby
    juleseybaby Posts: 712 Member
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    I have 2 teenage girls... and I have quit smoking. I cannot imagine how stressful it would be if they were on a bad path.

    Here's the thing - you are their parent. You can be an example for them. You can eat your emotions, or start smoking again - or you can work them out. If you have a setback - don't let that be the end - let it push you even harder.

    The counseling is a great step! I hope that it helps. Feel free to friend me!
  • emsibun
    emsibun Posts: 208
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    Exercise! Go punch it out, pound the streets with a run or powerwalk, dance yourself into a happy state - maybe even work it out at the gym.

    I know it sounds bizarre and you probably feel as if you have no energy to exist let alone exercise but exercising WILL give you more energy. and you will sleep better. Make it a habit for two weeks and see how it goes :smile:
  • janalayn
    janalayn Posts: 510 Member
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    I totally understand what you are going through ... mine are now 23 and 19 ... The oldest had his share of troubles and finally went intot he service which has changed his like completely.

    It is so hard to deal with the stress when you love your kids so much and want them to do well. Just remember that you have to take care of YOU so that you can take care of them. If you have to snack, try some lo-cal or healthy alternatives.

    As for exercise, try doing it in the morning when you are rested, you may find that it energizes you for the day as well as helping you with the stress.

    Feel free to add me if you need a friend!!! Otherwise, sending positive energy and support.
  • 76wendyful
    76wendyful Posts: 202
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    I would love to know the answer to this. I have one teenage daughter that keeps yo-yoing in and out of trouble. I am at the end of my rope. I feel like if I take the time to care for myself that I won't be devoting the time I need to for her. I am not sure why I think that means eating everything in site, but I am right now. I have other stressers in my life also, lack of money, bills piling up, house needs fixing and we can't afford it. I just feel like everything is snowballing and I don't know how much more I can take.
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
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    Good morning all, I have a question that hopefully someone can answer. I have 2 teenagers which are completely on the wrong path right now, it seems like its incident after incident. We are doing councelling and everything but I guess its just baby steps to a more peaceful everyday....SO I find with all this stress that I turn to eating as a comfort, when I get upset I instantly grab for a bag of chips or something sweet and exercising isn't working because I am so emaotionally drained at the end of the days I just want to drop!! I quit smoking too which added pounds so my goal now to loose the weight I have gained. Can anyone give me advice how I can turn this into something positive where I can focus my outlets on eating healthy and exercise?? I would LOVE all the advice I could get.......and please "Friend" me as I would love all the support I can get!!!

    Have a great day:happy:

    are they over 18? kick em out on their own.
  • josaleigh
    josaleigh Posts: 73
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    Just a thought, is exercise something you could incorporate into their day too? Maybe join an aerobics class with one, or add kickboxing to their after school activities? My children are much younger, 10 and 9, but I find they do better in school and have less anger issues (esp. my oldest who is hitting preteen girl hormones early) when they ride their bikes with me in the evening or even just a quick walk around the neighborhood.

    The release of energy can help keep kids out of trouble, they don't feel the need to go out for the adrenaline rush if they can get it in another form.

    It's a possibility, like I said I'm not there yet...and I am terrified! Thinking about you and will add you as a friend. We all can use the extra support.

    MoJo
  • orhstay87
    orhstay87 Posts: 28
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    Instead of eating when you get stressed, just work out! I know it sounds crazy and the first few weeks are hard. If I get stressed and eat a donut, I am still fairly stressed and then I feel lazy and fat. If I get stressed and get on the floor and do 20 crunches, I get up with a can-do attitude. It's so much easier to realize that you have control over your life!
  • 76wendyful
    76wendyful Posts: 202
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    Instead of eating when you get stressed, just work out! I know it sounds crazy and the first few weeks are hard. If I get stressed and eat a donut, I am still fairly stressed and then I feel lazy and fat. If I get stressed and get on the floor and do 20 crunches, I get up with a can-do attitude. It's so much easier to realize that you have control over your life!
    Having control...that's the key. I feel likeI have lost control because I want to make everyone happy, but in the meantime I am making myself crazy!!
  • Barbina_34
    Barbina_34 Posts: 13
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    I hear you when it comes to taking away my time.....I am a single mom of 3 boys aged 15...14 and 9. I am 35, I don't make a lot of money and I have absolutely no help or support from my ex-husband. I take this all on myself. I work my *kitten* off to get these 2 older boys (which a lot was caused from their father) on the right path while trying to keep my youngest from straying. I work just to pay the bills and give the kids what they need, its physically and emotionally draining but I am going to fight for them because I believe in them.

    At the end of the day though.......its really hard!
  • speedyme
    speedyme Posts: 86 Member
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    I have 2 teenagers at home, and a 22 year old that is now out of the house. It is 100% exhausting to be dealing with 2 emotional teenagers let alone one.
    1. Go for a walk, it does wonders to clear the mind and let you think rationally. Get control of what you can and your diet and the choices you make are a huge part of it.
    2. Get a support group around you that will listen to what you have to say but may also be able to give you some constructive criticism. We are not perfect parents on good days and in the moment of heated discussion (yelling) we are denfinately not at our best.
    3. So we need to keep an open mind to alternative solutions and counseling is one of them. I had my oldest in counseling and it didn't solve all the problems but at least gave us some tools to work with. She now looks back on her life and realizes that it really wasn't that bad!
    4. Find some common ground with them, whether it is an outing or hobbie, just something simple to keep the doors of communication open.
    5. Most importantly, take time to enjoy the good moments that come up and express how you feel in those moment! We tend to dwell on the negative too much!

    Good luck!
  • speedyme
    speedyme Posts: 86 Member
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    I'm also a single parent and have been for the last 10 years and 5 more before that. It was a struggle and i didn't always make the best choice! Parent/Friend where is the line sometimes, it was difficult to say the least. There father was and is a truck driver, so even when we were together i was a single parent. Just remember that as these teenages move into adult hood, things start to click for them and they begin to understand more ( it will also do wonders when they finally move out).
  • Leola2011
    Leola2011 Posts: 192
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    You are in a tough spot and I understand the inclination to have "something" for yourself, mainly in the area of food. It doesn't talk back and it's satisfying. It's comforting and it's totally something you don't have to share if you don't want to. It makes you feel like there is just one moment out of the day that brings contentment and peace. The problem is, you pay for it later, which only brings on the cycle of stress all over again.

    I, too, have made the mistake of turning to food for soothing and emotional quiet. That's addicting and dangerous. What I'm learning to do instead is get up earlier to eat a satisfying breakfast. It helps me to get better control over my day and I can plan my meals better and smarter. I'm also learning to surrender certain things regarding my children. Sometimes, as parents, we fall into the trap of absorbing natural concequences for our children when they mess up. We run to fix things that we really can't fix and that drains us so that we're ineffective in handling the other things. I don't know the specifics about your situation but maybe this applies to you, too. Is it possible that you are trying to do the job of two parents and coming up incredibly short in both areas? Let me encourage you in this....you can only be mom. Flying solo in parenting is unnatural and it totally sucks at times! I've been there. I had to learn to write myself permission slips on a lot of things! Sounds like you've taken the right step in participating in counseling.

    Choosing first things first in parenting is hard, but it's important to learn how to do that so you don't sabotage your own health.
  • Barbina_34
    Barbina_34 Posts: 13
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    Thats the part I am terrified about, that I am going to fail them in becoming adults and they are going to bring all these bad habbits into adulthood. They are great kids, its not their fault that the adults in their life couldn't guide them the way they needed to be. It becomes very frustrating because I work hard at getting them to one place and literally 1 conversation with their father pushes them back 100 steps......thats when I just go nuts with my eating!!
  • Tegan74
    Tegan74 Posts: 202
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    Thats the part I am terrified about, that I am going to fail them in becoming adults and they are going to bring all these bad habbits into adulthood. They are great kids, its not their fault that the adults in their life couldn't guide them the way they needed to be. It becomes very frustrating because I work hard at getting them to one place and literally 1 conversation with their father pushes them back 100 steps......thats when I just go nuts with my eating!!

    Honestly the older 2 are old enough to hear that they are responsible for how they act. Sit them down and explain that while you can understand them acting out and why they act out, they need to see it as well and instead of reacting the way they do they have to take it on themselves to have a more positive reaction. I have had to have that talk with all 3 of my girls. They really didnt like what I said, but when I threw in that as they get older they want more freedom, to get that freedom I HAD to trust them, in order for me to trust them I had to see them making correct choices. Parenting is so not easy ~ an there is no such thing as a perfect parent. I've always heard the easiest way to raise a perfect child is to raise someone elses :) Good luck ~ y'all feel free to friend me as well
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
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    Don't have any children yet myself, but I was one of those problem children growing up. Hung around with some less than reputable folks growing up and had a real problem with violence at school. I ultimately ended up getting back on track when I got more into sports. Between lifting, rugby, paddling, football, and judo I got all of the aggression outlets I needed. Hopefully they will be able to find something that will help them through the adjustment period of going from a child to an adult.

    For you, I can only suggest the things my mother did to deal with me. She loves the water more than anything, and on days that were particularly bad would go to the beach or paddle or go swimming at the pool. I think the first step for you isn't necessarily turning your emotional outlet from food to exercise (although of course if you can do that it would be fantastic) but rather to turn it to something other than food. If you can get to a point where when you're very stressed out you have something you can do that will help you to cope and relax that is NOT food related, you're half way there. Soak in the tub, listen to music, watch tv, read a book, whatever you like to do that doesn't tie your emotional state to food. Once you've done that, it's just a matter of finding activities or events that you find calming or therapeutic that are also active. I think doing it in stages is easier, but if you want to just do both at once that's of course fine as well.

    Good luck!
  • olyrose
    olyrose Posts: 569 Member
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    I have a 13 yr old boy (single parent) and I completely understand how tough it is feeling the responsibility of raising a good, thoughtful person when it feels like an uphill battle so often.

    Several months ago I was dealing with a lot of stress, a lot of things that felt like my responsibility, but that I really didn't have control over. That's when I started really using this site. I decided to take all that energy that I was expending on things I couldn't do anything about, and direct it to myself. Eating and weight are really the only things in my life that only I can change, so I made that my mission. Little accomplishments, like passing on a second helping, not going over my calories, etc, really made me feel like I was having a positive effect on my life. Seeing that I was able to take control and change something bad, made me feel a lot more confident for the other circumstances in life, too.

    Try channeling that stress in a positive way. Use your eating to reflect the clean, positive lifestyle you're trying to create, instead of an extension of the muddled, stressful things you're dealing with.

    And good luck with your boys. I like to believe that the unconditional love from a parent is enough to get them through tough times, even if it takes a while for them to realize it.
  • nfranceschi
    nfranceschi Posts: 2
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    The way I deal with stress right now is walking. Put on your Ipo and go for a walk make sure you walk fast. You see I suffer from postraumatic stress disoder for 18 years and gain over 6opounds so this year everytime I feel stress I go for a walk or I run that help me.:smooched:

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