Question.....

shagybear33

Is being nice over-rated??????? How much can one person give and get treated like S*** before they finally walk away??

Grimmerick

depends on the person and the situation. me ............not much

trilikeagirl

Yikes. Hopefully not very much.

zoodalia

The only persons' behaviour you can control is your own... people will wrong you, as they do everyone, how you choose to respond to that is the only thing you control:)

Zen_Master_B

I guess that depends on how much you fancy the person that is doing this to you, although it is important to remember if they cared they would take your feeling into consideration. I don't even know your situation yet, but shooting in the dark I would say write out the pros and cons of removing this person from your life and see what your heart tells you is right.

Marycan2

In my humble opinion it all depends on you motivation for being kind. If our kindness is to show we love that person, then we should never stop....if however the kindness is just to be that...kind and nice...then you will know the limits of when enough is enough.

Liquid741

after a brain tumor, and a loveless marriage....i decided to never settle again. EVAR!

hypotrochoid

People often mistake kindness for weakness and try to take advantage. Everyone is going to have their own (different) breaking point for when they've had enough.

redefiningmyself

Depends on how you define "nice".

I think of it as being kind, courteous, polite, and respectful. But I DON'T equate it with being a doormat and allowing others to walk all over you.

If someone in your life is dishing *kitten* at you, you need to create boundaries and stand up for yourself. Be your own support system the same as you would for your best friend. Doing that doesn't mean you aren't "nice" it means you value yourself.

shagybear33

thanks for the replies..

short of it is......i'm always there for this person. no questions. go out of my way to help when i can, put my stuff on hold when they need help etc. when i need help tho, they bail completely. they also ignore me unless they seem to want something, don't even call just to say hi, or if im sick dont ask how im doing. im constantly being criticised, talked down to, and lied to. if i promise a return favor, its expected that i return the favor ASAP, although ive waited months for the same. ugh..

when's it's family, it's tough, but i think for the well being of my hubby, kids and myself it's probably for the best to just say "F*** it" huh?

mermx

I aim to be kind and nice and sometimes I wonder whether it is worth my efforts....but if it is thrown back in my face more than once then I have a rethink...is this person worth my time???

But if it is a close family member then of course I would make allowances

shagybear33

how many allowances should i make tho? this has been going on for quite some time now. i'm getting emotionally drained from it......

hypotrochoid

thanks for the replies..

short of it is......i'm always there for this person. no questions. go out of my way to help when i can, put my stuff on hold when they need help etc. when i need help tho, they bail completely. they also ignore me unless they seem to want something, don't even call just to say hi, or if im sick dont ask how im doing. im constantly being criticised, talked down to, and lied to. if i promise a return favor, its expected that i return the favor ASAP, although ive waited months for the same. ugh..

when's it's family, it's tough, but i think for the well being of my hubby, kids and myself it's probably for the best to just say "F*** it" huh?

See? You know what to do. Life's too short to put up with that kind of ****.

mermx

Seems like you have answered your own question...if you are emotionally drained and it is affecting your family life..then enough has arrived!

One person can only give so much, if you are share between your husband and kids then maybe you are giving too much of your time and support.

It is obviously a close friend...tell them how you feel and take it from there

redefiningmyself

So from what you are saying, you can't rely on this person. So don't. Don't ask him/her to help you - ask someone who genuinely cares about you and is responsible. (save yourself the stress and the disappointment)

At the same time, quit dropping everything for this person. Your life is important too, and so are your priorities. I'm not saying never help them, but only help when its not a burden to you. they have other people in their life, so they can ask the others to help instead of relying on you all the time.

Also, cut them off when they are rude to you or inappropriately critise you. Point out what they said and how it makes you feel. Then tell them what you need. "eg if you want me around, I need you to be more considerate of my feelings and not say mean things like that". If it continues, be more firm "I am going to leave if you say anything else rude to me." then follow through.

There's a good chance they don't even realize how what they've said has affected you. this might be the first time anyone called them on their crap, and they may not even have realized what they were doing. Calling them on it gives them an opportunity to rise to the occasion, and be kinder back and more respectful back to you. And if they don't. Then excuse yourself from their presence and leave.

You have a right to be treated with respect and consideration, but if you don't enforce it, no one will.

shagybear33

i know for a fact if i bring any of this up, i will never ever see this person again.

this person can hold a grudge like no other and does not like to be told he's wrong...

but if in the long run, i'm happier, then so be it right?? i've got hubby and kids.. they're my priority.

melvac

No it's not overated, just know when you gotta get nice nasty, then lettem have it. Which for me now is easy...

BigDaddyBRC

thanks for the replies..

short of it is......i'm always there for this person. no questions. go out of my way to help when i can, put my stuff on hold when they need help etc. when i need help tho, they bail completely. they also ignore me unless they seem to want something, don't even call just to say hi, or if im sick dont ask how im doing. im constantly being criticised, talked down to, and lied to. if i promise a return favor, its expected that i return the favor ASAP, although ive waited months for the same. ugh..

when's it's family, it's tough, but i think for the well being of my hubby, kids and myself it's probably for the best to just say "F*** it" huh?

People are remembered for What they do and WHO they are. Those that always take are remember as selfish, inconsiderate POS. If I were you, and I am very similar, just dont be as overly ready to help. YOU are a valuable resource to them...absense makes the heart grow fonder. And if they end up being a ***** about it, put them on the spot with the facts, Nicely.

Your path is yours to walk, the footsteps of greatness are all the same size. There are those that will make them, and those that will only CHOOSE to follow in them. Step Loudly, my friend.

shagybear33

WOW!!

Thanks everyone for the responses!!!

I WAS feeling really sh**ty about the whole thing, but you have all made me feel SO much better!!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

trilikeagirl

thanks for the replies..

short of it is......i'm always there for this person. no questions. go out of my way to help when i can, put my stuff on hold when they need help etc. when i need help tho, they bail completely. they also ignore me unless they seem to want something, don't even call just to say hi, or if im sick dont ask how im doing. im constantly being criticised, talked down to, and lied to. if i promise a return favor, its expected that i return the favor ASAP, although ive waited months for the same. ugh..

when's it's family, it's tough, but i think for the well being of my hubby, kids and myself it's probably for the best to just say "F*** it" huh?

Never make someone a priority when they make you an option.

fridayjustleft04

There was a study done that found that jerks usually get promoted at their jobs faster than nice people, so that's how I live my life..even though I don't have a job. lol