Compliment on weight-loss??

TluvK

So, I saw an acquaintance at the gym today. I thought to myself, "Hmmm, she looks thinner."

Later, she came up to me and we started talking. She really is just an acquaintance. Our kids go to the same school and today would have been about the third time I've ever talked to her at length. But, I do see her at the gym about once every two weeks.

ANYWAY - we're talking for about 5 minutes and I said, "So, everything good with you?" She looks at me kind of funny and says, "Well, yeah, I've lost 25 pounds!"

I felt like such a jerk! She seemed slightly upset, maybe hurt, that I didn't say anything before she had to tell me. I did THINK it though...but what if I'd have voiced my thought that she looked thinner and then she looked at me embarrassed and said, "Nope - I haven't lost any weight".

It feels very lose/lose! What to do? I know how nice it is when people notice you've lost weight and also how it must feel when someone doesn't notice you've lost 25 lbs - that's a lot of weight!! (she probably has about 30 more to lose and just has one of those bodies where it's harder to tell). We did have a nice conversation after all of this - I asked her lots of questions about how she did it - she was funny and said, "Well, I started moving more and stuffed my face less."

Anyway - I would like to avoid this in the future - thoughts?

sister_bear

Meh. I wouldn't worry too much about it. If it makes you feel better, I had to lose over 40 lbs before anyone said anything to me.

jbrod19

I have the same issue!! Sometimes it's too awkward to say that you've noticed that they've lost weight especially if it's just an acquaintance, so next time just say "You look great!" so even if they haven't lost weight they will love the compliment!

andlovesaidn0

dont stress. it could have been worse. next time if you are unsure just tell them they look great or even ask if they have lost weight. even just someone asking me, even if i havent still makes me feel good.

SueInAz

I would have done the exact same thing you did, but when she said she'd lost 25 pounds I would have replied "I thought you looked like you'd lost a lot of weight but didn't want to risk embarrassing either of us by just blurting it out. You look great!" It's honest.

shesblossoming

I'm not understanding why she would be so upset that you didn't make a comment on her losing weight. You were asking how everything was going in her life, and it seems like she was automatically expecting a compliment. Although I would feel horrible too, I would feel doubly horrible if I asked if she's been losing weight, and she hadn't lost anything. However, now that I think of it, I think that would be a great compliment.

TluvK

So not everyone is as sensitive as me? If someone asked me if I lost weight, I'd be thinking - "why, do you think I need to?" :sad:

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I like the "You look great". Then, it opens them up to say, "well, yeah, I've lost weight".

Problem solved. Thanks gals -

klacoille

Everybody is different. I feel really embarrassed when people say something to me. It makes me think that there must have been something wrong with me before. (which I know, but I don't want them to know). My husband tells me that they are just being nice. And I know deep down that they are, but it makes me self conscious.

So my advise, is say something, but don't make a big deal out of it. That's what would make me feel good.

mama050709

I wouldn't let it bother you!

TluvK

I'm not understanding why she would be so upset that you didn't make a comment on her losing weight. You were asking how everything was going in her life, and it seems like she was automatically expecting a compliment. Although I would feel horrible too, I would feel doubly horrible if I asked if she's been losing weight, and she hadn't lost anything. However, now that I think of it, I think that would be a great compliment.

I get the feeling she has pretty low self esteem, so I think it affected her that I didn't "notice" right off the bat. She's also apparently going through a divorce, so I think she was feeling extra sensitive.

Grimmerick

I would've been honest. Say you know I really did notice but sometimes it can be an awkward thing to bring up so I didn't say it straight out but you look great!

Twasney

I have the same issue!! Sometimes it's too awkward to say that you've noticed that they've lost weight especially if it's just an acquaintance, so next time just say "You look great!" so even if they haven't lost weight they will love the compliment!

I have to agree....don't stress just say "your looking good!", if they want to brag about how awesome they have done/feel they will and if they haven't lost any weight - its always lovely to get a compliment!

unsuspectingfish

I like the suggestions of just saying "you look great". That seems win-win, to me.

I'm losing weight for me and only me, so I'm one of those people who could give a crap if anyone notices. I'm awkward enough as it is when it comes to being complimented.

geekymom57

I think you did just the right thing. I've know people who have been very ill who have been complimented on their weight loss by people who didn't know they'd been sick--very awkward for both parties. Giving a general "You look great!" is still a compliment, just not as specific as commenting that someone had lost weight.