Child-free?

rosebarnalice

50 years old; happily married for 26; and child free by choice.

And I'm also the BEST aunt (biological or not!) that any kid could ever wish for!

odusgolp

My thought is don't have kids if you don't want kids and anyone that pressures you to do otherwise be damned.

I had no intentions of getting pregnant, but it was absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me. Ever. I don't think I knew was love was before. In no way does my child hold me back, restrict me, or in any way hinder my life.

Frankly, I wish I had more than one lil munchkin. But it seems that's not meant to be.

shesblossoming

I decided at the age of four to save myself the trouble and never have children. It was then set in stone when my sister was born when I was eleven and then expected to wake up in the middle of the night to feed her and in the morning to clothe her. I then had to pick her up from the babysitter's house afterschool everyday. It was miserable, and I knew I never wanted a kid. My co-worker is in her late thirties and doesn't have children with her husband. If her future is any indication of mine, I'll take it.

My boyfriend showed me this hilarious bumper sticker. You know those bumper stickers where its little stick figures of the mom, dad, and then the kids? I was sent one with a guy and a girl and a huge stack of money right next to them. I couldn't stop laughing.

But for real. No kids. I'm tubes have tied themselves.

weightofyourskin

It pisses me off when people ask when we are having kids - we were even asked at our wedding! I tell those people "I didn't go to school and rack up $45,000 in student loans to pay back just to have a baby as soon as I finished!"

At our wedding reception we had people saying, "Invite us to your children's baptisms!" which was so ridiculous, and I had to smile and be gracious about it. We don't want children. I never have, and when I used to tell my mother that she would always say, "Oh, you'll change your mind, you'll see!" so we haven't talked about it in a while. My parents know I just started grad school and they don't pressure me about it.

My mother-in-law is another story. I remember ages ago, before my husband and I were married or even living together, I mentioned to her that I wanted to get a cat when we did move in together and she said, "Instead of a baby?!" I was 21 at the time... we don't talk to her much because she's bat**** insane.

My husband's younger brother and his wife are also bat**** insane Catholic fundamentalists. They've been married for 3 years and they have three kids... only the husband works and he makes less than 30k a year before taxes. They've been on food stamps and WIC since the first kid but of course they have no intention of stopping at 3 - they're going to have as many kids as "God" sends them. I think if I were my sister-in-law I'd want to kill myself.

My husband and I really enjoy the loads of quality time we spend together, the ability to travel on a regular basis, having a lot of disposable income... It's a great life for us!

livnlite

WE have two .. well they are not children any more, they are adults. and we were recently blessed with our first grandchild .. and couldn't be happier or more proud.

My hubby and I married right out of high school, raised two kids and worked our butts off. Had many nights of very little sleep, worried constantly, had many bouts of crying uncontrollably because the pressure was too intense, had many arguments about what we would allow or not allow our kids to do, were embarrassed, were disappointed, were confused .. the list is endless.

but then ..

We also wouldn't have wanted to miss that opportunity for anything.

To have a little one wrap their adoring arms around your neck, and hold on with all their might .. You smile and know THAT makes it all worth while
To have them look up at you with with angelic eyes to find comfort in you .. knowing YOU are the ONLY one in this child's world that would have that effect .. You smile and know THAT makes it all worth while
To be called Mommy or Daddy for the 1st time (which evidently causes you to go weak in the knees in love) .. You smile and know THAT makes it all worth while
To wake up in the middle of the night to find that you have a little one sound asleep at the foot of your bed, because THAT is the safest place in the house at the moment .. You smile and know THAT makes it all worth while
To look down onto a sleeping angel's face and feel nothing but complete and utter contentment .. You smile and know THAT makes it all worth while
To listen to the chatter about how things work .. You smile and know THAT makes it all worth while (This one sometimes causes uncontrollable laughter too)
To go through all the changes, events, good ones and bad of family life .. you smile and know, THAT makes it all worth while.
To realize that when your kids have 'grown up' that they've become healthy vital and good conscientious individuals .. You smile and know it is all worth while.

From the day we found out WE were pregnant, we loved those babies .. and couldn't wait for them to come into our lives. From the moment we brought them home .. our home was filled with smiles and even boisterous laughter. We felt blessed when they first came into our lives .. and we still feel blessed to have lived a life filled with such love.

THAT is what makes it all worth while.

Vegan_Chick

Kids are over-rated. You can borrow mine for a free trial and I guarantee you will return them!

Vegan_Chick

Kids are over-rated. You can borrow mine for a free trial and I guarantee you will return them!

For the record, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my kids and they are the best thing that has ever happened to me. But they were not planned. It has taken a lot of hard work and agony to train them into awesome little things though. My hair fell out in the process.

livnlite

Kids are over-rated. You can borrow mine for a free trial and I guarantee you will return them!

That's not even funny, on sooo many levels. I am hoping you are just kidding.

If you're not kidding .. For the love of God ... call childrens aid and give them up so they can have a chance of finding parents who reallly want them.


Sheesh!

odusgolp

Side note: Who else is going to take care of you when you're old and incontinent and there's no such thing as social security and you live to be 130 because of freaking medical advances??

:bigsmile:

Qarol

I'm CFBC. Husband is, too. In fact, husband has been fixed. We do not want children. Period. We have many, many reasons and put many, many years of thought into this decision. And we don't regret it, even a little bit.

For a while, I felt like I was constantly being badgered about my decision. How could I possibly not want kids? Even my own MIL had to say, "but W loves babies!" I couldn't stop myself...I had to ask her, "my W? The one I'm married to? The one who's never even changed a diaper? That W?" Snarky yes, but if she's not going to know her own son, I can't help her.

Anyway, it's a personal decision. There is no right or wrong answer. I wish more parents put more thought into whether they SHOULD have children, whether children would actually want THEM as parents. And then, if you are still sure you should be a parent, then by all means...

krisntraining

Ann Landers' famous "The Childless Couple"

There is nothing sadder than a childless couple. It breaks my heart to see them relaxing around swimming pools in Florida, sitting all suntanned and miserable on the decks of their boats -- trotting off to Europe like lonesome fools. It's an empty life. Nothing but money to spend, more time to enjoy and a whole lot less to worry about.

The poor childless couple are so wrapped up in themselves, you have to feel sorry for them. They don't fight over the child's discipline, don't blame each other for the child's most obnoxious characteristics, and they miss all the fun of doing without for the child's sake. They just go along, doing whatever they want, buying what they want and liking each other. It's a pretty pathetic picture.

Everyone should have children. No one should be allowed to escape the wonderful experience that accompanies each stage in the development of the young -- the happy memories of sleepless nights, coughing spells, tantrums, diaper rash, debts, "dipso" baby sitters, saturated mattresses, emergencies and never-ending crises.

How dismal is the peaceful home without the constant childish problems that make a well-rounded life and an early breakdown; the tender, thoughtful discussions when the report card reveals the progeny to be one step below a moron; the end-of-the-day reunions with all the joyful happenings recited like well-placed blows to the temples.

Children are worth it. Every moment of anxiety, every sacrifice, every complete collapse pays off as a fine, sturdy adolescent is reached. The feeling of reward the first time you took the boy hunting -- he didn't mean to shoot you, the lad was excited. Remember how he cried? How sorry he was? And how much better you felt after the blood transfusion? These are the times a man with a growing son treasures -- memories that are captured forever in the heart and the limp.

Think back to the night of romantic adventure when your budding daughter eloped with the village idiot. What childless couple ever shared in the stark realism of that drama? Aren't you a better man for having lived richly, fully, acquiring that tic in your left eye? Could a woman without children touch the strength and heroism of your wife as she tried to fling herself out of the bedroom window?

The childless couple live in a vacuum. They fill their lonely days with golf, vacation trips, dinner dates, civic affairs, tranquility, leisure and entertainment. There is a terrifying emptiness without children, but the childless couple are too comfortable to know it.

You just have to look at them to see what the years have done: He looks boyish, unlined and rested; she's slim, well-groomed and youthful. It isn't natural. If they had had kids, they'd look like the rest of us -- worn out, wrinkled and exhausted.

OH MY GOD!! I LOVE THISSS!!!

Qarol

However, as Carrie Bradshaw opined, we should have our own special 'child free' day and register for gifts somewhere too!!! ;0)

We do! My husband and I have an extra cocktail that night to celebrate.

"N.O.N. designated August 1 as Non-Parents' Day."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childfree

But the registering for gifts would be fun, if not somewhat tricky. I have a hard enough time telling my husband what I want for my birthday. If I want something, I kind of go right out and get it.

foremant86

Me!! Only 24 but completely unsure if I want to have kids or not. I'd honesty love to adopt but it seems not too men many are ok with that..at least not the ones i've dated

Though sometimes I feel like a parent with the amount of time I spend taking care of my sister's kids...taking them to and from school, dance practice, football practice, etc...

I've honestly already experienced everything about parenthood except the actual giving birth lol.

I've done the sleepless nights, the sick screaming kid, going to doctor appointments, changing diapers, making bottles, etc.

I'm not so sure I want to do it full time! Part of me thinks i'd like to have a kid if I found the right guy..but part of me REALLY enjoys my freedom. I like being spontaneous and my cousin and I use to do lots of stuff together but now she has a kid and she never does anything..just stays at home or does something kid related...can't ever go hiking or camping anymore!

Vegan_Chick

Kids are over-rated. You can borrow mine for a free trial and I guarantee you will return them!

That's not even funny, on sooo many levels. I am hoping you are just kidding.

If you're not kidding .. For the love of God ... call childrens aid and give them up so they can have a chance of finding parents who reallly want them.

LOL! You obviously didn't read the post below that! Can't you take a joke? Sheesh? Is that even a word?


Sheesh!

krisntraining

Child free by choice here!!! :drinker:

No desire to have children, adopt children, babysit children, talk about children....you get the idea, haha

Agreed!

cammons

I knew in elementary school that having kids was not something for me, thankfully I married a man who knew early on that kids were not for him either. (It's one of the few things we actually have in common!)

Our families were pretty obnoxious about asking for babies right from the get-go, his grandmother being the worst of all...she used to make a show of trying to send us to a spare bedroom whenever the family was together so we could get cracking on "the great-grands" as she calls them. That saint of a man that I married pulled Grandma aside right after we got engaged and explained to her that I was told in middle school that I would never be able to have kids of my own (this part is partially true, for a while the doctors thought this was the case) and that although I put on a good show about not wanting kids it really eats at me and it hurts even more when people bring it up. Total bull, but Gram hasn't said a word in eight years! I love that man.

All of our friends are either currently trying to breed or have already done so....all I can say is that we are going to be the best damned aunt and uncle anyone has ever seen.

(For our 5 year anniversary we had a vasectomy....best gift we've ever gotten for ourselves!)

cammons

However, as Carrie Bradshaw opined, we should have our own special 'child free' day and register for gifts somewhere too!!! ;0)

We do! My husband and I have an extra cocktail that night to celebrate.

"N.O.N. designated August 1 as Non-Parents' Day."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childfree

But the registering for gifts would be fun, if not somewhat tricky. I have a hard enough time telling my husband what I want for my birthday. If I want something, I kind of go right out and get it.

We celebrate Notta-Mother's Day and Notta-Father's Day right along with everyone else in the country...except we don't have to deal with snot, poop, or screaming on those days like all those extra fertile suckers do! :P

veganbaum

The book The Childless Revolution is a great read. I am 34, no kids, by choice up to this point. I kind of think I would like to have ONE, but since that would require a partner and I separated from my last about six months ago, well, time's passing - and I'll be okay if I don't find someone before my time's up. There are so many things I want to do that I have just never felt I had time to have a child - I was trying to figure out what would make me happy and how I could make a worthwhile living. Takes a while for some of us to figure out. I have two degrees, but I'm currently back in school and have two years to go, then I would like to work for a few years before having that one child if I found a partner, so we're looking at 40 here, so it just may not happen and I'm okay with that. I have one cousin who has a daughter, the rest of the "kids" on my side of the family don't have kids and it's unlikely they, or I, will. It's just not really a goal for any of us.

Sasssy69

Kids are over-rated. You can borrow mine for a free trial and I guarantee you will return them!

That's not even funny, on sooo many levels. I am hoping you are just kidding.

If you're not kidding .. For the love of God ... call childrens aid and give them up so they can have a chance of finding parents who reallly want them.

LOL! You obviously didn't read the post below that! Can't you take a joke? Sheesh? Is that even a word?


Sheesh!

I knew you were joking. It was very tongue-in-cheek. I'll explain for those who thought you were serious:

You see, she loves her kids. But having children is hard. Very hard. And it's not for everyone. But once you have them, you wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. Making a statement like this, in jest, to prove a point (some people have a sense of humor and recognize it in others) is actually common. She was trying to say just how difficult it is to have and raise children. And expensive. But in a funny way. Well, to some of us it was funny. Maybe it's not your style. Whatever. Different strokes and all that.

All clear now? Good. Play nice.

livnlite

Kids are over-rated. You can borrow mine for a free trial and I guarantee you will return them!

That's not even funny, on sooo many levels. I am hoping you are just kidding.

If you're not kidding .. For the love of God ... call childrens aid and give them up so they can have a chance of finding parents who reallly want them.

LOL! You obviously didn't read the post below that! Can't you take a joke? Sheesh? Is that even a word?


Sheesh!

Funny .. that second post wasn't there when I read the first .. obviously an afterthought. It must have been posted during the time I was doing mine.

livnlite

Kids are over-rated. You can borrow mine for a free trial and I guarantee you will return them!

That's not even funny, on sooo many levels. I am hoping you are just kidding.

If you're not kidding .. For the love of God ... call childrens aid and give them up so they can have a chance of finding parents who reallly want them.

LOL! You obviously didn't read the post below that! Can't you take a joke? Sheesh? Is that even a word?


Sheesh!

I knew you were joking. It was very tongue-in-cheek. I'll explain for those who thought you were serious:

You see, she loves her kids. But having children is hard. Very hard. And it's not for everyone. But once you have them, you wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. Making a statement like this, in jest, to prove a point (some people have a sense of humor and recognize it in others) is actually common. She was trying to say just how difficult it is to have and raise children. And expensive. But in a funny way. Well, to some of us it was funny. Maybe it's not your style. Whatever. Different strokes and all that.

All clear now? Good. Play nice.

Well .. I see now .. she meant it to be 'in jest'...only because she posted her 2nd post after I started to respond to the 1st. The 1st post on it's own was a little disturbing.

In that case then .. No offense.

astrosnider

I am 65 and never had children. It was pretty much by choice although if my husband had really wanted kids it might have happened. When we first got married (he was 27 and I was 24) we agreed to wait five years before thinking about it seriously. The five years came and went and we got used to a child-free life. Like you, we did (and still do) a lot of traveling. We also love to read, keep up with newspapers and magazines, do gourmet cooking, get active in political campaigns and so many things that just didn't seem to fit with child rearing. I think we have had a wonderful life although certainly some people would say we missed out. Now we're at the age when many of our friends and relatives have grandchildren and are very involved with them. And I sometimes worry about who will look after us in our later years. But we have the money to plan for our care, we are not supporting grown children, and I feel we made the right choice for us.
Also, if I remember correctly, Dear Abby once asked her readers whether they would have children if they had it to do over again, and over half said they would not!

luvmycandies

I am 65 and never had children. It was pretty much by choice although if my husband had really wanted kids it might have happened. When we first got married (he was 27 and I was 24) we agreed to wait five years before thinking about it seriously. The five years came and went and we got used to a child-free life. Like you, we did (and still do) a lot of traveling. We also love to read, keep up with newspapers and magazines, do gourmet cooking, get active in political campaigns and so many things that just didn't seem to fit with child rearing. I think we have had a wonderful life although certainly some people would say we missed out. Now we're at the age when many of our friends and relatives have grandchildren and are very involved with them. And I sometimes worry about who will look after us in our later years. But we have the money to plan for our care, we are not supporting grown children, and I feel we made the right choice for us.
Also, if I remember correctly, Dear Abby once asked her readers whether they would have children if they had it to do over again, and over half said they would not!

Love it

live2dream

I am 65 and never had children. It was pretty much by choice although if my husband had really wanted kids it might have happened. When we first got married (he was 27 and I was 24) we agreed to wait five years before thinking about it seriously. The five years came and went and we got used to a child-free life. Like you, we did (and still do) a lot of traveling. We also love to read, keep up with newspapers and magazines, do gourmet cooking, get active in political campaigns and so many things that just didn't seem to fit with child rearing. I think we have had a wonderful life although certainly some people would say we missed out. Now we're at the age when many of our friends and relatives have grandchildren and are very involved with them. And I sometimes worry about who will look after us in our later years. But we have the money to plan for our care, we are not supporting grown children, and I feel we made the right choice for us.
Also, if I remember correctly, Dear Abby once asked her readers whether they would have children if they had it to do over again, and over half said they would not!

Love this too! Great to know it's possible to have a wonderful life without children. A lot of people think they need to have kids so they have someone to look after them when they are old. But then, you know what, in a lot of cases, they end up alone in a nursing home with a gigantic family and no one comes to visit them. That would be even sadder IMO.

live2dream

The book The Childless Revolution is a great read. I am 34, no kids, by choice up to this point. I kind of think I would like to have ONE, but since that would require a partner and I separated from my last about six months ago, well, time's passing - and I'll be okay if I don't find someone before my time's up. There are so many things I want to do that I have just never felt I had time to have a child - I was trying to figure out what would make me happy and how I could make a worthwhile living. Takes a while for some of us to figure out. I have two degrees, but I'm currently back in school and have two years to go, then I would like to work for a few years before having that one child if I found a partner, so we're looking at 40 here, so it just may not happen and I'm okay with that. I have one cousin who has a daughter, the rest of the "kids" on my side of the family don't have kids and it's unlikely they, or I, will. It's just not really a goal for any of us.

I'm going to have to check out that book! Thanks!

live2dream

Ann Landers' famous "The Childless Couple"

There is nothing sadder than a childless couple. It breaks my heart to see them relaxing around swimming pools in Florida, sitting all suntanned and miserable on the decks of their boats -- trotting off to Europe like lonesome fools. It's an empty life. Nothing but money to spend, more time to enjoy and a whole lot less to worry about.

The poor childless couple are so wrapped up in themselves, you have to feel sorry for them. They don't fight over the child's discipline, don't blame each other for the child's most obnoxious characteristics, and they miss all the fun of doing without for the child's sake. They just go along, doing whatever they want, buying what they want and liking each other. It's a pretty pathetic picture.

Everyone should have children. No one should be allowed to escape the wonderful experience that accompanies each stage in the development of the young -- the happy memories of sleepless nights, coughing spells, tantrums, diaper rash, debts, "dipso" baby sitters, saturated mattresses, emergencies and never-ending crises.

How dismal is the peaceful home without the constant childish problems that make a well-rounded life and an early breakdown; the tender, thoughtful discussions when the report card reveals the progeny to be one step below a moron; the end-of-the-day reunions with all the joyful happenings recited like well-placed blows to the temples.

Children are worth it. Every moment of anxiety, every sacrifice, every complete collapse pays off as a fine, sturdy adolescent is reached. The feeling of reward the first time you took the boy hunting -- he didn't mean to shoot you, the lad was excited. Remember how he cried? How sorry he was? And how much better you felt after the blood transfusion? These are the times a man with a growing son treasures -- memories that are captured forever in the heart and the limp.

Think back to the night of romantic adventure when your budding daughter eloped with the village idiot. What childless couple ever shared in the stark realism of that drama? Aren't you a better man for having lived richly, fully, acquiring that tic in your left eye? Could a woman without children touch the strength and heroism of your wife as she tried to fling herself out of the bedroom window?

The childless couple live in a vacuum. They fill their lonely days with golf, vacation trips, dinner dates, civic affairs, tranquility, leisure and entertainment. There is a terrifying emptiness without children, but the childless couple are too comfortable to know it.

You just have to look at them to see what the years have done: He looks boyish, unlined and rested; she's slim, well-groomed and youthful. It isn't natural. If they had had kids, they'd look like the rest of us -- worn out, wrinkled and exhausted.

Love it! Although, my days aren't too leisurely...I work full-time as a programmer, part-time as a photographer- starting a business, taking classes and I never have time to clean after myself, my hubby and our bird that throws seed all over, let alone a child that would be constantly messing and distracting. I never have time to go out now....but hopefully that will change after my hard work pays off and I can be self-employed. Then, it *Might* be easier to have one kid if I worked from home.

Love reading all your stories though and glad I'm not the only one. It seems like most people have kids *just because that's what you are supposed to do* not because they really want to. And then they can't admit that it was a mistake. Probably because your life changes and becomes a new reality that you have no choice but to accept. My sister has 2 kids, the boyfriend just got another girl pregnant and he doesn't support any of them. I keep hearing about all these deadbeat ***holes that get women pregnant and leave them to raise the kid and that pisses me off too. But that's a whole 'nother story. I just don't see the 'glamour' of having kids. It seems like it mostly sucks to me. The *love* is the only good thing- which is pretty powerful and wonderful I'm sure....but not enough for me... at least for now.

boomboom011

its a huge commitment to have kids. one that will test you to the max. You think exercising and eating right is hard? Try dealing with a hormonal 11 year old lol

in all honesty, having kids is awesome, but no one can ever prepare you for the sacrificing and commitment they take. With that said, i have a great support system and my husband and i take our yearly romantic getaway like we always have as well as date nights etc. i do wish there was more alone time but having kids gives you a sense of perspective. You realize what your parents went through.

Its no all bad. Kids live in the moment and I envy that.

I think adoption is an awesome thing. If you can give a child a loving home that otherwise they wouldnt have then hats off to you.

But think long and hard about having kids. Sounds to me like most of you already have. Its your life and no one should judge you for not having kids. I certainly dont. But like someone else said if you ever get to jones'ing for some i have a couple that would love to have a sleep over.

P.S. im secretly jealous of your travels. There i said it.

jenny95662

50 years old; happily married for 26; and child free by choice.

And I'm also the BEST aunt (biological or not!) that any kid could ever wish for!

my brother and sister both do not want children. My brother is 37 and my sister is 39. I am 29 and have 2 (want 1 more) and they are the best aunt and uncle anyone could ever ask for. They dont want there own kids but u would never know my kids were mine when they are around its so cute!

lmk224

CF by choice, my partner has five sisters, I have two sisters, and his side are Catholic, we have 5 neices and nephews already and I am unwell and can't bear the noise/work. I'm only 23 but never wanted children my whole life... I prefer dogs, used to play with plastic dogs - not plastic babies. I'm very happy for everyone who loves their children but I hate those mean, righteous parents who go on about how great children are and that you are missing out/must have children. Some parents berate you, they think you are evil because you don't like/want children. I mean, come on, your life is wonderful for you, I don't argue it isn't... So stop trying to make me feel bad about having a relaxing, quiet life to heal in. It's plain rude. I love how happy the children of this world make their parents. It's a magical thing, but people who don't have that shouldn't be bullied about it. Certain people I have told look at me like an alien and it hurts. I wish I wanted them like they do, but theres no point pretending is there? I'd be an awful parent with my illness and recognising that is selfless.

kapeluza

I'm a huge traveler too! 13 countries/3 continents before 30. I just recently had a baby (she is 19months) but that hasn't stopped us from traveling. In fact it hasn't changed anything except now we have another person join in on the fun which means axlottle extra work, no biggie. I do respect anyOne who wishes to be CF! Whatever works for evetyone