Unsupportive Spouse

ocnldy

Totally frustrated with my husband. We starte!!d a diet program together and he always wants to cheat. He has also been a total jerk during this whole experience. He has had great results, lost 21lbs in a short time where I hav only lost 13. Tonight he said he didnt want to eat within our guidelines. I waited for him to decide what he wanted even offered suggestions with no head way. Eventually I made myself something within our guidlines and he had what amounted to a temper tantrum and went to bed. I dont care if he quits the diet but I dont understand why he has to be all pissy towards me because I want to stick with it. SOOOOOOO Frustrated!!!

albinogorilla

Same problem with wife, but now that she is starting to notice the weight coming off of me, its motivating her, she hasn't participated at all though up to this point, just watched, now she is seeing that it works, which is turning her around a bit.

psychochillie

Have you considered seeing a counselor together? Doesn't sound like a diet issue to me, but marriage/communication issues. From personal experience, seeing a counselor can do wonders for a marriage!

Cinnamonie

wow, I totally was going to post a similar rant about my boyfriend. He wanted me to make another of the same dinner tonight! I said it wasn't within my calories he said it was within his (but he's not counting, or exercising, or anything, even though he complains about knee pain all the damn time). When I confront him he says he still weighs less than me....jerk.

99Tinkerbell

Don't let him get you down just keep on doing your thing! I have one of those also but he doesn't need to diet but complains about my weight constantly! Then when I'm doing well on a diet he is always the first person who tries to sabotage me and tries to get me to eat out or have drinks. So not supportive so you are not alone. Just keep fighting the good fight for yourself.

bigdawg025

I wouldn't follow a strict diet, either, though. It's not feasible to continue to be deprived of foods you like long term... which is probably his issue now.

I hope you can work it out, though. You should be able to continue to do your diet as long as you like, however.

KateHubb

I understand sweetie.... my hubby is similar. I don't really have any advice so to speak, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone. He never encourages me, tells me he is proud of me, etc... Tonight he asked me why I spend 2 hours at the gym since when I work out at home it only takes me an hour. Well... the elliptical at the gym has a fan blowing on me, A/C and a TV on it... my elliptical at home is in a hot garage with no circulation or TV.... which do you pick?! Geez... thanks for the encouragement babe! Ugh. I don't get why he can't just be proud of me for trying to lose this weight. I know he wants me to so it really blows my mind. We have a 2 year old and he acts like it's just the biggest inconvenience when I want to go to the gym after work because he will have to watch our son for a little while. He also acts like he knows anything and everything about losing weight. He hates sweets, chocolate, ice cream, etc and tells me I just need to not EVER buy any of it so it's not in the house as a temptation. I get what he's saying, but he doesn't understand where I'm coming from. If I completely deprive myself of something, it will just make me want it more and I'm more likely to pig out on it later. That's why I buy "healthier" versions of the things I love, like Skinny Cow candy and ice cream bars. I just don't know. I'm sorry you're having to go through all that.

woo1324

Do you think maybe this could be because you are the closest person to him so he takes it out on you ,,, maybe this diet change and life transition is scary and stressful for him and thats coming out as anger towards you , doesnt make it right not even close but maybe there is a underlying issue that he needs help with, maybe try taking the ihigher ground and sitting and talking with him to see whats wrong is he feeling withdrawls from his old lifestyle , is the change making him feel unsure does he feel to much pressure to succeed at this so therefore would rather take the easy way and fail ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, im saying all this because i can be like that somedays i will try and convince my partner that lets just have take away it wont matter for one night when he does the right thing and says we really dont need it sometimes i just boil over ,, because the real reason i wanted that take away was because of some emotional issue and when i dont get what i consider the quick fix i just break down and take it out on him ,,,,,,,,,, lol hope my long rant helped somewhat

geekymom57

How frustrating! I obviously don't know the dynamics of your relationship, but it sounds a bit as if he is using a passive-aggressive approach to try to influence your choices. If doesn't want to eat within the guidelines that's his choice, but your food choices shouldn't be controlled by his actions. My husband doesn't deliberately sabotage my efforts, but since he is retired and I work full-time, he does prepare dinner most week-nights. I don't ban him from making certain foods (he loves brats, for example) but I do limit what I consume. I'll cut a brat in half, weigh it, take a half a bun, etc., not to be dramatic but to stay within my calories.

Maybe if you have a heart to heart conversation and agree that your choices are not conditional on one another's choice, and then set some expectations for shared meals, you could get remove some of the emotional battle that seems to be going on. Ultimately, it's your choice, not his, what you eat, so don't give him the power to think that you can't succeed without his cooperation. It would be nice, and as a spouse, he should want you to do well, but if he can't do that right now, then you have to decide to do it for yourself and possibly by yourself.

roblow65

About 15 years ago, I was in the same boat. I lost 35 lbs and my husband (now ex) bought me the biggest box of chocolates I've ever seen in my life. His reasoning was that I was doing so well, I deserved a treat! I asked him if my vice was alcohol would he buy me a bottle of booze? I gained the weight back of course and some. It eventually came down to him being very insecure with himself, he was already 15 years older than me and when we first started dating I was about a hundred lbs thinner and had guys younger than me hitting on me. I always wondered why throughout our marriage he would surprise me with cakes and other sweet things, I just thought "wow, this guy really loves me". Nope, not the case, he was just an insecure loser.
Better luck to you, it sounds like you're determined, just don't let anybody keep you were you're not happy.

ocnldy

Thanks for the support everyone. We normally have a great relationship and I have had the heart to heart. Its really been the last week that we have had this little issue and I am sure that it will pass....and with any luck it will pass without me caving in and giving up.....just needed to vent.

firegirley

Don't let him get you down just keep on doing your thing! I have one of those also but he doesn't need to diet but complains about my weight constantly! Then when I'm doing well on a diet he is always the first person who tries to sabotage me and tries to get me to eat out or have drinks. So not supportive so you are not alone. Just keep fighting the good fight for yourself.

Oh my this sounds familiar!! Mine doesnt "say" anything but the bedroom life has been at a complete STOP for months, no affection, hasnt even touched me to hold hands....anything. He is also overweight but doesnt see it or care, and it doesnt bother me. But I swear once I start doing well, THATS when he buys wine or we go out to eat over and over again.

I'm sure its me too, not wanting him to see me fat, but the no attention, no talking (comes home from work, walks right past me w/o saying hi, keeps walking past me as if he doesnt see me until I finally say HELLO, he'll say hi) We went to a HUGE fundraiser and he went off socializing with people he hasnt seen in years, basically avoiding me all night. Then when I found him, never bothered to intro me to any of his old friends.

This is not helping my self esteem issues at all...sigh...

M155AUS

It may be a confidence thing for him. He may be worried that if you get, in his mind, 'too good looking' you may get attention that you perhaps previously haven't got and you will enjoy it more than you enjoy him. My other half is very supportive, but he does get insecure about the attention (limited as it is) that I get.

Maybe you just need to reassure him that even if you get the attention from every bloke on the planet, it's him you love and you're not interested in the attention.

It's just a thought, but hopefully it may help.

firegirley

interesting take on it Thanks!!

Tabbi_RN

Ladies dont get down on yourself! If your men throw a temper tantrum because they dont like the food within your calories who cares?? Let him pout and eat what he wants. Keep your focus on feeling & looking great, you deserve it!

bolismom

Sad to hear that someone who professes to love and care about you is acting like a 3 year old and obviously trying his level best to sabotage your efforts.

Not a psychologist, however I have seen this in couples I personally know. If one has a personal goal that is a self esteem booster or that may change one physically for the better, the other person in that couple get's scared. Scared that they might be left once goals have been reached and life is looking better.

I suggest a good sit down and maybe even bring this up. His acting out could be out of fear but also could be that he is happy having you just where you are. It's non threatening to him. He might see you at 170 pounds and feel threatened.

Bottom line, please don't stop what you're doing. if he wants to act like a large baby, then let him. Stay on track and as a last resort, I would even say to him..." I did not think that someone who says they love me would be so non-supportive and negative in my quest for better health and a better life"...then turn gracefully and walk away and let him think about that statement.